Becoming Interested will make you Interesting

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August 1, 2020

If you decided to write down your thoughts for one whole day, 95% of those thoughts would be about you:

I want a hamburger.

I gotta take a shit.

I should probably go mow the lawn.

What time is my barber appointment?

Et cetera Et cetera you get the point. Everyone in the world is thinking "Me. Me. Me."

With this in mind, everyone is also dying to tell someone about themselves. Anyone. Who doesn't like talking about themselves? Why do people buy Rolex watches, rent Lamborghinis and wear Gucci belts? Because they're expensive and they want everyone to know how successful and/or cool ME is. Now there are the few who appreciate the design of Rolex, the speed of Lamborghinis and the style the gucci belts add to their wardrobe, but that's for another discussion.

Now think about the last time you saw anything over the top like a Rolex, Lamborghini, etc. You thought , "damn that's an interesting (insert nice ass gadget, toy, or buttplug here)," and moved on with your (MY) day.

The truth is that nobody gives a shit. Nobody is constantly thinking about the guy they saw with the Rolex at Whole Foods or the Lamborghini driver at the cars and coffee. This should be a well known fact if you've been lurking here for a while, but if you're new then you should know that nobody but your friends, family and maybe your dog gives a shit about you.

So flip the script. Start developing a genuine interest in people and you will be amazed. Go ask the dude with the Rolex what drove him to buying such an expensive watch and observe his face light up and his thoughts regurgitate as if they've been sitting in his head waiting all day to come out. I've had some of the best conversations of my life by simply being interested and wanting to know more about someone else.

How does this make you interesting you ask?

- By wanting to know more, you develop an open mind to learning more, and knowledge gives you the tools and resources to be an interesting person.

- People will see you as someone "different." Not a lot of people are genuinely interested in others which is what makes this mind shift so remarkable, along with the fact that people absolutely love talking about themselves.

If you haven't read it already, "How to Win Friends and Influence People," by Dale Carnegie was where this post got it's inspiration from. I highly recommend it for anyone and everyone.

Develop this interest but expect nothing in return. By doing this, you're becoming interested for the sake of wanting to know more about everyone, and people pick up on it. It's very easy to recognize when someone is talking to you because they want something from you, so expect nothing but a great conversation with someone new.


Post Information
Title Becoming Interested will make you Interesting
Author St31nway
Upvotes 773
Comments 69
Date 01 August 2020 11:39 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit TheRedPill
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[–]Bboytunero223 points224 points  (12 children) | Copy

Nice post... Too much knowledge shared on this sub it's crazy.

[–]mega_kook140 points141 points  (10 children) | Copy

wE nEeD tO bAn tHiS sUb iT's sO sExIsT !

[–][deleted] 48 points49 points  (9 children) | Copy

I don’t even get why people think this sub is so misogynistic. It’s literally just men strategizing ways to find success in the dating / hookup scene. People treat it like it’s some kind of hate subreddit.

[–]Psycholephant58 points59 points  (1 child) | Copy

Because it dares to go against the "All women are queens" narrative

[–]Vynxe-Vainglory13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Mostly because of the cringe-inducing things that guys in the anger phase tend to say here, but also because of the general lack of giving a fuck here; especially in regards to political correctness.

[–]duckfuckler12 points13 points  (4 children) | Copy

Because the mindset this particular strategy requires is one with "offensive" tenets

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy


[–]duckfuckler3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I think that's sugarcoating it, I could hardly give a fuck about some cunt getting pissy at me for my beliefs but that's just not the truth, we are misogynists, but so what

[–]RedBloodHunter4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Nah, we're not misogynists. TRP philosophy just treats women like women, we understand them for what they are. The thing is, reality is contrary to the feminist narrative, which seems to be under the impression that women are just men with vaginas, so when we point out this isn't the case, its perceived as sexist.

[–]duckfuckler2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ok then, my mistake for playing into their definitions and rules. Still our views on women are negative and we see them as inferiors, which is the reality. I'm a very hateful person so I'd like to consider myself a misogynist, I guess the best detective would be the one with most hate for criminals so I become good at things by hating them, I hate running for example because I have back problems but I still force myself to go through with it and keep up the pace with the group, I make myself hate it so I don't let it stop me and I become better at it, which is good for me

[–]RedKepler87 points88 points  (1 child) | Copy

Go ask the dude with the Rolex what drove him to buying such an expensive watch and observe his face light up

This can be done to anyone. In any situation. It's perfect at defeating approach anxiety as well, but not just for the 'women game', but also at networking and making friends/allies.

