A how to guide to owning your shit

So you've come across MRP and have decided that you want to be involved.

There are two parts to MRP that matter:

  • The sidebar; and
  • Weekly OYS thread

The order is no accident. Read the sidebar before you think about posting on the OYS thread. There’s a better than even chance that you’ll get banned on your first post if you’ve not spent at least a month or two reading. Imagine sucking so much that you can’t even properly tell people how much you suck without getting banned.

I’m not going to give you a formula, mostly because I don’t care for them. This is about how not to make shit posts. There are a ton of people writing about stuff that doesn't matter, and very few people writing about what does matter.

 

Why post?

/u/weakandsensitive said it best:

This forum exists because we want all men to succeed.

This forum also exists to make sure effort is focused towards men who are actually going to succeed - not those who are going to waste people's time with whiny bullshit. If you don't think is appropriate, feel free to go to any of the ask*, relationship advice, or dead bedroom forums that exist throughout Reddit.

The purpose of the OYS thread is for you to... you guessed it, own your shit. Determine where you want to go, determine how you want to get there, and then do it.

Your OYS post should be about you, for you, and about shit that matters.

It's not your counselling service. It's not your life coach. It's not your guide, your best friend, or your wife. You write shit, and if you're lucky, people may decide to point out how you're lying to yourself or whatever. But write about you. Don't ask us to tell you where you should be aiming, what you should do, or how to live. It's your fucking life, figure out what you want to do.

The whole point is to find where you may be going wrong, come up with ways to correct those mistakes and improve. Figure out what you want out of life, and detail how you're faring. Judge yourself, expose your weaknesses and blind spots. Hold yourself up to your own standard and compare yourself against it. It's all of those things. You are responsible for your own change. No-one is going to give you a step by step guide on how to do it. No-one is going to give you an attaboy. It's on you.

It can be useful to you if you actually stick to it, remain accountable to yourself, and tell the fucking truth. Or you could waste your time. It's on you. If you’re going to do it, do it properly.

Reasons to post an OYS:

  • To process your thoughts on your own progress, areas that may be blind spots, and what you're doing to overcome them.
  • To talk about shit that matters

Reasons not to post an OYS:

  • Because you want feedback from others
  • To outsource decision making
  • So that you’ll be ‘kicked’ back into line
  • For validation of a decision you made
  • You want to be accountable to MRP
  • To share your story with everyone
  • To talk about shit that doesn't matter

What to post

Post about shit that matters if this isn't already abundantly clear. In terms of formatting, its up to you. You want a shitload of subheadings, dot points and other shit? Good for you. Want to have a consistent formula that covers the main aspects of your life every week? Great. Want to just write whatever you care about right now? No worries.

In terms of content, its up to you. You want to focus on how you landed a big sale this week? Groovy. You’re focusing on lifting this week? Cool. Want to talk about what you got out of reading one of the sidebar books? Go ahead. Just make sure it actually fucking matters.

It has to be about you. Your post should be filled with I statements. I did this, then I did that, and I felt like this, and I decided that I wasn't happy about that so I did this in response. That's your frame.

What not to post

Anything that breaks Rule 9 and 10.

If you can't get her to write her about her mindset, focus on the shit that you can control, which are your mindset, thoughts, and actions. Because honestly, I don't give a fuck about her -- and I especially don't give a fuck about your mental representation of her. OYS is for you, by you -- but don't waste your own time and the reader's time focusing on 1) shit you can't control, and 2) shit that ultimately doesn't matter.

Common theme 2 is how you guys write about your sex life with your wife. And the way you guys are approaching this is from a scarcity mindset. Many guys as writing as if your wife is the gatekeeper to sex. In a world with 8+ billion people, this is patently not true. Your wife is only the gatekeeper of sex with her.

If you've made the choice that you're only going to have sex with your wife. That's on you. That's your personal decision. You need to very much own it. And as a result, when she doesn't fuck you -- you don't get to complain, because you've put yourself in that position. You don't get to lock yourself in a cage, and complain about being locked in a cage.

If you think that because you're doing all this self improvement, your wife should WANT to fuck you. Again, you're wrong. We've stated repeatedly that MRP has nothing to do with your wife -- and that doing this for your wife to fuck you is the worst covert contract you'll have. You have NO say in what she does or how she reacts. None. She is free to make whatever choice she wants. Just because you do the work, doesn't mean she's going to want to fuck you. All it means that someone will probably fuck you, maybe, but if you're locking yourself in a cage by your own choice, you don't get to bitch.

Most people who start posting are generally after one thing: More sex with your wife. Rather than me telling you why that is dumb, refer to the Dancing Monkey Attraction Program. Hopefully this saves you the hassle, but you'll probably still fuck it up anyway.

Things you shouldn't post about:

  • Your wife.
  • Your wife's responses to what you're doing.
  • Your wife's thoughts and problems.
  • Shit that is outside of your control. If you can’t control it, why talk about it.
  • Woe is me. No-one cares that you're life sucks if you're not doing anything to improve it.
  • How much of a victim you are. Life keeps happening to you, but you don’t happen to life. Sounds tough.
  • She focused narratives
  • Shit that doesn't matter
  • MRP lingo bingo - stop trying so hard to use 'MRP' terms to make it sound like you get it.

A good tip is to do a ctrl-f search for 'she' and 'her' before you put it up. If it's glowing in yellow, then you've fucked it.

Feedback

You are not owed feedback on your post. If you don’t get feedback, its probably because:

  • It's not really that interesting
  • Your post is shit because you didn’t actually do anything
  • There’s not much to say
  • Because it’s Reddit and people have better things to do.

If you do get feedback, spend some time thinking about it before you mash the reply button. Keep your ego under control. If a reply makes you angry, there’s a good chance its right on the fucking money, so maybe think about that before you throw back some ego-riddled bullshit. You may find upon reflection that there was a blind spot that you hadn’t considered. Good. That means you might actually make progress.

It’s also possible that you don’t agree with what someone has said. Cool. Shut up about it. What a great opportunity to practice frame control and STFU by, you know, shutting the fuck up. Wow, now you're implementing techniques at the same time!

Take what is useful to you in the replies and leave the rest.

In fact, that's good advice for life. Take what is useful to you, leave the rest.

Don’t forget, you’re giving a brief summary of events, the nuances are unlikely to come through. Nor do they need to, because again, nobody cares. Feel free to expand upon things in your replies if you think its necessary. But mostly, nobody cares.

And for fucks sake, don't be a little bitch. Don't gush when you get kicked down. Shit like 'thank you for owning me' is just embarrassing to read. Don't thank people for exposing that you're a faggot. Think about it, digest it and find out where you're going wrong.

If you want to provide feedback, make sure you actually know what the fuck you're talking about and have some experience in the exact thing you're replying to.

First posts

Ah yes, the first OYS post. You're nervous. Who knows what those big mean men are going to say about you (Hot tip, it doesn't matter, we're just retards on the internet). Before you make your first post, spend some time looking through the weekly threads over the past few weeks. My only advice is again the same: Write for you. Write about shit that matters. Own your problems, don't try to blame your life on someone or something else. Your first post is mostly going to be shit because you've just started. That's ok, as long as the focus is you.

Here is an example of a good first post

Why is it a good post? Because despite the fact he's a mess, he owns that fact. Look at the 'I' statements. Look at the 'she' statements. He realises where he is in life is his fault, not his wife, or his dog or whatever.

Here is an example of a shit first post

This is shit because he sees himself as a victim. Life happens to him.

There are plenty more examples of shit first posts - however, most people slink away and delete them straight after. Look at the weekly OYS thread and you'll see it time and time again.

Regular posts

Once you get into a rhythm, you should have consistent areas that you're working on. Usually this revolves around reading, fitness, mental models, career and finance. It can be whatever you want it to be, but these are a reasonable place to start. Don't turn these into a checklist of things that you tick every week, or some dumb grading system. Again, post about shit that actually matters. Don't fill your post with a load of things you say you're 'going to do'. You aren't 'going to do' shit, so don't bother writing it.

If you want an idea on the mindset you should have, here's a few examples of good posts from people who are putting in the work weekly:

There are plenty others putting in the work as well, take a look through the weekly threads and observe.

You must be pretty good at OYS then Lucky

I’m alright. I’ve had my fair share of shitty posts. In fact, here are some of my worst:

So I know how to fuck it up.

Couple of closing tips

Don't delete your posts, even if you get shredded or banned for it. Learn from it. Don't reply to people's comments straight away, have a think about it first and take it in. If someone takes the time to give you a detailed breakdown, think long and hard about what they said. Tl;dr summaries - just fucking don't. Write about shit that matters. Don't write shit that isn't true. Don't distort your own narrative to put you in a better light. And don't care too much about anything anyone says, its the internet. None of this actually matters.