CMV: Women shouldn’t “settle” for men they don’t want because it will just bring misery to both her and her partner.

mrcs84usn · 2021-01-26T00:43:31+00:00

They can keep whatever standards they want. The problem is that many of them to fail to understand that they don't meet the standards of the men they are seeking. High value men aren't seeking out extra-regular women.

I do understand your premise that there will be a lot of resentment if she "settles" for what she actually qualifies for, so yes I do agree with you in the sense that she should not get with a man that she isn't going to appreciate and will just be toxic around. If that is her mindset, then she would be better off staying out of a relationship.

Naus1987 · 2021-01-26T03:06:19+00:00

It’s really a weighted comparison between settling for an average guy or settling on being single.

The problem with society today is everyone feels entitled to perfection, and no matter how you throw the dice — not everyone will win.

The real question is which version of settling is actually worse. Being single or compromising

Mimoxs · 2021-01-26T00:27:16+00:00

This is sort of true but the problem is 1) the definition of settling, 2) it depends on the character of the person as to whether or not they can make "settling" work, and 3) all people, especially women, settle.

1) Lots of women have an ideal "boyfriend" and an ideal "husband." They go for the ideal husband later in life. This is going for the man they wanted, they just knew they wanted to marry him, not date and fuck him.

2) There's also the whole issue of settling regarding compatibility versus love.

I know some ugly couples, some fat couples, etc, who are very very happy. Sure, deep down, everyone would prefer an attractive person, but clearly settling for less works for some people who value character and love.

3) women have this constructed ideal of a perfect man, I think a lot moreso than men do, and it is harder to be met, because the "perfect woman" is fairly simple and tends to be somewhat universal, whereas the "perfect man" is a very long list and has a lot of variance between women. So really, all women settle - but clearly some make it work well.

Gamedragon345 · 2021-01-26T01:51:09+00:00

thats the problem, the women are good at hiding this, and all these guys get shocked in their marriages.

taapy234 · 2021-01-26T02:11:37+00:00

Some guys here think that women lowering their standards and going for guys that they didn’t want initially will make the dating game better but I don’t think that’ll be the case.

To give you a smartphone analogy here, guys don't expect women to change their preferences from Iphone 12 pro max 512 GB to Nokia 3510. But there's nothing wrong with changing your preferences to midrange or premium android phones. Chances are, any $400 to $800 android phone can do 90% + of all things you can do in an Iphone. Hell, this is 2021 and I would argue that 90% number could even be greater than 95% if we are being honest and look at the technical specifications and real life day to day usage closely. Even that 60-120 Hz display that used to be a flagship feature is now in many midrange smartphones.

What we mean by lowering your standards is to lower your unrealistic standards. We didn't say you shouldn't have any standards at all. A lot of women today practically price themselves out of reach for average men just based on the delusional belief that chad (or tyrone or juan depending on your ethnicity) will choose her or commitment at some unspecified point in future. So they abuse their dominent position in dating market by using men for different self serving purposes (AF/BB, branch swinging, etc)

We only expect women to put an end to that delusional unrestrained hypergamy instincts that's heavily encouraged by feminists and female mainstream media (limited hypergamy is good)

Barely-moral · 2021-01-26T00:39:11+00:00

There are no shoulds.

You are assuming either that all women that settle build up resentment or that it is impossible to settle in a way that is healthy.

If a woman wants to create a family of her own, that is the only way she can be truly happy and has idiotic standards then of course she should settle. That is the logic thing to do considering her goals.

If a woman can be happy on her own then sure, you have a point.

Adress the issue on a case by case basis.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-01-26T03:40:08+00:00

I think it depends entirely on how badly you want a partner for its own sake. I personally will never settle, because I don't care whether I'm in a relationship.

But in general, I agree. The relationships I've seen where I know at least one party settled were miserable at best, and abusive at worst.

NotGoingoutofMW · 2021-01-26T02:12:10+00:00

It may be shocking but some women actually know that an ideal is just an ideal.

PickleLine · 2021-01-26T01:23:16+00:00

The problem is not that they settle. It's that they view dating men in their league as settling.

The problem is women's unrealistically high standards.

wtknight · 2021-01-26T03:48:26+00:00

I think that realizing that one has to settle at least somewhat is a normal process of maturation in most people. This applies even for non-relationship matters. Almost all of us would choose to be billionaires if we could rather than trying to attract the hot billionaire, but we settle for career paths in life that make us not billionaires.

For relationships, the process for many people is similar, and if one is not willing to settle and holds out for the impossible in a partner, one is just going to end up with an unhappy life whether he or she ends up with a partner or not.

throw-away-1709 · 2021-01-26T07:02:10+00:00

Agreed.

Tell that to all the married 'Kweens' who aporoached me while i was married.

GrandRub · 2021-01-26T12:40:11+00:00

neither women nor men should "settle"

moneygang4life · 2021-01-26T12:54:59+00:00

Ok and men shouldnt do the same the problem is that literally everyone is gonna have to settle on some level. A lot of women dont understand how competitive the dating market is for and how most of them arent actually going to get what they want

SpaceS4t4n · 2021-01-26T13:23:58+00:00

No one should settle for anyone they don't want.

moneygang4life · 2021-01-26T22:20:31+00:00

Yes and incels should expect a 10/10 woman. I kinda think women should just accept their actual value in life and deal with it idk. Why should men have to just deal with it when women don’t?

Stevefr0mYellowstone · 2021-01-27T22:40:35+00:00

I agree that people shouldn't be settling, or at least that is the ideal. But here's the thing, it's a numbers game. Consider these things:

Women find 80% of men physically unattractive right off the bat
Due to hypergamy, women aren't looking for men on their level, they're looking for men that are at least slightly better than them. What a man would be considered people that match each other, the woman would consider to be settling
Women's status in western society continues to rise. Women are far exceeding men now in terms of going to college and more and more women are seeing more successful and higher paid careers. While men still have the advantage at the very top (CEOs) for people in the age range of say 20 - 35? Women have essentially become more successful than men of the same age.

Combine all these things and the numbers don't work. A woman who is say, a 7 in looks and makes $125,000 a year is seeking a guy who is an 8 - 9 in looks and makes $175,000 a year or more as someone who is simply her equal. How many men quality for that? 5%? 1%? For a lot of women, if you're not "settling" (which I think in many cases isn't really settling), then she's not getting that commitment, period.

ThrowawayCOVID999 · 2021-02-04T15:28:38+00:00

Because were sick of women being rude to us when we weren’t even planning to ask them out.

TheJim66 · 2021-01-26T00:53:42+00:00

Well, yes. But it shouldn't get to the point where her standards are so high her only option is to settle. One of the reasons we tell women that slutting it up will make them miserable is exactly that. It raises their standards much higher than what they would have normally been . It'sa form of lifestyle inflation. The men you will be able to get in lower levels of commitment are gonna be higher value than those you will be able to get at higher levels of commitment. Considering the hypergamous nature of women, this doesn't end well.

SaBahRub · 2021-01-26T00:46:25+00:00

Bruh, everyone outside of royalty and Hugh Hefner “settles”

PPD_IS_CANCER · 2021-01-26T00:47:26+00:00

Most PPDers don't fully understand standards, requirements, and settling.

People don't have "standards" for the partner they are looking for, they have "standards" for how they want to live their life, and then they make up "requirements" for their partner that they think will allow them to live life up to their standards.

But then they realize that living life up to those standards doesn't actually depend on having a partner that meets those arbitrary requirements; They can still meet 100% of those "standards" for life by compromising on those "requirements" for a partner.

In this way, they aren't actually settling at all -- they get 100% of what they wanted (i.e. their standards for life); the fact that their partner didn't meet 100% of their original requirements doesn't change that.

LillthOfBabylon · 2021-01-26T00:37:58+00:00

It depends on how we're defining settling, first of all. Most people settle because most people are not perfect and a perfect lover would never want them. For most people, they have to examine if the pros outweigh the cons.

If a woman is going to die alone because she couldn’t find that hot billionaire she always wanted,

Agreed. Though, the bigger issue is that cunts like that whine as she deserves more. This is a big problem with the fat acceptance movement. It's become less about accepting fat people as human being, and more about obese women demanding they be worshipped like super models.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-01-26T02:55:34+00:00

Everyone has to “settle” in some way if they want a relationship. I agree that women (and men) shouldn’t settle for someone they don’t want just for the sake of being married or whatever. But if every person held out for their perfect ideal mate, we’d all be single forever. It’s about picking what is really important to you and letting the rest go.

For example, personally, how they treat me is number one, non-negotiable. I have to not be grossed out by their appearance and they have to have a job, but I also have to accept that the wealthier and better looking men either don’t want a relationship or want someone more attractive than I am. It’s just the way of nature. But I won’t compromise when it comes to treatment. If I can’t find someone who is consistently kind to me, I’d rather be single.

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wtknight · 2021-01-26T03:41:33+00:00

[removed]

_Anarchon_ · 2021-01-26T05:10:38+00:00

In general, women always settle, because they are perpetually hypergamous.

DuncanIdaho88 · 2021-01-26T07:46:40+00:00

I agree. Sadly, many men settle, though.

WilliamWyattD · 2021-01-26T07:52:30+00:00

If standards are overly inflated, we can change the culture that is contributing to the problem. To some extent, women who realize their standards are too high and that they can be happy with someone who meets lower standards can legitimately reset their standards. So that is where you go wrong.

However, to the extent you cannot truly lower your standards, even if they are objectively too high, then you should not settle for someone who doesn't meet them. Standards are objectively too high when (a) you have little chance of having them met and (b) you would be capable of being quite happy with someone who met lower standards if only you could convince yourself your original standards were too high.

orbitaldecayed · 2021-01-26T11:45:23+00:00

So essentially 'no fat chicks', but men. I would counter that perhaps superficiality is a bad thing.

moneygang4life · 2021-01-27T14:24:01+00:00

Women should be realistic about what their actual bare minimum standards for men they date are

Karmanger · 2021-01-27T14:30:01+00:00

The women that have to "settle" usually makes more than 80k/year and consider it settling when they have to be with a man that makes less. only about 9% of the american population makes over 100k and that's including both genders.

For comparison do you think making 8k -10k a month is broke?

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/most-americans-who-earn-90000-a-year-say-they-dont-consider-themselves-rich-2019-01-24

https://howmuch.net/articles/how-much-americans-make-in-wages

Mayhem977 · 2021-01-26T02:16:49+00:00

Just an observation, but this hangup that you might be settled for is a normal insecurity. We all have been there.

Someone‘s exes were not ideal, that’s why they are exes. She’s not thinking about this gigachad that wouldn‘t commit (reductionist way to say things didn’t work out) when you do it, but you yourself are.

No one’s perfect, there’s going to be qualities you’ve experienced with someone else that a new person lacks but they make up for it in other ways.

Settling is such distorted black and white thinking. If someone was an option out of other options, they were chosen not settled for.

Theggooob · 2021-01-26T00:47:40+00:00

That Robin Williams quote is nonsense. If you are alone you will feel alone anyway, so how could it be better than feeling alone with another person there? It’s the same either way.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-01-26T00:58:12+00:00

"Settling" doesn't mean "take someone you don't want."

"Settling" means they're "good enough" but you're not as crazy about them as you want to be. I don't think "love" is about getting a massive dopamine trip from your partner though, so call me crazy.

chadthechoker · 2021-01-26T02:37:26+00:00

Everyone settles eventually

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TheLotusLover · 2021-01-26T01:27:26+00:00

Nah people just be honest that their settling for someone so the person their settleing for can get the fuck out and pursue someone who wants them.

ApprehensiveWheel32 · 2021-01-26T09:13:58+00:00

relationship that starts that way is doomed to fail anyways since the woman will start to resent the man she settled for. She’ll nag him, disrespect him, try to change him, withhold sex from him until they end up with a dead bedroom, and eventually the relationship will just come to an end.

Yeah but they’re gonna do it anyway and no amount of rational reasoning is gonna convince them otherwise so why waste your breath?

It might be better but it would also be better if death and taxes didn’t exist too.

Title	CMV: Women shouldn’t “settle” for men they don’t want because it will just bring misery to both her and her partner.
Author	Mayhem977
Upvotes	158
Comments	194
Date	January 26, 2021 12:20 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/l51myr/cmv_women_shouldnt_settle_for_men_they_dont_want/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-women-shouldnt-settle-for-men-they-dont-want.746221 https://theredarchive.com/post/746221