Why did my wife cheat on me with a younger man?

Psychological_Radish · 2018-12-09T06:22:38+00:00

Why with a 19 year old of all people?

Well you said it yourself - you married your HS sweetheart. She probably feels now that she 'missed out' on optimizing hypergamy during her peak sexual years, so she gets with a 19 YO in an attempt to recapture her lost youth. This isn't exactly unheard of; Rollo has written about this cougar mentality.

AscensionExperiments · 2018-12-09T06:19:53+00:00

Lot of good answers already, but I'll add-

"new relationship energy" is a term used on infidelity subreddits. It's a thing. Your wife probably got bored of you because you were steady and reliable and safe- she began to crave a bit of a roller coaster. Like cheating on her husband with some shitty teenager. A lot of women absolutely cleave to men with BPD- it's shitty but it's how humans are.

Get a better lawyer- how the fuck does SHE cheat, get the kids, and all your money? I know marriage laws are completely cucked but there's gotta be something to be done. Best of luck, bro.

Nergaal · 2018-12-09T06:49:53+00:00

You got screwed by your lawyer

NolanKnowstheTruth · 2018-12-09T06:03:14+00:00

First of all, get a better lawyer. There's no reason she cant work. Secondly, they are cohabiting so in your state, how long before they are common law?...you see where I am going with this? Your wife cheated because she is a weak, selfish cunt that caved when some guy showed her some interest. It could have just as easily been a 50 year old. The relationship with the young kid, wont last, obviously so you can expect her to come back at some point. Be ready for that.

Japhia7 · 2018-12-09T05:59:46+00:00

She is fully responsible for cheating on you, but understand Hypergamy gives absolutely no fucks about:

The amount of relational equity you accrue throughout the relationship.
How many kids you have
How good a provider you are

Etc..

It's the Feminine Imperative that allows for her to act so shitty and still be supported.

Get in better shape, become more Game aware. Always act as if your best days are ahead of you, because they are. Internalize an Alpha mindset.

Your sexual market value is most likely higher than hers, take advantage of it and put yourself out there. If you put these things into practice she'll see what you turned yourself into and regret her stupid choice.

Read The Rational Male: Positive Masculinity

vicious_armbar · 2018-12-09T09:00:46+00:00

how the fuck is it fair if she is the one that cheated and you still need to support them? What the actual fuck?

Lambdal7 · 2018-12-09T08:02:10+00:00

We stopped having sex, she started paying more attention to the kids then me. I felt like i was living with a stranger.

ApeGoesBananas · 2018-12-09T11:58:20+00:00

woman cheats

man divorces her because she cheated

she gets the kids and child support

What fucking retard laid down those rules?

Grantevans1987 · 2018-12-09T06:08:08+00:00

Human nature. Don’t blame yourself.

zestytacoz · 2018-12-09T10:06:06+00:00

Why with a 19 year old of all people?

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

AshyLarry27 · 2018-12-09T06:10:08+00:00

Most guys take a while to truly understand why women drop them like a dime, and then need to compare themselves to the next thing she took. To better help you understand this, I'll use some metaphors.

Lets start with food. What is your favorite food? Let's say steak for the example. What if I told you for the rest of your life, you're now ONLY allowed to eat steak. Steak for breakfast, lunch, dinner. At first this sounds like a steak-lover's dream. I mean, it's your favorite food, why wouldn't this be the best thing in the world? Now lets be honest here, you know where this is going to go. If this were to happen, you'd be sick of this ridiculous scenario in a week or two. You're going to want variety because as humans, we naturally can't just stick to one mundane thing forever. You'll start to eye the juicy Cheese Burger, you'll salivate over Pizza, cravings for things like your favorite deli sandwich or home cooked meal come into play. Steak didn't stand a chance. And it's not even like Steak changed. Steak didn't just start tasting worse, or coming in smaller portions, he just overstayed his welcome.

This metaphor works so well because this is us with anything. Take music. I bet your favorite song today isn't the same favorite song as a year ago, or when you were 15, or even when you were 8. I bet you played some of these songs so many times, your brain just got tired of the beats, tempo, lyrics, the whole thing and you needed a new one.

