How do I begin attracting men when I’ve always been career-driven?

q-the-light · 2021-02-15T10:46:29+00:00

Goodness, I can imagine how much you've got on your plate with your medical studies!

When it comes to finding a good and worthy life partner, the advice basically boils down to self-improvement. Be that in appearance, demeanor, education, values, or otherwise. As a med student, you're excelling at educational self-improvement, but have little time for the rest of it.

You say you barely have time to feel like a woman. Why exactly is that? You may have a lack of time for detailed hair and makeup routines or pamper days, but you could perhaps alter your current routine slightly. If you don't wear any makeup, maybe try a swipe of mascara. Or, if you do wear makeup, change it up a bit! Even if that's using a different blush or lipstick to usual, just to make yourself feel nice. It doesn't have to add more time. If you are able to and haven't done so already, maybe feminise your wardrobe somewhat. A skirt does wonders in making you feel more feminine, and never overlook the importance of attractive shoes - a good pair of leather Oxfords can be just as comfortable as a pair of trainers, if not more so! Just take the things you already have or do, and elevate them just a notch. This shouldn't take too much time out of your day, and having that extra little bit of formality and femininity really makes a difference.

As for the social aspect, the absolute best advice there is is to join an organisation, club, or society that you're interested in, and that aligns with a value that's important to you. Big on animal welfare? Volunteer at a rescue centre. Is fitness important to you? Join a sports club! Religious? Get more involved in the social aspect of your place of worship! In being active within a community of like minded people who care about the same thing you care about, you're likely to meet a man who is actively working on his own self-improvement, and whom likely fits your criteria. I met my partner at my St John Ambulance unit, and he's everything I could ask for and more.

HOWEVER, having said that, your time is at a high premium. Joining a group like that and putting in the time commitment necessary sounds like it's not really an option for you. So, maybe one-off big events are a better option. If even that is too much, maybe it's best to remain open to the possibility of meeting someone, but waiting to truly seek out a partner until after your course. After all, it's worth considering that if you don't have time to go out and meet people, will you have time to sustain a relationship right now?

You're only young, so there's no rush. There's absolutely no shame in staying single into your 20s and even beyond! You sound like a lovely soul from how you've described yourself, and so I'm sure you'll meet the perfect man. Just don't feel like you're behind the curve because I promise you you're not, and that's okay.

Environmental_Ad5867 · 2021-02-15T12:06:42+00:00

Hello!

30F doctor here. Looking back to my student days, it was a lot of time studying. Your time was premium because yeah, you’re struggling to manage sleep/study/social life/personal development (I love this! Big high five to you).

And I relate so much to what you say about being shy and not being into loud stereotypical males (though funnily enough my partner is very much an extrovert).

So let’s get to your question on how to increase your femininity and attracting the men you’re into.

So social skills- this is going to be trial and error unfortunately but the great thing is, you’ll have a ton of practice when you’re communicating with patients and their families. Train yourself to listen to what they say, how they’re saying it AND what they’re not saying ie body language, subtle cues in voice changes. Plenty of medical schools have sessions where you practice communication scenarios with each other so you can observe what others do and give/get feedback for yourself.

What you can learn from this is that you can put these skills into your own personal life. If you’re with a man you’re attracted to, you can subtly change your body language to show you’re into him versus outwardly flirting with him. Try reading the book ‘Captivate’ by Vanessa Van Edwards, it’s a great book on teaching social interactions for introverts

Are you already in clinicals? Because personally, I’ve found that you’d meet a lot of career driven/similar minded individuals in practice. It’s easy to strike a conversation with another doctor when you’re having coffee in the break room with shared experiences over difficult on calls. And who knows where it’ll go from there? (Maybe hopefully not as dramatic as Grays anatomy but it’s no secret that doctors tend to date/marry other doctors)
If you’re already in clinicals, it wouldn’t hurt to put on a bit of make up when you show up. As much as I would love to wear my dresses and nice outfits to work, it’s impractical when there’s high chance it’ll get covered with blood and other bodily fluids at the end of the shift. And you need to be comfortable with sensible shoes. But one of the small joys I have is to come in made up.

Edit: though it depends on the clinical area you’re in. I worked in the emergency department so it’s standard to wear scrubs. Though I do wear pretty dresses when I’m running clinics. So you can tailor it around if needed.

I know this needs to be said because we forget. Take rest. Take care of yourself. Otherwise the stress gets to you. Sleep is precious and you’d be amazed by how many random surfaces you can quickly fall asleep on (hence those comfortable clothes). It’s easy to get swept away by the waves and neglect your own health. Eat well, sleep enough, exercise (stress makes you gain weight and ages you prematurely). Be kind to yourself and others.

More than welcome to message me if you need anymore help.

Mewster1818 · 2021-02-15T14:38:53+00:00

You can be nerdy and still be feminine. So don't worry about having to change that part of yourself.

