Just found you! Devouring the links on the right but I need help and I need it soon.

fuckmrp · 2017-08-22T17:45:15+00:00

Her friend wants to fuck, your wife is the wingman. While your wife may not have bad intentions, good intentions would be realizing that going on a double date with her friend is inappropriate.

BobbyPeru · 2017-08-22T18:12:04+00:00

Your lack of planning does not necessitate an emergency on our part.

If you want the short answer.

"My wife doesn't go on dates with other guys" and broken record. or

"And you think that's appropriate for a married woman?" and watch what she does.

Since you seem to be a last-minute kind of guy, chances are she will call your bluff, on both. A combination of shame, anger, accusations etc. The best one will be if she calls you out on not trusting her. The one thing you will KNOW at that point, is she is planning on banging one of the dudes if she shames you into trusting her, that one is as old as Adam.

Then, you will take your divorce preparation plan, and put it into action.

Now, since you didn't do anything beforehand, you will most likely respond with excuses why this won't work, gently guiding me to an answer you want to hear. Don't, I don't care if you died tomorrow.

Long answer... Sidebar. There's a reason it's the goto answer here, because it describes all 435 ways you're fucked up, mentally, physically, emotionally, practically.

Good luck with that.

awaythrow99912 · 2017-08-22T18:22:15+00:00

Some of those answers are great!

Honestly, I think you just need to have a heart to heart with your wife about this. Use "I feel" statements about this. Calmly tell her that you're really uncomfortable with the idea of the kayaking trip. Ask her why she is interested in this trip.

In the meantime, I'd maybe come up with a few compromises you could make with her to put your mind more at ease. Maybe she calls you before going to dinner? Agrees to a two drink maximum?

From what you described, this isn't a weekend away. This is an afternoon off. Maybe she's just trying to make some new friends.

Talk like a woman = check

Token placation = check

female assumption of innocence = check

I just keep looping around to thinking that if the situation were reversed, I would never agree to such a thing.

Yep.... it's completely inappropriate and alarm bells should be ringing in your head.

Completely downvoted idea of male boundaries = check

Here you go. Saying a woman shouldn't be allowed to have fun with someone who isn't you is controlling as fuck. You've made my point clear as day.

Reframing to make him villan and her victim = check

If they (the guys) want to be grateful, they could invent some less involved way than kayaking into wilderness with people who barely know each other, where there will be alcohol (until proved opposite). And what kayak trip takes 4 hours? Time to get somewhere, get the boats, put them into water, paddle somewhere, eat, return, it will be easy entire day.

As a bonus question, there might actually be no kayak trip at all, it might be used just as a cover up for time being absent.

Downvoted common sense logistic question? = Check

The one smart thing OP did was give us his emotional tampon sloppy seconds.

Kingofdeadbedroom · 2017-08-22T17:56:44+00:00

"If you want to begin going on double dates its a free country babe. I wont say No because that would be controlling and I dont control you. I control me so if you think this is the right direction for our marriage than Ill start dating too. Don't pout...we can still fuck and you can still cook for me...."

When you can say that, mean that and can effortlessly follow through....these situations vanish. Successful relationships with women require dread.

If dread isnt operating at a low level in the background than its inevitable your woman will fall on strange cock. It just happens

drty_pr · 2017-08-22T22:43:58+00:00

Since everyone has already made good work of calling your shit down, I'll tell you what else stood out to me; your friend selling you out. You should figure this out. A man needs to know who he can trust.

Casually say "oh BTW, did you mention to your wife how I wasn't a big fan of Mrs. Throwaway99912 going kayaking?" then watch. You'll know if he did by his reaction. Don't confront him, just know for next time.

I'm not saying to disown him if he did, but you'll know where your trust with him ends. For context, one of my absolute best friends fucked up on me once. I thought I had his confidence, but he said something to someone and forever fucked up a friendship of mine. He is still one of my best friends, but I know where the trust ends.

I advise you to figure this out.

RPWolf · 2017-08-22T15:09:04+00:00

From one newb to another.

You are in the wrong place if you want shit to happen soon!! This is a marathon not a sprint. You need to read and re-read the sidebar, learn to deal with shit tests by STFU until you can figure out how to not sound like an idiot otherwise. Also, lift the shit out of weights!! If you lift regularly for 3 years and arent ripped then you are doing it wrong. Get your diet in check and lift like your life depends on it cause it does.

