Hey guys, month-long lurker here. This is throw away account. First of all, i am so grateful for all i have read here. This is indeed eye opening and first time in my life i know why things are how they are and that i can handle anything that will be thrown at me.

Need an advice on ending/managing my LTR, but first a little background.

Me

  • i'm 30yo, weight 240lbs and have 183cm, rather weak fitness
  • have super-blue-pill father and narcissistic/emotionally-needy mother
  • my girl is 4yr older than me
  • have 5yo son with her
  • we are not married! (yay)
  • kid was an accident but i love him like noone on this planet
  • i have big income (programmer)

She was my first long-time partner. Before I have few "girlfriends" which dumped me after few weeks (LJBF). Was not a virgin at point of meeting her but I was a complete blue pill looser, weed, video games, shy, obese etc.

"Relationship"

For the first year it was kinda ok, but from time to time we argued because the sex was rare. She got pregnant and with the pregnacy, month after month our relationship was getting worse and worse. She started to shit-test me a lot, i think i failed every single shit test she thrown at me.

After the birth, literally from day to day shit tests started to get like 5-10x more often and harder (i still failed all of them, thinking that i need to protect/care/be nice).

We had sex once in 3-6 weeks, which was super frustrating. Of course i was just a crappy lover, so no surprise here.

This lead to arguments, fights, screaming etc. Lot of the times at the presence of our 2-4yo son (at that time), which handled this really, really bad. I also few times shouted on him and hit him few times (i'm really sad about this, but this is already super sorted, see "Father-Son trip").

Beta bucks

I was paying bills and stuff. She helped financially few times but it was my burden. She was supposed to take care of kid. But she wanted to work so for 2yrs we had a babysitter and my girl was working (see below).

Her business with my software

She sells used books on polish ebay clone. Quite a nice money. Given i do webapps for a living i made her an app to speed up the process of putting books on that auction site. It earned her lot of money. It costed me hundreds of hours (i think something like 1000hrs). The plan was that i sell this to other people selling books. But because i was constantly emotional wreck, in fights and frustration i just could not execute this business as i should. Code decayed and maintenace is a burden now. It still runs and earns her money tho.

Working together

Her work was home-based and i also worked from home for a year or so. This was not a good idea, only more occassions to fights. Not saying about thousands of books which were literally everywhere which fucked me up because for lot of time i had no place for my stuff (so pathetic).

My moving out

I had enough and i just moved out, renting a small flat for myself. But the "relationship" was still undefined - sometimes we met, sometimes we fuck. I gave her money for the child and paid for both flats (pathetic). She visited me maybe once or twice during my half a year living alone there.

Her new flat

In the meantime, she bought a flat (i was not involved in it at all, it was her life time savings, her decision and she just didn't give a fuck about me). She spent more and more time there and rarely slept at home. I helped move stuff etc. The situation was not clear. Are we living together or not?

My (ours) new flat

We also changed the flat we were living previously into new flat that was closer to her just-bought one. This was smth like year ago. Things were super bad at this point, she barely slept at home etc.

Relationship with my son

My relationship with my kid was shitty at this point. No authority at all, screaming and i hit him few times. I had enormous remorse because of that and started to read books about this. Especially non-violent-communication themed, (i really recommend NVC and also Jesper Juul book "Your competent child"). This was eye opening for me - i understood that i am frustrated mostly because i do not treat my son how i would like and i do not do the activities i like with him and instead i do all the stuff the SHE wants/instructs me to do with him (so fuckin pathetic). And also that "raising" kids is rather building relationship based on parent's authority, rather that making your kid obey you and "behave".

Father-Son trip

I planned a 3 week long vacation in march with my son. I read a lot of books and play and goof with him all the time. This was 3 weeks of being totally myself with my son - first time ever. I stopped to do all the things SHE wanted me to do and focused 100% on what I want and how I want to treat my kid. This had enourmously positive effect on my relationship with my son and it was a beginning of upward spiral.

My improvements

After the trip ended i started to improve myself. Ordered diet catering to eat healthy and bought orbitrek and kettlebells and started to work out regularly (every day). I biked a lot etc. I also started working in the office and meeting/talking to real ppl, going out more often etc.

Therapy

I decided to go to therapy, which was a godsend. I was considering this for a long time and finally decided to go. This helped tremendously.

I was introduced by her to the "Toxic shame" which is a psychological term also used extensively in "No more Mr. Nice Guy" (which i'm currently reading and it sums up all the things from my therapy so far, super recommend). I started putting boundaries between my girl and myself. At one point, she joked in text that "she does not know what will be with us", which i responded that i do not want to be with her anymore.

