Struggling... N-Count

bsutansalt · 2017-02-06T18:11:15+00:00

this is genuinely causing me grief....because she had sex in high school and I didn't

Found the root cause. You're never going to get over this as there's nothing to be done on your part short of fucking women outside the relationship. IF you stay, and remain faithful, then you're just going to have to deal with it.

How one does that is debatable and I'll leave to the others to recommend a course of action. You do need to formulate a course of action though for resolving this issue, otherwise it'll just nag at you from the inside making things perpetually worse over time.

alpha_as_chiwawa · 2017-01-30T19:40:56+00:00

You've slept with one person because there is no way the person you were could have slept with more.

The time lost is lost forever. Not all people get to experience all the awesome stuff. You think you have it bad to fuck one pussy? Well, there are children dying of cancer who have experienced much, much less than you have.

The fact that you are bothered by her history shows some emotional immaturity. For that kind of thing therapy could help (but I would not recommend discussing TRP there, like, at all).

Get over it and move on. You have 2 kids and a huge obligation.

Pro tip: if you fucked more than 1 it'd just be eating you why not 10, 20, 100? Probably there is a number where that bugging feeling stops, but where is it, who knows?

Pro tip2: had a friend who fucked every hot chick out there in his youth. Committed a suicide last year due to depression. Sometimes I wonder if the disconnect between alpha him and family guy him was just so huge he couldn't get any satisfaction from a perfect, happy family alone? Be careful what you wish for.

[deleted] · 2017-01-31T00:23:51+00:00

N=1 at marriage here as well and for the same reasons. My ex was a drunk and I spent a lot of time in Al-Anon. Went to meetings, read the books...did me a world of good. One of the things they tell you is not to make any drastic decisions for a year and the reason they tell you that is the program is about working on you. You focus on changing how you respond to living with an alcoholic and not how you try and change them. This is hard work and lots of people have a subconscious tendency to blow stuff up rather than go through the hard work. Instead of changing themselves, they eject from their relationship without fixing the core problem (their codependency) and fall into new relationships, with the same patterns.

Ask yourself honestly, are you doing something similar? If you're not lifting, not reading, not putting it all into practice...are you just avoiding the hard work ahead and using this as your excuse? You getting some strange won't make your kids' lives better.

Your posts go back 5 months. How much have you really changed? Take some serious stock of yourself man and figure out if you're just hiding from improving yourself.

sh0ckley · 2017-01-30T18:51:06+00:00

It is OK to feel bad.

It is ok to have regrets. And its ok to admit that maybe you made a mistake. Maybe not.

Are you venting and want a hug? Or are you looking for a discussion?

I am fine with either, but its Stoneys turn to give hugs.

[deleted] · 2017-01-30T19:00:50+00:00

If it bothers you, get divorce papers and go spin plates. Or build up a life of plausible deniability, and spin plates with her around.

Or get the fuck over it, and move on

Pick one, fence sitters have painful assholes

dandar4600 · 2017-01-30T20:35:35+00:00

If it's any consolation going forward if you nuke it and go play the field, know that pretty much every girl will have a higher n-count than your wife.

Archwinger · 2017-01-30T23:36:32+00:00

If women and pussy were special, I'd say that you missed out. But women and pussy are not.

Your wife's pussy. Some other women's pussies. Pretty much the same thing.

But this isn't about you missing out. This is about your wife not missing out. You feel like she's more valuable. Better than you. More accomplished. She got to fuck around a little before you. She gets all of you. You get what's left of her after she gave herself to others.

But it sounds like what's left of her is still a decent spouse and mother, and you're not unhappy. So what's the big deal? You're getting laid on the regular, she respects you, and you're leading your family in a great direction, with her support, right?

[deleted] · 2017-01-30T20:14:29+00:00

Oh, boy you're provoking a ramble. I don't think you're alone. I'm also N=1 and wonder about it from time to time. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this problem. My sense now is a lot of it actually boils down to frustration with myself. For me "someone else" would be about fulfilling some unexpressed desire or curiosity while trying to avoid communicating about it. Usually either because I'm afraid of what my wife would think of me, or because I'm uncomfortable with the idea itself.

I used to spend a lot of time with the covert contract "if I can just figure out some secret desire of hers, I'll have something to negotiate with". But that's a pretty passive aggressive and backwards approach. I think the idea of "some girl out there" is just me wishing for a way to avoid having to be vulnerable and ask for it. Which I now view as pathetic and a personal failure. So at least for now I view the problem as me, not her. Since then everything I've actually told my wife I want to try, she's found a way to accommodate and we're having a lot of fun. Sometimes things are better in fantasy, sometimes things take practice.

