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How to handle separation from child? Wife is spinning off the wheel... (self.askMRP)

submitted by broneilbro

Gents,

It’s been a while since I have posted as I have been on my way back. Sitting back in US of A drinking a Vienna Lager and enjoying things.

Since last post wife has moved out into her new place and got settled down. I have reached out and have some job offers that are very attractive and I have found an awesome place for my next phase of the MAP.

My father recently drove through and met with the wife and said he noticed that the wife is about to break. He stated she is now realizing that I’m not entertaining winning her back and I am NEXTing her. Might it be the logistics only calls or the AM when she tries to pull me into her frame. Amazing a girl who complained about me wanting to talk to her just a few months ago now tries to keep me on the phone for as long as possible. This will be amusing.

While I have her figured out, one big question is how shall I go about handling the transition to being separated from my daughter? We are going to do day visits etc until I get settled (move into apartment and furnish it for us) then into overnights and split custody.

Has anybody dealt with getting back from deployment and coming back to split households? I find it slightly irking as I feel this will be the biggest emotional test knowing I have been away from my daughter for a year only to now be away 50-50. Any tips on this from the fathers?


[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red10 points11 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Plan to loose custody of your kid with this non aggressive approach

Day visits? To overnights? To shared?

Plan to get divorce raped as well.

She is setting you up.

[–]broneilbro[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

That could be true. Though the raping will be lubed as I have a prenup that was entered into the courts and remains valid.

The non-aggressive is more a mirror as my lawyer has drafted papers up and we will set up meditation. She is stating in her mind this is a “trial” but she could be lying.

I’m looking for those that have gone through it how to handle the first visit with the kid.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have.

Why should the first visit be any different than the last one? Or the next one?

Do you plan to let the kid define the frame or you?

[–]WesternhagenWinner2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

we will set up meditation.

Be sure to get a high-quality guru.

[–]broneilbro[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haha gotcha. Was typing while waiting. I think Tony Robbins is unavail.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As long as you're playing reactive to her reactions, you're always going to be one step behind.

behind what? I can't tell you, you've not once developed your own frame

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Plan to loose custody of your kid with this non aggressive approach

This. She’s setting the stage, the precedent. Courts usually putting heavy weight on the child’s “normal” routine.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret12 points13 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for your service, and sorry you’re getting fucked without getting laid by the one bitch that should be the most thankful of all.

Do not enter into any verbal, personally negotiated agreements with a lying, cheating, deceitful whore.

Every step of the way needs to be negotiated through TWO lawyers, yours and hers, NOT FOR HARASSMENT, but for the PRESERVATION OF YOUR PARENTAL AND CUSTODIAL RIGHTS BOTH NOW AND IN THE FUTURE.

And that’s your only answer to her questions about why you are doing this through the attorneys.

The only advice you need from us about this is..

TALK TO YOUR ATTORNEY NOW, AND OFTEN.

As to your daughter, you provide her stability and the love only a father will ever be able to give her.

Your house and your time is not fucking DisneyWorld. Have fun, do fun shit, but absolutely maintain boundaries of behavior and schedules and maintenance.

From the first day, through every day, be the father you always meant to be.

Mommy is dead.

You don’t trash mommy, you don’t undermine or outshine mommy, you don’t give a fuck about mommy.

Mommy is dead.

Why would you give a fuck about a dead mommy?

You listen to your 7 year old daughter talk about mommy, make a generic, non-judgmental remark, and move on to TIME WITH DADDY.

Always, do the right thing, because it is the right thing to do.

When you get to court, and your solipsistic ex-cunt/bitch WILL take you to court, you want the judge to see you as the most reasonable man in the room and your only interest is the welfare of your child and the part you play as a custodial parent.

And this shit about your STBX, is just shit. Honestly, it doesn’t fucking matter because she no longer matters. Never, ever forget; she is a lying, cheating, whore. She will peg you in court the first chance she gets.

You’re little snowflake will turn into Lucifer’s personal cocksucking whore in hell, swallow his fiery cum and try to spew it all over you in court to burn your shit down.

Your attorney is your fire suit. Pay him often and pay him well. He is your junkyard dog on a chain. Feed him well and turn him loose to terminate that cunt with extreme prejudice.

Now, what else do you need to know?

[–]broneilbro[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

That pretty much covered it. I’ll be meeting with my lawyer once I get back in town. I have so much going on but it’s baby steps.

Visited my best friend over the weekend and he was amazed how I was taking it. I tried to get him on the RP a while ago but it’s too hitter for him.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I tried to get him on the RP a while ago

You do NOT talk about Fight Club.

[–]broneilbro[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Well how did you find about it? Something you search for?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Preaching RP is not your job, especially now.

This type of stuff and your commo here could be used against you if you have a feminist harpy court.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

If your friend hasn't found it on his own, he doesn't want/need it bad enough yet. How did you get here?

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Don't help people who don't want to be helped.

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Copy.

[–]wkndatbernardus2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I wouldn't leave the home where your daughter has lived and is living. When you do that, you make it harder to prove that you are the primary caregiver. If anything, slut should move. If she doesn't want to move, go live in separate bedrooms until the whole divorce is settled. Have a damn Chinese standoff like in "Big Trouble in Little China" but, whatever you do, stay in that house.

Next, take some time to establish a routine of parenting where you take care of everything. Doctor's appointment? You take her. School? Drop her off and pick her up. Extracurriculars? You get the idea. Bottom line, you need to show that you have been the primary caretaker for a while and then file the div papers. This way you will almost assuredly get at least 50/50 custody, and maybe more depending on how all star of a dad you are.

