TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

18

Anniversary Ideas (self.askMRP)

submitted by red-sfpplus

Long time lurker here…Been reading the sidebar, lifting and doing other general manly shit, for at least a solid 4-6 weeks. Tying to not go Rambo here, so I am looking for some advice.

Tomorrow my wife and I celebrate our 13-year anniversary, and I am trying to figure out what we should do to celebrate.

I had been hoping that she would handle everything, but here we are Thursday afternoon and nothing has been communicated. So here is what I am thinking.

I am going to try and schedule some sex and maybe even a BJ for Saturday night around 9:00pm after the kids go to bed. I plan to avoid her completely during the day so when I finally cold approach her right before bed, she will more than likely be ready to go down. She should be fully rested, and since I have not touched her all day, be craving at the thought of my cold, strong hands finally touching her.

One question I have, is should we do dinner and a movie first – before the scheduled sex, or is that to beta bux? Should I get the sex/bj before I pay for dinner and a movie or what do the real Alphas around here think?

Should I try and go all out and get a baby sitter, so IF we do the dinner and movie date first, before the scheduled sex, that we are alone for a few hours – or is this TO alpha? I sure don’t want to scare her away with manliness.

I could really use some help here guys, this is way outside of my comfort zone. I just want my yearly duty sex and BJ.

Thanks!


[–]hystericalbonding40 points41 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

That depends - what's her love language?

Be sure to talk to ask far in advance what chores you can do in exchange for the BJ.

[–]Reach180Red Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

winner

[–]ImSteveMcQueen0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Be sure to talk to ask far in advance what chores you can do in exchange for the BJ.

I hope that isn't a serious comment. I think you forgot the /s.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think you confirmed to everyone here that you are in fact not a troll.

[–]beta_no_mo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Or maybe he's the advanced troll where you just can't tell.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet11 points12 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Wew boy, you almost got me.

[–]hystericalbonding4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I thought about starting a weekly "stupid questions" thread for shitposts and giggles, but most askMRP posts are already stupid questions.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Not so much stupid, but flawed premises and mental models.

If you see a flat earther argument without context, it reads like crazed ramblings. If you read all the work that went before that comment, you see a logical progression.

If only it didn't start with the earth being flat, it would have been useful

[–]hystericalbonding4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're right. As Mr. Garrison said, "There are no stupid questions, just stupid people."

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Im confused. Is the earth flat or round?

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Ask me again the morning after your anniversary jerk off session in the bathroom.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Ouch bro...ouch...

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey man, if you're gonna method act, gotta do it 100%

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It really is our anniversary tomorrow thought!

Everything else is clearly LOL.

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

He did have me going. My dumbass didn't see the flair or username until the comments.
Just a reminder kids read everything before starting the test. Edit: nor did I pick up on the dripping sarcasm until the second read.

[–]WesternhagenWinner24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Definitely spend all Saturday cleaning the house while she relaxes. When she sees how spotless the place is, her panties will be soaked!

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Some of you noobs just don’t get it at all. Let me help you out here, strap yourself in and get ready for what I call the ALPHA ANNIVERSARY!! First thing tomorrow you get up and have a cold shower, not just a normal cold shower, but you put liquid nitrogen into your shower head so that the freezing liquid actually burns and sears your skin. When you step out of the shower walk naked and bleeding straight to your iron temple that you have built in your man cave. Of course all of the weights have been made by hand on your anvil from iron that you mined yourself. You need to squat every weight you have and make sure you are ass to the grass. After front squatting a minimum of 700lbs for at least 50 reps, go outside and bench press your humvee, make sure the trunk is loaded with all of your arsenal of weapons.

After this go inside and shave with a broken bottle until your face is nice and supple. Now it’s time for some morning glory caveman sex with your bitch. By now she is already in her red teddy that you like so go into the room and pound her like the true alpha that you know you are. When you are finished with deepthroats and anal make sure she has at least 4 squirting orgasms, I usually use the amazing spiderman technique and save the anal g spot squirting orgasms for our sex session at morning tea.

So that is the primer, I will leave it up to you how you spend the rest of the day. Perhaps some mountain climbing while wearing your wife as a backpack. Alternatively let her come for a ride on your pirate ship when you go pillaging (that really turns my wife on). Just remember the day is about you, not her. She will be so wet all day while she basks in the aura of your godlike manliness. Just remember, a leader does not need to ask for sex, it is just something that happens in your life. Oh and don’t forget to buy her a Prada bag and some Christian Laboutin shoes. Enjoy!

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fuck man. I do not have the balls for this so I just sent her a outlook calendar invite for sex at 9:00pm Saturday night.

She marked it “tentative”

I am hoping to add a “had sex” entry to my Excel document I have on our sex life.

FML

[–]simbarlionRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Seems like way to much effort. Can't I just let her beg me not to fuck the army of hb9 fans I have, and stay faithful like every other day?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just a normal morning for us true alphas

[–]ellifino6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Ok, great questions, first you take her hand sweetly, ask her to close her eyes, give her a kiss. Walk her outside, down the road, and to the highway nearby. Walk for about 15-20 minutes. You'll see a bridge, take her under the bridge and have her open her eyes. Show her where you live when she's not with you. Explain that this is where all trolls live, under a bridge. You'll get much sex and BJs. Good luck!

