Discovered wife has had an affair, have kids, she doesn't know that i know

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2019-01-24T15:25:22+00:00

Keep your mouth shut! You just found out. Whatever your next move is needs to be calculated and not in an emotional torrent.

Think, prepare, read about divorce and coparenting. The more you learn and know the less uncertainty there will be.

Make you next decision from a clearer place.

You know what's going on here. You know the dynamics at play. You know how she really feels.

If you choose to end this you want it at smooth as possible. Let her hamster run, accept her bullshit analysis. It will be all your fault, they always say that. Just take it and make the break as easy as possible. For your kids.

Think, plan, execute.

Two_kids_in_a_coat · 2019-01-24T15:32:20+00:00

You got one life. Are you really going to waste it living and supporting some slut that takes if up ass for this other guy? You need to very clearly imagine her sucking off this dude, swollowing his load then coming back to stay under your roof. Make no mistake, she would leave you for him, but she’s not good enough for him to leave his wife. You’re getting his seconds. You deserve better. Your kids deserve to be in a loving house. It will NEVER be what you wish it was.

fuckmrp · 2019-01-24T16:52:40+00:00

Imagine your kid is grown, comes to you for advice with a similar situation, what's your advice... do that.

csawyer86 · 2019-01-24T15:26:00+00:00

I just did the same thing she was doing until I decided to leave . It sucks not living with my kids 7 days a week but it is better than being with someone who doesn’t love you. That shit will eat away at your soul man.

Westernhagen · 2019-01-24T15:40:05+00:00

You are deluded if you think she doesn't know that you know. She saw you with her phone (smooth move, ex lax). She will certainly be able to tell from your behavior that you know. And needless to say, her already low level of respect for you will not increase now that she knows that you know. At any rate, you'd better assume that she thinks you know, and plan accordingly. In particular, you'd better prepare for divorce, whether you want to or not, because she also gets a vote about whether or not it happens.

Persaeus · 2019-01-24T15:44:47+00:00

it ended 2 weeks ago, the other guy said he wouldn't leave his wife and kids for her

her branch swing failed. just know their most likely not done fucking. give it a few more weeks, she'll rationalize one more time and he'll string her along for that ass. i don't think you need to ask me how i know.

nantucketghost · 2019-01-24T15:50:41+00:00

Get a divorce lawyer and take the kids. She cheated. For all you know, you probably got some VD going on down in your junk. Maybe she'll be preggo with the other guys kid. Who knows??

What are you going to do? Stay with her and wonder if next time you go down on her you're going to lap up some other guys spunk?

Time for a dose of reality.

Actually the fact you suspected, checked, found out and didn't say anything means you've checked out also. There is no saving it.

Talk to the three best lawyers in the area - consultations are free. Pick the one you like best. Have them draw it up. Take the kids.

Fuck man, she was willing to not only fuck up her family and kids for another guy, but willing to screw over his family too. He broke it off, not her.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2019-01-24T16:02:55+00:00

You need to first SHUT THE FUCK UP.

You then need to chill out. Never make life changing decisions from a point of anger. Go to the gym. Rage against the machine. Get some bros to go out and get drunk (but not too drunk). Process it however you need to. Get a therapist. Phone a friend. Sure you will be angry, pissed, etc. But you need to process that before making life changing decisions.

Only you can decide what you can live with. Personally, and this is just me, I would not be able to respect the man in the mirror every morning if I found out my wife, who swore a sacred oath to be faithful and to have and to hold, broke her word and slept with someone else, and I didn't do anything about it. Even giving WNS's favorite post. I also wouldn't want to give my children the example that it would be ok to stay with a cheater, even given the benefits of a nuclear family. Keep in mind this is just my opinion. No judgement on those who decide to stay for the kids, or who become fit as fuck and their wives turn a 180.

And you need to not do anything stupid before, during, and after whatever your decision is. Don't be a dumbass. Don't be stupid. Don't go Rambo. Make a plan.

Don't do anything stupid.

MrChad_Thundercock · 2019-01-24T18:53:22+00:00

“My wife gave me a version of the i love you but im not in love with you speech 5 month ago, up until then relationship have been ok but not great.”

