Is this as good as it gets *with her*?

TurdDoctor · 2018-07-25T13:07:21+00:00

People simply don’t change all that much once they reach adulthood. Sure, we change our attitudes and behaviors toward certain things given new realities, expectations and experiences but our core personality stays pretty much intact unless a significant outside force or event beyond our control alters who we are for better or worse.

We all “grow” and become more comfortable doing things that we didn’t like doing before. But the baseline personality doesn’t move much. She is who she is. And you are who you are.

For instance, my wife is wayyyy more comfortable with stuff that was completely off limits a year ago. But I also know there are plenty of kinky nymphos out there who will fuck like demons compared to her because they have desires stemming from a baseline personality that my wife will simply never have.

Trying to change her is a fool’s errand. The only question worth asking is: what do you want?

FeralRed · 2018-07-25T13:42:19+00:00

I've held to my idea that the dread steps are just a ladder to a binary ending. When you get to the top, you make the final decision.

The idea of climbing the ladder in the first place is to ensure you are not the fuckup. Because if you are, and you don't fix that, guess what ditching the current relationship does? Not a fucking thing. You're still a fuckup, and you'll continue to fuckup any subsequent relationship by being a fuckup.

So, make sure you're not a fuckup, give her some time for her mental image of you to change (or not - 1000 foot rope concept), and if you're still not getting your needs met, it's time to go.

Unfortunately nobody gets exactly 1000 feet, nobody knows what their engine is capable of pulling and for how long. She can cut the rope, or you can.

You haven't actually stated what dread level you're at... have you fucked anyone other than your wife? Does she know that's where it's headed? IS that where it's headed, because if not you just wasted over a year doing MRP for the relationship.

Your wife has only fucked you, ever. Virgin until 26, religious Catholic, and all the hangups that come along with sexual repression. I don't know if she'll ever be your slut. All you can do is try, then make that binary decision that you are sexually incompatible.

thunderbeyond · 2018-07-25T13:24:14+00:00

My question with this post is the "with her" part.

Are you thinking that another female will be able to do everything better?

There is a dangerous line of thinking that you ditch your wife, find another woman and then go through all this again. Because "with her" it's no good but with others it would be better.

I have some different questions for you:

does your wife contribute to your mission? Or at least does she not get in the way of you achieving it?
why don't you just go get some strange (the sex with her is clearly a thing for you)?

RuleZeroDAD · 2018-07-25T15:53:12+00:00

Ladies and Gentlemen:

Let's Get Ready to Rumble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's time for the Main Event. FMOFY.

You should have the abundance, fuck you fund, and attorney in mind if you even think of burning it down. Until you can begin an affair in under two weeks, you're not ready. Because if you bluff, balls go back in the jar, and your entire body of work to this point is for naught.

man_in_the_world · 2018-07-25T17:20:48+00:00

While it's a redpill axiom that every woman will be madly aroused by and hypersexual for a sufficiently attractive alpha man (and I agree that it's best to start by assuming AWALT, that this is the case with yours), as with any human trait there will be some variation in intrinsic libido between women. You should be very, Very, VERY cautious before assuming that the problem is your wife rather than you, but your wife does have some of the markers (never masturbates; late virgin; no highly sexual time in her life) suggesting that she's toward the low-libido end of the asexual-hypersexual spectrum. Here are my observations on maintaining a satisfactory sex life with such a woman; YMMV.

Be VERY cautious in assuming that the problem is now mostly her, not you. I'm having better sex now than ever before with my wife, and while I believe that she's naturally toward the less sexual side of the spectrum, my still-weak game and SGM is holding us back from even better. I'm still the problem, not her.

Edit: The fact that your wife reads romance novels such as 50 Shades of Grey and Twilight suggests that she has some libido that you're not reaching. It's still on you, man.

SBIII · 2018-07-25T12:50:03+00:00

Until you're willing to walk away and burn it all down to the ground, you'll never know the answer to that question.

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2018-07-25T14:04:09+00:00

What is your mission? Is it getting sex out of your wife?

[deleted] · 2018-07-25T23:50:17+00:00

Your inner game is lagging, and you know it.

Once again, your question has nothing to do with her, it is all about you.

The grass is greener everywhere. So what?

simbarlion · 2018-07-25T12:10:09+00:00

"show me the money"

Put your balls on the line my man, tell her your going to walk over this, and mean it. Only then will you see what she is willing to offer. Your under contract to stay and its a major effort to break out. She knows it.

MrChad_Thundercock · 2018-07-25T18:29:42+00:00

Have you framed yourself as the dominate and her the submissive? Start. Sounds like she has signs of being submissive. Might need to tap into it if you hvant already.

Next time she acts out or rolls her eyes, take her across your knee for light spankings. Doggie style, pull her hair, slap her ass, ramp up the dirty talk, etc.

You doing any of that?

BluepillProfessor · 2018-07-25T22:36:15+00:00

I would need more than "I feel like I am spinning my wheels" to justify throwing a faithful virgin back into the pile.

red-sfpplus · 2018-07-25T11:56:28+00:00

Start banging other women.

That is the best indicator I have found thus far.

Larger the sample size, better the sampling.

redsprinklersystem · 2018-07-25T12:20:12+00:00

It's surely a very introspective thing. Very much YMMV.

All I can offer are some questions to lead the thought process:

What is it you want that she isn't delivering?

Is it me? (SMV high enough / leadership issue)

Could I get that thing from a different woman?

MrChad_Thundercock · 2018-07-25T12:42:45+00:00

Might just be inexperience. May have to teach her the Hard lessons.

[deleted] · 2018-07-25T13:42:58+00:00

It's not a hard deadline. Unfortunately it's simply: I have made my case and moved on faster than you have caught up to my acceptable level (if you're even trying).

Reach180 · 2018-07-25T16:26:30+00:00

not moving forward

What's the goal? What does moving forward look like?

[deleted] · 2018-07-25T16:28:20+00:00

well, what are you not currently getting from her. you're super vague here

hystericalbonding · 2018-07-25T23:13:14+00:00

Hindsight

ex_addict_bro · 2018-07-25T23:17:18+00:00

How do I know that this is as good as it gets with this woman?

Probably because this is as good as it gets her with a man like you.

WolfofAllStreetz · 2018-07-26T20:38:42+00:00

I usually listen to my gut, that tends to be the right answer no matter the situation.

When something "feels wrong" it usually is.

Lots of fish in the sea.

screechhater · 2018-07-28T10:54:34+00:00

How much time vs LTR vs months worked ?

The honest to god trust is you must have it all together enough for her to realize she needs you. A few posts in the main sub are revealing this..... but then again, the OP lives lifevon a manner that displays this

98 percent is about frame and it’s gonna take a serious meltdown for her to realize you are nor fucking around

A great post as of recent about retraining himself to how he wants to fuck and he is doing it with strange. I ask you, is that physical ? Mental ? The divorce ? Or, a sum of all of it ?

The Disney programming affects every aspect of your life, you ncusing what you have done to allow yourself to get into the rut of bad sex, living in her frame letting yourself go enough, that you became a chore, and you allowed it