Some key thoughts I've come to rely on are that I do not need to explain or understand why I want to try something (esp to myself). "It's hot" is always enough justification. Her fears and discomforts don't invalidate or negate my desires. And that's OK. I don't punish her about it. Actually knowing her fears and discomforts don't change my opinion of her. Sometimes she's had completely strange ideas about things that I would never have guessed. Direct motivated action is a hell of a lot more effective than guessing and subterfuge. I also encourage a much more experimental environment where mistakes and failures are expected. The first time of anything is rarely the best, anyway.

[deleted] · 2017-01-31T00:33:57+00:00

Dude who cares?! Get over it

I've had a lot and it counted for nothing. My wife still saw me as a beta kook

Thomaskingo · 2017-01-31T08:30:14+00:00

We have two kids and I feel like I fucked up majorly by getting married and never playing the field.

Man, let it fucking go. You're obsessing over the realization, that she had sex with some other people before you. OK, now ask yourself why this bothers you. It doesn't really seem like you yourself know why, besides you think your supposed to be bothered. "Uh oh she rode the CC, while I was really beta, and now I'm redpill aware, because I think I'm behind on points"? This it? Man, as some philosopher (who I can't remember) said so beautifully; "sex is nothing more than internal rubbing, followed by a spastic secretion of slim!" Pussy is just pussy. You did miss out on the hunt and the werid feelingof victory, that comes with sinking your dick into strange pussy, but fuck that. Make your peace with it. You have a good life and your just afraid, that you're missing out. I really think the more important question is, whether your wife is saving her best from you, but that doesn't sound like it's the case. I think you should really examine why you're all upset about this? If you think it makes you a lesser man, then you're stone cold dead wrong!

sh0ckley · 2017-01-30T19:05:07+00:00

Regret is totally counter productive without action based upon rational analysis of reality. Not feelings.

What do you want to change and why? What can you change and what must you accept?

If she's really as good as you could ask for, then count your blessings.

Epictetus - "The Art Of Living" helped me sort out a lot of what I thought was regret.

QuickieStart · 2017-01-30T20:49:29+00:00

Chill out! Why are you even ashamed of this? I know why, because i had the same upbringing. Was embarrassed of being a virgin. In fact in high school one friend would introduce me as his virgin buddy. I realized our culture says you can and should be screwing wherever and whenever you can, but my family said you only do it in marriage, not for fun, and never talk about it. I knew neither was right. Since then I've been able to erase much of that programming. Been married 20 years to the only women I've ever slept with - no regrets! The sex keeps getting better and better as I get better and better. It gets worse if i don't improve. That's why I'm here - to build a better man. I don't need more pussies for that.

[deleted] · 2017-02-02T14:49:22+00:00

Fuck it man.

You have a deicison to make.

Get over it or go fuck someone on the side to make you feel better.

Anything inbetween is fucking pathetic.

donedreadpirate · 2017-01-30T20:05:06+00:00

Look at yourself. Here you are, a grown ass man, gushing to other grown ass men that the number of women youve fucked is 1. That your wife has had other dicks in her. And that this gnaws at your sense of worth. This screams 'no frame'. This screams 'I get my approval and self worth from sources outside of myself'. This screams weakness.

Get your shit together man. Life is hard and full of regrets and tough decisions. But end of the day it's all on you. If you want to go out and chase other women and that's what you want to do for you, fuck morals and go do it. But notice I said for you. And from what you wrote it sounds like it isn't for you, it's to soothe your ego. Because you think society is keeping score and youre eternally behind. And if that's the case I'd advise to take it slow. Develop a frame, some self worth, and a drive. Once you do you'll feel what YOU want as clear as day, based off nothing but your true wants. (For the record: My n count is 1. My wife has had other dicks in her before me. And she's not a complete bitch.)

donedreadpirate · 2017-01-30T21:11:29+00:00

She had between 2 and 4 partners. Which is it? What's the number? She can't tell you what the number is?

By your account, she's done nothing wrong, she's a good woman, and has done right by you in her marriage to you. Also, N=4 these days is actually pretty chaste. You did well to get a woman who mostly kept her legs shut, didn't fuck every guy who wanted to fuck her, wasn't a party girl, and didn't use her looks and body to extract concessions from guys. SOunds like she hopped on the carousel and then very quickly hopped off. Most girls with that N avoided the carousel, or tried it out and decided "nope, not for me." Which inures to your benefit.

