I'm 21 and unmarried. What should I be doing right now to prepare myself to be a good wife and mother?

teaandtalk · 2020-04-28T22:10:47+00:00

Work on being a good person first. One who can support yourself financially, live frugally, be kind to others, take care of your body and health, and grow your mind. That is the best start! I highly recommend journalling as a way to start self-improvement - recording where you are and where you want to be is vital.

Big hugs. I'm happy to take questions by private message if you like - it can all get very specific and personal, and growing up without a mother must have been very very difficult.

yellomachine · 2020-04-28T23:27:40+00:00

Be you. Ignore advice from single friends. Never, ever read Cosmo.

Eli02 · 2020-04-29T00:18:52+00:00

Learn the basic’s of MI (motivational interviewing). It’ll help improve your communication skills.
focus on improving your health
figure out your morals and values and develop a code of ethics for how you want to be in life.

morganKxoxo · 2020-04-28T21:58:05+00:00

Learn practical skills! Cooking obviously, but also things like time management and prioritizing things. I really like the YouTube channel Mrs Midwest for videos on femininity.

I’m 27 now and am a very different person than I was at 21. I got married at 22, and my advice would be to really take a hard look at yourself and start improving. For me, and most people at 21, immaturity is huge, so just learning to handle my emotions, and reactions, and mental state with a more mature mindset would have saved me a lot of trouble.

Skeedybeak · 2020-04-28T22:46:57+00:00

Depending on where you live, there may be some low cost community classes for cooking, sewing, home maintenance. I suggest reading the classics, furthering your education, however you can afford. Try to seek out new experiences to become a well-rounded, interesting person. Art history, music, world history, motorcycle maintenance ;) Best wishes!

-Acta-Non-Verba- · 2020-04-28T23:48:22+00:00

Besides the things everyone has already told you, go to school, and get a skill (not a degree). Nursing, accounting, engineering, special ed, are skills. English Lit, psychology and philosophy are degrees.

It's easier to do now, with no responsibilities and children. It also puts you around potential mates.

Start in a community college and get as many credits as possible there that will transfer to your chosen major. Finish in a state school. Minimize school debt as much as possible. Apply for every scholarship for which you qualify. This is how you get a degree without getting into huge debt.

Sooner or later, kids are old enough to not need you home, and your financial contribution to the family will be important.

xresplendencex · 2020-04-29T03:45:57+00:00

Learn how to take care of yourself (emotionally and physically) before committing.

shattered209 · 2020-04-28T23:13:33+00:00

Focusing on self awareness and self improvement in general will put you miles and miles ahead of other girls. Hypergamy is subconsciously strengthened by all the content most women and men take in on a daily basis (like Netflix, product advertisement, big news networks, etc.), so being aware and mindful of that will help you to be avoidant of it. Self improvement topics such as finances, ethics, health, and productive hobbies are a great alternative to unhealthy mainstream content. Strengthening yourself in these areas will help prepare you for real problems and avoid the "dellusion" that many beautiful women find themselves in during their 20s before waking up to a nightmare in their 30s when the constant attention stops being thrown at them. And of course, always put God first. Good luck!

2020-04-28T23:12:50+00:00

Get your finances in order! Any high value man is going to appreciate a woman who knows the value of a dollar. I know way too many men who are frustrated by their wives' lack of financial awareness.

This means keeping your debt down or having a plan to pay it back, such as in the case of student loans. It means doing what you can yourself, like trimming bangs or painting nails. It means dressing cute on the cheap and driving an older model car. Know where your money is going and who you owe, if you have to owe anyone.

My husband was in oil when we met. He drove a paid off suped up Dodge pickup and paid for every lavish date. I wore dresses from Goodwill and makeup from the drugstore. I worked two jobs and the only luxury item I owned was my purse and my phone. He didn't judge me for being poor. He appreciated that I knew what it took to survive on my own. He's the only one of his friends who doesn't have regular arguments with his wife about her spending habits.

Eli02 · 2020-04-29T02:59:48+00:00

MI could probably help with job interviews. It might help you ask good questions, clarify topics. Etc.

I recommend MI because, despite it being a therapy model, it is more universal as its founding concepts are entirely good interpersonal skills and connecting.

Building Motivational Interviewing Skills, Second Edition : A Practitioner Workbook

https://www.bookdepository.com/Building-Motivational-Interviewing-Skills-Second-Edition-David-B-Rosengren/9781462532063?ref=grid-view&qid=1588128728882&sr=1-5

I prefer this book over the mainstream textbook.

But Im sure some google studying would be sufficient for you. You don’t need full mastery.

Just focus on OARS (open questions, Affirmations, Reflecting, Summarising).

Learn how to flip negative into a positive (I hate junk food = I like healthy food).

Active listening skills.

Learning to paraphrase and reflect what you hear.

Learning how to ask the right follow up questions. Eg.

Bad: “I was watching this great tv show on the weekend”

“Cool! Hey, what do you think about soccer?”

Good: “I was watching this great tv show on the weekend”

“Oh cool! Tell me about the tv show. What did you like about it?”

Oh! And if you do enjoy MI. Check out Choice Theory.

Im a counsellor. So... Im enthusiastic about this stuff. Haha sorry.

ely_cris · 2020-04-29T04:41:00+00:00

It's not about being a good parent, it's about being a GOOD PERSON. Your kids will learn everything from you, good and bad stuff.

