TL:Dr
Learn to love her for who she is; don't just fall in love with her.
Body
Once upon a time, I fell in love with a ho. The process began with a good friend of mine promising to babysit me for the night, followed by him abandoning me with these words of wisdom: Man, this is why you need a girlfriend.
After doing me for twenty years I caved, finding a decent enough woman and proceeding to fall madly in love with her. Following societies advise on love and princesses. Bending over backwards was compromising. We were spending way to much time together. Texting, making phone calls when we were apart. Spilling out my guts, letting her sift through the contents, having her looking at the inner parts of me I refused to admit. The woman had my heart. I handed her my mind, you know, cause that's what a good boyfriend's suppose to do.
Gentlemen, you've heard it before: I gave her my all, I made her my everything. Adorned her with affection, never really was one for gifts. I'd forgive and promise to forget; repaid by seeing the behavior more frequently, in more lethal dosages. This woman destroyed me emotionally, I allowed it. At societies request, restructuring my frame little by little to accommodate hers until what I became was unrecognizable. That's what falling in love does to you. I just had to try it. Everyone else was.
Fast forward a few years later. I'd found a one. Dope little young thing. Good with a few friends of mine. They all took a swing and missed. We hit it off. I dropped my plates. She didn't have to ask, I wanted to. Spent too much time together but that's where I wanted to spend it. This was a month in. One night she rescued my ass when the alcohol started flowing. She came out, played arm candy at the bar before taking me and my friend back to her place to sleep it off.
I love you. Understand I'm not in love with you but love you for who you are as a human being... according to my friend a list followed suit, including personality traits, habbits and wathcing her hobbies grow. Apparently it was something to see because they both enjoyed talking about it enough the next morning.
When she finally got me alone she laid it out. It hurt her as much as it pleased her to hear those words. She knew that I meant it, that I loved her for her attributes. She also knew I'd never fall in love with her. I'd never need her, she'd never be an equal or placed on a pedistule and that was more rewarding because she had earned it. She also realized if those attributes started waning or the habbits and hobbies I didn't enjoy started growing, that my love would disappear.
Loving someone doesn't make them Holy, you love someone because of their holy behaviors. Creating this separation by identifying why I love a woman helps me from actually falling in love a girl. It helps stave off oneitis, knowing there are quantifiable parts of her I can find in other woman. This helps me mentally stay on my Ps and Qs while investing my energies into one. It gives me an area to focus on and reasoning for why I should or shouldn't be keeping her around.
Let's flip the script. I'm in love with my dog. Yes because he behaves well thanks to the time and effort we have put in together. He end up with my mom for six months, he was injured while traveling and couldn't continue on. When we were finally reunited he was overweight, begged and tugged on his leash. Now best believe if any of the ones I decide to invest in starts drinking heavy or getting bitchy, it's over. My dog, well we'll work on that.
Same instance with my brother. We were never close. Lived different lifestyles and while we do share similar hobbies we've never really kick it. We're not the type of person the other spends his time with. Still I'm in love with him. He's family. He needs me, I got him; I need him, he's got me. Couldn't even tell you the type of music he likes but that's my boy.
What I mean by a one is basically a rip off of the one with the stipulation written in that there is multiple dream girls out there for you. While spinning plates occasionally I meet one of the ones.
Now I've watched plenty of people do crazy shit for drugs. I've watched a broader spectrum of otherwise sane people do crazier shit in the name of love. Herion, herione; there's a reason they're prounced the same. Avoid falling in love all together. Spin plates and never build a connection. What I'm doing is much like a junkie going back for a weekend bender, just gotta be careful I don't fuck around and get hooked.
To help starve addiction while investing time in one of the ones, ask yourself why you enjoy her so much. Identfiying these traits will make it easier to not only know when to cut her loose but it'll make it easier to let her go in the process. Again because you enjoy her for her qualities, qualities other woman posses.
Decent enough womam with okay looks and okay personality get spun as plates, not dated. Pretty woman with poor personality get fucked not dated. Even pretty woman with an okay personality get spun, all be it a little harder, not dated. Identifying what I like in an individual woman helped isolate patterns within partner selection, helping to highlight qualities I have to have, enjoy having and will not tolerate. Once I started developing my taste for woman, my standards and the enjoyment I got out of girls sky rocketed.
In Conclusion:
A man in love says, "baby I'll never leave you, no matter what." He means it too. A man who knows why he loves his woman also knows why he'll leave her. If you're looking for an LTR situation you need to know why and what qualities you're looking for in a partner. Identfiying these reasons helps build taste increasing standards by drawing boundaries on what you want and what you will not put up.
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