Hi RPW!

I'm a guy that's biased towards "marriage" (not necessarily in the legal sense, but in the sense that a tight family unit is the best environment for raising children)and fairly familiar with TRP theory/topics (this isn't my first TRP account). One of the main concerns that I've never seen addressed in our network of forums and online resources in a satisfactory manner is the prospect of sexual boredom in long-term relationships. I'm sure it doesn't affect only women, but I'm interested in exploring it also from the female perspective mainly because it's often women who (at least initially) propose and prefer monogamous relationships (which is also the primary, or only, strategy suggested by this particular forum).

In the past few years, there have been a lot of articles exploring this topic. A bespoke selection (I'm sure there are many more):

  • the seminal (and very long) NYT article Unexcited? There May Be a Pill for That (2013) that explores why female desire wanes some number of years into a monogamous relationship, touched on "lesbian bed death" and proposes "female viagra" as a possible solution

But for many women, the cause of their sexual malaise appears to be monogamy itself. It is women much more than men who have [hypoactive sexual-desire disorder], who don’t feel heat for their steady partners.

  • BlackDragon's analysis of the above article: Women Get BORED With Their Monogamous Men – Even More Scientific Proof - likely biased since it's in line with his long-term theories and beliefs. His recipe to avoid this basically amounts to: open relationship, don't get married, don't cohabitate, don't see each other more than once a week.

  • a more recent article Why So Many Women Cheat on Their Husbands mentions cheating (emotional and sexual) as a potential solution (or, rather, a consequence), although also seems to imply that the lack of sexual desire is caused by husbands being blue-pill (which might be true or maybe just a rationalisation).

  • the article above also mentions Esther Perel, who's been exploring this topic for a while (e.g. her books Mating in Captivity and upcoming The State of Affairs, TED talk The secret to desire in a long-term relationship and podcast with Tim Ferriss), although, having listened to the podcast and TED talk, she's mostly describing the problem rather than proposing solutions (at least I don't remember any real proposal)

Esther Perel [...] is [...] notable for exploring the tension between the need for security (love, belonging and closeness) and the need for freedom (erotic desire, adventure and distance) in human relationships.

One partial solution often mentioned is the "30-Day Sex Challenge", which seems to sometimes work, and is similar to some views espoused by some participants of this forum (i.e. "have sex with your husband all the time even when you don't feel like it").

What's your opinion on that, do you think this is likely to happen in your marriage/relationship, what are you doing to prevent it and how do you plan to handle it when/if it does?

(also please let me know if this post is inappropriate, I'll edit it or post it elsewhere, but I really think RPW is the best place to get opinions on this topic)