NOW. Here's the question. In any scenario where you got tired of eating some favorite food, or playing some favorite song, or anything related to this. The next replacement, I bet you didn't care if the quality was absolutely better. You could have McDonald's instead of Steak for the 50th time in a row, and just to eat something DIFFERENT felt good than having steak, AGAIN. I bet you could say the same for some of your various different favorite songs.

It wasn't about the other guy being 19. He was just the next flavor of the month. He was different. She will curb him at some point for new dick too.

Chadster113 · 2018-12-09T06:44:03+00:00

Damn bro that must hurt. sorry

lukeyj_gtfc · 2018-12-09T11:41:38+00:00

Does he go down on her while you don't? Is he bigger down there? More enthusiastic, excited? Who knows, but he isn't you. He's new exciting and different.

She'll get bored and eventually regret her choice. She may even come crawling back until the next branch looks tempting to swing to. Focus on you and your kids. What are the right choices in that? Make them and commit to your actions.

intoofrey · 2018-12-09T13:29:36+00:00

If u had pictures of her infidelity u should have gotten the kids and she should be paying you

CharlesChadworth · 2018-12-09T05:33:07+00:00

Sluts b sluts. Never try to understand them. Try and find a better version or her. Boy toy will get over having old pussy and will seek fresh cunt like a shark to blood.

He WILL dump her, for a fact. However, by then you will have found a better woman.

Mildly_Sociopathic · 2018-12-09T06:50:28+00:00

Go get a lawyer and get your kids back you idiot, why are you whining about this?

[deleted] · 2018-12-09T16:45:30+00:00

Most likely if she comes from a good family / 95% chance -> You stopped dating her. You were no longer attractive to her. You were arguing too much. One of those things.

Women who are fulfilled in a relationship don't cheat.

As someone who was just recently cheated on, it sucks, it's hard, learn from it, don't make the same mistake again.

The other 5% possibility is that commitment doesn't mean much to her, but that doesn't sound like the case here.

This most likely was preventable / your fault / could happen again. Take responsibility do your best to learn and move forward in other relationships.

Wish you the best

Velebit · 2018-12-09T06:25:42+00:00

You didnt really describe yourself or her, het rrd flags or the boy. This is good material for call in with Stefan Molyneux.

BobLordOfTheCows · 2018-12-09T12:35:49+00:00

Move to a different country. You won't have to pay her a dime afterwards. It's unfair but you need to start anew. Best of luck.

genethedog · 2018-12-10T00:15:51+00:00

Do you know those men that start working, work for a few months (usually until they can afford whatever it was they wanted/needed) and then quit or started fucking up until they got fired? Women are the same with men.

In their mind, we are a job that needs to be done until they get what they want, then they quit or start slacking off and it's only a matter of time.

In other posts you said she's 36. She already has 3 kids so she's probably not itching for another. You provided for her while she needed it. I'm guessing the youngest is probably around 4. After a childs first 4 years, they need mom much less and are beginning school. Essentially, her job is done, now she feels she deserves a vacation.

The 19 year old is proof positive that she's still basically a teenager in her mind. She wants to go 're live' her youth. Its not as if she left for a guy with more money. She's having 'fun' now and you are on the hook. There are no short term consequences for her. It will hurt the kids of course, but she has convinced herself that she knows whats best for them to justify any decision she makes to avoid guilt/shame and obligation. As far as she's concerned she's a great mom. Do fully achieve this effect, she will make you out to be a tyrant. To a teenager, the mature working adults in the house are just tyrants with rules and policies and procedures that are purely arbitrary (in their mind). They feel like the routine and rules are there to just make their life hell. They want to run wild and free and will rebel against any expectations and responsibilities.

In the 19 year olds mind, he's banging a MILF, she does EVERYTHING to and for him to get him hooked on her. And he is hooked. He doesn't see the responsibility she is luring him into.

This one isn't going to last long. Even if he's in college, he's still got a few years to go and he's going to feel the weight of having a single mom with 3 kids crushing down on him.

