Hello, my Queens!
I just thought I would share how FDS has changed my life since I’ve started implementing some of the strategies on here. I’m a natural people-pleaser, and I hate conflict, so that makes me prone to being a Boss-Level Pickmeisha, not just with men, but also with my friends. I started reading FDS seriously around January, and I can honestly say it’s been revolutionary for me. Here a couple of things that I’ve learned/have changed:
1) Cutting men off has become a LOT easier. I remember when I would allow guys who ghosted me FOR MONTHS to come back into my life only for them to ghost again. If I meet a guy now and I get so much as a hint of flakiness, disinterest, he’s out. Blocked and deleted. No second chances. I use OLD primarily, and I have a 72-hour communication rule. If a guy does not respond to a message within three days ( I actually think that’s fairly generous), I’ll assume he’s not interested and block. Better to cut a guy off too soon than too late.
2) I realised that some of my long standing friendships have come to an end. I believe that some of the the principles of FDS should also be applied to your friendships. If you wouldn’t accept bad behaviour from an SO, then you should also not accept it from a friend. I’ve had to cut off a friendship of over ten years, because I realised that she had not responded to a message I sent her back in November last year asking how her internship was going, despite the fact she’s still active on social media. Nah, sis.
3) Men do not want to be chased. If they’re interested, you will know. The one time I initiated contact with a guy, he ghosted soon after. Plus he was boring as hell. Never again. I can’t stress this enough. If a man is not ACTIVELY pursuing you, he is not worth your time. Periodt. Don’t be fooled by the advice on the dating subreddits. The egg does not swim to the sperm. Men do not want to run the risk of losing a woman they want, so they will take steps to prevent this from happening.
4) the quality of my relationships increased when I stopped chasing and being a Pickmeisha and started having boundaries. People, both at work and in my personal life, started respecting me more. Closed mouths do not get fed - if you don’t set the standards for how you want to be treated, other people will set the standard for you.
5) I no longer paragraph men. It’s generally a waste of time. If someone is committed to understanding you, paragraphs will not be required or necessary. Men know when they’ve fucked up, and if you’re in the paragraphing stage, they’re already past caring. I save the paragraphs for my essays - at least I get something for my efforts.
6) Understanding why someone has done something, does not mean I have to put up with or accept any behaviour that comes about as a result of their reasons. For example, a guy does not text me back for two weeks and says he was busy. Whilst I might be understanding of the fact he was busy, that does not mean I should continue talking him. At the end of the day, it should not matter too much if was deliberately ignoring my texts or if he was genuinely busy, because the outcome is the same - my needs/standards are not being met. again, this links back to point number 3. Men who have your best interests at heart will demonstrate this.
7) Men are predictable. After reading this sub, I came to realise that all the LV men i have been involved with had traits and patterns of behaviour in common.
EDIT: to add number 6 and 7
These are just a few of the positive changes/lessons I’ve come across whilst applying FDS to my life. I still have a lot more to learn, but I’m proud of how far I’ve come so far.
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