wife responded with nukes

UEMcGill · 2017-04-13T12:10:05+00:00

Your wife threatens you with divorce because she thinks she's the prize. You need to regain that spot.

As stated go read WISNIFG, she's playing verbal chess and your playing checkers. You are the only person who can judge you actions. Not her; so when she says things like "can't you just get my slippers?" she's really getting you to judge yourself.

She has poor boundaries. Because she throwing around the separation bomb like it's casual conversation. Let me tell you, if my wife pulled that shit, she'd say it once. Then gone. Go back to what she said, "if you want to continue... You're headed to separation " . She wants you afraid of the consequences. Are you a grown man, or a baby child?

Oh and the hitting? Unacceptable. Full stop.

Here's a simple exercise. The next time she asks you one of these things simply say "no thanks"

She'll be a little surprised, and challenge you.

Ask her, "I have the right to say no don't I?"

She'll either double down or she'll agree. If she doubles down you repeat "well either I can say no or you're ordering me to do it. I wouldn't order you. Are you ordering me?"

Even the best alpha providers will do stuff for their wives because it needs to be done or it's an act of giving. You on the other hand are being manipulated.

Mav137 · 2017-04-13T07:45:35+00:00

I'd focus on creating a context (frame) about how important those slippers must have been for her. Create some comedy and treat the slippers like diamonds from now on. Shrug off the the drama and keep your own direction. If she stops cooking and washing, take over and prove you don't need her. You have the value.

In the long run you can use the slippers incident as a running joke, i. e. Let's do something we special today, maybe buy some new slippers :)

TaistoKarhu · 2017-04-13T08:38:30+00:00

TL;DR: Read WISNIFG

Yeah, respond to shit tests with anything but getting angry or taking her serious. In else, do not fall in her frame and join the situation. Treat them as the question was a joke to begin with. Then if she tries to escalate just smile and stfu/leave or fogging. Maybe its reasonable to have one or two statements someday now when you are reasonable and calm tell her that the best way to get things done is to do them yourself. Don't negotiate with her here, just fog and broken record. Also, sarcasm isn't sexy, mind you.

Myself, I had a shitload of these situations in before redpill. I never minded doing them, I was just pissed off how she never asked nicely. After RP I had a week or two where I refused to do almost anything she asked for her. I think she realized during that time that times are changing. I went a bit overboard a few times, for example I was looking for a bottle in the bin and she was in the shower next to me, asks me to handle one and I replied 'No, you can get it yourself' and stuff like that. Lots of angry wife those days for myself too. But I found my thresholds and stayed consistent and true to myself. She adjusted.

Now my thumb of rule is is if I get the feeling of not wanting to do it, or if I have to get up or change room for something she could do herself, its a 'No thank you'. I dont consider her feelings in this equation. I still help her with things, and she helps me, but its on my terms and comes from my abundance. I dont expect or want thank yous for my shit. If I did, I wouldn't do.

Wow and behold, these days she keeps muttering her pleas at loss of words, trying to figure the right combination of words to hand her the blanket next to me. I reply 'Good idea' and put it on myself anyway. ;)

Overall, I think general consensus is that you will get resistance every step of the way, before she adjusts (if she will) Just stay reasonable, dont join arguments or show her negative emotions, calmly and CONFIDENTLY say no thanks and read WISNIFG asap! It's really pointless to seek advice here until you've read that book.

You should know that your wife probably wants you start passing these tests, she just doesnt know herself. We barely have any fights these days and just yesterday for instance my wife was angry cos I hadn't reused a clean outfit for the daughter. (Shittest) I took that emotion, handled it well and one minute later she's laughing in my arms while I squeeze her butt. What could have been a 2 hour anger and silent treatment from both parties in the past, turned out to something good. It's your job man.

I still fail plenty too but at least I know when and what I did wrong and have a pretty good idea on what to do, so I keep improving.

Also its worth noting that even if it ticks me when my wife gets to call on me on matters concerning my house or my daughter, I still do it most of the time if the point is reasonable, because its my house and my daughter. I dont regard those as shit tests, unless they obviously are.

