How do I approach this.

cholomite · 2017-10-16T17:02:49+00:00

It doesn't matter how you say it, all that matters is how attractive and valuable you are to her. Tell her whatever you want. I give you props for being able to say "fuck it" and be up front about it. Unless you're incredibly attractive and also socially charming enough for her to be able to rationalize it to her social group, I doubt she'll stick around much longer. Most women I know will choose a 7 who wants a relationship over an 8 who still wants to play the field, but who knows, maybe you're a 10 and she'll stay. This is especially true if she's older. A 20yr old can justify chasing a player around, a 30yr old not so much.

Anyways, good luck with that conversation. Hopefully she doesn't agree to "open the relationship" and end up outfucking you x10 and bringing guys back to your place. I'd have all my affairs in order for a clean break if I were you, and just rip the bandaid off instead of trying to cling onto a "unicorn".

SorcererKing · 2017-10-16T23:59:31+00:00

This is like the third post in the last couple months with this story (great LTR, just moved in together, can't stop banging other chicks, whatdo?). WTF? There is just this army of late 20's guys with the same "problem" all of a sudden?

[deleted] · 2017-10-16T18:32:24+00:00

First , a lease <> can't. Hell, for a lot of the guys here a marriage contract + plus kids wasn't a can't.

Get any kinds of tangled things untangled , tell her, then don't renew the lease again unless she just leaves and you stay and can handle the whole payment.

If she's not on board, cool. You were honest, to me it'd only be right to help her disentangle. Your half-ass commitment lulled her and now you will be upending that notion by trying to be correct and own who you are (for now) I think you do owe her the least pain on the way out.

ie. It's cool to be a Chad who leaves a trail of tears because "she just couldn't tame him". But that's a long step off from leaving a wake of baggage because you weren't honest and wishy washy.

Then. Live. Figure out what you want. Eventually you will die, so the last chick you will have been with will be "the one for the rest of your life" regardless of commitment to that point. I'm sure at some point your attitude may change or you may find that girl that's fine with you getting side tail (aka swingers...I so hate the word poly-amorous... what a joke).

mabden · 2017-10-16T18:49:12+00:00

How do I bring this up to her?

Blackdragon has a blog post on this.

http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2017/07/27/convert-monogamous-gf-open-one/

red-sfpplus · 2017-10-16T17:50:15+00:00

But that’s too late now.

Why? You two cant move back out again? Happens all the time.

Bigger problem is that your thoughts are all over the place...

Your doing X but want Z, however I am not convinced you don't want Y.

How old are you? This could add some value to the advice we give here if you are 25 and not 35.

nastynickdr · 2017-10-16T18:59:12+00:00

I already have explained to her how men and women cheat for different reasons.

Quit trying explaining shit. You dont need her approval or anything. You cant "make her understand" anything.

You make your decision and inform her of it, just remember you cant know for sure shes gonna accept it. "You are a great person and our relationship is great, but I cant stay monogamous. I will bang other chicks, ill be discrete, use protection and not embarass you. Its up to you to accept that, or we´ll have to go split ways. Feel free to think about this and give me your reply later".

Then its up to her to accept or not, maybe she will have a breakdown and come back after a week or so, or not, and your life goes on.

beta-to-boss · 2017-10-16T19:22:17+00:00

it doesnt matter how you word it.

If she values you "enough" she will find a way to deal with it.

if you fucking other women is too hard for her , she will leave. Or she will stay , and say its ok, and be miserable.

[deleted] · 2017-10-16T21:05:57+00:00

You’re putting a timer on the “relationship”. Cohabitation is the issue.

She would have no problems fucking a completely strange dude who is also banging other women. However, since you’re her “boyfriend”, the rules are somehow now different. As usual, relationships are a lose/lose for men.

Downgrade her to plate. Kick her the fuck out. If she’s on the lease, sublet and leave. Even odds you can keep fucking her.

freshona · 2017-10-17T11:33:56+00:00

You sure it's the need to get mom's approval on this behaviour, or you looking for her to implode your relationship for you?

I think you want her to kill the puppy, based on this post.

Others have given the advice on how to go about this. Own it.

[deleted] · 2017-10-17T12:32:29+00:00

Women never ever grapple with this same problem that all of them have. They have dick smorgasbord options every day.

Think they have upfront honest conversations about it with their

LTR? With themselves?

Read the keylogger. or better, keylog your princess and see her and love her for who she really is

weakandsensitive · 2017-10-16T19:18:11+00:00

Give her the information she needs to make the decision on what she wants to do.

If you aren't honest with her or yourself, you're going to foster resentment. Find someone who adds value to your life, you can add value you, and build on the lifestyle you aim to have.

It's better to rip a bandaid off faster than slower. Yes, it'll sting for a bit - but the respect you show to yourself and the people you engage with helps build value.