My advice is to go talk to someone about this, and work on yourself to get past it. Because if you don't, you'll make your life and hers and your children's lives a living hell, and you'll be basically suggesting that she divorce you. Don't talk to your wife about this. DO NOT talk to her about this. You know enough from her.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-01-31T01:50:03+00:00

If you have the strange hungers, why not take it to a pro? No Fee Fee's and you get to pretend you accomplished more than purchase a pocket pussy all for $150.00 or so.

brinkleybuzz · 2017-01-31T02:11:10+00:00

Is sex with your wife good? If yes, then don't worry about it. Believe me, quality is more important than quantity. It's much better to have great sex 100 times with the same woman than mediocre sex with 100 different women.

innominating · 2017-01-30T19:08:35+00:00

Go fuck someone else. Ideally, you game that girl into bed, but if not, hire an escort.

As for your wife, get over it, she isn't yours, it's just your turn.

anotherswingingdick · 2017-02-04T09:38:43+00:00

In my service days, I had scores of vaginas, if not a few hundred.

they're not different from each other.

Stop worrying about it.

alphabeta49 · 2017-01-30T20:00:27+00:00

Join the club. We offer sad handjobs and the the tears gleaned from a thousand neckbeards.

This is a case of "when you're poor, $5 is a lot of money". The cure? Make a lot of money. Or in your case, get a lot of experience. Yes, I'm telling you you need to go fuck other women to feel better about yourself. That's ok.

And what you'll find in the end is that the Chase of the Strange Pussy is thrilling and all, but at the end of the day you're a man and you'll never be satisfied. You're never going to reach a point at which you say to yourself, "man, I'm so satisfied sexually, all I want to do is stay faithful to my wife now." Ask over60.

But why leave a good woman for no other reason than to fuck shallow women?

Look, there are things a man needs to accomplish in life. Not as a right, but as a rite. Banging lots of women is one of those, and, speaking for myself, I intend to achieve. Whether or not I stay married. It means I've embraced the "cheater" label and don't give a fuck what society thinks. And it doesn't really matter how awesome my wife is or how much we have sex (ok, I take that back. There was one time a year ago when she had a particularly random ovulation period and we fucked 6 days out of 7. All thoughts of other women were absent. But it's only happened once. She's not capable of satisfying me consistently). The fact is, that gnawing feeling you have (sans jealousy, my wife's n-count is just me) is going to remain unless you 1) satisfy it intelligently or 2) keep yourself so fucking busy you don't have time to think about it. <<<Pro tip: once I started a business and spent much more time on my hobbies/lifting/MAP, the obsession with anything other than my mission diminished.

Are you there yet? Are you attractive enough to pull it off? Are you OI enough to not care if she finds out and divorces? Are you level headed enough to not fall for a random? I doubt any of your answers are yes.

screechhater · 2017-01-31T03:10:12+00:00

My n count is rather large.

I have fucked a lot starting as a sophomore in high school.

Fucking is what it was. That's it. It wasn't that great.

Mrs Screech- she is great. Personality is most of it. Passion too. Definitely above a 6.

I fucked a lot of 9's. I fucked a lot of 7's. That's it. Fucked.

Fucked. Got it ?

Go lift, bitch

Mecha75 · 2017-01-30T19:23:51+00:00

Why is this even a thing? Are you just bored with your wife's vag? Are you looking for a blessing to go fuck other women or divorce your wife? Red Pill is amoral. We don't give a crap if you decide to spin plates or not. Come, read, learn, become a better man and share those experiences to help others like me on our paths to self improvement. But don't come looking for acceptance of your hamstered reasons to cheat on or divorce your wife. Do it, or don't do it.

[deleted] · 2017-01-30T23:10:18+00:00

Dude, I know how you feel. My n count was 1 because of religion. Blue pill me was so full of resentment that I went out and cheated. It made my life a mess. BUT, it led me toward a path of self discovery that I never would have found elsewhere. I wish I could have done it differently, and developed an assertive frame without having to break my wife's heart, but I don't know if I could have.

If your wife is being awesome, I encourage you to work out the regret in a healthier manner. Mine was a harpy.