I love just talking (*listening) to people about themselves. You can often brighten up a stranger's day just by giving them that brief spike of interest another human can provide, and it lets you often learn something or a new angle to a subject you have never even considered.

Best thing is that you control your attention. If it becomes boresome, you can almost always politely excuse yourself to leave or change the conversation, and usually the fact you just gave a simple fuck to someone is enough that they're not at all offended.

On the otherhand, you can direct your attention at the more interesting, rewarding to listen to people.

[–]Keith_Valentine79 points80 points  (0 children) | Copy

Actually a bit better than some of the shit I been seeing here lately. Thanks man, good advice. Interest and curiosity are great qualities.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon127 points128 points  (22 children) | Copy

Start developing a genuine interest in people

Up to a point.

How to Win Friends and Influence People," by Dale Carnegie was where this post got it's inspiration from. I highly recommend it for anyone and everyone.

I've read it.

The problem is that noone really likes or appreciates people who take an interest in them. They like the ATTENTION, but it actually degrades your attractiveness because the listener is like the onlyfan: they are providing attention or money or drinks, but not generating their own interest.

Be careful showing too much interest in people: you can be asking them to lead, you can be taking from them in ways you can't see, and you are demonstrating negative value by being more interested than interesting.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly my thoughts. The idea is to be high SMV and extremely interesting yourself, so that women themselves are curious about the mystery that you are. Then, show interest in them and don't disclose any bit of the mystery and there you go

[–]1St31nway[S] 48 points49 points  (3 children) | Copy

They like the ATTENTION

I haven’t thought about it like that.

Thanks for the response.

[–]armenian_UwUcide42 points43 points  (2 children) | Copy

I reckon a small exchange, perhaps? Get them talking, and, if there is no attention invested back, drop them like a mosquito that just got bitch slapped.

[–]ZeppKfw11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think that's how it's supposed to be. It takes two to tango right?

[–]Casanova-Quinn12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. There’s a limit this strategy. If after a while you’re still the one asking questions and keeping the conversation going then it’s time to eject. You’re only making the other person feel above you at that point.

[–]trollreign8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is an important point. When it comes to business or making friends, I think this kind of small talk can be very useful and the post contains good advice.

When it comes to women, doing this is better than not talking to them at all, but it immediately puts you in a position where she is the one worth talking about and you are the one who wants to "learn from her". This can easily backfire.

[–]nofappist2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Depends on your frame. You want her to talk about herself enough that you can judge whether she has a shot at a spot on the roster or not. But yeah, eject in time before your attention becomes a commodity.

[–]idonthavtitsbcimaguy2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

The problem is that noone really likes or appreciates people who take an interest in them.

I anecdotally disagree. The most memorable conversations I've had in recent years were those with people who genuinely were interested in what was going on in my life. And I will always have a level of respect for these people.

They like the ATTENTION, it actually degrades your attractiveness because the listener is like the onlyfan: they are providing attention or money or drinks, but not generating their own interest.

You can show interest in somebody without subliminally asking them to lead. These conversations aren't one way. Also, attractiveness? It's not the women I'm listening to, it's the men. Attractiveness is irrelevant.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Attractiveness is irrelevant.


[–]SoulRedemption1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is the problem. All of a sudden you are the guy they talk about everything to but they do not value your output. With some people, you just become a door mat

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


Listening to women makes you a doormat, not a player.

[–]BrightVultus1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Any advice on how to become more interesting ?

[–]KnightBlue22 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have hobbies. Care about yourself and respect yourself.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do more things that interest you

[–]jaguarundi_0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Would this go for both women and men? Do men like women less if they show an interest in them?

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Would this go for both women and men?


Do men like women less if they show an interest in them?


[–]jaguarundi_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That’s good to hear! I show an interest in people because I am genuinely interested in them.

[–]harbinger19450 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Up to a point.

Thank fucking god.