One more pointer since you are new to all this, you need to realize that this process you are beginning can very well seperate you two. There is a good chance that the only reason you two are together is because you've been folding and bending at every turn. The goal of RP is to fix the man, not the relationship. The incompatible wives will be seperated in the succesful process of RP. So if you are really going to make the jump, make it full or you will fall. You must embrace this possibility.

dandar4600 · 2017-04-13T11:53:40+00:00

happy wife happy life right?

No, you got it ass backwards. There was a thread about it around a year ago on MRP.

I'm like No, but sadly did go get them

So you had the right idea but still got the fucking slippers?

while i'm muttering about how she should get her own slippers and telling her that it feels like getting me to do little chores like this is not cool.

Passive aggressive much? What are you a bitch now? That is not how a man acts.

Tell you what. For now, just SHUT THE FUCK UP. Take care of your shit around the house, with the kids, etc. Don't whine, don't highlight the shit you've done, just don't. If in doubt just STFU.

You need to read NMMNG and WISNIFG before you open your mouth again. For future reference a simple no will suffice. You do not justify a no. She will fume and maybe try to draw you into a fight. You will stfu and if she misbehaves leave the room, the house etc. Eventually she will stop treating you like her personal bell boy.

Again, a simple no is enough. YOU DO NOT DEER (Defend Explain Excuse Rationalize.)

Once you're done with NMMNG and WISNIFG you move on to the rational male. For now, lifting and reading is your mission. Forget about placating your wife. There is no magic pill for that. You have been a giant fucking pussy for 15 years. You don't get to change that in 6 fucking weeks. That will take at minimum 15 months of hard work and many of those months will feel like a step forward and two steps back.

You HAVE TO improve yourself. Sex, respect and admiration come from you being a better man. They are a byproduct of you being a better man. Your focus has to be on bettering yourself.

AustralianArm · 2017-04-13T07:39:37+00:00

"Can you just get my slippers?"

"Yeah, only if you come with me" wink <slap on ass>

The rest of this puke is avoided.

Edit: She responded with nukes because you were an ass. Search this sub for 'Red Pill Rambo'

Archwinger · 2017-04-13T11:10:26+00:00

You're doing a shit ton of explaining yourself to your wife and trying to justify yourself. The fact that you believe you need to justify yourself to her before your behavior is okay tells me who the leader is of your family really is.

[deleted] · 2017-04-13T12:39:14+00:00

Youre not special. Sidebar, start with Wisnifg

PBRistasty · 2017-04-13T11:34:43+00:00

You know what's best about making your own dinner? You get what you want and it's not burnt to a cinder.

Griever114 · 2017-04-13T12:18:12+00:00

Um, have you read ANY of the readings to the sidebar?

All of these terrible shit tests could be easily countered if you actually did your homework. You are still in her frame and have absolutely no basis for any form of control. What homework have you done? How much are you lifting/taking care of your body/mind?

Seriously, get to lifting and reading. STFU, get shit done and take your testicles off HER mantle and re-attach them to your body.

You got your victim puke, now as a good exercise, tell US wtf you are going to do about this situation.

crimson_chris · 2017-04-13T15:28:36+00:00

Lot's of good advice here. The problem is that you are afraid of your wife. You're scared that she'll be "mad" with you for not complying with her bullshit request.

1) Lift. OYS.

2) Get to the sidebar. There you will hopefully re-learn that you are the prize. Then IDGAF will follow.

3) Set boundaries and enforce them. Your wife is walking all over you. That shit equates to no respect.

4) Live. Die. Repeat.

Shit gets easier but the grind never stops. But here is an uplifting story for you. I used to get the same shit from my wife. Found MRP. I lifted, read, owned my shit over the past year. FF to now. So my wife and I had an extended sex session last week and she ended up getting a UTI. She has been on the mend for about thee days (no sex). I was horny last night so told her I wanted a hj or bj - her choice. She couldn't believe my "audacity", since in her mind the UTI was 51% my fault and she could not have PIV. Know what.... I got an enthusiastic hj anyways. Never would have happened pre-MRP. Old me would have been scared to pisss her off. She would have laughed at old me for asking for that. Now IDGAF and she wants to please her alpha vs. wanting me to be her man-servant. Get to work brother.

screechhater · 2017-04-13T11:09:22+00:00

Need to thinl about her telling you you are acting guilty. What is it that your actions all of s sudden mean to her ?

