How do you make peace with a girl's history?

Derfaust · 2018-09-25T12:08:13+00:00

You are very unlikely to get to a point with this girl where this is going to stop bothering you. It is going to mess with your head continuously and it will make you act out. You already know its not going to work long term but you really want it to...because... why? Scarcity paradigm. Get out. Get out now. Man up and face yourself and let go.

Next time you meet a nice girl who starts talking about her past relationships...stop her. Yes, you know she has a past, but you also know that the knowledge will eat you up. But its better to not know, at least for now until you arrive at a mentality where you can overlook such things.

Furthermore girls who bring all this shit up early on are damaged and they're going to continue bleeding all over you. Get out. Now. Save yourself. Because you cant save her.

LongBeachBlackTips · 2018-09-25T10:46:32+00:00

“She’s not yours, it’s just your turn”

Greek-God-Brody · 2018-09-25T13:07:02+00:00

Don't LTR a girl with a rich sexual past if it bothers you. Don't LTR a girl raised without a father around.

If she ticks a lot of the green flags, then consider LTRing her.

I'd rather accept a girl who's had a few stable relationships than one who's been riding the CC year after year and only having had 1-2 LTR's.

IFuckingHateAllergy · 2018-09-25T11:37:12+00:00

I used to be in your exact position. Nobody can actually blame you when you feel the way you do. We're all wired to feel that. That's just your subconscious telling you that that type of girl is very rarely LTR material. However your desire for her affects how you view her and creates a conflict in your mind. You want her to be someone only you had. But the fact that she isn't is what makes that conflict.

How I dealt with it, I simply approached it from an IDGAF state. Zen state if you want to call it that. If it bothers you then it matters to you. Don't let the things you have no control over bother you, her past being a prime example. You only have two choices here, you should focus on that. The former being, You just enjoy the ride and see where it takes you. You can't change her past so why worry about it? If it bothers you so much, your only second choice is to find someone else who doesn't have a very promiscuous past so you can maintain your peace of mind.

Your statement tells me you care more than just having sex otherwise her history would be a non-factor.

We_Are_Legion · 2018-09-25T11:03:57+00:00

The ancient monks used to have a technique for dissolving pain, so that they could find inner peace:

When your emotional pain arises... pay attention to your pain. Observe the feelings that arise. Do not fight them. Do not think about the feelings. Do not let your feeling turn into thinking. No words, judgements or memories. No past nor future. Simply observe the feeling. Rather than resist the pain, go into it more deeply. Surrender to the reality of what is, in the here and now... which is not the memory... but only the feeling of pain itself.

Stay in the present moment. Look at the pain with calm, and acceptance. Know that it is not part of you. Observe it like an outsider.

Observe your pain. Smile at it.

Within a few moments, the pain will pass away. And that portion of it that you managed to dissolve will never return (not until you create new pain which is a consequence of having a uncontrolled ego.). Over a few sessions of this, this entire body of pain will have dissolved from your life.

failingtheturingtest · 2018-09-25T08:58:23+00:00

Do you have the right to feel this way? Who had the right to tell you what you can and cannot feel?

It's not that it's "right" to judge her. Just like it's not "right" to find that ugly girl over there unattractive. But I do. It's how we're built. And you judge her because all your instincts tell you that her past proves her to be a dangerous gamble. Accept a commitment with her and its on HER terms. She can fuck you over when the moment feels right and you are the one that wears it.

MattyAnon · 2018-09-25T15:01:37+00:00

I've always had trouble dealing with girls' pasts. Everytime a girl and I get closer and she starts telling me about her history, I can't help but reflexively judge her as a slut.

If she wants to have lots of men that's fine, but she's not LTR material.

The extreme hypocrisy here is that she fucked me on our first date, she is willing to give everything up for me by this point, the other day she told me she loves me and if you compare her history with mine, mine is a whole lot more scandalous.

This is not hypocrisy. YOU ARE MALE SHE IS FEMALE. It's different - both in how we feel about each other, and also statistically. Men can still happily pair bond regardless of # partners. Provably not so for women.

Still, I cannot help it. It's almost like I get mad at her for her "bad choices".