Rule number one however is dont tell your wife or anyone else about fight club, it'll only make things harder.

straius · 2017-08-22T20:41:17+00:00

So after 20 years of marriage, what is it about this situation that suddenly stirred up a lack of trust and sent your hamster into overdrive?

anythinginc · 2017-08-22T16:00:13+00:00

So, tips:

she very casually mentions that in a 3 weeks she is taking the afternoon off of work to go on a 4 hour kayaking trip and wanted to practice

It hasn't happened yet. Women plan all sorts of shit that doesn't happen. Go do something else that evening without her (don't be a dick and pick something she's talked about wanting to do with you before.) These dudes are also likely nerdy, ugly, weird, whatever, which is why the girls decided they'd have more fun in the same kayak (lets assume she was being honest). She likely wasn't sure it was something she would enjoy, so she went with you to make sure, and to find out if it was something she could do without relying on these other men too much.

Kayaking/drinking for four hours, then dinner, then drinks? She's going to be hungry after kayaking, but likely ready to come home rather early.

If she wanted to cheat, she would be already, and she wouldn't need to manufacture a kayaking trip. So get that thought out of your head so you don't spend the next three weeks brittle, insecure, and autistic. At most, a sarcastic comment about her "double date" would be all you need, and again, only if you can not be butthurt and insecure, but genuinely unconcerned and having fun laughing together about it. She's going to be defensive, because likely she knows it is weird, and doesn't plan on being unfaithful, but when you get to take the afternoon off to kayak "for work," you do it, no-brainer for most people.

Also, if she wanted to cheat, you could only "save her" by locking her down, not letting her out of your sight, and preventing all scenarios where she might fall on a dick, and that is unsustainable, if not impossible, and you'd likely be single soon and she'd be on another dick anyway because of your efforts.

Lets say this whole thing is manufactured for an affair, you'll find out more (young one is going to post kayaking pics to FB, believe it) you leave her, find another woman. That is a win compared to preventing a wife that wants to cheat from doing it.

Bottom line, don't fucking worry about it, be awesome.

There is a line of thought:

"My wife doesn't go on kayak trips with other men..."

And that might work, there are scenarios where a woman isn't hyped for something and WANTS her man to forbid her from it so she doesn't have to go, but isn't responsible for the decision, or at least respect her man more for setting boundaries. I don't think this is one of those, you'd be forcing her to work instead of kayaking, and I doubt you're ready for the potential aftermath.

Again, the trip likely won't happen, if it does, likely nothing will happen, and if something did, you'd likely find out anyway, and it didn't need the trip to happen. The type of man that women don't cheat on isn't worried about this bullshit because he knows you can't save a woman, and they are replaceable, and he has the value to replace them.

youcantdenythat · 2017-08-22T15:16:45+00:00

It sounds like things are not too bad for you yet. All the help you need is in the side bar. You need to man up and do your own research and learn to be patient. Greatness is not built "soon".

Learn to look for your own answers. Asking questions here should be more of a last resort when you are having trouble understanding something. When you ask, try be as specific as possible. Don't just say you need help. Help with what?

screechhater · 2017-08-22T21:38:02+00:00

"This whole arrangement really bothers me. I don’t usually think about it during the day but I wake up most night thinking about this. Help me out here. I feel like I can’t talk to my good friend any more about this"

Stop letting this bother you, and look at as an opportunity to improve

If you can't talk tour friend, then what ? So what if he was blue pill as fuck about it, that's on him

Short and fast answer >>>> Who gives a fuck if she double dates behind your back ? You get a free pass to start pounding pussy, on your terms

Your attraction as a man is beholden to your ability to not be affected by others actions, and with your wife, no matter what the intentions, or the outcome, your mission is what should be driving you. You should be operating under the guise that she is along for the ride, quit being a pussy, worrying about losing her. You are in great shape aren't you ? Could pick up more than a bar slut ?

ParadoxThatDrivesUs · 2017-08-22T18:35:38+00:00

Lots of solid advice here. I'll just add - lose the weight. Regardless of what happens here, its an easy win just sitting there waiting for you to claim it.

matrixtospartanatLV · 2017-08-22T16:44:02+00:00

You have 3 weeks.

You have no frame.

You have no established boundaries.

You will not build frame in 3 weeks.

And you can't let your wife run wild, THEN put up a fence and start screaming at her to get back inside.