One of the ways to defuse all this is to add sexual innuendos or crack jokes.

The are Shit tests, yes, but be cautious when yes in fact you are standing next to a glass and she wants a glass.

nantucketghost · 2017-04-13T12:13:27+00:00

deleted ^{^{^What}} ^{^{^is}} ^{^{^this?}}

[deleted] · 2017-04-13T14:46:13+00:00

she fucking hit you dude. leave. thats crossing the line, no matter where you are in your self improvement journey.

[deleted] · 2017-04-13T15:27:43+00:00

slippers flying at you?

cool. nothing is needed that is thrown. take her shit, and put it in the driveway where it belongs. since she can't be bothered to talk.

'twat'

Well , now you know. How is it ok for her to use abusive language towards you?

She is no longer going to cook meals for me or do my laundry.

what kind of a threat was that?? Jeez, should have told her you are no longer buying food. nah strike that. thats butt hurt. you just cook for one.

This isn't about slippers. Its about you being her bitch

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2017-04-13T22:24:48+00:00

READ THE SIDEBAR
You've got no dread to give because you've trained her to think you're a pile of shit. Worry about lifting, creating frame and making yourself less of a piece of shit. Don't worry about shit tests, just STFO when she acts like a bitch or when she says something you don't like.

[deleted] · 2017-04-14T05:50:45+00:00

All of the advice you have been given is solid. u/URMcGill has you covered. What I would add is that your wife sounds like a world class cunt. Some will speculate that is your fault for being too beta, maybe so but it is beyond me how you could love, or want to be with a woman like that. The "lifting for 6 weeks, redpill for one" thing bothers me. You have barely taken a single step on the journey, give the program some time.

How old are your kids? Can you mentally and financially cope with a divorce? I personally think the writing is on the wall. Her disrespect and threats of divorce are completely unacceptable and I cannot imagine how you will ever reign in that behaviour. I agree with everyone who says to have the papers ready if she threatens it again, that is a line which should not be crossed.

ReddJive · 2017-04-13T14:57:25+00:00

/u/UEmcgill is spot on.

I will add that this basically a temper tantrum and should be addressed as one. Would you put up with this from your kids? Why then are you putting up with it from her?

She throws slippers. Go up to her, with a deep hungry look in your eye...show her your annoyance at such a thing...NOT anger. Anger presumes a lack of control. Then slap her ass hard and say

We don't throw things here.

Then walk away. Out of the house. Don't answer the phone, text....in fact leave the fucker at the house to remove temptation.

I even think that should be new guy advice. Leave the phone. Looking at allows you to brood. Allows you to wonder what she is thinking, doing...puts you in her frame. get rid of it for a time.

rocknrollchuck · 2017-04-13T16:13:02+00:00

"Happy wife, happy life." How I HATE that phrase! Here's a new one for you OP: "Happy man, happy clan." That's your new mindset.

Blunter-S-Thompson · 2017-04-13T18:06:26+00:00

Am I the only one that can't get past the fact that she hit this shmuck with a shoe, and to him, it seems to be completely brushed off as normal or no big deal?

Mukato · 2017-04-13T20:32:20+00:00

you are your wife's bitch. you dared to question her control over her bitch, she slapped you with her pimp hand.

I learned here that you can NEVER accept physical striking, no matter what, nor can threats of divorce EVER be accepted.

You control your life, and what you are willing to accept.

7Fig · 2017-04-13T21:12:17+00:00

Your pain is coming from a simple place. You are living in her world (frame) and she feels obligated to lead the family, which is unnatural for her (any women). Her constant nagging for you to do this or that is a subconscious cry for leadership... will you just lead? is what she is trying to say.

