Is it okay to leave a man because you feel no passion for him?

dov-alice · 2020-11-29T07:07:06+00:00

Let it go. There’s no point in wasting time dating a man who you don’t like. If you don’t like him now, there’s a very low chance you’ll like him later on.

Javret · 2020-11-29T14:17:31+00:00

I don't see smoking as a silly reason to dump him, it's actually a serious deal-breaker for a lot of people. As a former smoker, you probably know all of the risks. He is choosing to participate in a deadly, expensive, activity that could take years off of his life.

Let him go!

ikfl · 2020-11-29T07:28:53+00:00

If the passion is not there now, it won’t be there later. Let him go before you dope your brain up with oxytocin and won’t be able to make a rational decision.

spaghettiparrot · 2020-11-29T15:56:12+00:00

LEAVE.

Years ago, I was immersing myself in this sub and my 19-year-old brain interpreted it to mean "you should pick a man who checks pragmatic boxes and never mind the passion."

Well, the end result was that I was completely miserable in my relationship. Stop trying to convince yourself or manufacture chemistry by having sex; this is precisely what I did. Find someone who's kiss you feel all the way home.

2020-11-29T08:11:26+00:00

Bigger red flag is the smoking part, don't be with anybody who'll drag you down with them. Leave NOW!

lavachequirie · 2020-11-29T14:28:12+00:00

Encouraging you to smoke is a bigger deal than a lack of passion. That’s a violation of boundaries/ lack of respect. I’d say leave just based on that.

But for future reference, if it’s a lack of passion, has it always been that way? It’s not necessarily the worst thing, you can foster passion. Is the lack of passion worth staying for? Is he an amazing provider? Is he emotionally intelligent, kind, caring, strong, successful? Do you share the same goals and values? If so, I’d stay. Passion fades in every single relationship. It usually comes back though, if you don’t give up. Giving up every time passion fades or expecting a relationship to be passionate long term will lead to a lot of failed relationships. Look for commitment and compassion instead :)

Advanced_Bar_673 · 2020-11-29T14:52:12+00:00

You can't negotiate desire.

Davidoff24 · 2020-11-29T17:40:37+00:00

Yes, it is OK to leave him. Another woman might think he is amazing and have that chemistry with him. You totally need passion. You need that spark. Good luck!

TranslatedSky · 2020-11-29T17:13:10+00:00

The only reason you should have sex with a man is when you get commitment and feel passion for him. Having no passion and increasing your n count needlessly is stupid.

Attraction cannot be negotiated. A smoker partner and forcing you into a lifestyle (whether it’s being vegan, leading a low waste eco life or dragging you into smoking) are two different things. Are either of these dealbreakers for you? Only you can say.

Your expectations are only ridiculous if you cannot seperate dealbreakers, “need to haves” and “nice to haves”.

ddouchecanoe · 2020-11-29T08:51:08+00:00

It is not a silly reason if you have fundamental differences and you are not attracted to him. If he potentially brings out parts of you that you do not like and he does not make you feel excited, move on. When people talk about moving on for "silly reasons" they are mostly talking about the compulsive hypergamist who is constantly chasing an ideal "perfect man" and how any woman could potentially fall into this trap. It is about valuing a man who loves you and supports you, make you feel safe and loved, listens to your needs and desires and is capable (within reason) of fulfilling many of them.
But that is not what is happening here and dumping a guy you who is trying to convince you to make a choice that doesn't contribute to you bettering yourself is a good call.

A good partner wants you to be the best version of yourself you can be. They accept that you will not be 100% of the time, but they don't grab you by the wrist and drag you down with them.

tl:dr Don't fuck him! Especially if it is relatively new. It will not make it better and he will always taste like cigarettes anyway.

Preserve your value and save your effort for people that are worthy of you. Every guy you have sex with is another guy on the list. While I don't agree that women need to be virgins, you should at least save sex for men you are attracted to. Ideally it should be for boyfriends you trust and feel like have respect for you (i.e. don't try to get you to pick back up an addiction because they themselves can't tackle it). It could mean the difference between a good man viewing you as something anyone can have or not.

Loneliness is hard. Just don't go off the handle and start sleeping around/getting naked on the internet. If you work on improving/maintaining your value and avoid being a hoe, chances are you will be totally fine.

Also props to you for stopping and thinking before having sex with this guy!!!

bunny410bunny · 2020-11-29T14:08:51+00:00

Let it go. This is your ONE life. Spend it with a non smoker if that’s your preference. Spend it with someone that you are passionate about. ONE life, make it count. Never, ever settle.