Once this fling is over, she's will find herself in a barren desert. There is no man her age looking to support a single mom with 3 kids.

She will be crawling back. Not that you want this. She has already destroyed all your trust, and with a 19 year old too... she's trying so hard to feel like she's 'still got it' and she's trying to convince herself that you're boring and a tyrant. Even with child support and government support, living on her own is going to be very difficult. She will be broke as fuck and then all of a sudden her mind will start to wander back to how good she had it. Of course, she will probably never say that. Even if she does, it will be a blip on the radar. She will still want to avoid accountability for her actions so even if she apologies to you (in private), she will tell herself and her friends and family that going back to you is 'the best thing for the kids'.

Once a woman has kids, they will be the justification for every decision they make and she will use them for sympathy and charity. When she's hungry she'll say she can't afford to feed the kids properly. Of course it will be your fault.

If she wants money to go out, she will start acting tired and broke to her mom and dad who will offer to take the kids off her hands (for free) and that will save her baby sitter money for the bar.

Everything she wants can be hidden behind the children. She can go to the food bank and once she says she has 3 kids, they will load her up and she won't have to buy groceries that week.

Then she will start finding extra curricular expenses. "timmy needs money for soccer shoes, send me $150 or you're a deadbeat." If you just go buy the shoes they will be 'wrong' or 'cheap' in some way (translated: you're cheap and controlling and 'that's why she left')

Even if you can 'prove' she cheated. It doesn't really matter. The court (most likely) isn't going to relieve you of your 'duty'. Of course, this relieves her of hers, but "think of the children!"

If you go 'no contact' and ignore her: "I need xyz and he is never there for the children"

If you are trying to see the kids: "He won't leave me alone, he's a stalker and he's harassing me! I need a protective order!"

If she comes back (and you let her) and you hold ALL THE CARDS (money): "He's financially abusing me!"

If you move on, the next woman (because AWALT) will be mad that you have to stay in contact with your ex and have to pay her every month (less money for new girl). She won't have empathy for you. She's not going to listen and support you about your ex. Once she has the details she needs, she doesn't want to hear you and support you. "All you do is talk about your ex! I can't handle this!"

Sorry mate. I really am.

Stagnant_Flow · 2018-12-09T05:33:39+00:00

Why wouldn't she? Really think about it. What reasons did you give her not to? Did you stay in the same or better physical shape then when she met you? or did you let yourself go and get a beer gut? Did you keep working toward all your dreams you had back in high school? or did you become stagnant in a 9-5 desk job? Did you go out and learn/do new interesting things? or did you come home and sit in front of the TV every night? Think about this too. She can leave you for the new exciting "boytoy" and still have you to pay the bills.

She did it because she can with out any negative consequences and you didn't give her a reason not to.

spider_1337 · 2018-12-09T10:28:29+00:00

For the same reason you decided to eat that bacon burger over a salad. Pleasure. Its pure instinct thats part of all human nature.

stylesm11 · 2018-12-09T12:35:07+00:00

How did you let her get the kid when SHE cheated???

alt41510 · 2018-12-10T00:23:25+00:00

Him being 19 has nothing to do with it. She wants other dick. Couldve been a 40 year old for fucks sake. 19 year old was just in right place, right time.

trele_morele · 2018-12-09T15:07:30+00:00

I wouldn't have signed the divorce papers. Not without her aknowledging her infidelity and making her pay YOU instead. OP happily gave up his bargaining power thinking he was doing the right thing.

MasterChris725 · 2018-12-09T05:59:36+00:00

Because you let her cheat on you.

Edit: jokes aside, a lot of women have no concept of loyalty.

Killmepls2018 · 2018-12-09T11:44:46+00:00

Evolution doesnt care about your feelings. Evolution cares only about the strongest and most successful. Her primal instinct werent fulfilled with your betaness. Its just how it is. I know its hard and you need a lot of time to comprehend what happened. But dont expact any justice or "karma" from this world because no one cares about you. Either you decide to fight for the things you want or you just give up. It doesnt matter in the greater picture of human existence. Your ex-wife wasnt attracted to you anymore because you were not the archetypical alpha she craves. If you really want to understand her thought/instinct process lool up the sidebar theory part. There is everything you need to know.

