Not married but what is the ideal level of control the man should be exercising?

I’ve seen Christian families destroyed by the husband trying to tame his wife and control her after he discovered her cheating which resulted in divorce.

I’m not sure if this problem could have been averted if proper vetting was involved and/if the husband was top tier.

When is control good and when is it bad?

I know you can’t fully control someone’s actions and they will do what they crave regardless. But what can we do to not be in this position?