Read that again.

It wasn’t “ok” up until then. She lost attraction to you long before that my friend. Who knows how long she’s been fucking this guy. You’re right, by the time she tells you ILYBINILWY it means she’s already fucking him.

It’s the largest red flag there is. Mmslp has an entire section on this. It’s code for saying “I’m fucking someone else, are you going to fight for me?” and it’s also a delaying tactic.. so she can prolong her affair. She wanted to leave you 5 months ago. She might have been fucking him for years. That’s why it was “ok for you, but not great”...

Once a new man enters the picture and gives her the feelz (dopamine), she falls in love. It’s over.

Chalk it up to being a pussy. She was miserable as fuck because she was with a fucking submissive beta (you) and bored out of her mind. You weren’t giving her any Feelz.
She was longing for a strong assertive alpha male and she found one.

Lessons learned. Tell your kids that mommy is a whore.

KoolAidMan7980 · 2019-01-24T15:31:48+00:00

So youre gonna stay with your cheating wife so your kids can grow up seeing you miserable? Do you feel like you have any value at all? Stick around longer so you can be stuck with a larger alimony payment for a longer period of time? I would pass on that dawg. Time to speak to a lawyer and find out exactly what post divorce life will look like. 3-4 days with your kids and being happy sure sounds better than 7 days of being cucked.

MrChad_Thundercock · 2019-01-24T17:53:06+00:00

Go back and read though the first post you made, and especially the advice you got in response. u/hack3ge hit it right on the nose in this comment, but the whole thread will show you how things got to the point that they did. This marriage is dead, so I'd suggest being brutally honest with yourself while conducting the autopsy so that your next LTR doesn't end up going the same way. If you ever catch yourself saying this again

I desperately dont want to lose her

then you'll know you're headed for disaster.

ParaXilo · 2019-01-24T15:42:44+00:00

Haven't gone through this myself but here my my two cents. Most importantly is to STFU. Study the laws in your state. Consult an attorney. If this is something you can live with that's your choice. However, keep in mind she only ended it because her paramour was not willing to break up his family and allow her to branch swing.

I would search through the two subs there was a recent FR about how they killed the puppy. It was well thoughtout and tactful. The minute you start acting with emotions is when you have lost.

I get it. Our kids become part of our world and we want to be there as much as possible. Divorce throws a bug wrench in that. However, it's not the end of the world. For now take some time to think on things.

Tbonesupreme · 2019-01-24T18:33:24+00:00

Do what's right for your children.

They can have a dad full-time 7 days a week who is an absolute bitch.

Or, they can have a MAN for a father for 3.5 days a week.

If you truly feel the NEED to be with your children every day, then you're a needy person. You can definitely have a great relationship with them in a 50/50 scenario. You'll have time to work on yourself when they aren't there, and be able to focus on your relationship with them when they are.

Oh, and 2 weeks? Dude, it's not over.

Thomaskingo · 2019-01-24T19:46:54+00:00

There was a Dude on this sub some years back who went by the name Ultimatechad, or something like that. His wife had also cheated and they had kids. He stayed with his cheating wife because of the kids, but he red pill games his wife and fucked every woman he could. Her cheating voids your obligation to stay faithful and makes you own cheating karma free imo.

Frosteecat · 2019-01-24T19:49:41+00:00

I honestly feel sorry for you man. It's painfully obvious you care about her and are rationalizing how to keep the marriage.

MRP is about caring about yourself first and foremost--then ALLOWING a worthy woman to share your life with you.

Current marriages are often salvageable but not primary to this endeavor.

If I found this out right now I would get all my shit dialed and then pull the pin. If she truly wanted to stay and reform (as we are all doing as well, right?), that bridge would then be examined and crossed or not.

To stay now, silently, suffering with the knowledge of your cuckery and still trying to "keep things cool" with her will not profit you one bit in any way. How can you become the "best you" in that scenario? At the very least you need to expose her shit--but only in a tactical, self serving way at this point.

It's like I used to say pre marriage to girls who cheated or dumped me out of left field (cause I was a clingy fag and they already had someone else I now know) but still wanted to "just be friends".

"Fuck that...my friends don't treat me like this".

Be your own fucking friend right now, pal.

JudgeDoom69 · 2019-01-24T23:47:24+00:00

“Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a fucking thunderbolt.”

― Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Another man has had his penis in your wife's vagina, repeatedly. Your marriage is already over. STFU, get a lawyer, get your ducks in a row and serve her the divorce petition.

You and your kids are better off being together half of the time in a stable, happy home than living in the shitshow that your marriage has become.

Quit being such a fucking cuck pussy. NEXT that vile whore. You could be with someone so much better right now.

awyden · 2019-01-24T15:27:19+00:00

hire a lawyer, Divorce now. Your kids deserve a happy, masculine man and not a cuck who would stay with his whore wife.

mrpthrowa · 2019-01-24T18:41:51+00:00

As someone who had the kids question before hard nexting and dwelt on this question for months...

HARD NEXT

Make your plan and execute. Get half custody of your kids.

Your kids don’t need you full time.

Your kids need a man to look up to and a father figure. They will adapt and they’ll be fine.

alecesne · 2019-01-25T00:13:09+00:00

Obviously you have to find the other guy’s wife and sleep with her. I think there was a movie about this no?

Wizardglick · 2019-01-24T15:49:29+00:00

If you stay the resentment will build and it’ll fast become an unhappy home for everyone. Staying isn’t the way to make sure your kids are happy. Having happy parents is what keeps kids happy. You’re leaving their mother, not them. Seek advice on what needs to be done with an attorney. She’s shown you she’d rather be with someone else. Why bother putting in the effort to stay?

fruitylad · 2019-01-24T15:54:42+00:00

Trouble is my kids are everything to me and i cant stand the though of not liking under the same roof as them 7 days a week.

she probably would have left me if the other guy would have left his wife

in a few years confront her and end it when the kids are a little older

Keep in mind she can leave at any time (and probably will when she finds a willing branch to swing to). Then you're in the same position with the kids. Do not sacrifice your happiness for this woman who values you so little to fuck another guy. Go talk to a lawyer, start building evidence to support your case, tape her if she's acting irrational - especially to the kids, and don't say anything to her at all until you have the papers there for her to sign.

You have to worry about YOUR life first before you can help anyone else (such as your kids).

fruitylad · 2019-01-24T16:12:04+00:00

You sure the kids are yours?

TurdDoctor · 2019-01-24T18:11:02+00:00

First thing I would do- go for the anal she threw out recently. Pull her hair, slap her ass and treat her like the whore she is. Give her a hate fuck.

It looks like you have been following your MAP in hopes of saving the marriage- that's not how it works, you do it to save yourself. Work on saving yourself and stop caring about what she thinks.

Confront your wife on YOUR terms with YOUR plan/goals in mind. Don't let her pull you into talking about it until you want to. If she tries to talk about it, say whatever it takes to shut her down, try, "I don't want to talk about that right now, come over here so I can put my dick your mouth" Whatever, don't engage.

Think of what she has done to you and the kids. Stand up for yourself and them by being smart. Don't get emotional, get even by talking to a lawyer and executing the plan.

0io- · 2019-01-24T20:49:47+00:00

If I were in your situation... I would not confront her now. You know what's up, and you need to get your SMV up as fast as you can. She's already checked out and cheated on you, so you're free to fuck any girls you want as far as I am concerned. Use this time to get control over all the assets as best as you can. Protect yourself! Draw down joint accounts, start hoarding cash where only you have access to it, don't let her run up credit cards, etc. She could try to financially stab you in the back at any moment and it's quite likely that within a year or two you will be starting all over as a single guy. Now, that having been said, if you do all the stuff you're supposed to be doing, your wife is probably going to be a lot more interested in you and in having sex with you. You're not needy, you never put up with any of her shit, you fuck her like you think she's a cheap whore, etc. She's already shown she doesn't think you're worth anything right now by cheating on you. Here's your chance to get control over everything and dramatically increase your value so that you can attract someone much better than her, or attract her if you still feel like keeping her around. Better act fast though. Start everything today. Not a moment to lose!

framelessglasses · 2019-01-24T19:07:20+00:00

its 6 month affair, not just a drunken mistake, she probably would have left me if the other guy would have left his wife.