So the best you can do is improve yourself. Always try to be better, one step at a time. Keep learning as much as you can. Be responsable. Coherent with your thoughts, words and actions. Stay true to your values. Follow your heart. Be a good guide for yourself and you will be for your children.

That will make of you a person of value and you will attract that kind of persons to your social circle. Be a great woman and life will put a great man for you. Good luck!

screeching-tard · 2020-04-29T19:39:58+00:00

Women now days have two options.

Be a wife and mother.
Be a career woman. However despite what media says being 1 and 2 is not really possible.

You need to look into not only what you want but the real befits and downsides of both of these decisions.

animazed · 2020-04-29T06:15:44+00:00

Asking this type of question shows you’re already headed on the right path 😊

For any relationship, especially a partner/spouse, COMMUNICATION IS KEY. Openly communicate. About everything. I’ve always said this to roommates and boyfriends - if something I do upsets you, tell me about it! Don’t harbor resentment and let it fester. I’m not a mind reader, and we are two people who have had very different upbringings and experiences! I will never know if you don’t tell me. But once you do, we can talk about it and work towards a solution. This concept is suuuuper important.

Another thing that you need for both a husband and children is patience. And boyyyy will children test your patience.

I find that the best practice for being a mother is babysitting - watching kids and just in general interacting with them. Speaking to young mothers about parenting styles is fun and insightful as well. I’ve worked as a full time babysitter for many years for numerous families. Every child is another learning experience. It can be so trying and exhausting, but extremely rewarding. You will definitely find all aspects of your character being tested. But you really start to understand what it’ll take to be a (good) parent.

PrincepsOmni · 2020-04-29T09:42:19+00:00

Get online and find courses and/or good YouTube channels that deal in the following:

Personal Finance & Budgeting.
The basics of interior design.
Cooking.
Home cleaning and basic maintenance.
Feminine style - attire and modest make up etc.
Laundry, ironing and sewing.
Basic first aid.

Ask these kinds of forums about recommendations for the above. And consider the following:

Work on cutting out people from your life who are perpetually unhappy and unlucky, and who drag you down. Seek to be closer to people who are accountable, wholesome and who are happy to lift up others. (a good circle also opens up the possibility of introductions to the kind of men you are looking for)
Limit your social media consumption, keep your profiles squeaky clean and modest, including the private messages.
You wouldn't take advice on running a business from someone who has never run one successfully - so ignoring the advice of single women and the modern dating media about relationships is a must.
Moderate your life - low sugar and carb diets, exercise, low alcohol consumption, care about the kind of music and movies you consume regularly etc. We are what we eat, and also what we read and watch.
Learn interesting things - wine pairings with food, traditional arts and crafts, explore the 'high culture' of you own heritage, learn about gardening, massage, the art of small talk, general self reliance, basic psychology (dealing with personal trauma, spotting narcissistic traits, controlling your emotions etc).
Manage your life and finances well - you can demonstrate by how you live to a man that you're a cut above the rest without even needing to say anything.

Lastly, don't do 'wife stuff' for any man you're not married to. At the very least this means not living with him, not staying over, and not doing his laundry and adding your touch to his home (you can certainly give advice but don't actually do anything for a man you aren't wed to). You can demonstrate you can do these things by entertaining with friends and family and cooking amazing meals with perfect presentation. Likewise your personal standards of grooming and attire will show him how capable you are of managing yourself and thus, a home.

Eli02 · 2020-04-29T06:37:41+00:00

I thought I answered this. :/ Must’ve glitched.

Maybe coz I linked to an online bookstore.

I recommend the textbook (Building Motivational Interviewing Skills 2nd Ed. 2017. By David B. Rosengren).

Motivational Interviewing isn’t about giving life coaching motivational talks, nor is it about interviews. Lol.

It is about helping a person find their own internal reasons and drives to change. The motivation is found from within.

But the reason why I always recommend learning this is because MI is built on really important foundations of interpersonal skills. Active listening, reflecting, affirmations, summarizing, connecting with the other person. Etc. Useful basic communication skills that go a long way.

I also recommend diving into a bit of Choice Theory by William Glasser.

r2401 · 2020-04-29T07:22:39+00:00

You ever hear that saying about the two guys running away from the bear, even though humans can't outrun bears, but the one guy says to the next "I just need to outrun you"?

It's really not hard to put yourself ahead of most women these days. Men are really in no place to be picky unless you expect to land a Henry Cavill or something.

Don't be promiscuous.
Be feminine, i.e. keep your hair long, wear dresses don't act like a "man."

You really think guys are demanding women be beautiful and cook and clean and be loyal and this and that and the other? Just be the two things above, it's more than enough to beat out 99% of women.

It's not hard to be a woman of high value, the hard part is picking the right guy. Don't settle for a crappy guy and don't waste your youth chasing unrealistic guys either.

Oh and I was going to add, don't be fat. But for most guys adding that third demand is probably pushing it in 2020.

Title	I'm 21 and unmarried. What should I be doing right now to prepare myself to be a good wife and mother?
Author	abyssinian-cat
Upvotes	96
Comments	37
Date	April 28, 2020 9:39 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/g9w9kv/im_21_and_unmarried_what_should_i_be_doing_right/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/im-21-and-unmarried-what-should-i-be-doing-right.657656 https://theredarchive.com/post/657656