Killing the ego

gettingmymojoback · 2018-03-16T09:34:42+00:00

Great post Bobby, upvoted both.

I came to the same conclusion around the 6 month mark but don’t have the ability to articulate nearly as well as you just have.

This is the type of post the new guys need to see.

Reject444 · 2018-03-16T19:11:15+00:00

This post is a great reminder for all of us to stay on track. I think that one of the hardest challenges for those still in the early stages of unplugging and improving themselves (or at least just for me) is that there are simultaneously SO many things that require work and improvement, and also SO MUCH new information to learn and digest. It's easy to feel overwhelmed and lost.

That, I think, is why there is such a desire to go Rambo or to celebrate the win about "who should fold the socks," because when you're starting out it sometimes feels like you're just trudging forward alone in the middle of a huge desert somewhere, with only a "Survival Guidebook" (but no actual map) that basically tells you to keep walking forward, don't expend too much energy by going too fast, and pay attention to the heat from the sun to keep yourself safe. You become so desperate for any kind of landmark or signpost that when you feel like you may see one it becomes a HUGE deal. It's as though you're walking forward day by day--you KNOW this is the right way to go and the Guidebook's strategy makes sense, but when all you see for days is endless sand it's easy to let frustration and doubt creep in--but then one day you finally see a sign in the sand that says "Civilization, This Way Ahead" and you can push all of that doubt, frustration, and fear away. As a practical matter, the sign means nothing; you're still the same distance away from your goal as you would be without it, and the sign doesn't get you any closer, but that mental reaffirmation that you KNOW you're going the right way becomes a point of obsession, and now you're constantly looking forward to the next sign. You know you're not where you want to be yet, and you may even have 900 miles to go, but you can now be certain that all of your trudging through the sand WILL get you there if you just keep walking long enough.

But it's crucial that you pace yourself--the guys who lose it are the ones who think they know best, see that first sign and start sprinting forward toward the goal, as if the sign's presence means a vast metropolis is just over the next sand dune. These guys will run out of energy and/or get themselves killed way before they get there. MRP (aka the Guidebook) is the ultimate example of "it's a marathon, not a sprint." The only way you have a chance is to keep walking forward, making slow progress, shielding yourself from the sun when the day is hottest.

Change_or_Death · 2018-03-16T09:22:39+00:00

I needed this thanks. Had going Rambo thoughts all day, just wanted to end it tonight.

But that is not best for me or my daughter. Will STFU and work on my MAP tonight.

Trtntrenbrah · 2018-03-16T12:25:09+00:00

Good stuff.

Mentioned this elsewhere but ...

An overall refusal to desire and grow, causing you to live below your potential.....self sabotaging or self denial being the culprit.

Senor_Martillo · 2018-03-16T14:11:34+00:00

Well said.

amalgamator · 2018-03-17T01:28:38+00:00

Dr. David Schnarch uses some red pill theory under a different name in his philosophy. He calls his therapy “crucible” therapy because it pressures the relationship and refines and improves the man and wife. Typically it will either fix or blow up the marriage. Similar to the thinking “you will have a great life/sex - it just might not be with this woman”

Red Pill is a crucible for the relationship.

niceguycoach · 2018-03-16T20:42:06+00:00

Is it really possible or desirable to kill the ego? Calling the ego the enemy is also a (negative) judgement in and of itself. If we are going to practice non-judgement, wouldn't it be more useful to observe the ego and not follow its lead? I assert that the ego shouldn't be the captain of the ship, but instead the beloved and single-minded sea dog that gets a fish every now and then to keep him happy.

redbeaux · 2018-03-16T21:08:26+00:00

A big challenge for many people (but especially men) is when they get something right, they want a lot of applause and accolades and recognition of their success. When they receive this, they are fooled into thinking they've "made it." They are now on the same footing as a master. This leads to the kind of ego that is hard to teach, because they had minor success and a pat on the back they don't feel the need for criticism or even the need to push forward.

Here is a challenge for new guys, as well as the vets. When you get it right, don't say shit. When you hit that PR, don't tell anyone. When reach that goal, keep it to yourself. Be comfortable knowing you're the only one that knows you got it right, and try to do even better next time, or get it right more often.

Note for those that like to eat paint, you don't have to do this all the time, just challenge yourself resist the desire for validation and not rest on your laurels.

For me, the real sign I'm getting somewhere is when others comment on my progress without me saying anything.