Don't get mad at her for not being what you want her to be. Accept her as she is, and behave and live your own life accordingly.

This isn't "forgive" because of course there are consequences. It is "accept and treat as she is".

Do I have any right to feel this way?

Yes. You're a man.

Where is the error in my thinking and what is the correct mindset to have?

Error = men and women are the same.

Correct mindset = men and women are different. Paying full price for thoroughly used goods just makes no fucking sense.

jackandjill22 · 2018-09-25T09:44:12+00:00

Two choices:

Enjoy the sex you’re getting.

Be jealous other men got it, too.

Stop focusing on dudes, bro. You got titties in your face - you won. She thinks you’re hot and loves to bang you. Enjoy that shit before your actions begin to dry her the hell up and she leaves.

Red_Ninja7 · 2018-09-25T11:57:11+00:00

Sounds like you're actually thinking of being in a LTR with her. Don't. Take all the red pill advice and enjoy her in the short term, but this type of chick wouldn't be good for a LTR. Don't even be exclusive with her.

bostezo22 · 2018-09-25T13:38:50+00:00

I understand you a lot bro. Here the people is telling you that enjoy the ride, you have won, etc... but, once more, it is not about HER is about YOU, isn't it?

It's strange since I am the one always who gets bored of girls and cheat on them and move on. And I have my creepy past and bad choices. But I think men and women are different, we should fuck and girls should be selective? Hell, welcome to real life, welcome to TRP.

I feel the same with any girl who tells me she gave everything to ONS chad, and got mad when they tell me about their drunk threesomes and gangbangs (really pisses me off). But I learnt bro, girls nowadays by 21 years old have been railed once and again. It is hard, I know. So what you have to do is DONT GIVE A FUCK and prevent yourself from LTRs.

Freedom__Fighter · 2018-09-25T14:28:55+00:00

You either date good virgin church girls and fuck missionary, or you stop being a pussy if you want to touch a hot oven and deal with the fact that she, a human, has made plenty of mistakes including acting a slut. If you can't stomach a slut's past, you simply move on.

oytrp · 2018-09-25T15:21:38+00:00

It's a valid feeling that you should listen to.

Not LTR worthy.

markinsinz7 · 2018-09-25T15:42:27+00:00

I'm just surprised this doesn't affect EVERY other guy here. I guess they call this the anger/denial phase.

Im not there yet but i suspect Eventually you yourself hook up with so many women that it doesn't phase u anymore. Every girls just another slam piece. You just enjoy the ltr for the experience and when it ends you let it go blissfully.

Until one day u wanna have kids and u look around u and realize... fuck. I've seen guys so naturally alpha that all the training n practice in the world I could take and they'd still beat me hands down (not that it matters) but point being these Chad's marry up these hoes - all the fuckin time.

It's a case of 'this is the best it'll ever get and might as well since I want a family'.

As for the many men preaching no marriage, suppose the laws change and become more favorable to marry in case of divorces. What then? Tons of men will line up to wife up these same hoes. In the end to each ones own - hopefully you find a bro irl who shares the same values as you - that can ease the pain of loneliness

Enjoy the decline.

CainPrice · 2018-09-25T18:31:36+00:00

When you're obsessing about a girl's sexual history, you're focusing on a bunch of incorrect issues.

The main one in your case is that you're putting your current woman on a pedestal. Not your current woman, specifically, but your current woman 10 years ago, or something like that.

You think that your current woman, back before she started having casual sex, was somehow better and more special than she is now, and if only you'd caught her then, before she had a sexual history, then you'd have the perfect girlfriend.

But the fact is that your woman is, was, and will be a slut. When placed into circumstances where she had opportunities for casual sex (including her first date with you), she had casual sex. She's a casual sex girl. That doesn't make her less enjoyable as a human being, that doesn't make sex with her any less good or less fun, and it doesn't make her a bad person any more than your history makes you a bad person.

You're not going to marry this girl anyway, so just enjoy your time with her, enjoy the sex, enjoy how she makes you feel, and when things run their course, wish her well and go enjoy other women.

omega_dawg93 · 2018-09-25T14:30:53+00:00

OP, just know that you're only dealing with the history she thought you can handle.

the REAL history is in her head, with her medical records, and probably with her best friend.

you do NOT... REPEAT, NOT want to know her TRUE sexual past.

multiply the number she gave you x3... then, add 7.

