Alright, so this hasn't been something we've discussed in detail in-so-far but me and the mods were having one of our 'chats' ....and things quickly got a bit 18 plus over there. OH LVM'S YOU HAVE NO IDEA!! *insert evil laugh*

Jammies suggested we should do a post on this - so here we are: my personal guide on how to sniff if a man has BIG DICK ENERGY.

Now... yeah yeah, we know this topic might come across a bit crude and taboo especially to recovering pickmeisha's or those who have yet to experience quality orgasms (we know the struggle sis) but that's only because the patriarchy doesn't want you to have standards in the bedroom and a nose for BDE. Its quite happy for you to stay in the dark and tolerate these clueless clowns so they can get off at your expense.. It wants you to settle rolling over for some low value loser you don't even fancy with a self-proclaimed NiCe gUy PeRsOnaLiTy wondering when he's going to finish whilst you lie there internally sighing with frustration. But we at FDS CARE ABOUT YOUR SEXUAL SATISFACTION and since you are here you clearly have standards and INTEGRITY- which means you should not be putting up with poor dick energy! You should demand quality across the board- this extends to your sex life! Do not get clowned by a man who can't even make you orgasm! Believe you me, when you give off full FDS energy these men will want to step up to impress and you'll finally start to sniff these men out.

Now quick disclaimer: having big dick energy is not necessarily about having the biggest dick in the room...but for most women it does pertain to being a decent/size and thickness as well as being very skilled and confident in the bedroom. Its a quiet confidence and allure- like they know something you don't yet and this makes you incredibly curious. For some women it definitely does mean being 8inches- but for most its about carrying a certain air that indicates he'll deliver an experience not to forget. With such men you instantly feel excited from the start and are left feeling very satisfied afterwards. These men already have a good grip of navigating a woman's body and how to please her- they have done their homework off their OWN back and they do not cringe at you throwing them feedback/suggestions (not that they need it most times).

There is no awkward back and forth or staring at the ceiling considering whether you should bring up a How To Do Basic Sex To A Woman video tutorial or just kick him out of bed. There is no waiting for his soldier to get back up- because it stays hard. There is no cringey fumbles/convo's or awkwardly nudging him off you. These men take charge but respect your boundaries, they prioritise a womans pleasure and know that will payoff tenfold for them. They are not selfish lovers and are very invested in a woman 'getting there'. They take pride in the art of pleasing the vagina. Disclaimer: these men may ruin your life and standards forever, tread with caution. You are embarking upon the zone of devil dick!

The men that I found were skilled in bed all had these key traits in common:

