NMMNG: discuss with partner vs STFU/Acta Non Verba

man_in_the_world · 2017-03-31T09:26:53+00:00

Do not talk about these things with your wife.

While Dr. Glover's insights in NMMNG regarding covert contracts and breaking free of codependency are central to MRP, he is a marriage counselor and his talk-with-your-spouse recommendations are not endorsed by MRP thought.

Life_advice_me · 2017-03-31T12:58:34+00:00

Under no circumstances should you talk to your wife about your revelations or the manosphere. This behaviour will undermine you and your journey as your wife will know that your changes are guided and not because you are just a natural. Your wife wants you to be just naturally desirable. When you read "The Rational Male" you'll come across this passage. "She wants you to ‘get it’ on your own, without having to be told how. That initiative, and the experience needed to have had developed it, makes you a Man worth competing for. Women despise a man who needs to be told to be dominant, told to be confident, told to be anything they have on their list of prerequisites for their intimacy. Overtly relating this to a guy entirely defeats his credibility as a genuinely dominant male. The guy she wants to fuck is dominant because that’s ‘the way he is’ instead of who she had to tell him to be." To hide your actions is not cowardly, beta behavior but necessary in creating and maintaining attraction.

vorverk · 2017-03-31T08:13:24+00:00

When in doubt, STFU.

BobbyPeru · 2017-03-31T08:37:05+00:00

STFU for at least the 1st 6 months.

STFU doesn't mean brood and literally not talk. It means STFU on fitness tests, and Change the subject.

It means follow the first rule of fight club, and that extends to new knowledge that is only really assimilated with more time/ experience.

trpbritguy · 2017-03-31T10:28:17+00:00

I don't tell her anything unless I feel she needs to know it which means I don't really tell her much at all.

You should probably do the same!!

UEMcGill · 2017-03-31T12:30:41+00:00

The NMMNG boards all agreed universely that this was the one point where Doc missed on. They all agreed don't talk to your wife.

It's not insidious, you're not hiding it from her. In fact if it came up where she directly confronted you, own it.

The best reason not to tell her? Ego. Remember, she's an emotional being. She will see this as a personal affront to her. You're in an unhealthy relationship and trying to correct course on that, you don't need someone else accusing you or undermining that progress.

[deleted] · 2017-03-31T13:40:13+00:00

Question I asked myself:

Why?

What resolution was I expecting, to talk about my feelings or desires with the old lady? Only answer I could come up with was that she would do what I wanted her to, because I'm just so damned great (My mom thinks so anyways)

Of course, 500 examples of guys doing just this, and I screwed my head on straight, and realized it's an invitation for a fight. A fight with no goal. What would I win? She would stop fighting. She would win a change of topic.

So again, why... Theres really no point.

Know what did work when I wanted to stop 'caretaking', or in my case, being kicked when I was down? I stopped. when she asked, I had a simple broken record statement

'I'm going to be selfish from now on, you're going to have to get used to it, I've been taking orders for 12 years, I'm done'

She would get mad, argue, bitch and moan, leave shitty long winded texts emails and sticky notes. Didn't care, didn't read, saved for future laughs.

End of the day, I did me, she wisely chose to get on board. Had she not, I had a plan for that too.

Go I like some of glovers stuff, this one made no sense to me.

I will say this, my financial selfishness correlates with her newfound corporate drive to succeed. Maybe a coincidence, but the less of my money she has available to her, the more of her own she seems to make... interesting

mrpthrowa · 2017-03-31T10:29:08+00:00

Those are the parts of NMMNG that I don't agree with, in addition to the parts about having grand discussions.

I don't think they apply in the usual blue pill marriage.

JDRoedell · 2017-03-31T12:16:30+00:00

Absolutely do not tell her. The sidebar is a guide but some things are "take it or leave it." STFU, frame and self improvement are not up for debate. Talking to the wife about any if this is almost always a "never."

[deleted] · 2017-03-31T13:21:32+00:00

No problem was ever solved with a

long-winded, emotional conversations

This is one time you should listen to your gut. Reading your post I recall my wife telling me once that I was like an envelope. Try to rip it open and you risk ruining what's inside. You've got to steam it open very gently. I'd forgotten about that until just now. Must be getting senile. Anyway, I read that book and I'd suggest you bypass that recommendation. Stay inside your envelope.

[deleted] · 2017-03-31T14:56:03+00:00

Do not follow everything blindly. It is good that you are having this reflective dialog in your head. For clarity: Do not talk to your wife about the red pill.

You may also get confused when you read Athol Kay's book and he says to say to your wife: "I don't really have a clue what to do to you , or for you , or with you, to make you feel loved by me, the way I do love you.” Say that "the way I do love you" bit with feeling. Pretend you’re in a movie and this is the turning point of the on screen romance.

This question was my second post on MRP. It sounds incredibly blue pill, and no I never said it.

WisdomTangoFoxtrot · 2017-03-31T19:39:34+00:00

My gut tells me that bringing these issues into the open just invites long-winded, emotional conversations where she defines a great big frame for me to step into and I spend a few hours dancing around the emotional minefield, trying not to DEER or start begging for her approval again.

Yes, yes, yes. It does all of that. Further, it causes you to resent her for doing that and instantiates feelings of butthurt and autism because you can't un-know what you know now. At least it did with me.

Then I read in the activities 13 & 14 that the book suggests I should start discussing things with wifey: asking her how she feels about my covert contracts, telling her explicitly that I've stopped caretaking for a week ("so they don't get confused").

Skip that part. STFU. Spare yourself days/weeks of tedious damage control and frame rebooting. RP men can tell you how she feels: She hates it. She thinks you suck. She wishes you would stop doing it. She will question you needing a book to tell you something she knows by instinct and because she see's everything like a woman and assumes you think the same way and ergo you should know too.

As far as anyone you know and are concerned with, it's like the mafia: There is no redpill.

Get your mental reading opsec tight. Either hiding in plain sight and laughable deniability..."Those books? Some friend gave them to me. You know I can't/hate to read. I don't even know what a rotational male is." or read at the office only and/or when she is away. Hide the books in a Playboy or Golfing magazine. Whatever you have to do.

Tomassi is right. This is teaching slaves to read and it's an offense that will be punished.

screechhater · 2017-04-01T12:34:15+00:00

Oh man. You poor fucking sap.

Read the side bar wiki What are you here for ?

Part of the course of books is to identify, course correct and move forward.

The other day I am watching the interaction of a beta and his wife that recently gave birth. You could see the repulsion in her face of all the spineless shit that Fuck was deferrrimg to her, cause you know she just gave birth.

They were part of a group. There was another couple same scenario, but the look in her eyes when he spoke to the waiter, she was ready to drop and blow him. She was happy. The other was bitchy, moody and loathing the fag that dropped his seed in her.

Don't be him. Don't give your wife any opportunity to hamster or loath any of your actions or words.

LaLongCarabine · 2017-04-01T15:15:22+00:00

Brother, I'm about as new as you to this but I have internalized all of this based upon "the first rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club"

You are in the fight of your life.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-04-02T15:44:29+00:00

This seems to conflict the principles of STFU and Acta Non Verba.

This is MRP, not NMMNG and most Terps and Merps think he got that one aspect wrong. We have determined this from thousands and thousands of experiences with men who are interacting with their wives. Beyond doubt STFU works better than "Talk" about your problems. Just about everything else is right but talking to the wifey only works if you are from a position of strength. Even so, she will cajole, manipulate, and store the information for later use against you.