I feel like this is the only place that can help me. I'm a pretty much straight dude except for sometimes being sexually attracted to guys (and frequently aesthetically attracted). I have a certain feminine side that likes to come out some times. I like art and beauty.

Main question is does this feminine tendency mean that I will never be able to maintain frame as well as very straight dudes? Also is it possible to become more masculine? I don't think it's healthy to repress femininity or gay urges and whatever. I'm mostly attracted to girls but sometimes I wanna get fucked I'm not sure. I'm not as strong as I'd like to be so maybe I seek that in other men.

This is a cluster fuck of thoughts sorry to dump this on everyone but I am having a pretty hard time with things it's driving me a little crazy.

I'm not sure how much you all believe in the masculine feminine energy stuff or having a masculine core or feminine core etc. Should I try to reduce my feminine behaviors (things like helping/listening to people's problems, being sensitive to other people's wants and needs, nurturing others etc)? I feel like deep meditation helps me be less anxious and feminine and more solid and stoic but I'm not sure how much is simply innate and "supposed to be there"

I'm really confused.

[–]SlashThePastel6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well, masculinity isn't all just about muscles and cars. That's a part of it too, but I think masculinity is also about maturity and accepting your problems and stuff like that. I'm kinda new to this sub so I may be really off, but depending on the kind of guy you

The negative parts of feminity can be easily changed, people who say otherwise are lying. Don't try too hard to be masc either, it's very obvious when you do, and is basically telling your potential guy/girl that you're insecure. Being stoic/shutting the fuck up is a good booster.

A lot of girls actually like a bit of positive feminine energy, but others will instantly friend-zone you and dismiss you as gay. You probably will have a tougher time than normal guys (who also have issues) but many girls will actually, due to their feminist/sjw tendencies will try and be with a bisexual for pc points, which would be a good starting point for a plate.

This is kinda a rant but tl;dr identify your toxic feminine aspects so you can neutralize them, and as cliche as it sounds, lift too haha. You won't be able to get rid of the energy in its entirety so focus on your positive feminine parts, like caring, nurturing, talking, etc.

[–]Sbdaq[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks man. that is very grounded advice

[–]Radithor2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Hey, sexuality is on a spectrum, you can still plow pussy but also be a little gay. Being masculine has more to do with doing something and owning up to it than eating mud and throwing around cement blocks for fun. If anything the only gay thing about this post is you wanting to have it in the butt, which means you wish to submit to a degree to a more alpha male. You can still be a masculine 'alpha' male and as what gay trp dictates ,take it in the butt but only by a male MORE masculine and alpha than you. To be honest wearing eyeshadow make-up and slim jeans when out and about encourages conversation and advertises your goods while inviting shit tests for your worth so don't really see a downside...

Warning: Bisexual dudes are not the absolute highlight for gay guys, usually means more competition because you'd have to compete with two sexes and you can't satisfy a man's want for a vagina when all you got is a pucker and dick.

[–]Sbdaq[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is a lot of reassurance. Do you happen to know of dudes changing from being more tops to bottoms or vice versa over time? I feel like this is correlated with innate(or not innate) masculinity vs femininity. It seems sexually it's more of an energy thing than simply the surface mannerisms it's often associated with

[–]Radithor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're "Innate energy" is not the one in control of whether or not you top or bottom. Yes you can want to be a bottom but ultimately you do decide if you are the more dominant one. You are in control of how it all plays out really, it's up to you if you want to be plowed by a guy and call him daddy or vice versa. I have seen guys go from dominant top to submissive bottom but that's because it's easier to let the control slip than take charge of the sexual experience.

[–]Sbdaq[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

By feminine energy I mean I'm sometimes kind of girly. Also for Halloween I'll feel good dressing up a little faggy (maybe vampire, bit of eye shadow, black skinny jeans, haven't painted my nails though. Idk guys sometimes I like letting that side out or something

[–]hatessw0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

What do you mean exactly by maintaining frame?

[–]Sbdaq[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

There's a lot of different ways people go about explaining it but it generally means being unmoved by external factors (external including thoughts and emotions). The way I see it men are more grounded in simply who they are, like they are deeply sunk into their core. They're on a different slower frequency than women who operate up higher 'blah blah blah' more anxiety and agitation.

I'm trying to figure out how innate this sort of thing is

[–]hatessw0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think you could 'maintain frame' just fine then. As well as other guys? Maybe, who's to say.

As for the rest of what you said, I'll forego writing up everything all over again and just refer you to this comment of mine. I think it'd help you almost as much. You just need to make a few decisions, such as what 'price' you think is reasonable to pay to achieve your goals.

[–]should_0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Some straight guys have feminine traits and hold frame very well. For some reason I'm thinking of the My Chemical Romance guy. I don't personally know how he holds frame but to be the face of a franchise like that, could he be that bad at it? The mannerisms on the surface aren't always reflecting what's going on underneath or with one's actions.

Your penultimate paragraph - particularly the part inside parenthesis - makes me wonder if you're dealing with codependency, power issues, and anxiety about making others happy instead of yourself. And that it's not a case of you simply being a sort of feminine guy who likes masculine guys sometimes. If this resonates, you should probably worry less about what you 'identify' as in relation to other guys sexually, and see about resolving those issues. It's a subject I've been meaning to write about here.

[–]Sbdaq[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Ah thanks for the input yeah there's definitely something to the codependency power issues etc, I've been exploring it. I'd be curious to read what you write. Do you have any general quick tips on that ?

[–]should_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think sexual preferences (or fetishes) are often indications of power issues like that. They stem from infancy/childhood, and the pattern continues in adulthood because you're subconsciously trying to revisit that relationship and come out the winner this time. I couldn't tell you a straightforward healing process but it helps to be aware of it for starters, so if you find yourself behaving codependently you can catch yourself in the act.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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