  1. They were always pretty athletic indicating good energy and a desire to improve / maintain themselves (I know this might be negotiable for others- but this was my experience across the board). I could make out their physique before the top was off
  2. They had a quiet confidence- inspired curiosity/sexual prowess- not bending over backwards being corny and desperate or trying to neg me (they knew better than that, indicating they don't struggle with women, insecurity or suffer from a lack of options/rejection). Neither did they have something to PrOvE.
  3. They had lively energetic characters- knew how to shmooze the room with little effort - a natural charisma. Tell it how it is kinda people- without being a condescending asshole overstepping the mark. Playful, light-hearted men....again indicating they're not some resentful bitter insecure depraved gormless incel giving off super pushy rapey vibes. Even if they're more on the stoic side- they still have a good sense of humour/charisma shining through. There's a level-headed temperament to them
  4. They were witty and fast on the ball- they could ping my sarcasm back at me at the speed of light without any whiff of fear (This is a VERY big giveaway indicating intellect/sharpness and ability to learn fast). Basically they didn't resent my (often blunt) sharp sense of humour and borderline insults poking at them- instead they humoured it and bounced it back in good nature- again showing they don't have a fragile sense of masculinity, aren't insecure and are used to dealing with confident women. This of course made me wonder why they're NOT thrown off so easily or having some butt-hurt response- hmmmm curious! With disappointing men- there's always a hint of resentment behind that- like they think you're too cocky or they're just a little thrown off (THEY SMELL FEAR they may disappoint).
  5. They were good at reading me fast and what I like. They'd sometimes finish my sentences or guess my reply, like 'I knew you were going to say that'. Or they'd suggest something I would be into and guess it correctly. Observant and intuitive, indicating they read body language well.
  6. They weren't thirsty, or awkward- they took it at my pace and knew how to read signals and when to strike. They definitely will NOT escalate crude sex talk fast if you met them on an app- these men know you're gonna want to sniff them out first and can hold interesting conversation but they may drop a few compliments here & there: they're not rookies going to scare you off or become borderline insulting. They know better than to do that. Plus they also want to sniff you out for chemistry. They were still respectful and waiting for me to give them the sign, that way they knew I wanted it. Respect is key here- competent men know not to force themselves where they're unwanted or harass you- they have enough confidence not to act desperate. Again- big sign he's experienced with women, respects boundaries and knows what they expect from him. They want a woman to want them too. Equal desirability= equal pleasure / good chemistry. A smart man knows a woman needs to feel respected in order to feel comfortable and trust him in the bedroom. This indicates he's going to respect your boundaries and be very responsive if he's going too fast or hurting you etc. You carrying an air you don't take any shit- will also help you attracting this- they'll be scared to disappoint or offend.
  7. They were assertive but not in an overly brash belittling kind of way- if I dropped something they would catch it quick. They had a natural instinct to take charge- like carrying my bags before I asked or taking something off me I was struggling to open and sorting it. They did NOT need instructions to be told to do something. These men have a certain level of intelligence to pick up on that without you needing to indicate. They leap to action which has some kind of hot protective guardian vibe, like they can keep watch for you. INSTINCT is the key here. They sensed when I wanted something doing. Again this translates to the bedroom as they'll know what they're doing and be enthusiastic to do it. They aren't shy or hesitant and will communicate directly. There's no hassle or tension indicating things will run equally as smooth in the bedroom.
  8. The BIG one: they were not lazy 'chilled' 'laidback' 'I like taking the easy, familiar route' kind of characters. They had a zest for life which gave off the vibe they led a satisfying life which is attractive and not lacking in some dept. It indicated they like keeping up pace and variety- not letting their life get dull, monotonous or boring. They are passionate motivated people, usually have a decent career/ interests, like travelling and are pretty upbeat. They have interesting things to talk about, and some depth to them (someone with depth /eager to improve will do their homework on how to please women)
  9. They were very enthusiastic to see me and full of compliments on what I was wearing or whatever (same in the bedroom)- they noticed if I made an effort. Basically these guys are very body positive and know how to make women feel extra comfortable/desired- they will make a fuss without overdoing it. They're affectionate and passionate lovers- they like being in womens company. They will play up to your ego so you get in the mood. They are also manly men that don't nitpick and pick out micro-flaws (they don't notice if you didn't pluck your brows one day nor do they give a shit) - they want you to feel good and don't get a kick out of putting you down because they are CONFIDENT /secure in themselves and know a woman wants to feel desired, not scrutinised. Oh and they aren't phased by body hair at all- again grown masculine energy- they will get to work regardless.

Signs he's probably going to suck in bed:

  1. Too serious and lacking an ACTUAL sense of humour (relying on yours too heavy to keep the convo flowing). Most likely going to be very dull / lifeless or pornsick and have 'something to prove' (painful sex/too aggressive/pushing boundaries). Again another sign they' could be the toxic masculine pornsick type is if they start trying to 'joke' you should pay something or go halves or moaning about 'women these days' = controlling/misogynist/ testing boundaries/ resents pleasing women & think it makes him a 'cuck' (all about his gain). He will take that try-hard masculinity energy to the bedroom - likely plating other women and wants to try his new porn moves on you to boost his fragile ego. They will get very dominating. To sum it up: this type has something to prove and although he may have some skill- his resentment of women and pleasing them/listening to what they want gets in the way.
  2. Too laid back: lazy, 'chilled' sloth type character who likes doing familiar, easy, monotonous low effort things= low effort in bed and lacks imagination/need for variety. If he moans about doing simple tasks to accommodate you or drones on in conversation about very boring things- he'll be like watching paint dry and make you roll off or hit the snooze button. There's a clear lack of chemistry and he's probably quite entitled- expecting you to do all the work.
  3. Immature and childish= not going to have the faintest clue and may have ED due to his immaturity from past drink/drug use- que the 'nervous' laugh at everything- he uses humour to deflect and cover up his insecurities/lack of effort. Everything is a joke to this one, his life, himself... including his dick and performance in bed. God likes a tryer- which he is not.... but at least SOMEONE finds his limp dick funny :S. He may be attractive but is likely low educated and lacking ambition (party boy himbo wasting away his life- very impulsive). This type will be big on 'women having empathy' and be sensitive to sarcasm...cos they're going to need it to tolerate his awful dick game.
  4. Fragile ego= negging / easily offended indicates fear and intimidation. Probably thinks you're out of his league/more experienced than him. He is feeling the sweat on the back of his neck. He's going to lack confidence/experience and/or be small. Probably gets rejected a lot. May have ED issues and can sniff you don't have the tolerance for 'glitches'. You sniff resentment underneath this one and get the vibe he's trying too hard to seem masculine.
  5. Self-loathing or very negative/low mood = lack of enthusiasm for life, lack of enthusiasm in bed. This trait indicates he will be a very selfish lover- has no interest in pleasing women because he hates effort, hates women and hates his life. Always in some mood..but..can't..quite...communicate..why...you..JUST..don't..get it. Most likely has a snappy temper, is very physically awkward to be around and lacks confidence. Very effeminate and sympathy seeking. Probably likes staying indoors due to his 'supposed' self-induced anxiety (code for= hes just an anti-social selfish asshole). 100% couch creature. May be the tall dark broody handsome type and still have a big dick..but lacks the effort to put it to good use. Most likely a misogynist.
  6. They boast about how good in bed they are or how they made their ex do X, Y, Z. LOL cope. His ex probably dumped him for being bad in bed and immature/insecure. This should be a red flag anyway- because he's trying to use 'triangulation' to make you jealous or feel pressure to impress him- indicating he is LOW VALUE and needs validation (getting rejected/dumped a lot). Only a little boy would boast to a woman- no smart man does that. This man is an insecure manlet with something to prove and I guarentee you he is awful in bed/pornsick. A man who is good in bed will NEVER ever boast about it to you (because that could set them up to disappoint- they don't know what this woman is used to). A competent man will always catch you by surprise- he's about action and demonstrating value, not making wild claims to artificially inflate his value.
  7. Needs constant instructions on everything or he never pays attention to anything you talk about (like your interests or you feeling tired/hungover/overwhelmed so you need to sit down) and needs everything spelled out in BIG BOLD LETTERS before you get into an argument at his complete ignorance. This may even be wilful ignorance to test your boundaries (immature flag again- doesn't give af). Bad sign they're an incompetent lover who doesn't take note of others needs or take much notice of anything (simpleton). Competent lovers are also competent at reading your temperament/ anticipating what you want from them- they can tell whether something is up, you're in pain/feel awkward or displeased and they will respond accordingly. This is a BIG indicator he ignores boundaries and is somewhat a loose canon in general (probably more red flags hiding here). If he's slow af and ignorant towards you, requiring constant repetitive directions- he's going to be just as useless and gormless in bed.

Watch out for these signs: men who are bad in bed usually exhibit a mixture of the bad traits mentioned above, likewise with competent men (they will tick a lot of the boxes I mentioned).