Ah TRP do I have a story to tell you. Trust me it's worth the read.

Six months ago one of my female friends (who was actually pretty hot, and I wanted to put my dick in her), asked me to take her fat friend Caroline to the school semi-formal dance.

This girl was like fucking 250 pounds, and she wasn't curvy at all. Big tits, sure, but it was kind of hard to tell when her stomach stuck out even farther. Basically disgusting overall. I only said yes because I was hoping I'd get a chance to put my dick in my hotter female friend (who was asking me this as a favor) if I did this for her. Stupid me... Well anyway after I asked out this Caroline bitch and she (of course) said yes. And I went to my hot female friend and said "You happy?" and she of course smiled and said how nice I was to do that. So I asked her if, some other time, we could do something like that together. And she said no. And I'd already committed to this date with a fat chick for nothing. Goddammit.

So I came up with a brilliant way to get back at this girl for making me take out her obese whale of a friend. So I got with one of my bros, who was going to be DJing the dance, and told him I wanted to dedicate a song to this Caroline, during the dance. He gave me a weird look, because he knew Caroline and thought it was pretty weird that I'd want to dedicate a song to her. I just said "Trust me" and he's like, "All right."

Dance comes, I meet with Caroline, my hotter female friend has another date. Fuck this shit. She tricked me into dating an inferior human being and now I have to watch her dance with some other dude. Last time I ever make friends with a girl again. Doesn't matter, I tell myself, it will all be worth it in a little while. I actually chuckle to myself while I get my picture taken with Caroline. It's obvious she spent like 6 fucking hours getting ready for this, probably her mom helped her, she probably bought a brand new dress just for this occasion. It's a nice, light blue color. What a waste of fabric. I honestly spend like the first ten minutes of listening to her yap, pitying the fabric.

Anyway so eventually I lead her onto the dance floor, saying I have something special for her. I call out to my friend, and I go up and grab the microphone and say how I wanted to dedicate the next song to my "beautiful" date Caroline. And my friend hits the button to start the next song.

And it's "Fat-Bottomed Girls" by Queen.

And I fucking dance with her through the whole song, with a perfect straight face.

About 30 seconds in she realizes what the song is about. Then recognizes it. Then watching her face is so hilarious it's a fucking testament to my facial muscles I didn't break into a grin. I just kept looking into her eyes the entire time.

Song ends, she fucking RUNS out of the room into the bathroom. And she stays there for the rest of the time. I don't see her again. Literally after she's gone my friend and I nearly fucking DIE laughing our asses off. Literally the whole dance was derailed for a few minutes until my friend (the DJ) could regain his composure enough to go back to DJing.

So that girl didn't come back to school out of embarrassment for a few weeks. When she did show up, she was totally emo. And a few months later she committed suicide. Which honestly kind of freaked me out. But whatever, who cares. The best part was, a week after that, my hot female friend freaking yells at me after school, saying that my little prank at the dance was a good deal of what drove Caroline to suicide. I told her she shouldn't have gotten me into such a shitty date then, and just because her fat friend killed herself doesn't mean it's my fault. It's hers for starting the whole thing.

Here's the best part.

She FLIPS out and literally ATTACKS me. She starts beating the shit out of me. Now when I was growing up, you didn't hit a girl. So I just let this happen, partly because I don't want to hit back, and partly because, once she's knocked me over by literally JUMPING on me, she's like a fucking animal. Admittedly I'd thought quite a bit about her being on top of me, but not quite like this.

Anyway, there's blood coming out of my nostrils now, and just then the fucking PRINCIPAL comes out of the school (this was out front after school) and sees this. And oh boy she was fucking in trouble. You'll never believe this, but she ended up EXPELLED from the school. And she was literally planning to apply to like fucking Harvard next year and shit. So that's basically fucked over now. I recieved a couple death threats from her on Facebook. I thought about reporting them but I figured enough was enough. I still fucking laugh thinking about the whole situation.


TL;DR Awesome prank at school dance playing "Fat-Bottomed Girls" song for fat date my friend forced me into, she ended up killing herself over it.