Tousen71 · 2018-09-25T13:16:26+00:00

Is she the mother of your kids? No? Then have fun, hang out, and hook up, but DQ her from anything serious.

punchyson · 2018-09-25T15:12:12+00:00

I have to takes on this, neither is what you want to hear.

All women either are sluts, or want to be. Even the churchy prude who really has a single digit n-count has sexual fantasies that would melt your brain. Women are far dirtier than men are, believe it.
What you are really worried about is if one or more of those guys got better sex from her, if you are the biggest and best etc. All you can really do in our modern dating reality is work at being the best fuck of her life. If all she can think about is getting fucked by you, problem solved.

AllForTheGains · 2018-09-25T14:04:18+00:00

Only a cuck settles with a used up whore.

SteveStJohn · 2018-09-25T11:55:50+00:00

Someone hasn't ingested AWALT.

twofones · 2018-09-25T15:48:34+00:00

It's not hypocritical if your body count consists of women and her's does NOT consist of women. Because it's not the same.

If you had the same *MALE body count she would judge you all the same.

These two simple ideas are very new and difficult to grasp on both sides but quite simple when you think about it. You cannot judge your past as *more scandalous* than hers unless you have the same MALE body counts.

The truth is NOBODY wants to invest in someone who has a lot of casual sex with men because this shows low personal agency.
Casual sex with women requires higher SMV whether you are a guy OR girl.

Men don't want women who have casual sex with a lot of men.
Women don't want men who have casual sex with a lot of men.

Keep your investment limited.
A man's disapproval of a woman's (male) body count is directly proportional to his investment in her.

A woman's slutty past undermines your investment her. (Also if women's slutty pasts were with other women, they would get a pass just like straight guys get a pass, but as a society or even redpill community somehow we haven't drawn that simple distinction yet)

Do not invest where other men did not have to and you will be fine. Only invest in women that require men to invest in her.

Garathon · 2018-09-25T12:26:11+00:00

Be stoic: don't worry about shit you can't change or affect. It's just your ego having trouble with the fact that you're not the only one she's ever had but remember that the others were before you, it's you she's with now.

bazwalt · 2018-09-25T14:19:18+00:00

I've told every girl I've been with that i have no interest in their past. Nor should they have any in mine. The pay is the past.

Auxfite · 2018-09-25T15:25:51+00:00

Been there done that.

It’s just your intuition letting you know you’re dating a whore that won’t last long. Whores aren’t LTR. Just pump and dump. I bet she’s an alpha widow

muddynips · 2018-09-25T17:02:06+00:00

The problem here is a girl talking about her past. Women are completely ephemeral when it suits them, so if she’s talking past it’s because she wants to.

You need to move her down not for doing those things, by for holding on to them.

If that doesn’t help just remember that it’s not forever, it’s just your turn. If the turn is still worth taking when you know it’ll end soon, then you don’t REALLY care do you?

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2018-09-25T17:25:18+00:00

Sounds like you just have no confidence. The past is what it is; history. Get over yourself.

RedHoodhandles · 2018-09-25T17:42:11+00:00

I've been where you are right now and I tried to make it work. I won't tell you the red flags that I ignored aside from her promiscuity but let me tell you this.

It was messing with my head and eating me inside. And I couldn't trust her. Later it turned out that I was right to distrust her. Or wasn't I and her behaviour was just a consequence my behaviour. I will never know. It doesn't matter now.

What I do know is this. No matter you much you enjoy her aside from sex, don't try to LTR a slut.

omega_dawg93 · 2018-09-25T12:40:58+00:00

Two words: waterslide mentality (the easier to digest version of AWALT imo). If I go on a fun waterslide, and some other people also go on the waterslide (before or after me) why should I be mad at them or the slide? After all, I got to go on a waterslide, and that shits fun.

TheStumblingWolf · 2018-09-25T12:13:01+00:00

When I was in such a situation I realized, after a lot of tough reflection, that it was my ego talking. I was afraid I wouldn't measure up. Once you learn to focus more on your own needs, than receiving validation from fulfilling others', you learn to not care because all that matters is this moment right here, right now.

Brickles09 · 2018-09-25T12:48:42+00:00

You are developing oneitis, be careful.

seedster5 · 2018-09-25T18:52:22+00:00

You walk away. Bro I have walked away from those women. Walked away in the sense that they were no longer relationship material and saw them as plates or people to just be friends with. For 3 years I did that. Until I found the girl I want to settle with. You want to decide what you want. I will never accept one night stands. Boyfriends are one thing but absolutely no one night stands.

waynebradysworld · 2018-09-25T19:10:12+00:00

Do everything they've done with anyone else and more. Anal, cum on her face, all those type of things. Then you can be at peace with the fact she has given you at least everything anyone else has had.

Would feel much worse if u found out some other guy used to face fuck her but she doesn't want to do it with you. As long as nothing is off limits for you, you'll get over it.

Doesn't mean you have to always do degenerate shit and degrade her either. Just that it is on the table and she is willing.

TheTrenTrannyTrain · 2018-09-25T16:58:09+00:00

"It's not reasonable to expect a woman to spend her entire life, before she's ever met you and before you exist in your universe, practicing to one day be your girlfriend. Women enjoy sex, they enjoy being loved, they enjoy loving, and they even enjoy feeling less alone for an hour with a guy they don't love. Even sweet, virginal girls enjoy sex and love. They just haven't figured it out yet. Your girlfriend can't go back and un-suck any dick. She did what was right for her at the time, in a universe where you didn't exist yet. Maybe it was fun, maybe it was lame, maybe it was love, maybe it was lust. Doesn't matter. She did what she wanted at the time. Since time machines don't exist and she can't go back and un-suck any dick, let's think about what you'd want her to do going forward with you to be the best possible girlfriend, without worrying about her past for time being. Is she fucking you well, often, and enthusiastically? Is she good to you? Is she grateful when you're good to her? If all of that is true, then she's doing everything you could possibly ask of her and everything a good girlfriend ought to do, short of somehow magically knowing she was supposed to save herself for you and have zero sexual experiences until you appeared in her life. Which is silly. You don't want a girl that's afraid to touch your dick and has never seen one before anyway. Let girls figure that shit out in high school so they don't freak out with you."

Credit to u/cainprice. I'm personally facing the same conflict as you OP, knowing that some of my plates had previous ONS when they all told me they "aren't looking for fun."

BasomTiKombucha · 2018-09-25T13:00:07+00:00

https://youtu.be/BaRjwsOKEyQ

sjdfhskdjfh · 2018-09-25T15:40:07+00:00

I don't. It eats me up inside...

She would have to be a perfect 10 for me to overlook it

jackandjill22 · 2018-09-25T18:58:17+00:00

It's weird whenever redpill address questions like this it's basically a bunch of existential ambiguous bullshit answers. Probably because they don't have an answer for this because it's apart of the problem.

RomeNeverFell · 2018-09-25T20:53:45+00:00

I feel exactly the same brother. Stay strong.

genethedog · 2018-09-25T16:59:28+00:00

Their reason the "past" is different for men and women is gluttony vs. supply and demand and the fact that they have to let someone inside their body. You'd fucking think with all the higher risks for women and sex that they'd learn some control and moderation. They haven't. Most are filthy pigs eating from an endless trough until they are so full they puke.

For men, we're the kid in the candy store that's only allowed to have one candy and we don't have a free choice because the candy has to want you too.

The instincts you have are going off. "Warning warning, slut, run!" Because she's a feral animal now. Her ability to bond is gone and she will cheat on you and fuck you over when she gets bored or your candy. Don't try to rationalize it, just lay back and accept it and don't be surprised when it all falls apart because it will

Morphs_ · 2018-09-25T20:05:50+00:00

Don't ask too much or else it becomes too graphic. Then you start to imagine the guys and everything turns into a huge mindfuck competition. Ask only if you know you can handle it (3somes, gangbangs, etc.)