Her crazy mode

This was the moment she got into crazy mode. Said that she does not want me to contact with my son, till i "sort myself out". She completely blocked my contacts with him and started to go to some crazy psychologists, telling all my friends how a bad person i am (which was partially true of course) and making sure "her story" is heard. She insisted that in order for me to go out and play with my son i need to pay a neutral person to supervise me because she is scared that the child will be hurt (this was fucking stupid, my agression toward the child was never about the child, only frustration that exploded, and child from such a fighting family is not an easy one, so a downward spiral).

My positive anger

This made me really really fucking angry. I put all of the missing boundaries and cut all of her benefits (not including child support because i wanted to have receipts in case we go to court).

I had an attorney, sent her an official email and threatened her with a court. But i still believed we can fix it without fighting, so i insisted on mediation first. I spend lot of money of our 4 visits, but the last one ended with screaming and me telling her that this is enough and i just go to court, mediation's over.

I must add that in the meantime i even started to date girls (only tinder and speed dating at first because i was a pussy for approaching) and introduced more social situations into my life, which felt super cool.

I think this was one of the best periods of my life, putting boundaries, saying NO everytime i mean it, getting out of my comfort zone, having better condition (wow, i can go for a 60km bike trip and not die, surprising).

Even that my dates does not resulted in sex yet, i was feeling the abundance mentality more and more.

Big comeback

After few days, she texted that she want to try one more time and maybe i will just come over and play LEGO with her and son. I had my time planned so I told NO. After few days I called her and talked with her for a half an hour. She was really scared to meet with me (i was many times verbally aggressive towards her and once struggle her, pathetic, i know). I come over to her, we cuddle and fucked like crazy for the next week, few times a day (son was on vacation). I remember she really desired me then, which was a super cool feeling.

Blue pill again

My blue pill conditioning started to creep back at me. I dropped working out step by step and was not taking care of myself as i was before. This has an obvious effect of me got into Beta mode again. Not as beta, as previously, because i still set my boundaries and say NO when i meant it. Of course it resulted in her losing her desire for me and sex dropping from 2 times a day to 1-2 times a week. I was living at her place like 5-6 days a week at this point (WRONG!).

Whinning and back to my place

Blue pill worked and i started to whine like a pussy about this and that. When i realized what is happening i just moved out back to my place and now i'm sleeping 1-2 days a week at hers (i was not yet aware that TRP is gold, was thinking it is another PUA stuff).

Breakup or not

I considered breaking up with her few times, but bluepill in me instead bought a tickets somewhere in hope that briffault's law is a lie :-) It is fucking not. It is GOLDEN. I really really understand how it works now. Great but sour lesson.

Time together

So, our last trip was 2 weeks ago, to a Lee Scratch Perry concert. We had a really great time, cuddled a lot and fucked too (was 3 days at the city).

When we got back to our city we split, she into her place and me into mine.

Beta blues

After few days i visited her on her invitation. Played some with son, put him to sleep and read a book. She was very unpleasant and whiny all the time.

I started to make out with her and she just said that she is tired and just go to sleep. ( 1) was that a shit test and i should have just ignore it and proceed further? this is what i think now, that she just needed to be fucked hard but have a hard time expressing this, given she invites me? ). I told her that she is unpleasant and i don't know why she invites me and i just got up and leave to my place ( 2) was it blue? how would you react? ).

This was week ago. I tried to visit her once during that time, but come in the bad moment when she was putting kid to sleep and i just get the food she prepared for me and got back home ( 3) this was also blue, i could just take my kid to bed, tell him a story and stay, right? ).

In the meantime i felt really terrible and read even more and more TRP. Started my workouts regularly again and felt overally better, knowing that the thing i should focus first (either in "relationship" with her or outside) is my fitness, my wellbeing and myself overall.

Today

I just called to set me having kid tommorow, but she had some plans with him already. This pissed me off and I just told her that this pisses me off and that I want to talk and to sort this out on paper (me-son contacts) because i'm scared that she will make me problems with contacting child again ( 4) losed frame right? ). We will probably meet tonight to talk this out, but i'm not sure i want to talk this out or i just want to fuck her and tell her that i will be dating other girls from tomorrow and that i want to have my kid 2 days in week and evey second weekend.

I tried to apply dread game, but she really does not have more to dread about and it is barely working...

Conclusions

I would really like any input on this, especially on the last 2-3 weeks of the story and how you guys would handle those situations.

I had oneitis on this girl previously but i do not have it now. I'm rather biased towards breaking up with her finally and finalizing my contacts with kid in court (on a friendly basis, just to have it on paper) but I am scared that she will put herself on crazy mode once again and i would need to go to get a lawyer and go to court this time. Any ideas how to solve it?

I will continue to workout and improve myself for granted, thats the easy part that will bring benefit in every scenarion :)

Sorry for bad english and a pile of chaos and thanks for your input.