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

For some reason I thought this was going: close her eyes...walk her into the middle of a highway nearby.

[–]2gunsgetsome2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Be sure to buy her some overpriced lingerie, wrap it up, then hover while she opens the "gift".

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

spare her the trouble, buy her a male escort.

Watch them fuck.

Just think of how much fun she is having!

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

As it happens.... I'm available!!

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

well, tell him then

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I will, I will... First session is free and he's not allowed to watch.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Are you sure you have done enough dishes and vacuuming over the year to deserve the half bj half handjob? If you do some extra dusting, she might swallow!

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

One question I have, is should we do dinner and a movie first – before the scheduled sex, or is that to beta bux?

Fuck first. Let the movie and a dinner be the reward not the other way around.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

But won't I appear butthurt if I try to fuck my wife?

[–]hystericalbonding3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Only if she's into pegging.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

100 percent correct, especially for newbs.

If she turns down the sex for reasons....leave. No need to storm out or make a scene but you just got 3 hours to spend on something else. Why spend it on a wife who says no?

[–]HLM341 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Ok now I'm going to ask you to do something scary.... Find where your wife keeps her handbag, found it, ok good. Now reach in, make sure you don't touch any of those woman related stuff fuck knows what they are. Ok do you feel a purse. That's it, now pull it out. Open the purse and unzip the middle section. Good, ok you see those round skin covered slightly hairy balls? they are yours take them!!! Run, you are free now. Go quick before she comes back... Go, go, go!!

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Found the bag, didnt find any balls inside thou :)

https://imgur.com/a/2f48H

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No you dolt. Not your handbag. Her handbag.

[–]weakandsensitive2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

nice handbag -- too tacky for my tastes, but tasteless white women like them.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hey! another guy with an LV girl at home.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your killing my buzz. You are far superior at method acting than I am...

Obviously need to go post this over in the OYS thread...

[–]imguralbumbot0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hi, I'm a bot for linking direct images of albums with only 1 image

https://i.imgur.com/1myznmF.jpg

Source | Why? | Creator | ignoreme | deletthis

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Skittles of course

https://youtu.be/HGwkheRHyGw

[–]77mrpB2A1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is my go-to for situations such as these.

https://youtu.be/8hYQB7a_jno

[–]Alpha_Engineer991 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If she turns you down, ( I wouldnt know why.....?) draft up a love letter tomorrow for us to edit, and then give to her and then you can have the “TALK” !!!

It fixes everything.. I heard.

Also, when you finger her, do it with a “come here” gesture, lick her right nipple twice, suck left once, rub her clit in circle anti clockwise motion, it will make her squirt!!! I saw a YouTube video about it.

Ask her first , though, to make sure she is comfortable with it.

Good luck !

[–]jimmybo19721 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Wow have you read a single thing on the sidebar. You have been hoping that she would handle everything for a night out. Get your head out of your ass and be the leader. I don't know if you noticed this but you have to read the side bar then actually put it into practice. At this point write off this anniversary as you still being a complete blue pill husband. Immediately start reading the side bar, start lifting and put a MAP into place and hopefully your 14th anniversary you will be prepared.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Which book should I start with?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So fun when you catch fish huh? I caught Rian hook line and sinker, let’s see if you can catch a bigger fish. Game on!

[–]jimmybo19720 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

What have you supposedly already read?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

The Five Love Languages is the only book I have read so far.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Then you really need to head straight for counselling. I would suggest a lady with short hair, and a man hating attitude. You need to really open up to her, cry if you can. It will signal your 'strength' as a 'man', who is in touch with his feelings. Promising her and your wife you will do anything to change is also likely to win 'points' to make her 'desire' you.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Cry from my eyes or penis?

Was hoping to cry from my penis for once.

[–]Senor_Martillo1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Seriously dude? You ask a forum of straight men? Wow, just wow.

You OBVIOUSLY need to talk with your wife about how she's feeling. Check in several times that day, in fact, to see how she's feeling.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Should I have asked on the womens forums?

Really new at this. Sorry.

[–]Senor_Martillo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would go straight to r/twoxchromosomes. They are full of women's wisdom.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You GOT This!!!

Def. on the express train to Poundtown!

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good for all occasions.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/7cd2e1d8f0/dick-in-a-box-uncensored

[–]thunderbeyond0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Damn now u/88will88 has some serious competition!

Let's see how many other "long time lurkers" will be able to sort out this conundrum!

BTW congrats on the anniversary dude.

[–]Alphaphux0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lol awesome troll post

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You take this woman out to your favorite steakhouse, get the 24oz porterhouse steak, slam down a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon (though you swirl it first to let it air out... savor it... mmm), and then just completely overwhelm her with your unbridled sheer alphaness.

She will have no choice but to give you your annual sex - you unbridled studmuffin you! No, wait... wait... bring a Advil for that headache she's gonna have. That's planning for ya!

Love me a good troll thread. See you got a few, not as many as 88Will88.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2024. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter