Insecurity in a relationship is asking to be broken up with.

Coolrubbings · 2020-06-15T16:56:23+00:00

True facts.

I had a strong, sexually charged relationship with a girl, and one day I opened up about my broken relationship with my dad(I didn’t even go into much detail).

Suddenly she doesn’t want to fuck anymore, suddenly she isn’t coming over much, and suddenly she thinks « we should go our separate ways ».

Suffer, whine and bitch in private, don’t let a woman see that side of you.

afoolforfools · 2020-06-15T17:09:47+00:00

Yep. My gf of over 2 years broke up with me when I faced my childhood trauma. We were best friends, great sex, traveled the world together, but this event shook me hard. I just needed to heal and have some support but that was too much for her. Then the way she treated me in the end, it became a blessing that we split. Now I know she's not someone I want to be with anyways. It's hard to watch that change take place and see them become so cold. She projects her anger to justify her shitty behavior. Oh well. Learned from it and I'm moving forward to better things.

Facelotion · 2020-06-15T18:54:38+00:00

Do you really want to spend your brief existence in this planet being afraid to be a complete human being because someone is going to walk out on you for crying?

Their opinion does not negate your previous and future accomplishments.

We should purge weakness. If you cry and she leaves, guess what? You just accomplished that task.

If we have to choose men crying or men bottling up and committing suicide then I think we can handle a few tears.

dynospectrum7 · 2020-06-15T17:09:11+00:00

In my experience it is even more true when you are dealing with someone who has their shit together. Been blabbing about this far too much, but my ex LTR was a doctor and had her shit together. I may have made less money than her, and on a looks scale, I had leveled up. But for 99% of the relationship I was the shit in her mind. Frame tight, called the shots, always made forward moves in life.

Foot came off the gas and got comfortable. Let out a string of beta bullshit aver the course of a week or so, and you know the rest.

jiahsun · 2020-06-15T19:17:11+00:00

Yeah my ex of a 3 year LTR seemed to always picked fights whenever I was sick.

Biggest test was when I nearly died from a brain tumor last summer and it became clear how little she sympathized. Two days after coming home from brain surgery she came to talk with me about how it traumatized HER to see me incapacitated and how she was doing ME a favor by staying around despite my condition. She didn't spend a cent. My brother took me to the hospital. My father flew in to nurse me. She just posted on social media about it.

I didn't let that bother me though and focused on myself. Managed to fully recovered from being a hemiplegic and things started going back to normal...then my grandma who raised me, along with my uncle, died violently in a car accident. Left town for a week for the funeral. Held it mostly together before the funeral, but seeing their bodies in person that day broke me. Day of the funeral she went out with her friends and found her next branch to swing to. Day I returned she ended things because I was "different" and "not the man she met"

and you know what? As heartbroken as I was at that moment I wasn't even mad, just disappointed. Because choosing between nursing a physically, emotionally, & financially hurt man (even temporarily) vs being shown the time of your life by chad is a no-brainer. Always relied on myself and knew better than to count on her but man, Dewey said it best "I expect nothing, and I'm still let down."

marowitt · 2020-06-15T17:04:02+00:00

Can also attest to this. I just broke of with my gf after 4+ years. A few months ago I let her see me at my weakest. Coincidence? I think not. You have to be a rock, the moment you crumble you lose your value.

ComplexProjection · 2020-06-15T17:30:59+00:00

To be honest TRP also recommend not LTR a girl with past trauma. So they (the girls) are taking the right decisions according to ourselves.

custoscustodis · 2020-06-15T17:07:39+00:00

[deleted]

acos12 · 2020-06-15T17:18:45+00:00

familiarity breeds contempt

its a pity you can never let your guard down

DonkStonx · 2020-06-15T18:30:34+00:00

100%. I’m successful af, good looking dude, as soon as I let a girl know that I have BP disorder and that it internally makes some days really hard for me, it’s bounce city. Women just want an easy lotto ticket, pragmatic.

vikingsfan345 · 2020-06-15T19:00:24+00:00

I had a strong conservative Christian girlfriend whom I dated for 3 years, and I opened up to her about all of my insecurities (I had a ton) and cried a ton and she still unconditionally loved and supported me. Heck, she still loved me and missed me a year after we broke up. My point is that there are some Christian women out there with rock solid morals who had strong relationships with their fathers that are out there and wouldn't act like this. I know others from college/church. As far as secular women go though, yea, you're probably right.

ToraChan23 · 2020-06-15T18:10:54+00:00

Why open up to a female “friend” if you know there is the threat that she couldn’t keep her mouth shut?

That’s a dumbass idea. She won’t care anyway, tell your homies or a male mentor who would actually give a damn.

2020-06-15T17:59:35+00:00

[deleted]

johncillo · 2020-06-15T19:17:09+00:00

Ok so I think I will get downvoted but here goes: You cannot repress emotions, they will come to bite you hard, I believe that is what happened on this story and so many more, you cannot say “be a rock and never get to feel” because we are fucking humans. The best thing you can do is have someone and somewhere to be vulnerable, for me, is my therapist, my brother and closest friends. However, you can also talk about these things with your LTR but from a place “I’m working on it”, making jokes to feel comfortable sharing that, however I would recommend not going into details with your LTR, deal with that on your own, everyone needs a hug and to be listen to, do it around people which you have a bond more solid than a rock and can see you who you really are. Your LTR is not your therapist or your mom, she’s there to fuck, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do

custoscustodis · 2020-06-15T18:05:24+00:00

Facts. Something like this happened to me last year. I was dating a woman, hitting it right, all good. She confided in me about her past, problems her adult children were having, etc. I was like, "Wow, someone I can open up to!" I told her how I could relate to her children and talked about some of my past issues and how I overcame them.

A week later, it was over. She said she "couldn't carry a grown man." So, yeah, I definitely opened up way too fast. I made the mistake of assuming she would want to hear about my problems because she had opened up about hers.

You can open up, but she has to be significantly invested (like married to you with your kids).

Definitely good advice to the gents, OP. Have to remain stoic with women at all times.

h0tB0xing · 2020-06-15T17:47:05+00:00

or a female friend you are not sexually involved with assuming she keeps her mouth shut.

OP are you fucking retarded?

Obediah_Stane · 2020-06-15T19:09:48+00:00

As much as women tell you they want you to open up and be vulnerable, they are actually repulsed by this behavior and they don't even know why. They may genuinely want you to open up, but as soon as you do, they start pulling away.

It's a very primal survival mechanism for women to do this. Why? Think about it. If you, as a man, collapse into tears over your past or anything else that bothers you, how are you expected to kill a man in defense of your woman? How are you going to conquer another tribe and protect your tribe if you can't even handle the fact that someone cut you off in traffic or your hours got cut at work?

Women instinctually move away from weak men because they want to survive. Back then, if they stuck with weak men, they'd be killed too. It's why in today's world, some US soldiers may kill some taliban fighters overseas, and all of a sudden their wives and coming onto them. Because they've established themselves as the alphas by literally killing the opposition, and the women are in survival mode for themselves and their kids.

This is why you should NEVER show weakness to your girl. No man is totally immune to all life's problems, however, complain to your male friends. Go out and have a drink, bitch about life with your pals, because they won't resent you for opening up. Women will. Especially your romantic partner.

Also, deep down, women want their men to be invincible and unshakeable. Be the rock in her hurricane, the anchor to her wild ship. You must hold down the fort, at ALL times. Give an inch, even once, and she'll begin to hamster and question whether you're a tough guy after all even if you have not made a single mistake the last 3 years. And when they move on, they'll forget you ever existed to them. In the blink of an eye.

TLDR: Don't ever show weakness to your girl. Ever. Not even once.

SoulRedemption · 2020-06-15T23:35:39+00:00

Women are attracted to "bad boys", not only cuz of the rush, or the hardcore exterior of a rock, it's cuz they want to fix something, to get in on the "inside" of that armour. Once you see what is behind that tall wall, things aren't impressive anymore.

Xercister · 2020-06-15T17:54:20+00:00

This is not all women

This... Not all women are like this. I will say this to the topic for guys who want to think about opening up.

I told my now current GF about the physical abuse, domestic violence, from my ex-wife in my past relationship to help her understand why I make certain decisions, however, I did not approach the situation in a manner of "woe is me" or anything like that. I expressed it to her in a fact of manner that I am not putting up with that type of BS. I guess it really just came down to the fact that I wasn't looking for support but more of just getting it off my shoulders while at the same time letting her know that I wont stand for it. My relationship with her is really strong and this hasn't been an issue.

At the end of the day, it's not what you tell her, but how you tell her. If she thinks you're a bitch, then she'll probably find a way out.

mrrooftops · 2020-06-15T19:52:16+00:00

When you have multiple bridges to choose from to cross a river every day, why would you keep using the one that starts wobbling in the current? To a woman with choices, the risks to her (in her mind) are the same. Your friend didn't lose frame only for a second, he was rocking in the wind for years.

p3n1x · 2020-06-15T17:11:02+00:00

or a female friend you are not sexually involved with

NO (this is beta as hell)

You go fuck that friend and you hope she talks. You don't "talk" to her about man problems. She has zero well-calculated thoughts or input about it (her advice will benefit her, not you). If she is a "friend", why would you fuck her up for the same reasons the original girlfriend left you for?? And perpetuate your cycle of self-bitchness?

Domebeers · 2020-06-15T21:24:09+00:00

"Don't cry in front of women" has been game knowledge for decades...

Wingflier · 2020-06-16T04:41:49+00:00

For fuck buddies, obviously there's no need to be sensitive or vulnerable or to even bring up your past.

But if you want to spend your life with someone, and have to hide a huge part of yourself and pretend to be stronger than you are, that is unsustainable.

If I really thought all women were like that I would just avoid LTRs completely.

HangTheGods · 2020-06-15T17:49:21+00:00

Let's be honest, it's not just women. How would you react if a man started crying in your arms and unloading about childhood abuse? Nobody likes a weak man - women don't like them and other men don't like them. For many people, especially sensitive guys, it feels too harsh to be true, but when you're a man it's worse than "nobody cares" - it's more like people feel real disgust and actively attack and/or abandon you if you show weakness.

If you need to physically vomit, you don't call up your friends and gf and then throw up all over their clothes and expect them to clean it up. Same thing emotionally - you find somewhere quiet, private and alone to do your emotional vomiting, then you clean up and return to the outside world where nobody is any the wiser that anything just happened.

Odd_String · 2020-06-15T17:24:05+00:00

Take heed, if you live in a capatlist society - you are expected to pay someone to hear you talk about your problems. No one wants to do it for free - not even your parents.

Milofan1999 · 2020-06-15T19:08:13+00:00

Honestly this is why I'm not open about my feelings with my gf I think should would leave me if I told about the negative and some of the positive stuff that goes through my head she wants me to be more honest about how I feel but I don't want her to view me as a different person

_nein_danke · 2020-06-16T08:57:59+00:00

But doesn't Rollo talk about 'alpha vulnerability'? I forget what it is exactly, but something like 'once you've proved yourself an Alpha, you can be sensitive/vulnerable and it gives the woman a dopamine kick that she was able to get the strong Alpha to drop his guard for a second'. Maybe I am wrong here though?

alphaonthecomeup · 2020-06-15T19:03:03+00:00

How do you recover from this ?

2020-06-16T01:38:28+00:00

"Women do not build, they move in".

Or as dick masterson says "women do not make decisions, they make options available"

Compeliminator · 2020-06-18T11:52:36+00:00

I just used opening up of my feelings to get a girl to dump me about a month ago. Works like a charm

white_girl_lover · 2020-06-15T21:37:35+00:00

Better to just go to a therapist since they legally can’t share your information and you can cry and bitch in privacy 100% confidential if you can afford it

CKDubs · 2020-06-16T04:49:16+00:00

I feel as if this is bad advice. If you're in a relationship and a girl leaves you because you opened up about something in your life, especially something that deep, the problem isn't you or your buddy, its her and your "strong, smooth, etc." relationship probably wasn't as strong and smooth as you thought it was. Problem is your buddy was with an immature woman, who probably was taken aback by your friend's story. She wasn't mature enough to handle a relationship that she might've had to do work in. Opening up about your insecurities isn't dropping your "frame", and if you have to hold on and bottle up what's going on, your frame really isn't that strong to begin with and its built on a lie. You're basically playing a character, trying to keep up the guise that you're mentally and emotionally stronger than what you really are for the sake of not appearing weak or insecure and "holding your frame". And you're trying to placate an idea that really isn't all that accurate. Women want a winner, someone they can look up to and follow in all aspects of life, not a robot.

19abto · 2020-06-16T04:53:53+00:00

Needed to see this. I was sexually abused as a kid-adolescence for years and always wondered how any woman I was involved with would react/view me if I told her about that part of my past. My gut always tells me to keep it to myself, which I always do/have done, and posts like this verify why I sensed it felt right to do so.

It’s unfortunate what your friend is going through. My hopes to him making it fully through on to the other side as a stronger, more enlightened man. Continuous living and learning - the beauty of life.

Thank you for sharing your post.

docent3434 · 2020-06-16T09:28:57+00:00

Thank your for this one OP.

Just a reminder that you should never, ever, take your foot from the pedal.

Woman can never love you the exast same way you want and soon as you forget the Disneyland fantasies, you will prevail.

wolftom01 · 2020-06-16T14:16:48+00:00

So many women (including my current gf) say they're attracted to men that open up about their insecurities when in reality they just want leverage in the relationship

Tungsten_Zill · 2020-06-15T17:43:29+00:00

Isn’t the fact of sharing life things with woman smth that strenghen the relatioships? I’ve heard a lot of stories were after man showed his true emotion, the female kind of became more linked with him.

gracieIsNotGay · 2020-06-16T02:59:27+00:00

??? I had feelings for my current boyfriend even before I comforted while he was crying, and they only grew from then on. It showed me how much he cared for the friend he was crying over, and humanized him to me.

It actually really bothered me that my ex didn’t feel safe and secure enough with me to cry in front of me. He never wanted me to be around when he was suffering, and that hurt more than anything else.

That’s what a real connection is - loving and caring about someone, and wanting to be there when they’re hurting and understand and ease that hurt. I’m sorry you hold the belief that that’s not how relationships work.

not_your_fan · 2020-06-15T19:31:35+00:00

As a woman, I want to say I am so sorry OP for your friend. Not all women are like that. She definitely wasn't the right one for him. I'm glad she showed her true colors before they got hitched but damn! If your friend ever needs a stranger's ear, I am here for him. I wont turn him away.

bone_shadows · 2020-06-15T19:36:53+00:00

idk there also had yi been other things, sure maybe shes a heartlesss cunt but honestly why doesnt the guy have a therapist for that shit if it fucked him up so bad. obviously the insecurities were much stronger than that one time, you expect us to really believe that?

Sonny_Luna · 2020-06-15T20:27:27+00:00

You are mistaken. It wasn’t just that one situation that caused her to end it. It was a culmination of multiple things.

My GF wouldn’t break up with me if I asked her to put a diaper on me and change it thrice a day.

It’s about the intangible aspect of it. It doesn’t matter how weak you appear one time if you’re usually very strong.