I've been doing this shit for 3 months and I'm new, so I'm not going to give you an answer.

But I AM going to give you a path to your answer.

Crash course.

Read the three prerequisites, on the sidebar, in the next 15 days. 5 days per book. Use Audible to speed up the process and listen in your car, at work, if possible.

What you have is a reliable car(wife) that is making some strange noises(kayak trip) so you've brought it to the auto shop for everyone to listen to the noise and diagnose your car and give you the proper fix.

Thing is, we can't look under the hood and we don't know the history of the car.

You come in here looking for one specific answer to one specific problem in one moment of time.

There are dozens if not scores of variables to consider, and everyone's answer will be different based on their own frame of reference built on there own experience and operating paradigms that form their MRP praxeology.

You've walked into a second semester math class and asked the class to solve a 6th order polynomial equation with 2 known variables and 4 unknown variables and you want the class to tell you how to find a specific point in space on the xyz plot.

You are trying to do months worth of work in a couple of weeks.

Good luck with that. You can jump off the 60' cliff and hope you hit the water just right after reading the handout on cliff diving, but if you hit it wrong you'll be fucked up for a long time.

I've previously had boundary issues with the wife over work activities that turned into something else.

Based on my PERSONAL experience and what little I understand of MRP praxeology, you may have to let this one slide, consider it a wake-up call, and make the commitment to get your shit together.

So...

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

You have found yourself in an emergency because you are NOT being the Captain of your ship.

The FO is going on shore leave and is meeting up with other crew while you are on the ship. You are fucked up about it because you are just fucking around thinking/hoping nothing happens and now your pants are down around your ankles and you're wondering why you feel a draft on your ass and your dick is limp with stage fright.

MAN THE FUCK UP!

That DOES NOT mean you start going RAMBO, barking orders, pissing off the FO, and potentially starting an unnecessary mutiny.

WAKE THE FUCK UP to your life and realize you are here with an emergency because you have failed to plan and are now failing without that plan.

Right fucking now, your ship may be headed for the rocks but you don't know if it is or not.

Go to the fucking charthouse(sidebar) pull the fucking charts(3 prerequisites) for basic rock avoidance, and start reading like your marriage depends on it, because it PROBABLY FUCKING DOES.

That sense of urgency you feel?

That voice of impending doom?

It may be wrong, or it may be right.

But YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T DONE THE FUCKING WORK!

You are on the Titanic.

You see the iceberg.

You know how this ends if you do nothing.

So....

FUCKING DO DO DO SOMETHING!

You want an emergency battle plan?

You have an intellectual problem to solve.

Stop lifting for 3 weeks.

Spend 2-3 hours a day reading the 3 prerequisite books.

And then DECIDE, Captain, what is the best course for YOUR ship to take to avoid the rocks.

Don't be this guy...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=452XjnaHr1A

Now if you'll excuse me, I must leave the officer's mess and rejoin the bridge.

ParadoxThatDrivesUs · 2017-08-22T15:31:03+00:00

Re-post it here if you want, but you're not gonna like the answers.

sexyshoulderdevil · 2017-08-22T17:06:17+00:00

"...my wife Stephanie of 20 years..."

I found your problem. You're not self aware. Why the fuck did your brain send the message to your fingers to type your wife's name? Who cares what her name is. Oddly specific personal details like this means you're dumb or a troll. Pick one.

[deleted] · 2017-08-23T03:57:08+00:00

You are a lucky mother fucker that you found your way here. Your wife is waaay outta line. If my girl even suggested it she would be out the door. She is either planning on slobbering on one, maybe two cocks, or enabling her whore friend to do so. Your whore wife makes me sick to my stomach. You need very firm boundaries here. Either way, you are in the right place. The horse has already bolted, slamming the gate now is not going to help. It will be a long process. It's not all about muscles either, it's as much about frame and leadership. So get to work on fixing you. I would divorce that whore right now if it was me.

BirdManBrrrr · 2017-08-22T16:26:03+00:00

Does your wife entertain as a routine part of the job? is this something good for her career? Zero context on this other than her friend asked her to come.

Kayaking is unorthodox, sure, but 4 hours and dinner isn't at all abnormal for entertaining clients or business partners. Kind of mild if you ask me. Not like she hid it from you either.

Would you be all butthurt if it were a golf outing, as is the traditional corporate trip?

I think you're overreacting and butthurt for no reason.