Consider putting that energy toward outdoor and venture and business pursuits. It's way more productive.

atlhart · 2017-01-31T00:53:35+00:00

I haven't been with a tone of women, but I've been with enough and lived enough life to be able to say that N-count doesn't matter. For you or for her.

You could fuck 25 women and they all be terrible in bed. But hey, you're N-count my is 25 so you're awesome.

You can also fuck one. Whether she's good on bed or not, if she's open to experimenting and figuring out what you like, then that sex will be way better than 25 chicks that have no idea what they're doing AND don't care to know.

And who gives a shit how many guys have fucked your wife. You're the one fucking her tonight. Tomorrow, who knows. Maybe you, maybe Chad. Who cares? If you're working your lifting and reading sidebar, then you know there's plenty more out there. And you what you need to do if you want to keep her off Chad's knob.

crimson_chris · 2017-01-31T01:45:08+00:00

So...I have an N-Count of 2 (done other stuff, but PIV is 2). Easily could have been at least 6 if I was not such a bitch for most of my life.

Does it bother me - eh, sometimes but fuck that. My wife is a great person (from what I know), we have two great kids, and we have been married for 16yrs (mostly happy). And, she has also been reacting positively to my changes post MRP (more plesant, better quality sex, frequency is up).

Would a higher n-count make you a better man, husband and father? If you fucked 20 different women how would your life change from today forward?

Missed opportunites suck but you have to live in the present. I'd love to slay women from a couple of different races - just because. But I don't want to lose my family as a consequence. Maybe I will and maybe I won't. What I do know is that I am over my wife fucking other dudes before me and if I do decide to stray it will be for me. Not to feel better about a higher n-count for her.

EDIT: And to second others here, she is not yours - it's just your turn. Internalize that shit. Your post reeks of oneitis. You need to kill that motherfucker off. Once you do your eyes will begin to open. You want her to fuck you like no other? Irrational confidence - let her know that you DGAF that she has sucked and fucked other cocks - cause you are going to be the best that she gets - cause you dont give a fuck.

JDRoedell · 2017-01-31T13:49:44+00:00

I'm N-2. My wife claims I'm her one and only. We started dating at 21. A few times over the years I've even been very understanding, playful and forgiving toned and said, "really, I won't be mad (I wouldn't be), Tom? Eric?" As I name past boyfriends I knew about. She holds frame and sticks to her story. I'll never know. If the rule holds, it's at least two others.

One thing you don't address is if she's fucking you enough. If she is, then STFU about this. It's not like she cheated. If she's not meeting your sexual expectations then you reassess.

trp_ocd · 2017-01-30T20:16:58+00:00

Dread has great effect on your wife, but a better effect on you.

Are you a swole well dressed dude, knowing you could pull and fuck any chick you want? Or are you the sassy fag with a sore asshole from being perched on the fence, as stone has pointed out?

BobbyPeru · 2017-01-30T22:38:48+00:00

This issue resides in your head... Nowhere else. MAP, lift, read, and dread, and this insecurity will go away.... Maybe try a therapist (male) if it's really eating you up in the meantime.

SexistFlyingPig · 2017-01-30T23:16:37+00:00

The grass always looks greener on the other side.

That ship, the one where you were in your early 20's, fucking hot babes who were in their early 20's, has sailed. Now what's available is a bunch of worthless skanks or your wife. Your wife treats you well.

If you're following RP, then you should be getting sex whenever you want it. You've won the game. If you play again, I guarantee it won't be better.

hypergamous · 2017-01-31T06:41:01+00:00

If you have a loyal wife who listens and desires to fulfill her role by polishing her man and being a good mother, keep her.

N-count before marriage was 3, after divorcing a cheating wife I left to travel and date a bunch of women.

Made a point to not sleep with any of the women I dated and was focused on going out on as many dates as possible.

Whether they were 20 or 50, it was really difficult to find a quality woman. On the first meetup I asked the hard questions that so many of us did not do. Because the answers are not what we want to hear.

It's not about how many women you've slept with. What matters more is do you know who you really are sleeping next to?

Can you discern who she is versus who you tell yourself she is?

It's amazing what women will tell you once you remove the possibility of having sex with them on the first few dates and just listen.

In between the date I would ask all the things I knew were red flags from my marriage, but felt were too judgemental to ask.

Have you ever cheated on someone? Have you stolen anything before? Is it OK to lie? How many different people have you been sexual with?

When you are asking in a relationship that is already active, it's difficult to ask those questions without creating pain for both sides.

