Ladies ladies ladies, it's honestly breaking my heart how many of you I see leaving comments about finding a high value person because so and so career or because they make stuff with their hands (yeah I can make things with my hands too, my ass also makes things but I'm not showing that off ).

I'm a lady who likes ladies exclusively. I have come to acknowledge that because of that I have this semi-different insight that some of my male coworkers, acquaintances, and past friends have given me (be it unsolicited advice, them telling me, or viewing the actions themselves). I only say semi because as you know, some men are fucked in the brain and still believe there is a possibility of sex no matter what your orientation is and those men will never stop playing stupid games.

I don't believe I will say anything radical, but I just want to show you how real this is from my direct experience with LVM in and out of the workplace. I know there is a looooot of discussion about how shitty the behavior of doctors, lawyers, and men in tech can be. Ladies, that in no way means that because the person you are seeing isn't in one of these professions that he is somehow now absolved of any scrutiny. Especially if he is in a white-collar job and especially so if he is making six figures + (though I suspect a few of you know the lifestyle you're walking into with those types).

I used to work at a fortune 100 engineering company, the amount of disgusting things I saw go on and become the talk of the office (and eventually the town) was incredible! I had never seen such arrogant, petulant, manipulative behavior like I had seen at this office. It was surprising to find out a good portion of the people I worked with came from extremely well to do families so I figured that at the workplace you would at least behave, but because like attracts like I suppose it only intensifies certain behaviors.

The amount of out in the open office affairs between colleagues and friends, the amount of times that I would hear the single click or guys talk about going on trips to TJ, LA, Dubai, etc. for prostitution with their other fiends was a sureal thing (this was my first week there). Like, I remember reading about this shit from Oracle and other companies in the Valley, but this place was supposed to be reputable and very conservative leaning in their representation (not my favorite, but I like the serious nature) Nothing I say can actually illustrate how bad the situation actually was but I will say that a foreign employee of this company walked into the office shot the man his wife was having an affair with and then shot himself. This was an actual incident that happened before I joined this company (don't ask) and I would be in absolute shock if the company I walked into was a cleaned up version of whatever was happening then. I can't imagine things being worse, but I suppose that at one point they were.

The managers that look like they could be your dad or grandad tend to do favors where they see advantages (risk/cost analysis). With incoming female interns in such a dog-eat-dog world like engineering, the harassment is soooo real so rampant and so very career ending if you stand up or retaliate in any way. Even the guys that I though were cool, loyal people to their friends family wives/gf, I would see them chase after office wives, interns, old project partners, It almost feels like if you don't accept that culture you are sticking out like a sore thumb and stamping yourself as an untouchable. I actually left because the sexual harassment was absolutely unbearable (this was coming from a female colleague in an old project team, her bf and his friends who were in higher positions within the company made my life hell).

There is also an issue that when guys see you don't need them as much to succeed they will try to pull you down via gaslighting, etc. it's a gross tactic but I have seen it in every single line of work This is especially true for the guys who take pride in the quality of their work, they can't stand not knowing everything or not delegating (not sure what it is yet). I loved the projects I worked on, I really did a lot at that place, but it was just so damn toxic. Every ex-employee that was not an exec or a C-level that I have met exhibit signs of PTSD, more severely so if it was a female employee. We only had 1 female exec, she was completely ignored during meetings, people would just be doing whatever on their laptops and phones (0 respect at all) actively not listening, totally different story with male execs presented and demanded attention.

I used to listen to some of the marketing department and how they would speak about women (all of them) this was because the department lead was this self-righteous southern baptist man who thought women were so disgusting and beneath him (would criticize anything about every woman who talked to him or walked by, but especially his wife and anyone that didn't seem for him). He was also fucking around with one of his married subordinates (as he would say) and was devastated when she finally transitioned to a new department (not that it mattered because it was still in the same building and they would just find more time to sneak around the office). This is the type of place where you bet your ass execs date who they want. I have seen women uncomfortably dodge unwanted advances. I have seen a mid 20 early 30's PM fuck around with high school interns, then turn around and harass a coworker in a corner where he can't be seen, then talk about the hot tinder dates he was (none suspecting he is seeing other girls). How this man finds all the time while having A LONG TERM GF is beyond me. He must be a great project manager to find all time!The company makes it a statement to be fiscally responsible (unless you are an exec or C-level with access to limos, hotels, the stripper/escort/entertainment budget) so it's not unusual to be conveniently paired in 1 room situations with someone who may have taken a liking to you. The cheating is so rampant I would honestly say I have met a total of 4 men who I do not think would cheat as easily, but they would 100% cave over time, I just can't see it happening.

The type of engineering doesn't matter. A good portion of the people in the building I worked went to Ivy league schools in the states, prestigious schools abroad, come from extremely wealthy families (oil, energy sectors, etc; mostly inherited). I knew what behaviors to expect, but I didn't expect to walk into a den of snakes and even less so at the workplace.