CareIsMight · 2020-06-15T21:05:40+00:00

I'm in a LTR of 3 years and this is what I'm most concerned about. My father recently died and shit's been rough. Most, if not all, of his assets will go to his partner I'm not blood related to. And as for my relationship feels like we are becoming increasingly detached but hanging on by a thread and there's hope. There's more to that weak side, like heavy mental health issues I've never brought up with her. Part of me feels like I need to tell her for the sake of honesty. F***, maybe it's because it's 7am and I'm restless and can't sleep, but I can sort of relate to your friend's story OP, it's a massive predicament and WAY harder maintaining a relationship and holding frame for 2-3 years, especially when they're almost in your private space 99% of the time at home, way harder than simply acting "Chad" for a few hours and picking up a girl for the night. Woman WILL judge you when you drop your frame so be careful what you say, but if she thinks you're strong enough to stick by then she would be understanding, but of course they can branch hop like that. There are going to be moments when you just can't cover those positive emotions because if you continue holding a frame you can't hold it'll create a fake toxic insincerity that just put your body under stress, especially if you're dealing with intense trauma. It's easier said than done faking heartfelt positivity when you're overwhelmed, and I'm sure it happens to the best of us. Of course, you can manage those insecurities personally and it may just be the case of hiding certain things about you from your partner/girlfriend so as they can continue looking up to you - in the same way you wouldn't tell your children you frequented the brothel whenever you felt lonely in your 20s (a hypothetical), simply anything that would bring disrespect to you in some way, shape or form.

Tek_Analyst · 2020-06-16T02:31:33+00:00

This also has a lot to do with SMV.

Hers vs Yours.

If yours is much higher then you can show weakness. You’re still a prize in her eyes. The kicker is, usually when you’re much higher you won’t actually care if she leaves. Which of course she feels.

Which leads us to abundance. . . You know the rest.

Stop trying to be a certain way to keep your girl, and instead simply stop worrying about keeping your girl. Be attractive enough to not care if she goes. When you do that it simply won’t matter anymore.

weimading · 2020-06-16T03:41:57+00:00

Aye, so true. Opened up recently and now she's no longer showing interest.

Mematism · 2020-06-16T03:42:57+00:00

Its evolution. women only have contempt for weak men.

They say we can show our feelings, but they always..always...despise us for it.

psypD · 2020-06-16T05:44:55+00:00

"It's best to talk about these things with a male friend, or a female friend you are not sexually involved with assuming she keeps her mouth shut. "

No No No don't do that shit either. Get a therapist. Dumping too much heavy shit on a friend is a great way to fuck a friendship. I once had to drop an old childhood friend for a few too many bullshit heavy "opening ups" . I felt like an asshole for a bit but I sure don't regret it for one second because him dumping his shit on me was an infinitely more asshole move. It is a hard red pill to swallow but nobody is required to be your emotional dump.

SKRedPill · 2020-06-16T07:13:01+00:00

Fear is a self fulfilling prophecy. So is confidence.

NPC1990 · 2020-06-16T12:50:27+00:00

Sounds like he dodged a bullet. Better than getting fucked later with divorce and child support.

ForeverKarlMalone · 2020-06-16T12:54:42+00:00

Hey man, you live and learn.

Next time your friend can avoid repeating the same mistake and learn to talk about insecurities only with his guy friends

ATLTeemo · 2020-06-16T12:58:55+00:00

I keep a journal and write out all my feelings and insecurities. I keep it far from my S/o. But before I did this, I remember I was going through an emotional time and she kept slowly moving away from me and in one argument she said "My mom said "You shouldn't have to be responsible for your partner's happiness". That rang to my soul and I stopped feeding into wanting my love language fulfilled, and started going cold. She then turned around and started going towards be more

Zech4riah · 2020-06-16T12:59:22+00:00

I'd say the time was due anyway. This was just a icing on the cake to quicken things up.

ebaymasochist · 2020-06-16T13:50:20+00:00

So here's a story about women..I walked past two women walking on a bike trail, talking about their trauma and emotions. Walk past them again going the other direction, 20 minutes later, still talking about their trauma and emotions.

What's the moral of the story? Women talk about this stuff all the time and have support with each other. It makes sense that they expect us to do the same.

