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My wife hate fired me and blew up our family. (self.askMRP)

submitted by remo_williams1

I discovered MRP about a year ago and it changed my life. I began to understand my wife and want afraid of her anymore. Over there course of the months I read the sidebar, began to lose weight and improve my wardrobe. I reset my attitude every morning, began owning my shit, stopped dumping on my wife and emotionally puking on her. I was quick to fix things and take care of things around the house and I began to take ownership of my decisions.

I tracked our sex life an used that to quantify results. I definitely went Rambo and, while being a dick worked, being fun was just as important as being a cocky prick.

This was all new and life changing. I had no idea about women before I found this sub. We went from a cycle of fighting and hurt feelings to no fighting because I wouldn't engage, at least not emotionally like I had in the past. The problem was that our marriage couldn't handle the dramatic change I introduced and she lost her mind, at least temporarily.

My wife accused me of DV, got a restraining order, and I haven't been home in eight months. We have been married 20 years, have four children, owned our home for 15 years and had a business together.

She and I had no contact for seven months and then she emailed me and we met in person to discuss details of divorce. We've met several times over the last three weeks and really enjoyed each other. We've negotiated and agreed on finances and parenting and are waiting for a meeting with our respective attorneys to finalize the divorce.

After our last meeting I sent her this text:

"I love you. I miss you. We can't be friends, it hurts."

My intention is to go no contact with her outside of logistics. I care for her and would like to reconcile. She had expressed a desire to remain friends but she also explicitly stated that there was no chance of us being together again. I realize that my path forward looks the same regardless, I improve myself and she or another woman will be a part of my life.

This morning I get a message from her asking whether she should sell or trade in our/her Suburban and how to get road stripe paint off. My initial thought is to ignore her since this falls outside of logistics. While I actually enjoy her and want the best for her I absolutely do not want to be her friend.

Where do i draw the line? What can I do to give our family the best shot at coming back together?


[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret14 points15 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

If you are guilty of DV then reconcile if you truly want to. Learn your lesson and continue to improve.

If you are NOT guilty of DV, then play the game, tell her what she wants to hear while you get the shit that’s truly important to you, see several attorneys, and be ready to burn this shit to the ground.

If you are NOT guilty of DV, and you reconcile after WHAT SHE DID TO YOU, then you..

DESERVE EVERY FUCKED UP THING THAT HAPPENS TO YOU INCLUDING JAIL TIME.

Doc: “I see you shot yourself in the leg.”

You: “Yeah, last time I was cleaning my gun and it went off, I didn’t get hurt. So this time I thought I’d be okay, too. I guess not so much.”

Look OP, you buried the fucking lead.

Want good advice?

Give good/complete information.

Edit your post; Guilty of DV, or not?

[–]remo_williams1[S] 0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy Link

I had explicit and implicit permission to spank her.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Well then, you know if you crossed the line or not.

The issue here is trust.

If you fucked up, then own your shit and get what you want.

If she fucked up, then trust is dead and she can/will do it again. Get your shit together, literally and figuratively, out of the house, lawyer up, divorce the lying whore, next, and ghost.

Edit: 4 children. You can still next and ghost. I did, with 4 children. I haven’t spoken to the ex dry old hole in 4 years. One text in 2016. Plug into your children’s lives, take care of them when they are with you, don’t talk about her AT ALL with the kids, and handle your shit.

In my case, I just pretended she was dead. A fun-filled fantasy, I assure you. Every week I imagined her death in a different way. But to the point, I HAVE NOT ASKED FOR HER HELP, EVEN ONCE, IN ELEVEN YEARS.

Why would I ask a dead person for help?

[–]remo_williams1[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

She fucked up, but I look at her as a reflection of me. She had a drunk captain for a long time and when I began to change things she responded but was also very leery of bad motives. In the end she pre-emptively struck based on her insecurities.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You asked our advice.

You will receive much here.

This is a volatile situation where either you, or us, is going to say,..

I fucking told you so.

Choose carefully.

Your future happiness and freedom are on the line.

[–]remo_williams1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed, and if I didn't value the input I wouldn't be here. I've watched long enough to know who's advice I will take under advisement. I see your comments to different guys on TRP and can see you have advice worth sharing.