I have seen similar behavior from mechanical engineers (ugh), those in aviation (the fucking absolute worst misogynistic scrum and they dress so well doing it the bastards), chemical and biomedical (such nerds, such saps, will get upset if you are smarter or more competent), it doesn't matter. These places, these people are predatory af. I have seen more honorable plumbers and electricians believe it or not. God, most of the engineers I met are forever fuckboys for life and their mantra reeks of bro's before ho's. To this day I can't geek out about motorcycles without thinking of the douchbags I worked with so I had to drop it as a growing interest because I felt icky by association.

I could go on and on, but what I find scary is how many stories domestic violence and abuse I have encountered from former partners of white collar corporate workers (both during my time at this company and afterwards). It honestly blows my mind that domestic violence is even stereotyped as a "lower-class" issue, because it's definitely prevalent within the walls of higher class societies. The job title does not give quality to the person (met plenty of incompetent ceos, directors, etc; remember that their jobs require them to be masters of manipulation) in any career track. Don't kid yourself by thinking otherwise, I did.

Oh boy now hobbies. Hobbies are the things we like to do for fun that don't really bring a monetary value but they may provide another value or skill learning opportunity. That's how I see hobbies anyway. For me it's the reasons why you do it (enjoyment, together time with loved ones, blahblahblah).

How do my male counterparts see hobbies:

"dude, you gotta getcha some interest that will pull girls in. Like, why would I be some chump who buys xmas gifts on amazon that anyone could get when I could make her something that no one else has and no one else can give her 'cuz I made it with my hands. And then, when she looks at it, she will only be thinking of you. Ha, secret to getting forever laid because then she tells all her friends about it afterwards. They say curiosity kills the cat!"

-excerpt from True stories at the bar stool and to many shots before closing

My male coworker, we will call him Jerry. Jerry came from bumfuck nowhere Idaho. Not the most exciting life, but he learned how to hone his pc skills and got into tech. He learned how to maneuver socially with the artsy hipster crew at college and tries to keep that cool alt/stoner/nerd/artsy mentality throughout life. Now, I started hanging out with Jerry because I just moved into town, he lived nearby and offered to show me around with his gf at the time. We had a lot of interests in common so we would hang.

He was a seemingly awesome guy, super involved in his local community, had lots of fiends everywhere he went, super nice and welcoming, this guy had the hookup everywhere, knew about the coolest parties, you name it and this guys knew someone and someplace. It seemed like we had so many interests in common and just best buds. Most importantly he was helping me learn more about the technical side of his work as it pertained to what I would be getting into with my continuing education. He was a little bit of a mentor. This guy was known as Cool Guy Jerry....like if that's you're nickname it's either a super sarcastic thing or it's completely true.

Now I started to notice that everything Cool Guy Jerry did though seemingly cool, the reality of the situation was different. He would talk things up to something it quite wasn't what he explained (and it always felt awkward to point that out because I didn't want him to feel bad) either he would talk things out to be massively better when they were mediocre or showing off things his friends did (not him). The people he talked to and hung around were for very specific reasons (lower bar tabs when certain people were in or for bringing people in, girls that liked him or one of his friends would give him discounts for bringing the friend in, getting discounts on dates, having a string of new bar girls introduced by wingwomen) and would be an ultra male pickme to anyone that seemed to be able to give him any monetary or pleasure inducing advantage. I started to notice he had a major drinking problem, was "microdosing" psychedelics throughout the day, and began hanging with people who were known heavy coke users.

I started to just turn away from that group completely. I was wasting cash and precious time, plus my ass needed to get back into shape (my body was the softests it had ever been in my life and i didn't like it). None of that is cool crew stuff for Jerry's liking. He kind of noticed I was pulling away and his disapproval not working on me; it was around xmas time and he was telling me he decided to make some awesome wood carved gifts. He specifically mentioned getting the idea because it was a personally hand made gift (meaning it was a rarity and personal; i think he didn't realize what makes a gift personal is because it contains things that the gited person holds dear, it isn't because it came from him personally) and it saved him on money, a win-win in his book. I didn't think much of it other than what a cheap POS.

It's different when it's a sentimental gift from the heart that you are making for someone, but saying the reason you did this was because it saved you money knocks the value down to meaningless for me. I mean think about one of the most famous gift givers, Carl Faberge. He didn't get famous for skimping out on his creations. No! He went completely all out and attempted to make it extremely personal to the receiver and of the best quality he could dream of putting out there. Yes that is quite the example, but when you do things out of love and just the pureness of bringing another joy you can see the effort, you feel it even. When you give purely out of wanting to receive something in return, it shows.

A few days later I notice this hand carved and painted wooden pen in the shape of a rabbit holding a carrot. I knew it was from him, but it seemed a bit odd because it had nothing really to do with me personally, other than I like pens. I thought it was really nice, though not thoughtful beyond "oh this is something I made with my hands so that means it's of higher value therefore I am of higher value". I was busy with my day and completely forgot to mention it or thank him for it. He was kind of cold and shitty for a while and made it a thing to point out how materialistic I was in very underhanded manners around other people (especially if he perceived those people to be of a lower income level or intelligence because they would side with him the cool guy).