If you are breaking down over some shit that happened years and years ago, you are telling her that you did not have friends for all that time or you were too retarded emotionally to get yourself sorted out.

It's 2020. Literally every television show made for adults makes some kind of reference to past trauma and shit like that. We're expected to be on the up and up when it comes to taking care of ourselves.

five_eight · 2020-06-16T15:38:14+00:00

"Always be honest"; "Just be yourself": Advice from women.

jhx264 · 2020-06-16T16:41:05+00:00

This is bullshit.

It's not the insecurities itself that caused her to leave, it's the change in the man who went from holding it back from her to suddenly a man who opens up and cries in women's arms.

Had he been open and honest with her to begin with she may have called it off way sooner and he could have not wasted so much time with an incompatible woman, and found a woman who was ok with who he genuinely is as a man.

Instead he hid his truth from her and she fell in love with a fake version of this man. It's totally reasonable for her to see this as a massive incongruity and lose interest.

The lesson here should not be "never open up about your insecurities but rather "be honest about who you are from the beginning."

GoodCam97 · 2020-06-16T18:55:17+00:00

This same exact story happened to me :( what absolute cunts

BigBoiBahmani · 2020-06-17T10:16:19+00:00

I call a woman who listens to my emotional bullshit as my emotional condom as they serve the said purpose. Women are much more sympathetic and much more caring in listening to my bullshit, and assist me hugely in not developing ONEitis. Although it is pathetic of me to want this, but hey what the fuck do I know. Important and I can't stress this enough, don't be on any level, emotionally, physically, "spiritually" attracted to this woman at all. 0. No. None. Never. She is a friend and you are a man for letting it stay that way. Anything more than a friend and you should label yourself as a coomer mind beta cunt. Be tight on this, if you want this. And trust me, it's good.

trollreign · 2020-06-18T21:23:12+00:00

Well, he dodged a bullet there at least.

If you had such trauma and it still affects you today, it's highly unlikely it doesn't come out at some point during a marriage. It's better that she called the wedding off than if she would divorce him after two children.

BigAlTrading · 2020-06-18T23:41:36+00:00

Doesn't sound like a big loss. She would have just divorced him later. If she can't handle a relationship with a real person then...next. Dating is fun anyway.

VultureGamer · 2020-06-19T16:41:10+00:00

Don't generalise like that, redpill is not about negativity. Your observations are right, his female partner fucked up, no excuses, but your conclusions are wrong.

Andyive · 2020-06-15T17:21:16+00:00

My gf is an exception, I opened up to her literally not a week into our relationship. Been together for 2 years, still strong

pacjax · 2020-06-15T23:48:30+00:00

Dont get mad at women for not being able to emotionally handle hardships we face/have faced as men. theyre simply not built to be able to handle baggage like that.

Its just like how we dont want single moms or rape victims, we dont want that baggage.

2020-06-15T22:02:13+00:00

I'm a woman and my boyfriend has opened up to me about his insecurities alot (I mean, almost daily for a while). I never wanted to leave... I did want him to see how he had no reason to be insecure, but I fully understood his insecurities because I have insecurities too.

What is maybe more weird is if he waited 4 years to open up to me finally, or to tell me anything vulnerable. I told my boyfriend something very vulnerable about me on date 2, he told me many vulnerable things right away as well.

Bayarea_guy · 2020-06-16T14:20:29+00:00

We need more details. May be the relationship suffered from other issues before this.

Virtusvitium · 2020-06-15T22:26:12+00:00

Protip: always go if girls that you are their first at everything.

pacjax · 2020-06-15T23:45:53+00:00

u can cry in front of women about loved ones,or a sad movie etc, but u cant cry under any circumstances about anything else (in front of them)

Title	Insecurity in a relationship is asking to be broken up with.
Author	h0tB0xing
Upvotes	725
Comments	179
Date	15 June 2020 04:53 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	TheRedPill
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/700930
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/h9k2sy/insecurity_in_a_relationship_is_asking_to_be/