A method for restructuring your life

This is a plan for me. I wanted to share it because it has been effective in the past. This is a very long post, I will have a table of contents at the beginning. It is not meant to be read at one time and you can pick and choose parts of it to read based on what you think applies to you. Finally, this is aimed more towards people leaving high school and who are in college. It can be applied to everyone but it is probably easiest for people of that group.

Table of Contents:

There is a bit of guiding text as I formatted this as a story. I will just label that as monologue. Feel free to skip it.

Monologue

Lesson about being in the right place to achieve your goals

Monologue

Gym and Diet

Monologue

Meditation

Side note on habits

Meditation continued

Cold showers

Monologue

Sleep

Monologue

Side note on attention seeking

Monologue

Anxiety and depression

Socializing

Some motivation

A couple of side notes

Closing remarks

Monologue:

I am 19 years old. I joined the red pill about 2 years ago. In high school I was pretty popular because I played soccer, one of the only good habits I had.

The key concept of this post is habits, what you do repeatedly.

My other habits at the time included smoking weed, eating junk food, playing video games, masturbating, etc.

I had gotten into a very good school and after reading trp I decided I wanted to up the level of my life.

When I got to college I made a bad decision to move to a floor that allowed me to smoke. That combined with an easy first semester and I was back to my high school ways. Granted I did make some good friends, it wasn’t right for me at the time.

Lesson about being in the right place to achieve your goals:

If you want to get something done, go to where it is done. If you didn’t want to smoke, You shouldn’t go to places where people smoke.

Monologue:

At that point I was depressed and pretty anxious. I went to the gym semi consistently but not in the way that I needed to. In addition, I had stopped playing soccer. At this point I am don’t yo half of a good habit. On top of that I’m smoking and drinking because I am in a frat.

During winter break I decided to take it seriously in the gym. I restarted my program, stuck to it and got on the gomad diet; this diet was my introduction to calorie tracking and eating better in general.

Gym and Diet:

My recommendation for gym programs is to start with stronglifts and stick with it for 6 months (after you’ve hit 225 squat but before you start hating the gym). After that a good program is 5/3/1 BBB. Once you have average strength, you should do a bodybuilding program to fill out your frame more. This is where I’m at now. Afterwords, I plan to go back to strength training with my new mass. I have been lifting consistently 3-4 days a week for a year now. I have seen good results and so will you. With COVID-19 gyms are closed and it’s hard to keep the gains. For now home workouts are the way to go and get right back into the gym when the open up.

As for diet, do I recommend GOMAD? If it seems interesting to you and you’re a skinny bitch, try it. (Note, I am by no means built, but at least I’m no longer a twig). What I have started to do, and recommend more, is to drink a half gallon of chocolate milk a day, that’s 1600 calories, and then eat the remainder of the 3000-4000 calories; I recommend you go towards the higher end of that scale if you’re skinny. Otherwise, use a tdee calculator and a food tracker (I recommend MyFitnessPal), be consistent and you will make progress. I’m sure sure I don’t need to tell you about protein. Sleep well (more on this later) and you’re set.

Monologue:

Okay, so I’ve been lifting for about a month. In addition to this I decided to try out meditation. Mind you, I’m still depressed and I read in a couple of places that meditation might help

Meditation:

In order for this plan to work, you must meditate.

What are the benefits of meditation? you might ask. I will frame my answer in terms of how it benefits this plan. In my experience, meditation has allowed me to become more aware of my own thoughts. This is important, because in order to become more confident, risk taking, etc. you need to be able to identify your thoughts (limiting or encouraging) and act accordingly. Sure you might make mistakes, but you are much more likely to learn and improve in all areas of life.

People always say, now that you’ve realized you’re fucking up, you can fix it (or something like that). Well, meditation helps you realize when you’re fucking up.

In addition, it helps you to organize your head before the day, experience past emotions that you may have suppressed whether those be positive or negative (this is a big one), and a host of other things. Finally, it is also another good habit.

Side note on habits:

When going through this plan you want to slowly replace your bad habits with good ones. For example, when I started going to the gym I was still smoking, however, I had stopped playing video games.