[–]Chump_No_More4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You had explicit and implicit permission to get kicked out of your house.

You know now that you were deliberately set up, right?

[–]remo_williams1[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Without question she did an amazing job of completely severing me from my home.

[–]friendandadvisor3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And, you love her??? Sounds good. Send flowers and chocolates.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

So you spanked her too hard and now she divorcing you?

[–]remo_williams1[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes, but not because of that. We've been married 20 years, so there's a lot more to it. She definitely created a story around the spanking to initiate the divorce.

[–]tmh88mrp2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

WTF. Wasn't the spanking sexual and supposed to be fun?

[–]remo_williams1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yup. I'd never thought about it until someone on MRP brought it up.

[–]mrpthrowa9 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

What a fucking idiot. What makes men do this? jesus.

"I love you. I miss you. We can't be friends, it hurts."

What. the. fuck.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What makes men do this

Lack of abundance mentality.

[–]remo_williams1[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

We had just met up at a tavern to go over some financial matters that needed to be resolved. We had a good meeting that got tense but we resolved the issue and ended up having a good time.

This was the last of several meetings where we discussed, negotiated and agreed on all legal aspects of our divorce. After seven months of no contact and a slew of legal crap it was surprising that we really had a good time together and worked everything out.

[–]mrpthrowa5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

cry me a fucking river.

[–]remo_williams1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Already did and it didn't help. Fuck.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (22 children) | Copy Link

Maybe work more on not being a piece of shit and you won't have to worry about it

Made me laugh. Anyways.

Shortly after we met in person I was completely honest with her about where I was regarding the future and relationship potential. She very quickly soured towards me. I will say that we did message each other a ton before getting together and I can see where I was a complete aspy. I essentially emotionally body slammed her.

Made me wonder, what did you say that did this?

After our last meeting I sent her this text: "I love you. I miss you. We can't be friends, it hurts."

My initial thought is to ignore her since this falls outside of logistics.

This doesn't strike me as a guy with his shit together. the only reason I think you're legit is because of the 1980's reference that some bloop troll would never think of using. You can't stay consistent in a single field report, how can I expect you'd do so in a whole life and divorce proceeding?

If you're not going to put some effort, no one will be able to figure out where you're going wrong.

[–]remo_williams1[S] 1 point2 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

Great points, but my marriage is over. I'm specifically wanting to know how much to interact with the woman. Is fixing shit and advising her on things I used to take care of too much?

I'd like to keep it to being friendly and handling logistics amicably without being friends.

My goal is to have my feelings for her fade away, or for her to revisit "us" but on my terms.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

My goal is to have my feelings for her fade away, or for her to revisit "us" but on my terms.

Your goal is at odds with itself. Fence sitting gives nothing but a sore asshole.

[–]remo_williams1[S] 0 points1 point  (16 children) | Copy Link

I want my marriage, family and home. I don't want a LJBF relationship with my ex-wife.

Going no contact except for necessary logistics provides me the best chance to reconcile if the opportunity arises while, at the same time, my feelings for her are tapering off.

I see what you're saying but they're not mutually exclusive.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

And what leverage/power do you think you have to enforce that dream?

Those redpills you took? You get to be a dad at the whims of mom, thats how it works, and its under legal threatpoint. best bet is to follow /u/88will88 advice on being her best friend, or /u/ex_addict_bro advice on being a better option for your kids (I'd rather live with dad)

Other than that, go start a new family.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

TBH I thought about 88's idea around the time he posted it. This is way better situation than mine. Maybe not exactly being her "best" friend, but, IDK, just help the girl. That's their biology, they can't help it, they have 1-2-3 kids with one man, then they start to fuck around someone else, that's their biology.

Let me repeat, just understand how a woman works and help her if nature decides to "flip the switch" in her head. Don't intervene, don't interrupt. Understand her biology.

Side note: yes, all you unicorn hunters, you're doomed to fail.

