Crunch time

discard9090 · 2018-08-19T14:00:25+00:00

If I was your girlfriend's little girly friend, I'd sympathize with her over an appletini and express my dismay that you weren't falling into line like a good little boy and getting ready to move in together and wife her up. I might tell her that displaying some abundance and cranking up some higher level dread might get her mate back in line. Something like a vacation to see an old lover. And I'd suggest that in the shorter term, removing time and attention might help. Something along the lines of not jumping up to volunteer to help you move. But hey, that would be shameful and manipulative and Machiavellian. (Or at least, if a guy did it, it would be. But I digress)

As far as the move in, she's applying pressure and you're starting to crack. Just remember that the basis of a strong and sturdy relationship is you, slowly giving in to her will and starting to build up that feeling of helplessness and resentment towards her. And you know what they say, once you move in together and get married, things always get better in both the relationship and the sex department. Or at least, that's what I remember reading last time I was lurking the deadbedrooms sub.

It's your life.

matrixtospartanatLV · 2018-08-19T20:36:31+00:00

I am five years older than you. Each set of my twins are exactly 5 years older than each one of your boys. My step twins are exactly 5 years older than her son. My divorce will be final soon. This is who is talking to you.

If you took your original post, pulled out all your stats, wrote an FR about your TRP journey, you are practically a poster child for doing it right. That was 46% of your post. The other 54%? Well, that was all about her. And right now, from where I sit, that’s the percentage you were thinking and in her frame.

You are still doing your shit. Grounded in reality, but you are standing at the edge of the cliff. She’s at the bottom, screaming at you to jump, promising to catch you. And there you stand, shaking your head no, but not walking away from the edge of the cliff.

WALK AWAY FROM THE EDGE OF THE CLIFF!!

From a TRP perspective, why do you think you have the relationship you do now?

“There’s not a lot I can do about this as I am not giving up any of my current commitments to spend more time with her.“ Write this down, tape it to your mirror, and read it out loud at least once a day to yourself.

“I don’t want to live with her, even on a temporary basis straight after moving into a new house.“ Write it down, tape it to your mirror, and read it out loud at least once a day.

“...Internally it’s highlighting my own lack of abundance mentality and lack of options here.“ So, you REALLY DO get it. But it’s hard to see the forest because there’s so many fucking trees in the way.

There’s more. Not helping you move, yellow flag. Seeing men she knows, one on one, while traveling. Red flags. One thing I’ve learned about red and yellow flags, is that they always seem to find a way to get up your ass and just really irritate you. Let’s be clear, if you have her move in, will she change her travel plans? I don’t think so. And you’d be a DUMBASS to even attempt to negotiate that.

Do you have your awesome life because of your girlfriend? Or do you have your girlfriend because of your awesome life? You can have both but when faced with a choice, which would you choose? Because you cannot choose both.

In all of the RP forums there are close to 300,000 members total. You’ve been around five years. You’ve read some of the sidebar. I know you’ve read a lot of comments. Have you ever read this?…

“I don’t know what your problem is. I do everything my girlfriend says. She and I are very happy and banging twice a day. So man up, let your girlfriend lead the relationship, and you’ll be happy.“

No? Never read that? Well, you can read the results of that thinking. Head over to dead bedrooms. Read 100 posts.

On this earth there are at least 1 billion women you could tap. Your 46yo gf is not one in a billion, she’s one of a billion. And you’ve seen, recently, how fast that golden pussy can turn into a cunt, when it doesn’t get what it wants. It’s ironic, but give the pussy what it wants, and it turns into a cunt, anyway. Draw your own conclusions.

Dude, you’re the man other men want to be, and other women want to fuck. You can’t see those other women because you’ve developed oneitis. Fix your shit.

“At what point do you just say, ‘fuck it’?”

You don’t. You live your life, on your terms, in your way. Women are like cats. They come, and they go. If you don’t like having just one cat… Well, have more cats. Read, “The Rational Male” again. And then his second book, “Preventative Medicine.” Sounds like you might be on the go a lot. Do you Audible? You can get through both books in about 22 hours. About the same if you read at the average rate of 220 words per minute.

Your frame is cracking. Shore it up. Read. Reinforce old ideas and put in new ones. If you aren’t growing, you are dying. You’ve worked too hard and done too many things right to give it all up over oneitis. Stop second-guessing yourself. Fix your shit (oneitis) and...

GET BACK TO FUCKING WORK.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2018-08-19T12:27:08+00:00

The TRP part of me would say, go sleep with 10 other women and then tell us how victim-pukey you are.

Where's your sense of abundance here.

Also, women will always test you. It's fine to knock those tests right out of the sky. But when she becomes ultra-bitchy, really you don't need that in your life. You've got a mission already.

The question you have to ask yourself is - is it worth having this low value highly dramatic woman in your life. Only you can answer, but from the outside it sounds like no.

And you've proven the adage: for every hot woman out there, there is a man sick and tired of her shit.

Bonus round: she will be fucking the ex-boyfriend.

wkndatbernardus · 2018-08-19T13:33:07+00:00

Way too many fucks given about what she wants/her feelz. I think you are on the right track to maintaining frame here since you denied her moving in (great move) but you need to be careful about that oneits creeping in. Stop pedestalizing her poon and she'll either acquiesce to your boundaries/wants without issue or leave you. Either way, you win.