TravisScottNL · 2018-12-09T07:38:43+00:00

Awalt

mysteryspoN · 2018-12-09T09:43:02+00:00

Hypergamy

Neil1398 · 2018-12-09T12:19:17+00:00

Alright I have a question a need a little help with applying red pill in this situation.

So guys the guy she cheated on was a 19 year old. The only answer that makes sense to me is the fact that her and op we’re high school sweethearts. Because of this she didn’t experience sleeping around at a younger.

What I don’t get is why it’s hypergamy.

Doesn’t that only mean that she would look for someone more alpha. Not saying the teen couldn’t be alpha but let’s say he’s not for instance. How is that hypergamy?

This supposed alpha is only probably providing her good sex. While op had way more to provide. Women want providers.

Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think it’s hypergamy and more or less that women lusting over young sex. If that’s hypergamy then i was thinking about the term in a very limited sense.(financially)

MrSlommy7 · 2018-12-09T13:19:17+00:00

Did you not use those photos of her cheating when you settled the divorce in court?

777views · 2018-12-09T17:01:00+00:00

This will get lost in the comments but dude I just wanted to say sorry man. I know saying that probably doesn’t help at all but just forget about her. A chick who cheats is the fucking worst and not worth even remotely thinking about. Focus on YOURSELF and YOUR KIDS. Get a better lawyer also man..absolutely unbelievable that she is getting the better deal. Look on the bright side though? Hey now you are single my man...work on yourself, hit the gym, have fun and hey maybe a sweet looking young thang comes around? Everything works out dude, don’t get too caught up in it.

306westernfront · 2018-12-09T17:29:56+00:00

Smells like orc mischief to me.

red_matrix · 2018-12-09T17:49:47+00:00

Classic Alpha Fucks and Beta Bux. Read “The Rational Male” by Rollo Tomassi..

jacksarmy · 2018-12-09T18:46:19+00:00

In your situation I'd burn my life to the ground, no chance I'd be supporting her, I'd just walk out of the job, claim mental health issues, go off the grid, work for cash

chazthundergut · 2018-12-09T19:43:40+00:00

She is a flawed human who gets horny and has sexual needs. Which you were no longer capable of satisfying.

It's the same reason I'll be sleeping with 23 year olds when I'm old and married.

faissaloo · 2018-12-09T20:47:57+00:00

There is no longer any social structure in place to mitigate female hypergamy. She can swap dicks with very little immediate consequence.

BlasphemousBlood · 2018-12-10T03:07:37+00:00

Her and her new boytoy live together, neither of them work and i'm stuck supporting them

How the fuck is that possible? Go to court, show the judge the picture your friend took of your ex wife and her boy toy.

civilizedfrog · 2018-12-10T09:12:57+00:00

Let us be real. Are you the same man when you met her? How long were your work hours? How much weight did you gain, fatty? Did you apply dread? Were you cavemanning her? Did you act like a man, aka have frame, during the relationship?

Don't worry OP. You are now a man at the rock bottom. The only place you can go now is up. Go monk mode and work on increasing your SMV. Lift, learn game and have fun with younger and hotter chicks. Don't get married anymore. Your whore of an ex will come back when she finds out that she was nothing but a piece of post-wall ass. DO NOT TAKE HER BACK. She will play all kinds of mind games and use your children to get back. It will be painful for you but stay strong.

The old you is dead. The new and the best you is born.

everythangspeachie · 2018-12-10T18:11:39+00:00

Because women like younger men, i banged some guys wife when i was that age and i understand why they do it. She just finds younger guys more attractive. Shes probably tired of her life and tired of you, it happens.

InformalCriticism · 2018-12-09T08:25:41+00:00

You're asking why instead of what do do next. You're liable to become violent, still. If 3 months hasn't calmed you down, maybe it'll be 3 years. Sometimes the bad behavior of women does irrevocable damage. It's astonishing nothing they do is illegal. From killing babies to indenturing male slaves for their broods, they just do it and a court enforces their deeds.