This is also when I started to notice he tended to only hang around people (his crew) he saw as lower than him somehow. He was himself setting himself up as a provider for these people and some kind of savior for those that were "less fortunate/blessed" than he was. Examples: having a roommate that doesn't pay rent (he had some deal with him), then all of a sudden shouting that he's not responsible and expecting rent when he needed financial help the most (he was working and his mom had gone to the hospital); voluntarily buying shots for people, then talking about how that guy can never hold a job and they are always "bumming off him" (yeah, he made his friends into bums). Constantly scanning for his friends to do something wrong so he could correct them in front of the group and show how righteous and progressive he was.

In reality he liked to keep people around to show how much more knowledgeable he was, how cooler he was, or how experienced he was in "life" (oh yeah super male-feminist too, had the audacity to tell me how wrong I was for my views as a woman of color -__- ). He only looked up to those he saw as higher value than himself. If someone he saw as low value was praised by another he would immediately scoff, say some disapproving remark, and next time he ran into that person make sure to bring them down a few notches where they belong (he would really throw crazy digs in there to blow your self-esteem). It was so sick and I saw it happen and experienced it repeatedly, like a broken record repeating the same track it never failed to happen.

One day it was like I finally realized that I was just hanging out with an aging mean sad drunk and just stopped replying to him. It was crazy to me how much he seemingly had going and how shitty he actually was as a person once you separated him from all the cool shiny stuff. The worst part is that I couldn't even talk to him about these problems I was seeing as a friend because he just couldn't see it.

The fact that he had strings of bad relationships had nothing to do with how perfect he was. It had nothing to do with the fact that he didn't prioritize personal hygiene, or proper attire, it's not that he lives paycheck to paycheck because he spends it on a plethora of idiocies to look cool (vhs tapes just to say he has a wall of them all in one color, a shitty sophomoric art he keeps buying from friends, plants that he grows to give out to girls he likes so they have a piece of him, etc.) or that most of his money is spent on smokes and the bar. It's not that his friends have to drag him out of parties before he's about to pass out, it's not even that people worry if he will wake up the next morning. I could keep going and going but this guy is full of excuses of why things don't work out for him and he decides to stay literally in the same place he's been in for 4 years (physically and in life) without changing a damn thing. He completely looks down on anyone attempting to not live like a hipster or a starving artist. He actively looks down on you improving if it makes him look bad.

Does High value come from him giving you a pen he hand carved and painted, when it could have been re-gifted because someone didn't want it? Does High value come from a gift he decided to make because it fit his budget without cutting back on his boozing? Are those things of high value just because he took the time and effort to make something with his hands? Did he make or buy that gift with personal meaning behind it or it is the maker and tinkr version of buying flowers?

I have seen tech guys 3d print stuff that they know will make their wives life easier and they don't expect praises and rarely tell people (the only reason I know is because if I have a similar issue they offer a similar solution they helped their SO with or their SO tells me about a solution they came up with for them). I see people that take days off to care for their sick kid because their wife has a presentation at work. I have seen electricians create special vanities for their wives and daughters. I have an uncle who works in industrial painting and he painted his daughter's room princess colors with her favorite disney princesses and his son's room Mario themed (so freaking cool, so freaking high value) I have seen these things! My dad's was absolutely not perfect but he would basically become my mother's nurse when she was sick or had a rough monthly (medicine, massages, heating pads, tea, you name it), that man was on call and on duty.

High value men and high value people not only think about how their actions impact others, but they always consider "how can I help" or "how can this be improved" because they want to make life better for you.

They will make things for you because they love you and want you to have something just for the joy of seeing you happy, not for you to sing praises to the world about them. They will come with mistakes and it will be hard to face them, but they will do it because they want to be better for themselves and ultimately to welcome you into the best life they can give you. You can grow together with a partner, but you are not there to improve them, they should be doing that on their own.

Never assume a hobby or career track means high value. Always always always look for the reasons behind actions. if something seems off, it is, stop lying to yourself (we all do it/ did it). I know we want to see the good in all people, but when those people leech your energy, girl that's not good for you and it's time to say abuh-bye!!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Edit:

My comments are being downvoted into oblivion and removed, but for those of you out on the job hunt, stay away from companies that describe their culture with the word "family" in any way. Usually they say they are family focused and couple it with work life balance. Understand that when a company uses the word "family" to describe their culture it means that anything that happens there will stay there no matter what and they trust you will not make mistakes of speaking out against them. That's what "family based trust" really means. Usually these places have been the biggest boys clubs where all the covering has to be done to protect the actions of C levels and execs. Kind of like keeping secrets for your mob family. You will always be working harder at these places, just like in a real 1050"s nuclear family! Remember that!

​