Of all the Red Pills you've ever read, these should be the ones to help you understand yourself the most.

Welcome to my new series, "Magnificent Masculinity," where we will explore and celebrate what makes men tick.

Today's topic is one that I suspect many men on this forum have an aversion to investigate : Boyhood - the foundational aspects needed for young boys to mature into strong willed, healthy bodied, socially successful, and dominate men.


Before we dive in, I'd like to share my experience. You can skip this part if you just want to get to the meat of the meal.

I've spent the last 4 years speaking with men of all ages, creeds, and belief structures. My travels have taken me from the beaches of Brazil, the night life of Paraguay, the jungles of Peru, The rivers of Italy, the cold streets of Chicago, the loud centers of New York, to the hostile jail of my hometown, the quiet suburbs of Virginia, and the country roads of Alabama.

I unironically wanted to find myself, like many young women who embark on international spiritual and end up banging foreign Chad's. Minus the sex, I enjoyed what these young women did - talk.

I've spoken to Successful dads to deadbeats, Law school graduates to meth addicts, Law abiding men to cold criminals, Psychologists and Freemasons, Atheists and Spiritualists, and many more shades of men... all just trying to figure out what made me what I am - A man.

In this series I'll be combining my knowledge and experience of masculinity from different cultures, environments, and social situations into easily digestible information for you to enhance your understanding of your own masculinity.

This isnt your daddies hold frame guide.

But, even with all my curiosity and investigation, I still don't have all the answers. The answers I do have may be dead wrong. I hope you write out your disagreements, and when you think of your sons or your own adolescence, you will have information to consult.


Without further ado, "What Boys Need"


Throughout my travels I often repeated this same question to the men I interacted with, "What top things do you believe a young boy needs to succeed in life?"

I was gifted with a variety of answers, and I've narrowed them down to 10 essentials that a boy cannot overcome adversity without.

1.) A pair of Nurturing & inspirational heterosexual parents / caregivers

In today's age, women see their sons growing and in need of masculinity. This is doubly true for single mothers, who can't seem to speak to the masculine essence of the boy. It is a proven fact that women cant raise boys to be men. I saw this first hand in high school, where a teen was being raised by 2 fat lesbians - needless to say he was a social outcast with no social expertise. He was later expelled for bringing a gun to school. Boys need men to guide them through the path of life.

Instead of respecting and cultivating masculinity in the west, cultural leaders spent decades demeaning masculinity and elevating femininity to morph men into androgynous sissy-boys. An unfortunate reality of our society is that men are taking a grave risk by starting a family - inviting the government to intrude on what should be a private affair. The average mother pushes their sons to not behave like how men do. This resulted in a rise in dangerous, violent, and antisocial men lash out with their repressed masculinity, or a fetishization of masculinity, where boys dress up as girls and tie ribbons around their cock and share nude photographs of themselves with perverts.

It is vital for parents, especially those with both sons and daughters, to reverse the cultural teachings that woman are victims and men are abusers. This kind of non-sense only encourages promiscuity in girls and shame in boys. If a boy is taught by his parents that he must protect the weak females from himself, he will grow up believing he is defective.

Another destructive force society has been promoting is divorce. 20 years ago it was argued that divorce is good for the child, but that has of course been debunked. It is in fact revealed that without a strong father in the picture, boys will more often than not grow up into a world of criminality. I spoke with a correctional officer who told me that out of all his cases, 90 percent of the male offenders grew up in a single mother household.

It is important to not give your child everything they demand, for a demand is meant to test the limits of their caregivers resources. Once demands aren't being met, a boy will begin to seek what he can achieve rather than seeking what caregivers can provide. To become a man, a boy must learn to rely on themselves, and encouraging them to grow into independent young men reinforces this development in boys. Mothers, don't feel bad when your boy pulls away, for if he never separates from you, he will never set his own boundaries or ever achieve true independence with a mate. It falls on the man/men in the boys life to help the mother distance herself from her children. In healthy relationships, a boys first alliance is with his father. They work together and grow together. When a mother divorces a father, the boy will feel anger and betrayal at his mother for pushing the father away. Do not have children with a woman who is bent on prostituting herself at the expense of your boys.