Meditation continued:

How often to meditate? I made good progress starting with 10 minutes in the mornings after the gym, breakfast, and a cold shower. Eventually I tried 20 minutes and liked that experience more, but oddly didn’t stick with it.

Anyway, any meditation is better than no meditation. You can also meditate anywhere once you get the hang of it.

Cold showers:

As I mentioned, at this point I also started taking cold showers.

I will keep this brief. Take cold showers. They wake you up in the morning, feel great after the gym, help you develop some balls, use less water, and the list goes on. It makes for an excellent morning routine when coupled with the gym and meditation.

Monologue:

At this point the second Semester has started. Miraculously, at this time, I managed to get my sleep schedule consistent.

Sleep:

I was sleeping 8 hours a day from 12:00AM to 8:00AM. I think that 8 is a good number. I know, however, that people are different. What matters. Is that you find out what works for you and stick to it.

How I recommend you get your sleep schedule in order.

Wake up at the same time everyday. It doesn’t matter how late you went to bed. Some days will suck, others will be nice, but having that consistent factor will help you keep a healthy schedule.

Obviously no phones. I recommend you read. I guess you could listen to a podcast or music also. 30 minutes to an hour before bed (depends how your day went) and then lights out.

If you get off schedule, take a melatonin one night 20 minutes before you would ideally fall asleep. Set an alarm for your predetermined wake up time, and you’re back on schedule.

The benefits of sleeping well are endless. To name a few, being fully energized, being more emotionally stable, having a set amount of time to work with in your day, etc. It will also accelerate your progress in the gym. Learn how to sleep well.

Monologue:

Now, since this is a sexual strategy sub, I will talk about my sex life and how it has improved as well as what I did to improve it.

When I entered college I was a kissless virgin. Come the first weekend I made out with some girl at a party. Right place, right time. In my opinion, first kisses don’t mean shit, especially if you plan to sleep around. Get it out of the way and start practicing. If that’s not you, that’s also cool.

This is back when I was hitting the gym semi consistently. I was getting more positive attention.

Side note on attention seeking:

attention seeking isn’t good, but you need to be aware of positive and negative attention because it is a good indicator of improvement and how you come across.

Monologue:

I was socially anxious and depressed at this time. Meeting women and being socially anxious and depressed do not go together. It’s like trying to dance with a girl while having never danced before and fighting a clone of yourself. Shitty stuff.

Anxiety and Depression:

To deal with the anxiety, you need to stop bad habits as they are harming your self perception. You need to make decisions, I.e. start good habits. And, you need to constantly break your comfort zone. Cold showers come to mind. Meditate to learn when you are anxious and to calm yourself down when you are.

In addition, you need to be constantly socializing. This is breaking you comfort zone, making a decision, and practicing the skill that you are weak at.

Socializing:

My approach to socializing in college. I didn’t start all of this at once, but this is my understanding of socializing in college, it’s purpose, how to do it, and how to leave college ahead of your peers.

Join a fraternity:

An organization with weekly social events where you make good friends, a lot of acquaintances (you can’t be friends with everyone), take on leadership positions. Fraternities allow you to form more intimate relationships, find role models, and so much more. Sign me the fuck up.

Cold approach:

Ideally approach everyone. This obviously isn’t realistic, so even once a day works. Two is good, Three is great, any more is orgasmic. Cold approaching is amazing. You once again face your fears of socializing. You learn to have conversations. You can practice eye contact and body language.

I recommend you approach mostly chicks as presumably you are trying to get better with chicks. In addition, it gives you a pseudo abundance where you recognize how insanely many girls there are to meet. However, you should also approach guys. Approaching guys gives you an idea about what your competition is doing, makes good friends, and can just be a lot of fun

How to cold approach, an introduction:

Identify someone who looks interesting Walk up Say hey, how’s it going Follow up with what’s your name Talk about anything surface level: current events (doesn’t have to be global, could just be on campus), classes, hobbies, general interests, basic family, etc.. Just talk, smile, and make eye contact. If you like them, exchange contact info. Leave.

To beat the approach anxiety, you need to do it over and over again. This is why having good habits helps, they help you build discipline which can be used to force yourself to approach.

