What you read in this post may seem simple, but the simplest things are sometimes the most profound, and it can greatly affect your future marriage.

I’ve seen the following play out enough times that it’s worth writing about and highlighting this basic truth.

What women do before marriage, is what they will do after (or even less), so watch her actions while you are dating, and discover what you can about her before you even met.

This applies to men as well, so for our female readership, keep a careful eye on his actions as you two are together.

Let’s categorize this before dating, after dating and after marriage.

Before she had the pleasure of knowing you

Credit to my friend u/RocknRollChuck (gotta love that guy!) for using that phrase in mod chat, which I’m now stealing.

Recently, u/Deep_Strength talked about women he used to date who were only doing things because they knew he liked it.

For example, he wanted a woman who was committed to working out and eating healthy, and two of the women he dated did just that.

But he suspected that they were only doing it for him because they knew that was something he valued, and while that can be (and often is) a good thing, it’s also an indicator they weren’t doing it from any internal source that motivated them, and the likelihood of them giving up on it once they achieved what they wanted, in this case, marriage, was high.

He was right.

Once he stopped dating them, they both stopped working out and eating right some time thereafter.

So, if you want a woman who has certain values or is committed to specific activities, see if she is already committed to doing those things before you two meet.

If yes, the likelihood of her (or him) continuing to do those things while dating and after marriage are orders of magnitude higher.

Guaranteed? No. Much more likely? Yes.

Because if she (or he) has been single for awhile, and is already doing these things, it’s a surer sign it’s part of their values and something they’re likely to stick to.

With that said, let’s continue to our next category…

Dating and discovering how awesome you are!

Next, watch what they do while dating.

Seems simple, right?

But so many people miss it.

Example:

I’ve heard women say, “He isn’t my husband yet, I’ll start submitting when we marry” and men buy it, lock, stock and barrel.

Wrong.

A woman doesn’t magically become submissive when she marries.

A man doesn’t become a dynamic leader after saying “I do.”

If they’re not doing it before, it’s not likely after.

(It should be obvious to a Christian, but to be abundantly clear, this does not and should not apply to sex, which is reserved for marriage).

You can go down the list.

Is she a good help mate while dating? Or exhibiting the qualities of one in various ways?

Does he act judicious and wise? Has he shown a good temperament? Is he a provider and protector? Does he work hard?

Is she respectful? Is she feminine? Courteous? Kind? Does she work willingly around her home?

Does she consistently do you good and not harm while dating? (Proverbs 31:12)

[Haha just re-read that first line, hopefully with play and practice and communication with you she does that well too ;) ]

Does your heart safely trust in her? (Proverbs 31:11) Or does she give you doubts?

Carefully consider a persons actions while dating.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking marriage will be different. Issues before are issues after, and often increased.

Biblical principles for protecting and guiding you

Consider the qualifications for bishops and deacons in the Bible.

God the Holy Spirit didn’t say, make sure they are doing these things after you make them a bishop or deacon, but to look for these qualities before considering them for the position.

You should do the same.

Whatever values, whatever qualities, whatever actions you want to see in your future spouse, see if they are living those things before.

And even more importantly, see if they are coming from a place of internal origin, or if they are doing them for some external reason.

Closing thoughts

Words are worth knowing, actions are king!

Jesus said “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” How do you know if someone loves you? How do you do you know if you love them?

By your actions.

Actions are important. Actions are indicators of commitment and love. Actions are what you use to vet someone for marriage and to gauge where to set and enforce boundaries.

I encourage you to consider what is said here.

It’s your future.

And if you want it filled with joy and pleasure and (more) good things of every kind, it greatly helps to follow this simple rule:

Date, and discover who someone is before making them your spouse.

To (good) discoveries while dating,

Cross posted from here