Post wall woman settles for billy beta with a lower SMV than her ex. You will always be compared if you have a lower SMV or are a beta. Don’t be this guy.

I (45M) overheard my wife (45F) saying she settled for me. I told my wife I wanted a divorce now all hell is breaking loose

I (45M) have been married to my wife (45F) for 20 years. I genuinely thought we were in love, until I overheard her on the phone recently remarking to a friend that she feels she settled for me and thinks about her ex every day. Her exact words "I feel like i settled for him... i love him but he doesn't excite me the way Tom did. Sometimes I wish Tom had been serious with me".

Tom is her ex who she dated on and off before she met me. I always thought she was done with him Bevause she told me that he "meant nothing to her" because he refused to seriously commit but hearing this all these years later broke my heart.

I know it sounds crazy, but in that moment I knew it was over. I knew I wanted a divorce. But what I struggled to accept was that i was brainwashed for 20 years and living my life based on a lie. I'm feeling a lot of unreality.

I told her I overheard her and that it's over. She broke down in hysterics saying it wasn't what it looked like.

Both of our children are now grown adults (19M and 21F) so she can't hold anything over me. I just know I want out but her and our entire family has taken her side calling me a fool and idiot.

What do I do?

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EDIT: READ THE TITLE IM NOT THE OP THIS A REPOST