Whisper · 2018-12-09T05:58:48+00:00

because women are sluts

L0neWolfAlpha · 2018-12-09T13:43:03+00:00

You have a post 4 months old that your wife cheated on you now here we are again 4 month later and she cheated. Either fake or you deserved everything you had coming

XxInnerRagexX · 2018-12-09T08:09:25+00:00

Is he better looking? If so there’s your answer

Women are always looking for someone better unless they’ve hit the wall and can’t do better

PubliusVirgilius · 2018-12-09T12:27:43+00:00

This will answer all your questions, man: https://youtu.be/_0rczdj_ngM

tacticalinfernape · 2018-12-09T13:12:05+00:00

what else did you expect ? you expected a happy wife , happy life . you are an idiot . you let yourself into the trap . now deal with it . i would never marry because i know that everybody thinks that he has found a unicorn . oh boy , they can't be any more wrong .

suckisuckilongtime · 2018-12-09T14:06:54+00:00

She cheats on you, takes the kids and you pay alimony! Honestly fuck that shut system is rigged I’m never getting married.

Best_Chorizo · 2018-12-09T14:14:00+00:00

That's a fake

FrankVillain · 2018-12-09T14:55:57+00:00

Read TRP materials. At some point you fucked up and she started drifting away.

At the end she is the selfish cunt but you could have avoided that. It's your fault but it's not your fault that you weren't prepared, the vast majority of men aren't.

Reformed65 · 2018-12-10T03:26:56+00:00

How old are the 3 children?

You need to get a better lawyer, as other commentors have suggested, you will save far more now by reducing the amount of money you will pay them. Look for alternatives, there are sure ways you could revisit the case or open up an appeal.

As for why she did this, women, just as men, are flawed. Therefore, she made a mistake, yes. It's a mistake she will regret, but as far as the divorce has happened, she is not your concern no longer, you are now absolved of all responsibities, she may argue that you have to support her as she is the mother of your kids, this is not and should not be a valid excuse to accepted on your part.

I'm inexperianced this field, but I encourage you to keep your head up and look forward, you have to do it.

MRPFuckMe1 · 2018-12-09T15:43:56+00:00

The answer is pretty obvious to anyone that digests the sidebar.

Take solace in the fact that there’s no way it’ll work out long term with this 19 year-old KID, who at some point will realize he doesn’t have to be a cuck to get laid.

Unfortunately, you’ll probably have to deal with whatever fallout results from that break-up.

FlourishingSurvivor · 2018-12-09T17:06:28+00:00

It's amusing how even after she cucked you with some greenhorn idiot, you paying time and attention to her and let toughts of her to live with you and make impact upon your being. She is a failed female, not respecting you and viewing her children as an asset and meatshield. It's disgusting for male who respect himself to soil oneself even with thoughts of this creature. End of the line. You should have total informational and emotional sanitation from her.

Get a lawyer, knock out alimony from these lazy animals, make DNA tests for kids. Bad parents? Not enough banging in young years? Her toxic "friends"? Who cares for it - you should care for your rightful money and children (if they are yours).

dutchgguy · 2018-12-09T17:14:53+00:00

Where I live, if someone cheated on you, and afterwards starts living together, you don't need to pay anything for her, just for the kids. Consider yourself lucky, she probably doesn't know about this. Contact your lawyer or find out if this is also where you live.

opper-hombre1 · 2018-12-09T17:39:18+00:00

This is the shit that scares me. I want a wife, and I want kids someday, but fuck. This shit is SAD

bob13bob · 2018-12-09T17:54:22+00:00

You married the wrong woman. Try to get a better divorce lawyer and better women.

Goal10der · 2018-12-09T18:27:05+00:00

Hindsight is always 20-20, and I don’t know your schedule obv, but man, take your son to little league. Important he gets that father son bonding. Sounds like she was playing daddy more than she wanted to

A_solo_tripper · 2018-12-09T19:32:58+00:00

There are a million possible reasons why she cheated. You can ask her, you can ask him, you can speculate, you can allow us to speculate, or you can just move on.