Join a club:

Anything you enjoy, find a club and join it. It can be outside of school as well. I have yet to do this, but when I get back to campus I plan to join the wrestling club. It seems smart to join a sport or fighting club. Many people here recommend learning how to fight and you find a group of people that you share interest with and meet with regularly (mere-exposure effect. Sidebar.)

Otherwise go out a lot and talk to people whenever you can. When you meet someone you like do stuff with them. Go to eat, go shopping, see a movie. Doesn’t matter, just do stuff with them. Alcohol helps too, not too much though.

In my second semester I started approaching 2-3 times a day, that coupled with the fraternity and my social skills and leadership skills were improving rapidly. I was hitting the gym, eating and sleeping well.

I would approach on nights out, usually miss, but it was practice.

I got laid once that semester (and once in the semester prior). Not much, but improvement. Put yourself in the right place by approaching, and eventually you will get lucky with the timing.

Something I struggled with and kinda still do is escalation.

I have eye contact down. If you want to get good at eye contact just look at people when you are walking. Then practice it when you are socializing. It feels weird at first, but you will grow to like it. You’d be surprised how much you can do with just eye contact.

What I struggle with is physical escalation. In the beginning it was so bad that I would freeze up at the thought.

How I’ve improved:

Touch your guy friends... phrasing. Especially before a night out; this will help you to warm up and become more comfortable with touching as the night progresses.

Drink a beer or two. Don’t drink too much as that’s just not smart, but it can loosen you up.

Put your hand on people’s shoulder or back when walking by them in parties. It’s not much but it adds up. It can also help you get loose during a party.

Play hand games

Read the escalation ladder

Be confident. If you’re not, it will be weird. You will be weird a lot of times. It’s fine, no one will remember anyway.

Keep approaching, practicing escalation, working out, and you will improve. Over time, this will all counteract your anxiety and depression. Anxiety for the reasons mentioned above. And depression because you are improving your life.

Some motivation:

With COVID-19 I have fallen back into bad habits. I plan to get back to a life of improvement by following similar steps that I did in the past. It will be easier this time as I have done it before, it will be faster as I have developed a taste for the benefits, and it will be better as I know where I failed in the past and how I can improve.

What’s important to realize is that you will fail. What you need to do is get back up and come back stronger. I have just started my journey and hopefully this can help you start yours.

A couple of side notes:

Work on good posture. Go outside and walk around with perfect posture and get a taste for how people treat you. That is a taste of fine wine.

I haven’t started this but I would like to start journaling. It helps you set and keep track of goals, reflect on how you are growing, and if I decide to make another post it won’t have to be all from memory.

I wanted talk about fun, as it is a concept that I struggled with for a while. I think that spongebob got it half right. A lot of having fun is just doing stuff with friends. But really, fun is anything we do for the sake of a good time. If we’re bored we can play a game for fun, we can go to the club for fun. The point I am trying to make, is that people often say to focus on having fun and not on getting with girls. Whatever you are doing, you should do it for the sake of your own enjoyment, not to get with a girl. Going out for the night, do so to have a good time with friends, not to get laid. Things will be a lot easier. When you frame things like this you take sex off of a pedestal and replace it with personal enjoyment.

I said that a key concept of this post is habits, what you do repeatedly. I will summarize this point in terms of habits. To turn your life around you need to slowly replace your bad habits with good ones. What this means is doing good things every day for as long as possible. Take it one day at a time. Eliminate your bad habits by taking it one day at a time as well. Stopping smoking is not easy but I managed to make 4 months by taking it one day at a time, next time will be even longer. You need to select about 4 things. I recommend: Meditation and cold showers (this can be 1 because cold showers is a matter of a knob). Gym. Diet. Sleep. Cold approaching. Okay that’s 5. But if you can try to start doing these things every day. Even if you fail sometimes, you will get more comfortable with them and eventually they will replace your old habits.

Closing Remarks:

Thank you for reading. I hope to make posts in the future as I continue to learn. Get started on improving your life today. If there are any questions feel free to hmu and I would love criticism on the writing.

Cheers.