Quit thinking about her, what does the above quote say about you?

Anybody can fuck around on anybody else. What can you learn about yourself here and stop focusing on her.

If you spend your life reacting to the actions of others, then you have no agency and you might deserve to be cheated on.

Change your focus from outer (her) to inner (you) then your path might become clear to you. Then you can ignore some of the retard rambos here.

wkndatbernardus · 2019-01-24T15:57:24+00:00

Definitely get your ducks in a row now while you have the element of surprise on your side but know that the endgame is now divorce since the trust has been decisively broken.

Here are some key questions I would ask right now in preparation for the legal split:

What's her working situation like? This impacts CS and alimony. If she doesn't work, encourage her to get and hold onto a job like you're a professional male cheerleader.

How involved are you in the kids' day to day lives? This will go a long way in securing at least 50/50 custody and control over big decisions like where they go to school/doctor, etc.

What do your marital assets (house, cars, retirement/savings accounts, businesses) look like and are you in a community property state? These will all probably be split in half but, not always.

How long have you been married? This impacts any alimony that may be ordered.

Get these questions answered with a pro to guide you and you will be ready to take the step towards kicking this ho to the curb.

As far as worrying about losing time with your kids, this is a normal reaction from an involved father so, good job being there for your kids so far. This may sound counterintuitive but, in my experience, divorce set up a situation where my relationship with my daughter actually got stronger, even though we don't see each other as much as if I were still married to her mom. YMMV.

PM if you want to chat with someone who's been in your shoes.

mrp_awakening · 2019-01-24T16:48:15+00:00

You deserve better. Call up an attorney, figure out divorce/separation. Serve her the papers when least expecting it.

FoxShitNasty83 · 2019-01-24T18:15:37+00:00

The silver lining in all this is that at this crossroad you can make a decision to better your life. Ask yourself what you want and do it.

In the mean time whist you decide and plan STFU and LIFT

Stay strong

Taipanshimshon · 2019-01-24T19:42:35+00:00

Figure out what to do so that any decision you make is top down.

Then go ahead and do what ever you want

friendandadvisor · 2019-01-24T20:21:27+00:00

Trouble is my kids are everything to me and i cant stand the though of not liking under the same roof as them 7 days a week. If I hard next it would be 3.5 days at best, with her potentially making thing difficult in future.

There are multiple problems that you face.

The whore's boyfriend is in control of your relationship with your children. Had he chosen to leave his wife for your wife, your time with your children would have been cut automatically, since she would have taken them with her, and you would be in the 3.5 days situation any way. So, your not doing anything would have been in vain.
If she just decides to leave, tomorrow, and live on her own so she can play the whore with multiple men, the courts will be in control of your relationship with your children. Again, at best, you will have a 3.5 day arrangement.
Currently, the whore that is your wife is exposing you to STIs, from the one bf she has, and whomever else she is/was fucking.
You are actively paying for a whore that isn't fucking you, yet she is fucking somebody else. Paying her to fuck Chad. And, you don't get any of the pussy. You are paying to NOT get laid.

Friend, read the rest of the posts about what you should do, but, you need to know that whatever happens, your love for your children is a weapon being used against you, not a tool that you can use. Your wife is already making plans that will take them away from you, and, there is nothing that you can do to stop it. Your plan to 'be fully part of their lives and live with them when they're young..." is about one affair away from being totally lost.

You need to dump her. For the logistics, check out the rest of the posts.

tspitsatgp · 2019-01-24T21:20:05+00:00

Shit bro. If you can STFU while you get your ducks in a row then do that. If you can behave like nothing has happened for an extended period of time... well that indicates something.

Make sure you do not lose your temper. It won’t help and may hurt.

If you are going for 50/50 custody make sure you are the primary carer and that it is known.

Start building your case.

Do not leave the family home. When you confront her about the affair you can ask her to leave the family home to give you space, you keep the kids in the family home, she will probably comply out of guilt. She can stay with her cunty sister.