The relationship a boy has with his mother is easily the most complex relationship one will have. In today's age where most fathers are weak willed, it is the mother who tends to be the primary influence on the children. Coincidentally, babies are more likely to form a stronger bond with the mother rather than the father. In all primate species, the offspring must bond with the caregiver to survive. In human's, however, babies seek to please the "motherer," or who ever is providing the most care to the child. In the first few months of life, to little holding, feeding, cooing and such from the motherer will leave a baby feeling unloved and unsafe. The baby will spend a great deal of their emotional energy dealing with these negative emotions, rather than growing up healthy. Another factor to consider is that children will feel resentment towards the symbolic father, or the entity that takes the motherer away from them. Boys in particular will feel a sexual and emotional rivalry to the symbolic father (the man / thing who loves / takes away his motherer).

For fathers, the toughest yet most rewarding part of their relationship with their son is going from "daddy" to "dad." Boys ask hundreds of questions to their father. As they grow older, the caliber and frequency of these questions change, however they will always seek that masculine wisdom from dad. A boy is in essence a father's mini-me. He lives in the shadow of his father and learns lessons on what kind of man to become. Every boy wants from their father a sense of mission and purpose, and permission to pursue that mission. It is up to fathers to provide a masculine foundation for their boys, lest he grow up and turn to his wife, to strangers, or to subreddits and say "I don't know what it means to be a man, please teach me." sounds familiar

Being an inspirational father starts with the conscious decision to be a father. I've found that men who were coaxed or tricked by women into having children always fell short in comparison to fathers who chose to raise kids. A father must be self aware - how can he guide a child to become the best possible version of himself when he himself is stagnant and close minded, unable to change and grow? A father must be comfortable with himself in the sense that he understands himself and his limitations - what he cannot teach to his son, he will still assist by guiding him towards the correct mentors. Finally, a father must be able to let go of his son - to live out his own vision and inspire his son to do the same.

A boy needs a father who feels he belongs in the society around him, and one who can bring him positive, growth-inducing influences.

Children simply need the guidance of both a mother and a father, and those lacking in either department will be desperate to prove they are adequate (Girls becoming sluts and boys turning to crime). They need a mother to say "your weakness and vulnerabilities are a worthy foundation for your strength," and they need a father to say "your dreams and visions are all achievable." A mother to say "it is okay to feel love," and a father to say "I will teach you how to respect yourself and not be taken advantage of."

2.) A clan, clique, gang or tribe

The tightest bond a male can develop is one born from common struggle, shared goals, or a successful initiation. Since the beginning of humanity, humans were tribal creatures, and boys in particular evolved to be hunters and work in tight-knit groups. Our male brains are encoded with this group functionality - it is embedded in our DNA to thrive in the tribal experience. Even after the industrial revolution where individual successes became the primary motivator, it was still groups of men who built the foundations and mechanisms of society. As we progress past the age of Corona, we will see our male brains have not changed much - boys and men still seek tribes to grow in and contribute to, and men still work together in collectives.

Boys with tribes are gifted with a large circle of energy and influence, allowing the boy to expand through physical activity, and develop as a young man. Clans also provide an environment of competition and acceptance. The more members of his clan that take note of him, the more confident the boy feels. This is especially true when the boy is rewarded with accolades or certain statuses in his clique. If after spending a significant amount of time within a tribe, a sport team for example, and they haven't been recognized by his peers, he will find another clique to join, saying "Fuck this I'm out of here!"

One of these things is not like the others, however. Boys without a peer group are lost and troubled, often leading to them joining a gang. In the gang the boy finds a place where he can complete tasks and feel part of a powerful collective.