Since you're young and have a lot on your plate I would suggest small steps, here and there. Maybe set aside a little block of time to pamper yourself once a week (paint your nails, put on a face mask, enjoy a bubble bath, do a hair treatment, etc.), something you can do in like 30 minutes that is caring for yourself and makes you feel good. A lot of femininity isn't about one particular style, it's about a woman who takes care of herself and is happy and confident. Try working on your wardrobe a little at a time. Find pieces that make you feel good, and slowly get rid of anything that you don't love to wear. Lastly, just practice and use good manners.

At your current position in life you do need to focus on your studies, but you can open yourself up to being noticed and approached by working on your confidence and personal happiness. Someone who feels good about themselves will naturally exude the kind of energy and aura that attracts others passively.

LouiseConnor · 2021-02-15T20:00:28+00:00

I am married to medical student, so I’m familiar with how much work you have to do now, and for many years to come.

It’s cliche, but another led student might be your best bet Bc it’s hard to have anyone else really understand what you have to put in. It’s very hard to start a new relationship in the middle of the whole 10-15 year process Bc it’s just so unusual. But another led student will understand.

That being said, they’re easy to come by - youre probably around them often, they don’t tend to be alpha types - I know a few but not many at all.

What do you feel is at odds with being nerdy and also girly/feminine? They don’t really have to be at odds. Since time is limited for social interaction (and I’m sure you’re under covid-era-socializing scrutiny), I’d start with appearance. Learn what clothing styles fit and flatter you, workout, upgrade your make up game.

Latter_Ad_6840 · 2021-02-15T15:01:21+00:00

I think you should prioritize your studies, at 21/22 you're still very young and have plenty of time. I wouldn't detract from the time you need to get your studies done. If you have some extra time and want to start looking for a boyfriend I wouldn't compromise too much because your future is very important and any man who values you would understand that, look for someone who will accept and encourage how much time you need to study.

That being said once you're a doctor and you have money you will be able to focus on improving yourself more, that's what happened to me (I'm not a doctor though), in school I was very unfashionable and focused on grades but once I graduated I had money I could spend on improving my appearance, and that's a large portion of what you need for that, time and money. In a sense it's almost a waste to stretch yourself thin with that while you're in school unless you want to meet someone in classes because of how much easier it is with more time and money. Basically make sure it doesn't cut into your study time. But if you want you can always plan out small steps every day, that's what I do to an extent too. For example one day I paint my nails, I plan a day on the weekend to go shop for some fashion staples etc. I'm sure those small steps will put you ahead everybody in your classes at least who likely doesn't do them.

Social skills is something you develop by exposing yourself to real-life situations, at least it was for me and I used to be extremely shy and awkward but after I had a few jobs/volunteer experiences/etc I became much better so you just have to seek out those situations.

pseudochristiankinda · 2021-02-15T16:12:17+00:00

Girl, keep studying and become a doctor. You will eventually meet somebody, take care of your needs first and make that money so you can support yourself if needed. Lots of high value men like mine appreciate someone with a good work ethic and is attracted to that, you can always settle down and become a housewife but don’t let a man keep you from here goals Or any other women on here who tell you that all high value men care about is someone feminine who can be a mom and stay at home. You can do that later but most smart and financially well off man want somebody who can hold their own in the job market and support themselves even if they don’t have to in the future.

PNWHimbo · 2021-02-17T00:34:41+00:00

I'm a man who sometimes browses this forum because it's interesting, and I have a take. I've matched with girls in med school on dating apps, and gone on dates with them a couple of times, and ultimately found that they weren't really compatible with me or they weren't compatible with me for a few reasons.

Anyone in med school has worked their butt off for years to get there. For at least the duration of their time in med school, they are married to med school. Med school will always come first, be it against their personal health, their hobbies, their relationships, anything. That's just how it goes, it isn't a personal judgment on people who make that choice.
They are hyper ambitious. I consider myself to be fairly ambitious and am in grad school for computer science. But the reason I'm doing that is that I can make enough money to support a family with a middle class/upper middle class lifestyle, and to some degree to satisfy my own desire for status/ego. Med school girls are fanatically ambitious, and have been for a long time to get into med school. Doctors also make a huge amount of money, and regardless of what they say most women would prefer a man who makes more money than them. I am relatively unlikely to do so, although I anticipate earning a health living.
They didn't really have any interests, and while they were fairly smart they were not super curious about things that didn't directly affect them/weren't really big items in the news. Like if I asked about their interests, the answer was never, ever surprising. "I like running." I never got an answer like "Oh I just read this interesting novel", which is closer to what I was looking for. And hey - I like running too, I run half marathons. But there isn't that much to say about it.

I don't really have any advice, except to marry another doctor. Surely there are boys in medical school?

gretawasright · 2021-02-16T16:13:22+00:00

40F physician here. Are you in medical school now? What year?

2021-02-16T01:34:54+00:00

Online dating has a bad rep but I think it’s good because it helps you talk to people you would otherwise never meet. Especially if you’re extremely busy in med school, it’s no easy to meet someone organically. I met my wonderful boyfriend on Bumble.

