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Ok gentleman, what are your thoughts?

Is anyone else in an LTM, where your SO is on SSRI's (anti depressants)?

I'm well aware the side effects are perhaps loss of libido, but I'm also well aware that that doesn't add up sometimes. I'm not sure what the truth is.

A few questions for MRP'rs :

  • how much should one balance understanding with selfishness in this type of situation and,
  • what other advice can anyone give for a high libido male living with a wonderful woman who unfortunately has mental issues that require medication .
  • if anyone is in my position can you give me any mental relief that the fact she doesn't want sex is more to do with these evil meds than it is me.

Because given the research and my own personal experience, SSRIs make it harder to orgasm, not just flat out crush a libido. There have been many times where (1) the medication have no effect or (2) the medications are the sole reason for denial.

Any advice for a fellow MRPr would help. I'm cautiously trying to balance my own emotions vs understanding and caring for her.

I'm not looking for validation for my situation, I'm really wondering how much application of the sidebar is fair, or if my pursuits of getting what I need before anyone else is cruel.

It should be noted that I'm not a caretaker here, but I do have a heart. Sometimes I'm confused if the meds are an excuse or a legitimate reason to not be on me. Where do I draw the line between being understanding vs getting what I need.

Let's hear it


[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

When you're at the point in your journey where you can make such suggestions, have her look into Wellbutrin (bupropion). It is an anti-depressant but is known for not messing with libido since it's not an SSRI. For some women it can even jump start a nonexistent sex drive. Your results may vary.

[–]Terribledragon4Hire3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hey man, I can hopefully help. I have some insite to what you are dealing with for 2 reasons. I have been on SSRI's myself, as well as my wife has severe PTSD, so essentially we are dealing with wives who have a different way of processing the outside world.

In regards to SSRI's I tried Zoloft first and then switched to cipralex. The Zoloft not only crushed my sex drive but made me a walking zombie. I had head fog and shit, it was bad. The cipralex took away the fog, but really crushed my sex drive. In both cases when I was horny enough to have sex it did take a long time to come. The good news is that your wife can have her gp try different kinds of SSRI's as well as doseages. That is what I did. Chances meds and played with doseages. Eventually came off completely as there is no dependency issues created.There should be a good therapeutic window that gets her in a good place and minimizes the side effects.

Now, dealing with her mental state. People who are depressed or have PTSD or other mental issues do not have their "hamster" on the wheel the same way. Dread and other things that RP advocate do not work the same. When you start making changes do not expect her to respond like it is advocated here. What I have been finding is that you need to understand her and how she will respond to some of the Red Pill ideology. Going Rambo will do so much damage.

What I will whole heartedly advocate are some of These RP ideologies.

1) be a stoic oak. She does not need you getting sucked into her mental BS. If she is down on herself and whatever else BS she has going on. You give her 1 sentence and then go about your day. Encourage her to come have fun with you. But don't let her negativity to suck you in.

2) I hate to admit this, but knowing she is the most reponsaible teenager in the house has helped me gain understanding and more patience to her BS.

3) I lead the family. She can count on me to be the anchor and do all the shit.

As far as navigating the balance between patient husband and sexual equal. That will tough. Given her state, dread will not work. However, what I think will work is try and initiate, and if she declines then leave and go workout. I would do it fairly softly though.

I hope some of this helps

[–]yamgninrub1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wellbutrin can still help. Accompany her on her next visit to the psychiatrist. There are other treatment options for sexual side effects from SSRI's. Talk to her psychiatrist.

[–]capn_barnacles1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Good discussion, thank you. My wife is on an SSRI (celexa) for anxiety, and has absolutely no libido (we've had sex once in last 12+ months). I struggle sometimes and how much it is me and my need to improve vs. the side effects.

For now I'm just lifting and reading and trying to be fun and flirty, going very slow, without too much pressure on sex. Still need to do a lot of work to be the Oak and not get sucked into her frame. Eventually I hope to get to a point in my journey to suggest an alternate anti-anxiety med.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I imagine that your wife being medicated is far better for you than if she went off meds, but had a higher libido. I also imagine that if she went off meds she may have a higher libido, but she still wouldn't want to fuck you because she'd be too worried about closing every door in the house 7 times. So you're going to have to figure out how to connect with her and get her interested in sex. First, make yourself into a high quality specimen of a man. Second, hold frame and be an oak when she's crazy. Third, figure out how to validate her problems without making them worse. Sometimes, that may just be sitting and listening and not saying anything. She's the charlie brown teacher. And you're not doing this because she's full of shit, but because anything you say is likely not going to help her.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

2 words. be attractive

4 words 12 steps of dread

A few other words- she will respond with your improvements, get excited, fuck you to keep you with excitement, because quality men are exciting

She will hamster every excuse to not Fuck you for lack of frame, dis-respect, lack of self discipline, poor hygiene, lack of direction. All unattractive. The end.

You want to hamster about low libido and ssri s ?? go back to deadbedrooms Here, @ MRP, we stop making excuses Own Your Shit, make the adjustments and move forward, and live a fulfilling life going after what you want. Go get it

I got a motherload of info coming in a FR one of these days. My wife went back on anti depressents to relax enough to fuck me nightly. How do I find this out ? I'll spill it right after the commercial Be attractive. Trust me