I had the pleasure of attending a party in virginia hosted by some local crips, one of the bigger east coast gangs. "Finito," the one who hosted the party, sipped lean as he recounted him being jumped into his set.

"Yeah it was 4 on 1, and I knocked down one of them but couldn't take'em all. They just kept beating my ass for a brick (long time). But I knew they went through the same shit, that's proof they 10 toes down. Neighborhood crips son, rolling." I asked him why join the crips and not another gang. "Cus it was the crips was showin' me and mine love, you understand me? They was givin' me 'nd my cousins food, helpin' my mom pay rent. They was like my family."

When a boy hears the phrase "Come join our team, you're one of us," their confidence soars and they feel right at home. Boys who cannot find success and status through conventional means will seek such achievements through anti-social means. But either way, they will always seek to do these works in a group / tribe.

An anthropologist named Victor Turner took the scholarly approach as he studied an African tribe in Zambia. He took note that boys were initiated through rites of passage in large groups rather than individually like how girls do. Turner went on to state that "Through my studies of various tribes, I can confirm that boys do not have an individualistic nature. On the contrary, they are wired with collectivist nature in their hearts."

Although in recent times we've seen an erosion of group dynamics. While in the past group leaders were group and service oriented, where as now they are more Ego oriented. Likewise followers have become less collaborative and more individualistic. In recent times, people are being brought up to be "egoic leaders" as seen from those in the managerial caste of the workplace, and of course people (boys) are being taught to follow the egoistic type of leader, and not to commit to any particular group. Boys are encouraged to shop around for a leader that justifies their beliefs - if they don't like a leader they find a new one. They weave in and out of groups without becoming attached to any spiritually awesome leader or faction and this ends up leaving boys tribeless. The topics of Good Leadership and Effective Following will be expanded upon as later subjects.

We've seen that boys are wired to work in groups, but because of modern perversions we can see that when boys find a group they wish to participate in, they have trouble figuring out what to do there, what their role is, how to lead, when to follow, who to follow, etc. It used to be that the greater collective formed a boy's character, while that boys unique posse tested and befriended that character. A boy's (and a man's) posse also gives him the opportunity to express himself without restraint. Many boys and men get together to work, play, watch TV, do sports, fish, hunt or any other activity but they find themselves in fear of appearing weak for discussing serious matters, such as a family problem, growing old, or intimate relations with the fairer sex. If you cannot discuss your problems with your comrades, you have no comrades. Because of this fear for male connection, boys will vomit their emotional lives to the women in their lives, but they simply cannot handle the responsibility. There are things you just cant say to women.

Woodrow Wilson wrote that, "A boy is the role he plays among his fellows. Men are in love with power, yet if they only use that power for selfish gains, there will be no enlargement of their soul. They enter the world disgruntled and beggared." Wilson's words can be translated to an understanding of a man's individualistic search for power. That search must be united with the sense that a boy's tribe, a boys collective, needs that individual power in order to flourish, which in turn creates a better world for the individual.

3.) A spiritual life, or a connection to the divine

The link a man has to spirituality is essential for maturity. That link is missing for the majority of American families, educational foundations, and culture in general.

In our ancestral past, sacred texts detailed the roles of both men and women. For boys, it was almost expected that they would become a soldier and perhaps sacrifice his life for a greater cause - to seek glory on the battlefields in the eyes of the Gods. Whether or not we realize it, it is ingrained in men for them to be willing to sacrifice themselves for a cause they believe in.

While on an Ayahuasca retreat in Peru, the head Shaman and I spoke exchanged thoughts on divinity, and the role it plays on masculinity. He told me men are blessed with creative energy as our natural state, and he lamented that American boys forsake spiritual growth in favor of material pleasures. He continued, "Of course this is because Americans have turned away from the natural order of biology. You pretend that socialization is the primary influence, rather than biological determinance. As if cultural norms makes boys and girls what they are, instead of what nature designed them to be."