The way I see it, americans are extremely open people, they don't mind talking with people, and will generally talk about utter non-sense just to chat. Its also heavily dependent on some people are more open, can talk about anything and people don't find it weird..and here I am a fucking certified yeah it would end well for me.

Especially here in Czech republic, if I came up to a guy to talk about what motivated him to get watches(lets face it almost nobody owns rolex here)..well not only that I would probably get a "are you gay" speech or just flat out punch in the face.

In my country you can talk about shit like that in pub, when drinking, in bar or some shit..but talking about things like this in public is not socially acceptable. We're like those guys in finland who like to keep their distance lol

Don't get me wrong, this kind of thing works on women(or better to say on women that will not immediately have a "GTFO face" they don't get approached that often lol.

But hey maybe its just my view of social cues lol

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

if I came up to a guy to talk about what motivated him to get watches(lets face it almost nobody owns rolex here)..well not only that I would probably get a "are you gay" speech or just flat out punch in the face.

Sure.... but I don't think the article was meant to be used to chat up men in the street.

but talking about things like this in public is not socially acceptable

Interest in random men on the street implies things you might not want to imply..

this kind of thing works on women(or better to say on women that will not immediately have a "GTFO face" they don't get approached that often lol.

Unfriendly looking women do not appreciate being approached. They look unfriendly for a reason.

[–]Ramp_Up_Then_Dump0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What if we change the conversation topic to something she needs to qualify herself? She will still enjoy talking about herself but she will be qualifying herself to you.

Example: she will talk about how good she cooks to you and you validate this.

[–]placidpensive39 points40 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great actionable advice. This is what RP is about

[–]spcparks15 points16 points  (3 children) | Copy

I’ve naturally always been interested in people. Since I was young I hated talking about myself so I always asked people things. I could ask questions for hours about anything.

It’s true that it makes you different. 99% of the conversations I have are always me asking questions. Over the years you really start to understand people. You get to watch reactions and mannerisms.

When you talk you learn nothing. When you listen you have an opportunity to always learn something new. And people love to talk about themselves like you said so people will always feel good around you without even knowing why.

Only issue is that people will try and suck you for your energy because you make them feel so good.

You won’t know how many times I’ve had people say that they never met someone like me or that there was something different about me. They have no idea it’s because I didn’t say a word about myself.

It’s because I listen!

[–]send_it_for_the_boys1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I get this. And when you sit and think about it how many people have actually taken the time to ask you things about my case rarely any. My grandmother and other elderly people lol all I can think of. I’m like you I don’t like to sit and talk about myself

[–]spcparks1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It’s so natural for you and I to not talk about ourselves. When we step back it can be annoying. “Dam I just had an hour conversation with that person and they didn’t ask me one single question.”

It is crazy how people could talk about themselves for hours and not even be aware of it!

[–]send_it_for_the_boys2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I work with a few dudes they get bored and come and talk about their selves or whiny bullshit I don’t want to hear and you can say anything they don’t hear it they just keep rambling, in fact you can break eye contact walk away and start doing your work and they will continue to stand their and blab it’s got to be a sickness that I’m glad I don’t have. Make effort to the ones that do, the ones that don’t I reckon treat them like dust in the wind, but even then they don’t learn.

[–]ac3jc8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

How to win friends is a great book, everyone should read it, it will change your life

[–]new122959 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Apply with judgement. Be interested in interesting people.

Doing this without genuine interest to people who are actually not interesting comes off as boot licking.

[–]redditme7897 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

This was unfortunately what I went with for a few years. Unfortunately, it appears I couldn’t find a fair balance and rarely contributed my own thoughts to the conversations.

As such, I have had the reputation of people ‘not knowing what to talk to me about’. I feel that by constantly listening without providing my own opinion or what not, the conversation is too skewed and people honestly don’t seem to value the conversation.

[–]VSelf474 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

How do you develop being interested?

I’ve managed to be a better conversationalist by making questions instead but I rarely am geniunly interested. The best compromise I have found for myself is to just act interested, but I don’t really care still.

[–]1St31nway[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Acting interested is a good start. I’d like to add to be present and in the moment.

Another thing I should mention is you don’t have to be interested in everyone, but whenever I see someone and have a thought of curiosity or wonder I often ask them something about what I’m interested in and usually get a very detailed and lengthy response.