JameisBong · 2019-01-24T22:26:34+00:00

Oh i forgot to mention, during the divorce ask if she can get a psych evaluation, it will be a great help during custody hearings. Cheaters always have some underlying psychological issues that make them very bad at parenting and or relationships.

fruitylad · 2019-01-24T15:44:22+00:00

She would have left and she harbors deep fears that you know.

She wants to leave but not to be alone. Get your finances in order and lawyer up.

Even if she never cheats again you will always wonder. There are so many women out there that will treat you better.

Get to it. The sooner the better. I'd take a week off of work to 'unwind' then cut all ties with her and pack all her shit.

There are no excuses. The talk was the signal, a signal you will never forget or forgive.

The only other option is to open the marriage and start swinging.

Hard unless you have a few solid women on your dick tomorrow, otherwise you feel seriously cucked till you do.

That depends on your SMV and exposure to the swing and link markets. I assume you have fucking 0 but it is an option.

I'd start spinning plates. Recently separated and divorced men are pretty valuable on the open market.

RedPillCoach · 2019-01-24T18:00:27+00:00

What should i do?

That is completely the wrong question. Try this one instead:

What do I want to do?

Discuss.

hack3ge · 2019-01-24T18:17:55+00:00

"Whilst doing this i can see other women without her knowing and keep improving and hopefully find a nice girl to hop to once i end it in a few years time."

I dont think you get it, bro. There are no unicorns. You have to make it explicitly clear that they need you a helluva lot more than you need them or they will run roughshod over you, WHILE being on the take, for your entire life.

ChokingDownRP · 2019-01-24T18:23:09+00:00

Agree with others here who have said to keep your mouth shut. Talk to a lawyer asap so that you KNOW exactly what divorce will look like. I'm sure this all hurts you tremendously on an emotional level, but it's time to lose the emotion and make rational decisions that best suit you and your children. How you choose to treat your wife after this is personal preference - I'd probably use her as a fuck toy, take out some of your aggression on her various holes, but you may be disgusted by her. Either way, the stay plan = the go plan...Improve yourself, seek enlightenment and make the decisions you want to make because they're best for YOU (there is no US any longer).

JameisBong · 2019-01-24T21:33:45+00:00

I have been there TWICE, plan your exit and STFU. No kids in my case. Also have a plan on how you want to proceed with custody. Be nice to this whore, she is after all the mother of your children. Hit the gym, STFU and plan everything down to the last detail.

drty_pr · 2019-01-25T03:06:56+00:00

There is an old post by u/88Will88 that I can't find (did he delete) about how you don't want a divorce, but a legal separation. It also goes into detail about keeping it as friendly as possible until the separation is complete (and probably even after that if you have kids). He was a divorce lawyer and explained how it's his job to take as much of your money as he can. Remember this.

GroundbreakingDevil · 2019-01-28T15:21:49+00:00

Was in a similar situation myself. I'm now divorced. I wrung my hands over "can I forgive her?" and "things have been ok for a few weeks" for more than a year of misery before I finally stopped being a faggot, nutted up and divorced her; don't do that, toxic relationships don't get better with age.

Step 1 - Fly casual, keep things business as usual to the greatest extent possible; don't finding her, and avoid rocking the boat until you have a plan.

Step 2 - Consult at least one attorney as soon as possible; today or at least this week. Find one who specializes is representing men in family court; it's worth it. Knowing what to expect and what you're up against is much less scary than the scenarios you'll imagine when you don't really know and your hamster is running on overdrive. You've got kids, so this is likely to get ugly on some level; listen to his advice and follow it.

Step 3 - Ask your lawyer about consent to be recorded in your state, and start carrying a voice recorder with you 24/7. Save every minute until this is over. You're establishing your alibi for if (when) she throws a false DV accusation at you.

Most importantly, you need to wrap your brain around the fact that there's no saving this marriage; if you don't end it on your terms, she will end it on hers.

Guess which one hurts more?

SeeThomasReddit · 2019-01-25T01:06:25+00:00

So she fucked someone else. I'm sure you've wanted to fuck someone else too. Continue to work on yourself and in your free time go try to get laid. You don't have to ruin your family over shit like this. Who cares who she's fucking. Go fuck whoever you want.