"I smoke cigarettes to stop from hurting/killing people."

"Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee."

"I had to stop my diet/fast because I was becoming mean and wasn't a good parent anymore."

"After four days without porn I had intense anger and aggression, and couldn't stop staring at a girl I work with. I decided it was better to just go back to jerking off."

If you're online and paying attention you will see these and similar statements on a regular basis.

Do you notice a pattern?

You guys are smart. You can see it.

How much progress could you make if you didn't have to be so god damn civilized every day of your life?

People who focus on discipline and productivity will tell you that to quit smoking, caffeine, porn, overusing the internet and social media, quit being a fat piece of shit, wake up early, stop watching television, etc. you have to cancel out these habits one at a time and become comfortable without them, and maybe after seven months or so you aren't doing a bunch of stupid shit that makes you miserable and unattractive with the attention span of a humming bird.

I don't know about you but I don't have enough patience or time to fuck around for another half a year just so I can be 'comfortable' enough to function as a domesticated human through the process of getting 'clean'.

What's the real issue here? We have bad habits so that we feel good even though we are not happy or fulfilled, and our entire life is built on a foundation of repressed anger and disappointment. Once you remove habits that shit wants to come to the surface unless you stay distracted. And chemical withdrawal also makes us irritable and not fun to be around. You have to walk a tightrope of breaking the habits but still wearing a smile and being nice and productive. You might not even tell anyone that you're feeling down cause you havent seen tits in a week.

Here's the point of this post: we shouldn't have to be fun to be around 365 days a year. I just need a week to be in the forest punching trees and screaming and howling at the moon and crying and alone and running with a spear up the side of a mountain. And in between the madness, just look at some leaves and have natural silence to meditate and feel shit. Just a week to detox from modernity and all the socially accepted crutches that stop us from getting to the higher level. Every movie where a guy does this is always a hit, but people don't even think about why. We should be able to do this at least once a year.

Junkies get to do this. They're forced to do this in padded rooms and kick and scream and spit at strangers. It should be a basic human right. To go be free from everyone and everything. Guys might get to have a camping trip but still have to cater to everyone's needs but their own. Sitting at a fire with a case of beer while the wife makes hot dogs is not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about things that the wife would never look at you the same way if she saw. Or you might just figure out that you aren't happy with her and immediately break it off. This is connecting to your soul and your demons.

I'm going to find a way. Until now I've been driving around yelling in my car for ten or 15 minutes every couple days, and it feels like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders when I'm done. It's planned and has nothing to do with road rage or anyone else on the road. Things come out that I haven't thought about in years. But it's not enough. I'm going into the woods somewhere and letting the beast out of the cage for a day. No phone, no food, just water. Being a father, a day is all I can get away with right now. But the summer is just about to begin and I have plenty of days to figure it out, dig deep and get rid of these burdens and bullshit.