Andgelyo · 2018-12-09T19:55:45+00:00

The hoe was too young to settle down you dumb beta nigga

Bedtimeshine · 2018-12-09T19:59:05+00:00

Yeh dude. She cohabitats with another guy and neither of them work. And he’s fucking young and left his job to fuck somebody abdvthis is what’s best for the child. Dude you need to take this back to court. Go talk to a lawyer about your situation.

xddm2653 · 2018-12-09T22:20:25+00:00

Take her to court. You still got pictures/proof of the cheating? Make sure you got proof that they're still together, and the fact that their relationship started while you were married.

Now hire the most pro-father lawyer you can find and spend all your energy nullifying all your payment arrangements to her. Go for custody if you really wanna even the playing field

waynebradysworld · 2018-12-09T23:35:00+00:00

Quit your job and file bankruptcy

jevjake787 · 2018-12-12T02:07:04+00:00

I was plating a 35y/o married woman not long ago. She was separated but not divorced. I’m 27 average looking. One day, at my place, after we had sex she went to take a shower and left her cellphone on my bed table. I heard it vibrated and I looked over it. You know the notifications option where you can preview the message on the lock screen? She had left it on. I saw this other dude texting her something along the lines of: Baby when you get those ‘tangas’ (g-strings in spanish) on.. your ass.. I’m gonna do this and that.., etc.

That’s when I realized man this hypergamy thing is too real. She was recently separated and was already jumping on a couple of younger guys’ meat (including myself). I managed to act like I hadn’t seen anything and after she left my place I soft nexted her. Don’t want to catch an STD or something..

Edit: she also had 3 kids with her husband. I kind of feel bad for the guy now.

Kenny_Twenty · 2018-12-09T14:43:58+00:00

Cheating is fun as fuck. If you become boring to her it will become a clash between her desire for some excitement and her integrity. The thing is, she will need more than adequate integrity to restrain herself if you become boring enough.

throwitdownman · 2018-12-09T18:13:14+00:00

Went through your post history. I only wished you visited this sub months earlier. The comments over at the other subs where they:

1) Were so distracted with a teddy bear they made 0 effort to reply to your question.

2) Blamed you for being selfish while your ex-wife was ‘family first’. By the way, seems victim blaming is okay so long as it’s targeted towards a male?

3) Gas-lighted you into thinking things were not in a perpetual decline into shit.

Good luck, and get a better lawyer.

MrSlommy7 · 2018-12-09T13:18:47+00:00

Did you not use those photos of her cheating when you settled the divorce in court?

MrSlommy7 · 2018-12-09T13:18:58+00:00

Did you not use those photos of her cheating when you settled the divorce in court?

MrSlommy7 · 2018-12-09T13:19:10+00:00

Did you not use those photos of her cheating when you settled the divorce in court?

CHarleq · 2018-12-09T23:28:30+00:00

You will never figure out why. Even if she told you, it would make no sense to you. Give up on exerting energy in figuring out the motives.

Spend some energy trying to understand that you are looking at this situation short-term. That picture in your mind of a super happy ex wife with her boyfriend and your kids? It's not reality. Or at least not for long. Any idiot can date someone a few times. Any idiot can hide their bad habits for a little while. The part that will really bake your noodle is trying to figure out how anyone can not see the value in knowing someone intimately for many years, seeing their faults, and accepting and loving them despite it.

It'll take your ex years to figure this out, and when she does, what will her dating candidate pool look like?

[deleted] · 2018-12-09T09:24:07+00:00

Because you are an idiot that's why.

Title	Why did my wife cheat on me with a younger man?
Author	DirectMaximum
Upvotes	195
Comments	232
Date	December 9, 2018 5:19 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/a4idhk/why_did_my_wife_cheat_on_me_with_a_younger_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/why-did-my-wife-cheat-on-me-with-a-younger-man.70153 https://theredarchive.com/post/70153