I didn't want to post this because I don't like asking for help but here I go anyway. Beware of the length!

I'm 24, 6'4, I bench press 225lbs for reps, and I train mma but the problem is I'm scared of people. The thing is, I was shit at school and spent a lot of time unemployed and in isolation. I got rid of all of my friends a long time ago because they only liked partying while I was trying to improve myself so I spent a lot of time being alone. Most of the time the only person I talk to is my mom and like all women, she mostly talks about stupid shit which causes me to try to avoid talking to her. That's why most of the time I don't talk to anyone.

I also consumed a lot of porn because I've always been scared of women, probably because I was raised by a single mom. I used porn to fulfill my sex needs. Now I lost interest in real women. I've tried fucking 5 different women since I discovered TRP last year but I couldn't get it hard. I met my ex gf from high school 2 weeks ago and it seemed like she still liked me so I took her home and tried to fuck her even though she was with someone else. Applying TRP concepts makes it quite easy to get women. She was surprised when she saw my limp dick and she said that she remembers my dick always being hard. She went home disappointed and I never heard from her again.

Most of the time I'm scared to go out and I only go out when I absolutely have to.

Today I went to a job interview and it fucking sucked. The receptionist told me to relax as soon as she saw me. There was another candidate there and he told me to stop freaking out and I was like how the fuck does he know that I'm freaking out. Turns out I was sweating like crazy and was having bladder problems, already went to the toilet 3 times before the interview. I was stuttering and sweating my ass off during the interview.

The guy who interviewed me was a skinny mofo in a suit and he scared the shit out of me. Me, the guy who can kill him with his bare fists. I don't get it.

When I got home, I ate a whole milk chocolate bar that my mom bought for me the other day. I tried my best to not eat it. I told this bitch to stop buying me junk food because I'm trying to lose some fucking weight but she said that I'm trying too hard and that it won't kill me. Sometimes I feel like she's trying her best to prevent me from losing weight because she's always encouraging me to eat her shitty stuff. Then I sat down with a spoon and the sugar container and started scraping away. I developed this sugar addiction 2 months ago when I was trying to lose weight fast after gaining weight trying to get my numbers up at the gym. Since then I've been binge eating a lot and gained about 20lbs, in 2 months.

Another problem I've been having is general lack of energy and lethargy even though I sleep well, workout, and eat healthy 90% of the time. I checked my testosterone and thyroid after reading a post by illimitableman and my T was low as fuck. I got some injections but I still feel like shit so it's probably some bro science shit, better not take medical advice from people on the internet. Although, I can't say it was useless because I made some decent gains at the gym thanks to that. I've also been getting morning woods and this made me quite happy because I can't remember the last time I've had those.

I've probably got clinical depression or some shit but I don't wanna go to a psychiatrist because I feel like I'm not supposed to be doing that. I've heard that men don't like to talk about their problems, I wonder if I'm being a stubborn mofo here.

When I talk about all that shit I feel like I'm aware of my problems but I feel like a faggot for not being able to fix this. I contemplate suicide a lot these days because I feel like no matter how hard I try I can't become a real man. I feel like if I had a gun I'd probably have done it a long time ago. There's a post titled "Don't talk to me like a bitch" on TRP and this post is probably me doing that but I hope something good will come out of it.