Men learn to become men by modelling their father.

If a man does not have his father actively involved in his life in his formative years then naturally that has a great impact on his personal development.

I made a new male friend recently.

He’s a lovely guy of 39.

But emotionally he is a complete reck.

He puts on a front, as most people do.

But he suffers from social anxiety and completely lacks confidence in himself.

He told me that his parents divorced when he was about 5, and after that he saw his dad sporadically.

But there where mind games, and all the usual dysfunctional family shit - like his dad visiting his grandma (the fathers mother) who lived in the house next door, but refusing to visit them (ex wife and kids) even though they’d see him coming and going.

My friend told me that he feels inadequate in the company of ‘real men’.

I feel so bad for him because I know that a) he did not ask his father to abandon him and b) he has tried so hard to overcome this obstacle - but still he struggles.

And if I’m honest, he’s so broken inside, I think he will continue to struggle for the rest of his life, unless a miracle happens.

And then I look at my brother.

Also a fatherless son.

And he just, literally does not know how to be a MAN.

I can see the impact that the lack of a positive male role model and masculine leadership has had on him.

Once I overheard 2 women talking and one said to the other, ‘I’ve dated men with dads, and men without dads, and the difference is like night and day,’.

I always wondered what she meant by that.

Has anyone else had experiences that on reflection reveal an evident contrast between men who had a dad and men who didn’t?

From my experience men who grew up without a father may have an intellectual idea of what it is to be a man, but they struggle to become the man that they want to be.

TLDR: Do you consider it a red flag to date a man who never had an active positive father present in his life?