I speak as one who walked in sin. Consider my experience carefully. Consider the command our your God and what it is that He desires of you. Do not walk the way I went, because you will only find pain.

Do not seek to be unequally yoked.

I found porn at a young age. Over time I escalated, looking for riskier things trying to replicate that first hit of dopamine. Eventually I went looking for sex. At least three times God actively intervened, preventing me from meeting women for sex. 

”If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go to hell.” (Mat 5:28-29)

Professing to be wise, they became fools … Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity … For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions … And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper … and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them. (Rom 1:22-32)

Finally, He let me fail. I found her online; she was also looking for sex. In less than a week we met in person. We were immediately sexual. Within a month I lost my virginity to her and I fell deeply and madly in love.

In the throes of lust, then temptation, then sin (Js 1) I went looking to gratify my own flesh.

*But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; abstain from every form of evil. (1 Th 5:21-22)

I made up my mind: because I had sex with this woman, I would marry her. I would honor my God in this thing even if I had found my way here by acting sinfully.

32 But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; 33 but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 35 This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. (1 Cor 7:32-35)

Do not be unequally yoked.

I asked her to marry me, and she agreed. Before we married she told me she had become a Christian. I was elated. I ignored every red flag; she didn’t want to read the Bible, she did not want to pray with me, she had a migraine every Sunday. We got married about a year later and at this point I quit porn cold turkey.

Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God … (2 Co 6:14-16)

Then she told me she had lied. I had made excuses for everything that told me I was about to marry a non-believer.

Consequences of Being Unequally Yoked

One Flesh, Two Masters

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. (Gen 2:24)

”No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth” (Mat 6:24)

I desired to grow in my faith, and she wanted nothing to do with it. I desired kids, she wasn’t sure. I desired international missions, she worried about money. God and religion became a taboo subject in our household. Eventually I stopped desiring.

Nothing prevented me from pursuing God by myself, but I didn’t make room. I had a household full of reasons to put my Bible aside and do other things. I had a wife to please.

Joining the “Old” With the “New”

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, this person is a new creation; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. (2 Cor 5:17)

“...through Him everyone who believes is freed from all things…” (Acts 13:38)

I served two masters. She served the world. Sometimes I served God. Most of the time I was left wondering what my faith was missing.

New Cloth, Old Garment

”No one tears a piece of cloth from a new garment and puts it on an old garment; otherwise he will tear both the new, and the piece from the old will not match the old.” (Luke 5:36)

But you did not learn Christ in this way, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth in Jesus, that, in reference to your former manner of life, you aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and pu on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth. (Eph 4:20-24)

Our conflict around faith, money, and life goals (house? Kids? work?) tore at us. We disagreed on all these fronts every time they came up. We stopped talking about faith because there was no give on either side, and no common ground. We stopped talking about money because she was always stressed about it and I didn’t plan enough. We stopped talking about kids because I expressed the desire to discipline them and raise them as Christians. She did not want Biblical discipline. She didn’t want the Bible involved with any kid she had.

New Wine, Old Wine Skin

”And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; otherwise the new wine will burst the skins and it will be spilled out, and the skins will be ruined. But new wine must be put into fresh wineskins.” (Luke 5:37-38)

”And no one, after drinking old wine wishes for new; for he says, ‘The old is good enough’” (Luke 5:39)

I stopped seeking God because every time I sought Him there was resistance. I had a hole in me that I couldn’t fill in my marriage. Eventually, I went looking for other things, old habits, old ways to get dopamine hits. I was lonely in my marriage.

I could have gone to God, but in my brokenness I chose old habits. At this point I had acquired a healthy fear of making my wife angry, so whenever the conversation came to it, I lied about what I was doing.

Instead of fearing God, I feared her. Instead of putting God first, I put her first. Instead of taking care of myself and seeking my God, I sought her comfort and well-being above all else.