My situation with ex wife... some women are so fixed on replaying pathological roles learned in childhood that they're beyond any kinds of salvation. Recently I got bored with all of that and reframed my post-divorce relationship - the only hope for such relationship is to make her find someone more suitable for their pathology LARP. I need more time so the situation will confirm itself.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Will be good to see it work out. It's not as if you're not the model to follow at this point, at least among those in your situation

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I do realise we're the scouts on the frontier of something related both to TRP and having a family in the upside down clown world. The real question is, will any of us be able to post something insightful before they censor and remove those subreddits.

[–]remo_williams1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks, that makes a lot of sense.

"pathological roles learned in childhood"

So fucking true. The apple does not fall far from the tree. I wish I had known any of this before now.

[–]remo_williams1[S] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

Thanks, I'll read what they have to say.

Regarding leverage, I am fully aware of what it is and what it feels like to have no power and no recourse.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy Link

So then why have the goal that doesn't take them into account?

[–]remo_williams1[S] -1 points0 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Take what into account?

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

your understanding of the lack of leverage, power, recourse etc in this situation.

You have nothing she could want, but think holding out an olive branch will do any good.

I had an annecdote here of my dog slipping out of his collar. He slowly jogged home, just out of reach. I could chase him all day, and not catch him unless he wanted me to, and all he wanted was to go home.

the second time he did this, I just ran to the park full speed with the other dogs. He chased me, ran into the park, then I had his ass.

[–]bowhunter60 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

OP has no real leverage here; not sure if he realizes it yet. Besides, if you need leverage to make her come back, you have already failed.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Before going further, I feel the need to ask what kind of medication you are on. This will factor into any response.

[–]remo_williams1[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Perceptive. I am but what does that matter? I do my research and make informed decisions.

[–]RedPillCoach2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm specifically wanting to know how much to interact with the woman.

As little as possible. If she texts you respond with as few words as possible. If she calls let it go to voice mail and text her. If she asks a stupid question as in your original post you can ignore or answer it briefly. Your choice. The important thing is for you to stop caring how much you interact with this woman because you need to be busy interacting with people that you like and who appreciate you. This person does not matter. You will see her again in court. I can't think of any reason for you to see her.

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Totally ghost her. You are still in love with her, and are trying to get her back. She hates your fucking guts so much she told a judge that she wants men with guns to keep you away from her.

[–]remo_williams1[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

True about the men with guns.

Women's emotions are like the clouds in the sky, they change often. Plus, anything a woman says you can tack "right now" onto the end of the statement.

I'm not actively trying to get her back but for now I'm open to the idea of reconciliation under certain preconditions.

[–]RedPillCoach3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I definitely went Rambo

Oh good gravy not another MRP divorce story. Why do they always include..."I went Rambo but...."

I wouldn't engage, at least not emotionally like I had in the past.

So you checked out. This is not going to be good.

our marriage couldn't handle the dramatic change I introduced and she lost her mind, at least temporarily.

They do that. Going Rambo is like crashing a plane. You have plenty of time to pull up but I think some guys get that 0 G negative thing and lose consciousness or something and they aim the damn plane straight at the ground and turn on the afterburner. I think it is deliberate in many cases. They want out so why not blow it to smithereens?

My wife accused me of DV, got a restraining order, and I haven't been home in eight months,

The lack of detail in this makes me almost suspect troll. She pulled a DV out of her ass after 20 years of marriage? Was there a criminal case or did she get a PPO?

This morning I get a message from her asking whether she should sell or trade in our/her Suburban and how to get road stripe paint off. My initial thought is to ignore her since this falls outside of logistics.

Brah, you need to get over this woman. You didn't give us details on what happened but she pulls a DV on you, no contact for 7 months, and then says she just wants to be friends? I admit, if she pulled the no contact thing for 7 months and then swallowed multiple loads begging your forgiveness and promising to never do it again it would be tempting. That is not your situation. Stop. Get over her and move on with your damn life. Start dating. Go MGTOW. You can do whatever you want.

It's only when you have lost everything that your free to do anything,.

[–]JudgeDoom696 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Change her name in your phone contacts to "Do Not Answer".

Zero contact except logistics regarding the kids. Best to do everything by text message so there is a record of the conversation.

Something is broken in her house, New Chad can fix it. She needs advice on the best place to order pizza, Google is her friend.