In South America, they don't have this problem. The common people understand boys and girls are drastically different. They honor both the masculine and feminine poles of divine energy. Love itself is a spiritual discipline meant to be mastered. To learn how to love another a person must be initiated into loving themselves first.

While in the Jail of my hometown, a man was studying Nietzsche. When I told him I enjoyed reading about Diogenes and Socrates, he told me that was fantastic, that I had the potential for brilliance. He was then disappointed when I joined some others for Bible study. Later on, he pulled me aside and commented, "Christianity is for the weak. It is the religion of women and slaves. When the Jews wrote the Torah and the Old Testament, they understood what it meant to be strong. The New Testament is filled with weakness, Christianity is a perversion of the original Jewish teachings." I asked him what he believed in, and he told me he was a follower of the Norse Gods. It was then I learned the difference between spiritual practices that honor Masculinity, and those that attempt to distort it into a perverted femininity.

Texts that honor Masculine nature give boys guidance through story telling, effectively creating guidelines for boys to live their lives as men. They also provide a culture of tradition, sacred rituals and tasks, rules, objectives, and spiritual certainty. In Turkey, boys are guided by the Koran into adulthood. Fathers and Uncles guide their young boys by celebrating their new found adult freedoms, but combine them with the acknowledgement of adult responsibilities. America has abandoned tradition, whereas in the past Fathers would say to their sons, "You are a Rockefeller, you will go into business like me," but now they say, "Find yourself, find your own way." This is because of individuality being promoted in America, and although I personally advocate for Sons to find their own purpose in life, this individualistic nature in America has become abused.

The modern sense of egalitarianism and utilitarianism promised a rise of individual freedoms, but it leaves its proponents starved of values and development. By not having a hand in their sons destiny, fathers have neglected their development. Few boys of the modern age go through the spiritual journey of exploring and improving their own masculinity. Few entertain the idea of creating a moral system for themselves rather than cookie cutter morality society forces on them. Here are some questions to ask yourself: What are your responsibilities as a human being? What do you define integrity as? What constitutes courage in your eyes? To whom do you owe compassion to? How do you show compassion? Can you be compassionate toward yourself? What principles do you live by? What is sacred? What is worth living for? What is worth dying for?

I believe that teaching boys that the world is a creation rather than an accident, they develop a natural respect for their life and grow in curiosity of the mystic. If we teach boys about a creator or the intelligently designed universe, they develop faith. A faith in themselves where they understand the continuity, the universality, and the security of all existence - and that he is a part of it.

4.) Healthy Competition

Boys need to perform well and be victorious in competition to feel worthy. This love of competition extends even to friendly verbal banter, where friends curse and attempt to verbally one-up each other. Xbox Live Match making lobbies or highschool sports arenas are great places to experience adolescent masculinity in action - shit talking that only ends when a victor is declared.

In Chicago, I learned the power of playful Competiton. Verbal sparring can be damaging if done by an adult to garner power over a boy, or if the boy cant diss back for fear of violence or something else. But playful jousts, the kind I saw between Black fathers and sons, "You goin' out lookin' like that?" Only strengthen and sturdy up a boy, reinforcing his frame.

Humans experience life through perceived hierarchical systems that vary based on the circumstances. Men and boys within these systems compete for positons in the power structure.

Competiton can become toxic, leading to men who are only able to interact through Competiton. This leads to unhealthy relationship dynamics, where the man is always trying to out-perform their partner. The result of such a relationship being a surplus of negative emotions and resentment.

Ironically, anger and aggression are NOT negative emotions in regards to masculine competition. While visiting my family an Italy, I spoke with a scholar who specialized in the Ancient Roman Republic & Empire - he told me that to the Legionaries, anger was a sacred energy to be channeled in battle. This cultivation of anger began in a Legionaries childhood, where his father and mentors guided the boys aggression, almost a kind of ancient anger management class.