[–]VSelf471 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, I guess I see it sometimes as a chore rather than a discovery

[–]Redpiller774 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

The problem is that most people live boring lives and I don't want to hear about that.

[–]Endorsed ContributorInvalidity3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is solid life advice, not great for building attraction, but just in general.

This will help you acclimate to people which is what a lot of new subscribers to TRP typically have difficulty doing.

One thing to remember though is that showing personal interest in someone as mentioned by OP is significantly more effective when you are a man of value. You can be a genuinely nice guy who shows sincere interest, but with hardly any other redeeming qualities, and both men AND women will still be uninterested in your company.

[–]kronos552 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Who doesn't like talking about themselves?

That would be me. I'm a simple guy

[–]BusinessBee55 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree with this, great post

[–]ebaymasochist5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great post man. It's nice to see something different from "focus on yourself 24/7 and great things will come" or "sex isn't really that amazing after all". Nothing I'm saying here is meant to contradict your post at all...

Go ask the dude with the Rolex what drove him to buying such an expensive watch and observe his face light up and his thoughts regurgitate as if they've been sitting in his head waiting all day to come out.

I would like to do this exact thing to see if he really knows why, or if he feels the need to lie about it if he bought it to impress people, or to see if he regrets it.

Honestly it would be hard for most people to ask this question without giving the covert impression of jealousy, but a charming enough person could say with confidence "I'm a little bit jealous. I've always had a thing for nice watches! How did you decide to buy this one with so many choices?" Part of being rich or wealthy is assuming people are jealous and spiteful. Showing some self awareness can set you apart from the guys who are like "ey how much that watch cost bro!?".

I forget if it comes from Win Friends or somewhere else but there's a concept like "the least conscious people talk about other people(gossip), the next level talk about events(unfortunately this means mostly politics now), and the highest level talk about ideas(self improvement, art, science, etc.)".

So being interesting is being interested in the other person, but also anything else which is outside yourself. Its nice to let people talk about themselves for once, but like you said, they also walk around thinking about themselves all day, and giving them a break from that entirely might be even more effective. Like "Hey I just read an article that said they can train dogs to detect cancer in people" or "I saw a guy who makes amazing drawings on grains of rice. Can you imagine how frustrating that must be?" You can infer from their watch that they appreciate fine craftsmanship, and would be interested in something similar but less personal.

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[–]themidwestcowboy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

One of the best thing I’ve read/learned this year. Thank you for sharing this.

[–]EdwardHoverhands1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is true. For better ease for understanding, reverse the equation. Think back to your Blue Pill AFC days. What happened in your mind when a woman showed interest in you? Even when she wasn't all that attractive and you knew little to nothing about her. Did her interest intrigue you, at least a little? Unless she was far below your league, did you entertain the idea of dating her? Or maybe even then, if your desperation got the best of you.

Same with acting interested in people. Provided that you're acting high-value enough to begin with, you acting interested in new people, be they men or women, will intrigue them too. Which will raise your value in their eyes even further. Which will benefit you. Namely, men will respect your opinions and look up to you, and women will want to be sexual with you, or at least engage in friendly flirting, which is great for social proofing.

[–]bugoscsiga0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nice one!

During the quarantine I dived deep into reading about psychology and self-development and I came across this book as well. I decided to not to read a lot of summary about it, since I want to read it myself, but this short capture from the book just reassured me why was it a good idea to order it and I can't wait to get my hands on it.

[–]Dudewheresmymoto10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. Bored ppl are boring ppl

[–]fluffwalrus0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Nice post, I'm a long time lurker, haven't fully subscribed to TRP. A lot of people say that I'm interesting or "you know everyone" or "how do you know so many interesting people?"

And the answer of course is that I usually prod my way into peoples lives. I'm always curious about a book someones wearing, jewelry, a shirt, sometimes i overhear something and ask more questions.

You meet the most interesting people this way and you'll be surprised by how interesting strangers can be. I'll give an example, I used to work at this pub/gas station hybrid and this one asian looking fella came in every other day and bought a 6 pack of steel reserve. Eventually I asked him what country he was from and through a little bit of chitchat found out he was a refugee from the Cambodian massacre. Another regular at the pub i started asking questions about her old career and found out she used to manage the foo fighters, knew kurt cobain, krist novechelick, dave grohl.