She wanted wanted to kill the puppy, now she will need to deal with the consequences of that decision. She doesn't get to divorce part of you (lover, friend), and keep the parts she wants (handyman, financier, emotional tampon)

Scrape her off the bottom of your shoe. It's time to upgrade

[–]remo_williams1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks, good advice started clearly.

She wanted wanted to kill the puppy, now she will need to deal with the consequences of that decision. She doesn't get to divorce part of you (lover, friend), and keep the parts she wants (handyman, financier, emotional tampon)

This is exactly what she wants.

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

The problem was that our marriage couldn't handle the dramatic change I introduced and she lost her mind, at least temporarily. My wife accused me of DV, got a restraining order,

Seems like there’s a lot of important details we’re missing between her “losing her mind” and getting a restraining order. We can’t help you if you gloss over the most important part of the story.

[–]remo_williams1[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

Sure, a ton. She decided she wanted a divorce but needed a more compelling reason than "I'm not happy." Our children, family and friends would have seen her as the initiator and "bad guy" in the situation if she had quietly filed for divorce.

The last three days we were together were bizarre. On day one we took our daughter to college and somewhere on the drive I hurt my wife's feelings. She wouldn't accept an apology and after we dropped my daughter off I thought things had blown over. I drove and waited for her to engage but she didn't, and we drove for five hours without really talking.

The next day we had a blow out fight that I didn't participate in. She tried everything to get me to amp up emotionally but I wouldn't. The "fight" culminated in her dumping a glass of water over my head.

Day three she finally accepted an apology. Her behavior that day was bizarre and unsettling. We ended up having makeup sex, actually I spanked her (we had been experimenting with rough sex) and then we had sex. The whole situation was off and unsettling to me.

That night, several hours later, she called the police and said that I had "held her down and slapped her ass."

[–]PersaeusRed Beret12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

you probably know this; but this sounds 100% like the DV charge was premeditated. she tried to get you to knock her out with the water on the head. when that failed she had rough sex and went to cops. some sick shit.

[–]bowhunter61 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Totally agree with this analysis. OP needs to tread very carefully with this one.

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Fuck me she sounds almost as batshit crazy as my wife. The way im going this is me in 6 months a year tops.

[–]remo_williams1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I didn't see it coming, at all. You do not want to go where I've gone.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I wonder if this is an outlier side effect of Me Too?

I am really sorry for you man.That is one of the more messed up stories I have ever heard. The million dollar question is were there marks on her ass when the po po showed up hours later?

[–]remo_williams1[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

This was before #MeToo. She told the cop that her ass was red and no one looked at it. Last time I saw her ass it was red. There was bruising that she photographed the next day or days later.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is why BDSM play needs to be researched before anybody does even light spanking. There are protocols to avoid this outcome- safe words, boundary setting up front and so on. In your case I agree with many of the other commenters that your wife planned this outcome from the beginning. Having a safe word and clear cut boundaries would not have kept her from calling the police but would probably have prevented the charge.

[–]remo_williams1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed on both points. The first time I choked her during sex I just did it without taking about it first. Afterwards she was like "umm, could you check with me before you try new things?" She loved all the choking, spanking, hair pulling; etc.

She ALWAYS responded well to me when I took leadership. Even now, since we began to interact, she's followed my lead. Ultimately her paranoia won out and she got me before I could get her.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

WTF.

Give me a fucking break.

Do not listen to her she will blow your shit up.

Did you not think to yourself the DV charge was a ploy for the beginning of the end ? And, to branch swing as the non guilty party ? As he forced me too ?

Wake. The. Fuck. Up.

[–]binrobinro1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ignore the message.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Help in any way possible when it comes to the kids. Be there for them and pick up your wife's slack, if you have to. Be as much of a positive influence on the kids as you can.

For anything else, ignore it completely. Don't offer any help or advice or guidance for your wife in any way unless it somehow benefits your kids. If what you say is true about your wife, I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire. Let that bitch burn. Afterall, she is the one who lit the match.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

First of all, in your love meetings, are you violating your restraining order?

[–]remo_williams1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good question, yes.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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