Through a balance of competition and play, most boys can avoid developing this unhealthy tendency. Instead, the problem majority of boys will face is finding an environment to excel in.

A top priority for Men in mentorship roles is to explore avenues of competition - excelling in physical sport, defeating others in combat, being the smartest in the class, to be a master class chess champion, or to play an instrument better than others, or to paint or write better than others - the mentor and boy must work together to find an arena to both compete in, and perform well in. The ideal competitive environment is one where the boy has a chance at winning. If he is beaten severely he will be discouraged from competing further - their self esteem will drop below what is was before they ever started the sport. They will turn away, and sometimes become hostile. This is why a white belt should not fight a black belt in a tournament.

Boys must find ways to compete and see themselves as performing well. If society does not provide or discourages these outlets, then boys will compete against society itself. Without giving structure for boys to compete in and take note of Roman anger management, we get uncontrollably aggressive men who abuse competition. One form of abuse is vicarious competition. The world has used sports as a defining factor in modern entertainment, and it has led to many males spending a dangerous amount of time watching inflated rubber dance across a field, believing themselves to be part of the team they observe, and even experiencing extreme emotions from watching the teams victory or defeat.

Despite the negative possibilities associated with competition, it is nevertheless one of the most powerful tools for socialization we have at our disposal. When society takes part in guiding healthy competition, we give structure to the competitive experiences our boys partake in.

In Paraguay I spoke with my cousin, an amateur MMA cage fighter, who told me of his love for competition. "I find my love in the toughness and harshness of discipline and contests. For me it's about the risk of getting knocked down, having the will to get back up again. It's the physical and mental wounds that develop me. I grow because I compete. I grow thanks to the guys who care enough to be my rivals." Competition is a holistic experience for men, where they enrich their mentality, physicality, and even spirituality. Competition gives boys praise when they succeed, and critique if they fail. If there is a coach boys have the opportunity to form a bond with a mentor / role model. Competitive teams also provide boys with a surrogate family. My cousin continued, saying "My training partners are like my brothers - I love them one minute then hate them another time."

5.) Mentors or Role Models

Being a boys (or even a mans) Role model is the ultimate compliment - they want to be more like you. Without strong Male Mentors and Role models, people feel lost (alla "mentor-her from twitter. They didn't care they had plenty of female role models to choose from, they wanted MEN to be the teachers!). Without fathers and role models we lose a large portion of our humanity.

Fathers and Male Mentors who can adjust to a culture where Masculinity is feared and demonized are needed in America now more than ever. These fearless heroes do the vital work of educating, guiding, providing opportunities to grow in power, give presence, goals, and acceptance. Without Mentors and Role Models, boys will become emotionally isolated and lonely. They will drift aimlessly through life without an objective to accomplish.

Elder male mentors provide boys with direction, discipline, and inter-generational magic. We see examples of Elder Mentorship here, on our very own TheRedPill subreddit - where the average EC age is 30-50's. Mentors teach boys how to develop healthy boundaries with women, how to appreciate them for what they are rather than hating them for what they aren't, and to not become the kind of man who agrees with everything a woman says only to have her resent him for it and leave him. A healthy man can stand up for himself without putting the other person down. Male mentors help young men navigate the changes in their minds and souls. They assist boys in developing the skills to succeed in their mission or adventure, and most importantly, they help a boy understand the difference between contributing through sacrifice, rather than self-destruction.

I noticed in Paraguay, where the villages are tight-knit, it's much easier for boys to find role models. Here in America, you not not ever know because boys are more isolated and turn to the internet for mentorship. Because of the inorganic nature of role-models today, it is up to the elder men to facilitate the real world role-models. Bsutansalt has attempted this with his "Fraternity" tribe.

A great way to connect with young men is to extend a hand to him through a project he enjoys, rather than talking to him directly.