Avon072 · 2021-02-16T01:48:08+00:00

Based on the descriptions you shared, I guess you would be a INTJ or INTP personality type.

pillchangedmylife · 2021-02-16T03:00:19+00:00

Best advice would be .. are you going to be the captain of your ship? Or will he be the captain of your ship? Equality is bluepill. In the redpill their is only one captain.

Career women ive dated was always a struggle for who was captain.. especially if she thought she was smarter than me.

Remarkable003 · 2021-02-15T13:37:54+00:00

I feel it's unnecessary for me to answer these type of questions asked as in today's time men are not allowed to involve or speak in women matters. You are only 21 , and your belief of being career driven is not different than who is not career driven medical student. First you will have to complete your studies. I sometimes follow this sub reddit to differentiate with the male red pill mentality. Still baffles me how can people are waiting till marriage in today's time. And some times WOMEN here make the mistakes of thinking that their approach for a higher job or education is a somewhat blue pill mentality.

No it is not.

There are women around me who are highly intelligent, married being in prestigious jobs and also maintain a great family with the help of husband or family. There jobs provide extra financial stability and great societal clout with their husbands. You will sort this entire thing, I am sure of that. But the FOMO feelings will severely affect your studies.

beseechpeach · 2021-02-15T14:02:57+00:00

Well being 21 you should focus on your studies and have at least a bit of a social life. My tip for you is just focus on yourself and studies. Every man wants to be married to a doctor. The men will come when the time is ready.

kittycops · 2021-02-15T09:44:24+00:00

Career Driven
21 years old

I'm sorry, did you build a time machine?

Redpetrol · 2021-02-15T10:22:59+00:00

Single man, 34, Most of the last 5 years I've been on dating apps. My sister is a Dr. 3 kids She's currently having a mid life crisis who had an affair with the au pair. By far the largest single career of the women I match with, dated or have even seen is medical professionals. I avoid them now to be quite honest.

Either you find a house husband material or someone in your own field.

if you're talking or thinking about short term there's probably no quick fix, just do your best and hope someone approaches you. The best way to be feminine I can't tell you, but I can tell you that it definitely matters.

ThenIJizzedInMyPants · 2021-02-15T18:36:37+00:00

From what I've seen, lots of med students meet other med students that they eventually marry. so you have nothing to worry about... stay focused on your studies you'll have opportunities. only issue you may face is that many of them will be beta bucks types so adjust your expectation accordingly if you want to be with another physician

LoFiGai · 2021-02-16T06:28:23+00:00

plan on waiting for marriage before having sex.

This will make it harder

I barely feel like I have time for a proper social life, getting enough sleep, or time to work on my personal self-development.

No time for anything

I tend to be attracted to intelligence and someone I can have intellectual debates with.

I’ve been approached by a few guys but never was interested.

You sound pretentious. No man wants to have intellectual "debates" with his woman. Having intellectual and insightful conversation on the otherhand is more appropriate. The definition of a debate is very formal, in my eyes standing at adjacent podiums discussing socio-gender dynamics doesn't sound fun or very feminine, it sounds competitive.

I abhor loud obnoxious “alpha” males

Cringe. "Alpha" males doesn't make them inherently loud and obnoxious, you're speaking from prejudice.

How do I begin working on my femininity and being more pleasant to be around? How do I attract the type of man I’m into?

I feel like I’m lacking social skills, and not feminine enough.

Your post speaks for itself honestly. You don't seem agreeable, but arrogant and prude. It might be in your value system to wait until marriage... i suggest reconsidering how much value you place on your vagina.

Most men couldn't care less about your ambition and drive. All you say is a "quiet sigma" it sounds like you have no clue what you want. Intelligence and intellectual conversation is obviously important, this is a no brainer.

If you want to look feminine, take the ladies advice about dressing well, note that this is subjective and you should dress in the ways that makes you feel most feminine. However, no one knows who you are, and what your personality is like, all i can tell is you're a submissive nerdy Dr that sounds like a pretentious prude. Does that sound dateable to you?

Remember, women like men who are better than they are, so it shouldn't be difficult, even if you're average looking. Be generous with sex, be kind, caring, and a good person. That's how you attract a sigma, alpha, or good man.

your mistake is asking WOMEN how to attract men, at least the demographic of this sub, and comments to your post is a lot of women. Would you ask a fish how to get caught? No, you ask the fisherman how he catches fish. A fish says "give me worm" a fisherman says "bait a worm, jiggle the hook, wait for it... wait for it... reel!" Why should you listen to me? I'm a 21 male, study communication, and am very interested in psychology and male/female relationship dynamics.

TilahunTheGreat · 2021-02-15T11:23:47+00:00

Men do not like career-driven women. Fact. But it is difficult for women to understand that because women like career-driven men.

pearlsandstilettos · 2021-03-18T19:26:03+00:00

[removed]

Title	How do I begin attracting men when I’ve always been career-driven?
Author	kittycops
Upvotes	64
Comments	60
Date	February 15, 2021 9:14 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/lk9ysn/how_do_i_begin_attracting_men_when_ive_always/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-i-begin-attracting-men-when-ive-always-been.739643 https://theredarchive.com/post/739643