Assertive conversation, her response

Archwinger · 2016-10-16T17:16:07+00:00

I can count the number of times I've verbally talked an unwilling woman into sex on zero hands.

_Kalidor_ · 2016-10-16T15:56:42+00:00

I'm still a noob, but the mods and flared members will tell you YOU CANNOT NEGOTIATE DESIRE. It sounds like that's what you were trying to do. Not only that, a nine week old still demands much of moms attention. Just feeding the baby can leave her feeling drained.

You'll have to find other ways to fire up the tingles.

ParadoxThatDrivesUs · 2016-10-16T15:19:12+00:00

Post history says you've been in low sex marriage for years. She knows you want sex - you keep begging for it. She does not want to have sex with you because she is not attracted to you. It's not mysterious.

Lift. STFU. Improve yourself.

FriedHayek · 2016-10-16T19:19:24+00:00

I want sex to be a part of our relationship.

Just like you wouldn't fuck a ridiculously unattractive woman, because you don't want to, she doesn't want to fuck you. If a fat woman would get fit, you'd want to fuck her, right? But not before fatness turns to fitness, right?

She doesn't think you're attractive yet. So, go lift, go stfu, go improve yourself. Find out what's unattractive about you, and make it attractive.

screechhater · 2016-10-16T23:51:13+00:00

you are going to be so happy you reset yourself to 0 and now you can just STFU and lift -diet. Become a "hawt" male specimen and from this point forward truly do not say another word about sex cause that's what men do.

PurpleVeteran · 2016-10-18T06:06:39+00:00

WISNIFG ... Assertively

Those are completely different poles on the MRP spectrum.

WISNIFG is a tool for co-dependent, validation-starved pussies who can't say no. I'm not even sure how you can claim to be assertive at all. You made your demand, and then let her drive the discussion while you fogged your half until you got bored/hurt/whatever?

Assertive is using day bang on your wife. It's showing her that she's sexy by being physical instead of using words. Scheduling a sitter, telling her to wear a dress, and taking her out.

Look, I understand that you're having a hard time telling your wife what you want, so this was a first step, but all you did was find out what she wants.

The ball is back in your court.

[deleted] · 2016-10-18T18:47:26+00:00

With respect to sex...keep on being a master debater and you'll keep on masterbating. Simple as that.

If she were a fortress surrounding the city of awesome sex...you are laying siege and trying to break down the front gate. Instead, send a few spies in through back doors. Befriend the citizens, start a coup, and open the gates from the inside.

SorcererKing · 2016-10-16T15:44:46+00:00

No more talk. Know, not fear, that you'll get a divorce eventually. Start becoming the guy women want to fuck.

[deleted] · 2016-10-16T15:24:52+00:00

Excellent work! All of that is actionable. Basically she's saying that she thinks you don't want her in your frame.

I don't feel very close to you

She doesn't know what you are thinking and is having trouble trying to track you. Be more open emotionally. Do not be needy. Just let her know what's going on. And make an effort to know what going in with her, too. Focus on acknowledging and understanding what she says. Do not try and fix things for her unless asked. The reason is that she will withhold if she feels she feels you will overreact.

I don't feel attractive because you don't tell me I'm pretty

She's feeling insecure and unattractive. This is not unusual particularly after pregnancy. What's your plan to address this? Don't be thirsty.

There's just not enough time (you'll see in my post history that we have a 9 week old)

I just fogged, etc the whole time, and eventually ended the conversation. These responses are definitely typical for us, but I would guess are pretty typical generally. Just wondered what the group thought.

Good. Use the tools to open up more. Be aware of your own insecurities and learn to calm them yourself. Be persistent and keep trying.

One duh moment for me was when I realized I had to force my wife to take time for herself to unwind and relax. I literally had to kick her out of the house. She was refusing to R&R and self-care and making things even more stressful for herself. She fought me tooth and nail on this but I was persistent and kept coming back until she caved.

FWIW my wife reliability shut down sexually during pregnancy and for 18+ months after each and every one of our three children. It can be extremely frustrating reading about all the hypersexed pregos and new moms.

bourbonhipster · 2016-10-16T18:54:25+00:00

What are you happy about here again?

UEMcGill · 2016-10-17T18:32:33+00:00

"Mommy, I'd like the pussy please."

"Babey boy, you haven't behaved. None for you."

WISNIFG is a tool. The solution is, get fit, be attractive.