EvilDomGM · 2020-11-29T16:15:40+00:00

I've went to enough funerals for smokers to tell you to run the fuck away. It isn't worth having your lungs rot out.

alien_eater289 · 2020-11-29T10:54:52+00:00

You haven’t had sex with him and you already feel no passion? Plus he’s pressuring you to do something that you’ve made a conscious effort to avoid and overcome? And you’ve only been dating a few weeks? Yeah, time to let that relationship go. Doesn’t seem like you have very much in common.

2020-11-29T18:30:14+00:00

Move on to the next.

liquidswan · 2020-11-29T19:16:17+00:00

Lots of fish in the sea, don’t waste your time with him.

SirNemesis · 2020-11-29T23:29:17+00:00

It's not "leaving" if you've only been dating a couple weeks and haven't had sex yet. Not like it is she established relationship to leave from.

Some_Cool_Duude · 2020-11-30T00:14:07+00:00

Hi. I am a guy btw. I am not telling you what to do in this specific situation but don't stay in relationships cuz of the fear of ending up alone

Nandemodekiru · 2020-11-29T11:14:41+00:00

Let it go if you feel nothing. I think that should be fairly obvious.

Other_Lingonberry234 · 2020-11-29T11:49:16+00:00

It's ok to leave for pretty much ANY reason! The smoking thing would definitely be a huge turn-off. Personally, I wouldn't bother trying to have sex first - you'll probably just regret it.

Theyogithatcould · 2020-11-29T16:35:23+00:00

His encouragement to you, a former smoker, to take it up again is a very thoughtless and gross thing to do.
Always leave a man you feel no passion for. You are wasting your time that could be spent on the man who is out there waiting to be met. You're not going to force chemistry.
Sex does NOT produce passion if you feel no passion now.
Go find Mr. Right!

TheLemming · 2020-11-29T18:14:45+00:00

My gut is wondering if the smoking thing is weighing more on your heart than you're admitting? Maybe, before leaving, have a fully open conversation about how it makes you feel, and then see if any of your attraction returns?

BitchySaladFilosofer · 2020-11-29T19:31:45+00:00

Let it go. I was in two chemistry-less relationships in the past three years. The first one lasted 2 years and the guy knew I didn't feel any passion for him which (according to him) caused him to cheat. It's boring and really only for people who are just seeking companionship (both parties).

You hear stories about people who didn't feel anything at first and then fell in love with the other person. I personally thought about all the arranged marriages where they fell in love eventually. I waited for two years and was trying really hard to force it. In the end, I wasted both of our time.

icedmarty20 · 2020-11-29T21:35:50+00:00

" I know that many women leave good men for silly reasons and then end up alone. " sounds like to me that fear is the driver for your decision making, which can also cause you to make silly choices. It also doesn't matter if you have a lot in common unless those are values and priorities that you have the same. And what do you mean by passion? It's true that not every good relationship will start off with love at first sight infatuation, you have to decide if those qualities that appeal to you or things you have in common is enough to move forward with the relationship.

Whisper · 2020-11-30T09:24:12+00:00

"Okay" in what sense?

Morally okay? I can't comment on that, as neither I or this group has the qualification or the right to be your Jiminy Cricket.

A good idea? Yes, absolutely.

If you do not have real feelings for him, the relationship WILL reach a crisis point eventually.

Would you rather be single and looking for someone else when you are 25 years old, or when you are 38?

Danishsunset · 2020-12-05T21:28:08+00:00

Let go. Sex, if good, will just confuse you. And good sex shouldn't be the reason why u stay. Plenty of that to get else where.

Also, smoking definitely is very unattractive. It stinks, it's risky for the health and just the thought of your SO having an addiction. Such turn off.

tvapoangnoll · 2020-11-29T13:04:01+00:00

Ofcourse you can! It's not like he is wearing the wrong socks on the first date and you write him off immidiately. You really gave it a chance if you've been dating a few weeks. Only have sex with him if you really feel like it. And by the sound of it, you don't.

LaGardie · 2020-11-29T10:25:25+00:00

Yes, by the way is this related? https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/k34r7e/should_i_dump_my_gf_because_she_wont_give_me_no/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Title	Is it okay to leave a man because you feel no passion for him?
Author	NewStartOnceAgain
Upvotes	63
Comments	38
Date	November 29, 2020 6:39 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/k34rm0/is_it_okay_to_leave_a_man_because_you_feel_no/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/is-it-okay-to-leave-a-man-because-you-feel-no.732602 https://theredarchive.com/post/732602