Source; got cheated on by ex wife and made some bad mistakes in the div process that led to some shitty consequences that I'm still dealing with almost 10 years later.

[–]broneilbro[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She has moved out of a rental that we got when we moved and prior to me deploying as she also took the daughter to the new place. I had no control over that in that sense.

I’m definitely going to get my shit up to speed as I’m going to a new town without a job but it won’t be hard to get one. I will coordinate the 50/50 to show that I am capable of doing it when I am not deployed before dropping the papers.

We are a military town so there are some judges that look down upon wives leaving their husbands when they are deployed.

Just a blank canvas that I need to get painting on but I got my plan and moving foreword with it.

[–]BostonBrakeJob4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

While I have her figured out, one big question is how shall I go about handling the transition to being separated from my daughter?

You could've had the latter figured out if you weren't so concerned about the former.

You continue to bullshit yourself, and consequently all of us as well.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don't get how you can be here and be reading this long and not have the faintest idea on how to get a plan started without internenet help.

While I have her figured out, one big question is how shall I go about handling the transition to being separated from my daughter?

This was what you were supposed to prepare before you decided to file.

Has anybody dealt with getting back from deployment and coming back to split households?

Yes. I have co workers who have come home to a fridge of rotting food and their family gone, along with 0 savings from the deployment. Relax, she got some dick, it's been worse

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

That is true. I’m talking about the focus on the MAP when you leave your daughter for the first time.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

how did you do it when you deployed? Try that

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Has anybody dealt with getting back from deployment and coming back to split households?

The military has classes on this. What are you doing?

Amazing a girl who complained about me wanting to talk to her just a few months ago now tries to keep me on the phone for as long as possible. This will be amusing.

All that other shit is just you feeling empowered because she may or may not breaking down and realizing what's happening. You are still in her frame if you even are caring about what happens. She made her choice.. The only place you connect is the kid.

You may get reports but why do you care?

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

The military does have this and I sat in a circle and talked to a shrink. He was surprised about my composure and approach to the whole situation with the STBX.

I wouldn’t say empowered but just noticing and amused at how noticeable things are now. A year ago I wouldn’t have been able to spot the shift.

[–]BostonBrakeJob1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

...just noticing...

It's a double edged sword, one I had a hard time figuring out how to grip as well. It served me best to figure out how to leverage it vs. just looking at it with amusement (hell who am I kidding, a lot of resentment as well).

These road blocks are really just you standing in your own way, man. If you choose to, when you catch yourself observing these things, consciously remind yourself to stay on track. Acknowledge it for what it is, have your chuckle, then hatch a plan and start forging your path...or stay the course if you already have a plan.

It's not like you can psychoanalyze the situation and present your findings to the judge to help your cause, right?

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Amazing a girl who complained about me wanting to talk to her just a few months ago now tries to keep me on the phone for as long as possible. This will be amusing.

This comment is not for you as you have made your bed...but for other guys, dealing with the wife is a balance. If you give her to much attention she loses attraction. To little and she gives up - or YOU give up!

This guy went from chasing right to nexting. The right way is to SLOWLY withdraw your time and attention and eventually your affection until she starts chasing you. Then you can reset the relationship. He did not calibrate but went from 100 % chasing to 100% dngaf and that equals 100% divorce 100% of the time.

There was probably a middle ground rather than taking the extremes.

[–]broneilbro[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Actually that is not the whole picture. I chased her last year into an emotional affair, which broke the pedestal. I found MRP then and worked towards it. I withdrew some of my attention to mirror hers. I deployed and late learned that she had a Jodie on the sidelines as I was gone.

She ended up withdrawing all attention and while I tried to initiate based on the guidance here I started to NGaF.

When she notified me that she was separating and buying a house and wanted us to “date” I reacted in as stoic way because I had seen the writing on the wall and was remaining focused on my MAP.

Since then I have been cordial and a coparent and friend. No emotional talks just logistics in order to avoid D-rape.

Her reaction since has been something interesting and if I didn’t paint the entire picture that is on me.

[–]RedPillCoach4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

The rules for deployed guys have got to be a bit different. DNGAF + Dread + Deployed for a year? I seriously don't even get how any marriage can survive being apart for a year at a time. My hat is off to each and every one of you guys. I know it doesn't mean anything but thank you!

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you. I know it sucks being deployed because of the impact it has but the red flags I saw really were simplified by being away. The requests for cash were the only time she really insisted on contacting me and minimized the convo. I was really amused by it all hit if I hadn’t found RP it would have been worse.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

70% of the time -- it works every time.

[–]AncientDragons1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

How to handle split custody? Be an awesome dad when you have your daughter with you. Make her the priority. Don't bring another woman into your home until you have established a good basis of trust and lifestyle with your daughter. Don't fucking ever get married again, that's for sure.

When your daughter is with her mom? Life your life, man. Focus on yourself, make good choices, enjoy your relative freedom.

[–]broneilbro[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Appreciate the response. That is the way I am looking at it. I have seen single dads just waste away when their kid is gone and rightly so I am not in their shoes.

Right now I am just looking at the best 50/50 schedule right now. I haven’t heard a peep from her but a friend ran into her and stated she looked “worried/exhausted”. Might be with me coming home or something but who knows.

Right now I am looking at getting back into town and settled. I have my goals to knock out and it will feel good to work towards them.

Overall, I’m solid and positive. I know there will be the emotional strain seeing my daughter and knowing the situation but it will be a new path moving forward.

[–]JudgeDoom690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lawyer the Fuck Up right now. With a good one. This isn't the time to be cheap.

And welcome home.

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Got a lawyer. Meeting once I get back in town. I have a lot going on but I got my focus. I have to find a place, furnish it, find a job, and lawyer up.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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