The first thing you need to do is stop worrying about these bizarre requests, and stop doing them. Occasionally you can meet them with A&A type shit test response. For instance if she had asked me for her slippers I would have brought her flippers or snow shoes from the garage and I would have taken a very long time rummaging through things to find them. Then laugh and say don't tell me what to do. Go about your day. While she tries to figure out what to do with a fucking pair of flippers in her hand.

Your relationship has a very heavy and tense mood; you must be the one to lighten it and lead the family away from it. Your energy must be fun and genuine. Your focus must be on progressing your family down the plan you have laid out (you may need to sit down and figure out where you are headed). It is easy to get mad and try to scheme against your wife for some metaphoric victory but that won't do anyone any good. Stop trying to have rational conversations with an irrational being. Never have one again. Answering her questions about if you have thought about what she said the day before is a total waste of time. She wants you to hamster like she does. Next time tell her no, but I thought a whole lot about what you look like naked.

My whole point is everything you wrote about doesn't really matter. You need to set the tone in your family. She'll buck and fuss the whole way but who gives a shit, you know what is best and you're the right person to lead your family.

alphabeta49 · 2017-04-13T23:17:45+00:00

Point by point, because I have a few free minutes.

it was impossible not to notice and try handling shit tests better

WTF are you making changes for? Lurk, listen, watch, lift... then change when you know where you are screwing up.

And of course it's hard to argue logically

You're overthinking shit and trying to swing a dick bigger than hers.

Shit test, right?

Not after 15 years of this. This is business as usual.

I'm like No, but sadly did go get them

You already know about this fuck up.

i guess i was whiney but i was trying not to be

I tried not to cheat on my wife, but I guess I did. That counts as change, right?

she decides my behaviour is not ok

Why is she deciding? Why are you paying attention to what she decides?

i'm muttering about how she should get her own slippers and telling her that it feels like getting me to do little chores like this is not cool, that she does it a lot

Strong response. Nice job.

"give me more examples, when else, when else have i asked"

She's thrilled that she gets to fight with you, because she knows she'll win and you'll bow to her eventually. That's why she's so brazen.

I chose not to get drawn. I walk past her on the stairs "Jesus, don't bite!" i chuckle

Today I learned giving passing snarky comments doesn't contribute to an argument. Good to know. How's that working for you? Oh wait -

WHACK! i've been smashed in the back with a pair of slippers, and i turn to see her raging anger. I tell her that her behaviour is not ok

My daughter regularly defies me, saying she won't take her empty plate to the counter. I laugh at her childishness. In this scenario, she's the parent and you're the child.

I get back later to the silent treatment. I'm completely cool with this, it feels ok. I make some jokes, no reference to earlier - they go ignored

Wait, wha...? She's ignoring you and you're trying to engage her?

I tell her she's over reacting and stfu

You're not stfu-ing. You're commenting. Feeding the argument. Giving her ammo. STFU in this situation doesn't mean saying "I'm going to STFU now". It means literally controlling your thoughts so she's not taking up space in your consciousness. It means filling your brain with something else.

She is clear that my unwillingness to do a small thing for her and more importantly to discuss my reasoning is a very serious problem

There is a problem, and it's not about slippers. It's that you're rocking the boat without knowing why. I did this early on, read my three earliest submissions. Lurk and lift.

She is no longer going to cook meals for me or do my laundry

Which shouldn't be a problem, right?

I stfu but have to tell her again that she's overreacting

You can't control yourself, you're a child in a man's body.

refusing to walk on eggshells

If you're actually succeeding in this, good. And also, that's why she's pissed. Overnight you've gone from comfortable, stable beta to stubborn, whiny child who doesn't care. That's angering, even to me.

anotherswingingdick · 2017-04-18T09:32:07+00:00

She is no longer going to cook meals for me or do my laundry.

"constructive abandonment"

I am not seeing anyone here, who thinks that your wife, deserves the chance to remain Mrs Longwaytogo11111

I certainly do not think she has that right.

Lawyer up, secretly & immediately. It's cheap.