Second, get more experience. Your n count is too low so a woman with sexual experience intimidates you. I had the same with my ex. After we broke up I doubled my n count and had a lot of awesome experiences. My ex will always be a slut though.

Last, most (all?) girls with a high n count are plate/FwB material at best.

[deleted] · 2018-09-25T23:21:57+00:00

The only reason you feel the need to make peace with a girl's history is because you still have blue-pilled delusions of unicorns and marriage.

JerryLawlerPigFace · 2018-09-26T01:26:04+00:00

One of to hardest things to come to grips with is the fact that she won’t change just for you, no matter how much you eventually try to rationalize it. You know it deep down, that she’s not LTR material. But you wonder...Male I can make it work with her? Nope. This is a fundamental “problem” on behalf of the girl.

Accepting this is crucial for getting over the anger phase. Something I myself have not done yet either

[deleted] · 2018-09-26T03:44:58+00:00

you feel guilty because you’re trying to turn hoes into housewives. it never works. even billionaires get fucked over.

treat hoes as hoes and never upgrade them past fuck buddy. they aren’t worthy of LTR’s. simple as that.

joner888 · 2018-09-25T12:32:51+00:00

No you provaly dont have any right to feel that way. Realise that its in the past and its out of your and hers control now. Although i think its natural to judge a girl youre seeing when you find out about stuff shes done in the past. Maybe because many of us wants a "pure" girl or someone who isnt a slut , idk thu

Jimmy_Greenteeth · 2018-09-25T22:48:29+00:00

I have always had trouble with this; even when accepting and understanding that she's not mine its just my turn etc. I have found myself constantly thinking about all the guys that have came on my LTRs tits on a one night stands and all the other degenerate filthy shit she's done. The truth is I have found only one way to get over it and that is to fuck other girls; even if your in a monogamous relationship. With every new girl I fuck I find that I give less and less of a shit about my LTR's past. Which leads me to believe that caring about a partners past is absolutely a pre-requisite to oneitis so be careful.

chazthundergut · 2018-09-26T00:36:29+00:00

Full disclosure- I love sluts. I know what whores all women are, and I fucking love it. So take this with salt.

I've adopted the female mindset for these types of issues.

All I care about is what she is doing for me right now in this moment.

The only time her past would bother me is if she gave someone else more than she gives me.

If she used to be a slut but now she's "discovered" what a good girl she is- fuck that. Next.

[deleted] · 2018-09-25T13:22:12+00:00

Just fuck other girls while with her, then who cares who else has or will fuck(ed) her. I'm not saying be in an open relationship, but I used to hate that my current LTR even had an n-count of 3... well--I've fucked a double digit amount of girls while being with her now. Guess who doesn't give a single fuck she fucked a couple guys now? Lol.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2018-09-25T13:29:19+00:00

My dude, this isn't about anyone else's history, just yours.

You're obsessing about irrational feelings of shame and guilt about whatever given things in your past. This is self-pity and self-loathing. It's a sickness, although it's a common one. This kind of self-loathing is almost like having a small seizure. You deal with this by being critical and judgemental when other people remind you of the things you hate about yourself.

We've all done some stupid, shady, childish, incredibly impulsive shit. If you haven't, then you don't know what it really means to be alive.

The next time you feel anger or shame or self-loathing about the past, force yourself to relax and not give a fuck about it, because it doesn't matter like you think it does. Laugh at your mistakes and don't take yourself so seriously.

4thAndLong · 2018-09-25T18:08:36+00:00

This post makes you sound pretty beta tbh. She's already shown you she isn't LTR material (fucked on the first date). Sounds like you have oneitis which is dangerous because that also goes hand in hand with being in her frame. You should take a step back from this relationship and evaluate yourself and re-red pill yourself.

kaazsssz · 2018-09-25T21:53:38+00:00

All women are sluts. So are men. We are humans, we are animals, we are designed for fucking. Accept that reality. I dunno lol.

Title	How do you make peace with a girl's history?
Author	cyanidez
Upvotes	107
Comments	110
Date	September 25, 2018 8:52 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9iqhis/how_do_you_make_peace_with_a_girls_history/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-you-make-peace-with-a-girls-history.958 https://theredarchive.com/post/958