In regards to Competition, mentors must take note on whether their scribe is growing. If the boy is growing in confidence, he's doing it right. If not, the mentor must take action to find a better arena for their charge to perform in. Another facet for mentors is being there to watch the boy succeed. Boys want to make somebody proud. If a mentor sets up a boy in a competition and then doesn't show up to watch, it will damage the boys confidence severely.

6.) To learn how to lead

As a child I was the leader of the neighborhood kids. Even the teens wanted to follow me - and it was because I had the cool adventurous ideas. I was always fascinated with war. All of my toys were toy guns or toy soldiers, and we played war every day. Besides war, we played sports, and explored the woods near our apartments. The property manager called me the "Ring leader," when she was explaining to my parents how I rallied up the local kids to do dumb shit.

Looking back, they didn't just follow me because I had cool and fun ideas - they followed me because I genuinely enjoyed my time, and loved it when others enjoyed themselves with me. I invited every kid to come play with us - the more the merrier. I saw myself as the servant of my friend group - I assisted in everyone's enjoyment and development of themselves. I took the respect they gave me and returned it in kind.

Leaders serve as a kind of "spiritual mirror," especially in medieval times. Kings and Queens were believed to have been God-sent, and when people were mirrored by their leader they literally felt blessed. Boys were raised to try and attain this leadership quality, and if they couldn't they followed those who could with passion.

A bad leader on the other hand, manipulates his followers to gain something for himself or his small faction. Fear and dishonesty are his primary tools of enforcing his rule.

7.) To learn how to follow

Rarely will you be a leader in every domain. Even Alexander the Great was a student of a greater man - Aristotle. You must learn how to follow and who to follow to grow from a boy to a man.

8.) An adventure or mission to embark on

Masculine energy is drawn to explore conquer - and it accomplishes this through seeking adventure.

A boy's life must be an adventure for them to unravel, to discover who they are and become connected to their own masculine identity and power. At the same time, this adventure will give boys a mission, or missions, for them to embark on, resulting in bonding with their fellow men, discover in full who there are and what they can achieve, what they like and dislike, to fully understand the "Big Other," of their environment, and embrace it along with being embraced by their own tribe, and to realize they are spiritual beings at one with everything.

The dynamics of a boys life are changed for the better when their mission(s) are intertwined with the adventure they have. Being a soldier in war is a drastic example of missions being tied to the general adventure. Although there is no great war besides the cultural war to be fought at the moment, we can still see the inspiration of it within the warlike examples of video games and sports, although these are mere simulations of true adventure and missions.

9.) A companion to share that adventure with

A man is the sum of his people. When I visited New York, I was on a mission to have a blast with an Old Lover of mine, and I brought my best friend along for the ride. Together we left our quiet home town and traveled via bus to a foreign land. We found drugs, banged NYC hoes, and had an adventure together, and I can honestly say my experience wouldn't have been as grand without him.

We need fellows to share our successes with.

10.) An important role in life

In my time in Brazil I was among the Shavante, a people whose lives are guided by the lands and tradition. Both men and women have a clear sense of why they are alive and what the world needs them for, and what their role is. For millions of years the boys of our race knew and understood their role in life - the provider, the protector, and the conqueror. They were rewarded for these behaviors, but now in the post-modern age the new roles that are rewarded are for example the fun lover, or the star, or the pill popper. Being a provider and protector is no longer worthy in a woman's eyes (although among men these traits are still virtuous.) As you can see, the male role has shifted.

Boys, young men, and even mature men are calling for a revision on what a male's role in life should be. Without a sacred role to play, a man will grow hypermaterialistic, lonely, unhappy and unfulfilled. A boy needs structure and discipline in which to learn who he is. He needs to be part of a journey with clear goals and responsibilities. He needs a role in life.


I hope this information is of use to you. Perhaps I will expand upon these ideas in edits.

If you like this post and would like to see more, please tell me. As much as I write for myself, I am encouraged by knowing I am helping other men through their journey in life.