If you're attitude is that you wouldn't mind if she left, you have more power in the relationship. I'm not one of those guys who thinks you need multiple plates to have that abundance mentality so, you can have OI without going on tinder right away, imo.

Also be careful about tipping your "feelings" hand in regard to her banging Chad on her trip. You should be visibily unshaken by this news so that she doesn't know she has power over you. Just go about your business of becoming a kick-ass alpha and demote her to plate since she's a cheating ho.

man_in_the_world · 2018-08-19T14:42:34+00:00

TL;DR:

"I'm butthurt because my girlfriend isn't helping with my move into my new house. She's not helping because she's butthurt that I won't let her and her family move in with me for a few months."

Ah, to be a teenager again!

51yo with 46yo gf.

Wait ... what???

wallabala · 2018-08-19T17:42:34+00:00

She’s a good lay and a fun friend. Not a good partner. Been there bud. If you can live with that, go for it.

Best thing I’ve found for these types of women, the ones that don’t go out of their way to help you, is firm boundaries. Tell her you expect her to help out, and if she doesn’t, pull your attention away. Also, have options and make sure she knows it.

UEMcGill · 2018-08-20T01:46:57+00:00

Judge her by actions. What did her actions say about a woman who was desperate to be part of your life, your household? How often did she come over and paint? How much did she clean? Did she put shelf paper in the cabinets?

Because if she truly wanted to be a part of this new household (even temporarily) these would've been things that demonstrative of high value on her part.

A woman who demanded a part of it without showing an effort to work for it seems like she felt entitled too it.

What do her actions say about her?

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2018-08-20T12:33:30+00:00

I don’t want to live with her, even on a temporary basis

Done! That's your answer. Everything else is just sink coming out of your vagina.

Do what you want and own it.

The first half of your post i could help but think "wtf could this guys problem even be" it reads like a red pill success story.

This is a girlfriend dude.

If you are in shape (you are) and successful, have hobbies and a mission, you could be interviewing 46 year old plates for her replacement the day after she leaves.

YOU ARE WHAT THEY ARE ALL LOOKING FOR.

Not a lot of high valued men are actually searching out single moms in their 40s. That's just not happening. Ask a single mom in her 40s what she's looking for and she will describe You, probably taller because they all want that uber tall guy.

Your abundance mentality is shit. Just read what's been comming out of red-sffplus (spelling), he's one of the flaired members here. Fuck 20 women like he did in a short time and you will be singing a completely different tune.

she's an aging woman with 2 kids.

You have all the value.

MrChad_Thundercock · 2018-08-19T14:26:06+00:00

Girlfriend.

JimboNumberz · 2018-08-19T19:13:36+00:00

I think a lot of times men fall into oneitis and scarcity because they dont see the whole possible picture

You have invisible abundance

You are maxing out your free time with a girlfriend who is fun and a great fuck. That is a fine and proper use of your time if it maximizes value in your life

But if you didnt max out your free time with her you could create other options easily

Make that a mantra. Then make your choices

ReddJive · 2018-08-20T18:28:36+00:00

At what point do you just say "fuck it"?

I didn't even read this long diatribe of puke. I just looked and found what OP is asking?

How do you know? You know. Everything else is just a journey. You will rationalize things, the human mind is fantastic at it. Like...really good yo have no idea.

I have come to realize in the last few months that everything a man does is to avoid pain. to avoid the unpleasant. Fact is we must face it. Head on. In that there is then growth.

So I ask you where is the most pain. Then head that towards that.

CoachDad9 · 2018-08-19T20:40:48+00:00

First thing that popped into my head was, "She's yours now just like she was someone else's before. It's just your turn." She sounds like a lot of fun so I understand the desire to keep her around. But a fun relationship can turn sour when you start playing the jealousy game no matter which partner does it. Spending time with her ex is a version of disrespect and your response can be to get butthurt or stay unemotional & detached. One person always cares more in the relationship, don't let it be you.

I'd tell her she can spend time with whoever she wants but mention wanting to spend time with her ex isn't helping her earn true girlfriend status. Until she can stop playing games she is a plate in your mind - no move in, no girlfriend status, and no ring talk. Bad girl drama queens don't get status or rings, they get to spend time when it's convenient for you. If she can show you some real commitment and respect then control her emotions, she might move up. That's what it sounds like she wants but doesn't know how to get it like a grown woman. Show her the path and tell her the games are the wrong way.

dandar4600 · 2018-08-20T01:59:08+00:00

If I didn’t like fucking her so much I’d walk away

Plate or dump, but don't be stupid and commit.

creating_my_life · 2018-08-20T04:49:33+00:00

the moment you give in to her in the slightest is the moment she loses all respect for you. You know this.

You have to live your life. You don't want her to move in. DONE.

She's traipsing through Europe meeting up with Exes. Honestly, that doesn't bother me too much. Some guys are less secure.

Do NOT let this relationship progress. She made an ultimatum, you called her bluff, and now she's behaving badly. She just dropped a level in relationship quality.

You let your guard down and got oneitis. You'll be fine.

Westernhagen · 2018-08-19T22:49:29+00:00

I have two boys, 13 & 16yo.

I assume you're divorced. For how long? What is the custody schedule? How well did the boys handle it? How are they coming along in terms of grades and behavior?