Crazy stuff. I've learned a lot from just talking to strangers, one time I was in hood river and struck up a conversation with a guy at the bar only to find out he's a civilian drone controller for the military. Really cool shit guys.

[–]KingGerbz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In the classic book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” there was a chapter about using people’s name. Carnegie references a study that tracked thousands of of phone calls. The most commonly said across all of those calls was the word: I.

People’s favorite sound in the world is their name and their favorite topic in the world is themselves. I care more about my toothache than a plague that kills a billion in China.

This is some advice that should have had its own chapter in the 48 laws of power.

This is a good step on how you truly influence people, get people to really fuck with you and win through who you know not what you know.

[–]rollinterror6660 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good one. More posts like this

[–]autofan880 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's why men that have expensive shit are really successful with women. They will ask you if you have some expensive gadget. They don't care if you bought something cheap that you still appreciate. I appreciate seeing my Prius getting 60 MPG. But no women gives two little shits about it. I can't get that same fuel mileage in a Lamborghini. Even if a Lamborghini is faster, I can't go above the speed limit in the roads anyway, and my Prius can already reach those speeds anyway. Of course that I can simply drive at illegal speeds, and that shows women that I'm able to either be smart enough to escape cops or I have a lot of money to pay for tickets, increased wear and decreased fuel economy. You need to have hobbies that cost money to get women to ask you about it. If your hobby is too cheap, they will pass you.

[–]VisiblePlan0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think it's important to have balance. Attention should go back and forth, and by that I mean your reward with attention when she does something good, and withdraw attention when she does something bad

[–]Vynxe-Vainglory0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve seen this tactic somewhere else in the past, and even saw a study that had similar findings (people found those who asked questions more interesting than those who communicated mostly in statements)

Personally, I find it annoying when people are asking questions about me.

I’ve had a remarkably strange life, to be sure, and people are always fascinated by it, but I grew out of wanting to tell people about pretty much any personal details long ago.

A circumstance has to be pretty compelling for me to dive in. So, maybe I’m rare, but I’d hate to be on the receiving end of this strategy and wouldn’t find you interesting for it in the slightest.

[–]111Dx0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah but there are many ppl who will just pump and dump you. Like only talk and don't give a shit about you. Many ppl will use you just like a doormat. It really doesn't work for being a player. PPl will take you as a NICE GUY.

[–]Andgelyo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This. I used this school a lot since a lot of us where from different states. Ask people about themselves, they love to talk about it. Ask where they’re from, did they enjoy growing up there, act like it’s the coolest thing in the world. This is one thing that makes people likable

[–]WTTT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What if we don't care about other people's interest. I love that people are different and I want everyone to be loved and feel safe, but genuinely have so much to do i do not have time or the desire to randomly fake an interest into things I personally don't care about.

[–]Grandazer-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

this is utter blue pill advice. I read the book and could not NOT puke every second sentence I read. If you go up to every second guy who has something flashy or anything like that and strike up a conversation with them they would think you are either autistic or have asperger's syndrome (hope I spelled that right).

Especially if you do that with women.

"oh I could not help but notice your nice Louis Vuitton purse very nice choice. What inspired you to buy it? "
What are you a fucking autist ?
Here is a better advice : do not even acknowledge their existence. If someone is driving around with a super car do not even look at him. If some bitch is wearing expensive shit don't even look at her.

[–]kaba10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I like this type of answers. When everyone agrees comes this guy and somehow got already my interest. What would you do mr. Grandazer to build more powerfull presence? I want to people listen to me like I'm a fucking prophet. I guess this depends of your wealth, but I want it to come from my own self.

[–]turner3210-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bruh this is just basic people skills 101 😂😂 thought i would revisit this sub to see how all my peeps are doing but I can tell y’all are still hung up on the basics

[–]theRJMurray-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Facepalm if any of you haven’t read how to win friends and influence people yet.

[–]celincelin-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

nobody gives a shit

And how many Lambos have you owned? Even something comparatively pedestrian like an M2 draws attention. Same for interesting streetwear. Watches are useless and dumb, that’s true.

Overall, this idea is wrong. Being a good at listening doesn’t make you interesting, being good talking does.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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