If you ask in the first few dates, people will tell you the truth if you don't judge them and actually listen, that's what I took away from the lessons.

Don't be so quick to toss away a functional relationship with a woman who will actually work with you. Stop pondering and get back to leading.

All your missing out on is lots of drama from broken women who will never stay beside you in an injury or disability. Focus on your children, your health and building stability in the event your wife ever had a physical injury and you had to be a single father.

ex_addict_bro · 2017-01-31T07:35:40+00:00

I see one problem with the replies of other ECs (which obviously stands for "Experienced Cucks"). They seem to be so invested in watching female sexual strategy unveil (aka "snooping through wifey messages on Snapchat, Tinder and Messenger") that they obviously forgot about more important thing, which is male sexual strategy.

I'm not discussing the fact that you may rely on external validation. You do, most of us does, we just need to keep it straightforward and not covert, like you did in your post. Lesson learned. But, let's get to the point.

Male sexual strategy is to fuck as many women as possible. Technically, I'm able to impregnate up to 3 girls daily. Yes, every single vagina is pretty much the same. Yes, AWALT. Which means "all women are like that". On the other hand, different girls have different... IDK, vibes? Auras?

You would be surprised. Not only in positive sense, but in negative too, because why not.

Many years ago I was with one of my first girls, I had about 3 yr long relationship with her. I had great sex with her. But, she was one of my first girls. I thought this is how the things are supposed to be. Then, I met another one, I felt "in love". Sex was mediocre, like really really bad. It sucked ass, pun unintended.

So, I guess you could be surprised. Both ways.

Today, I believe this is not as much about other girl as about me. I create most of the relationship, places we meet, things we do, the way I fuck her, this is all what I am creating.

Guys pointed out you have no proper frame. I agree. You don't. This may be your sexual instinct kicking in ("I want to fuck women"), but perhaps, in this case, it is rather fear of missing out.

My advice? None ("you do you").

As for me, from my experience... I don't mind, good woman, bad woman, it doesn't really matter to me that much. I've been with really good women in my past and I screwed it up, today I see that this is the way I am, this is what is what I want to create.

Soberskipper · 2017-01-31T13:01:24+00:00

I've been away for a while focusing on my direction but I had to comment on this....the answer is simple and you already know it deep down. Go fuck someone get it out of your system and find out its not all that fantastic ...pussy is pussy, but you don't know that internally because you haven't sampled others. Once you do you mite even stop pedastooling your wife and even gain some abundance mentality. Win win.

470_2_700_nm · 2017-01-30T18:56:45+00:00

Your a pussy. All I read is I "feel" this and "feel" that and the FOMO line is all about your fucking feelings.

Oh and I can't stand the thought of her being banged by her exes. You have oneitus then. I can relate on this but refuse to do so in depth because this feeling comes from a feeling of weakness and pussificton so I'm stopping. Maybe I'm a little further ahead on killing oneitus than you are. But who fucking cares. This is for pussies not black belt MRP's which I'm expecting you are aspiring to be.

And news flash fuck head, you don't need to leave her to fuck someone else.

My ultimate advice: do what you need to do for you. What ever that's is. Have the courage to do that.

Does this mean stopping working to take a few months to reflect the places you've been and get in the best shape of your life? Does this mean to put the pedal to the metal and go for it in business? Does this mean to take some strange pussy on the side, or to ravage your current LTR like the slut she is, enjoying every moment of the experience including the game?

Internet dudes can't tell you this. Only you can.

Oh and stop typing your feelings in MRP it's reminding me of what a pussy I was and to a degree am still. Just. Fucking. Stop. It.

jacksarmy · 2017-01-30T19:21:36+00:00

Dude the rule of 3, multiply whatever number she says and you will have the real amount of guys she slept with,12 cocks at least! Have you not seen American Pie..

[deleted] · 2017-01-30T18:46:59+00:00

Today's quote. "Do what you want"

InChargeMan · 2017-01-31T07:44:24+00:00

Nuke everything, go get some strange pussy. What will you find? It's all about the same, and now you lost a great life. It's not a big deal. Also, women don't put as much weight in this, you're thinking about her past partners 100X more than she is. At this point she probably barely remembers.

The real question, are you bothered by your N or hers? i.e. are you worried you are measuring up, or that she isn't? Seems to me like you are in her frame.

InChargeMan · 2017-01-30T21:16:10+00:00

Be a man and get side pussy.

Every woman I know has had her ass penetrated and a threesome.