I know that this seems to be an obvious point here at RPW, but never the less, I witness this problem first hand regularly and need to vent a bit.

I am a 28yo married woman, my best friend is also married however the majority of our friend group is unmarried. My best friend in particular is very much the center of the group and her wonderful relationship with her husband and personal rags-to-riches success are honestly very inspiring. Yet, over the past couple years quite a few of our unmarried female friends have been getting engaged, and pushing for marriages with men that they've only just met here are the most concerning issues I've seen when pushing for marriage without an understanding of RPW strategy:

  1. No proper vetting process. If marriage is important to you, then you would never rush a relationship so much that you would skip this step.
  2. Showing your SO engagement rings and wedding "inspo" you like within the first several weeks. There is NO reason to try and take a relationship from first date to engagement in 2 weeks or less.
  3. Overlooking red flags. Even in vetted relationships, sometimes red flags may not crop up until later down the line. If your partner has started heavy drug use after proposing, when they were clean before, do not ignore it just because you've put a deposit down on a venue.
  4. Do not get married for benefits. Benefits should only be icing on the cake. This is not to say don't ensure they're stable, but you should be stable yourself before seeking marriage.
  5. All of your extra money is being spent on the wedding. If you and your fiance do not have enough capital to handle emergencies because of the wedding planning, then how do you expect your finances to go in the future?
  6. Being concerned about how photogenic the wedding party is. This is a day for you to celebrate coming together for life, not just to get Instagram material.
  7. It is almost always okay to slow things down. It doesn't matter if you're 18 or 48, do not ignore problems that come up before marriage simply because of the pressure of planning the wedding or because it might be socially embarrassing to put a hold on things. At the end of the day, this is a decision of a lifetime, whereas the wedding is just one day.

It is important to understand that the "model" relationships around you are the result of hard work, and our priorities were the marriage not the wedding. A wedding was important to me because I wanted to be able to have my 92 yo grandfather and the entire family there, but it could have been at the courthouse or someone's house. It was not for beautiful pictures, or a dress, or to play princess for a day. At the end of the day, if you wouldn't consider marrying someone without all the fancy stuff, then you should re-evaluate if you're in the right relationship.

What are some red-flags you ladies have witnessed when it comes to people desperate for a wedding?