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2 years report and ask for help on my IDGAF attitude (self.askMRP)

submitted by MRPaskforhelp

Hi Guys. I need some serious help. I'm on MRP for almost 2 years now. I'm in my 30s.⋅ I'm married for 9 years to the first woman I've had (i.e. my count is 1). I have two kids. I've been total beta for all my live, just a textbook example of it (despite the fact that at work I'm may be alpha sometimes).

My parents are very strict to the point of extreme sometimes. At the age of 5 my dad broke my hand during the act of punishment. But long story short, when I get married to my wife I was the guy who was just unable to say "No" and had serious problems with masturbation addiction. And you all may guess what my marriage looked like after 1st year. It was a hell for me. No matter what I did she was bitching at me. I had no clue at that time. And to be fair, I saw my wife as a frightening monster. And if at first months sex was good, it has slowly subsided. I became to masturbate again. On the scale of 1 to 10 my marriage at that time was no more than 4.

But last two years of my live were truly amazing. Thank you guys, you've literally changed my live. I've gained almost 20 lbs of muscles, though I'm skinny yet. I don't feel embarrased being shirtless anymore. I've learnt how to pass shit test. She became a kitty in my eyes with whom I know how to play. Sex became hot and frequent again. Sometimes I even felt that I can give even 7 points to my marriage. The trend was positive and I looked forward to be new awesome me. Strong, confident, attractive.

One small detail. I'm living in a small distant town at the Northern part of Russia. Practicing PUA in my environment just impossible. Everyone knows everyone and rumors spread fast. But I've read a few books on PUA and played a few scened in my head where I get numbers with ease. This summer I've been for several weeks at a big city and tried my skilles a few times. It was awful! I was so nervous and clumsy. My ego had a huge punch.

Back to main story. Everything was perfect untill 2 weeks ago. She has slowly slipped into a deep depression. She just oozes depression around the house. Yesterday she told me that I don't care much about her. I know it's maybe some test, but I just can't pass it. That depression just drives me crazy. And I know, that maybe my problem is lack of IDGAF attitude. And I have no idea how to cure it. Each time when someone is angry at me even for a small reason, and even if I know that the person can't cause me any harm, I get really anxious, nervous, and literally scared that something terible may happens. And now each day I tell myself that she is not a monster, that I'm not a victim, but each time I see her depressed look I became depressed myself.⋅

Any ideas?


[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Some men come here further down the rabbit hole then others.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2qjwg9/how_to_become_outcome_independent_using_a_stoic/?

I read this at least once every few weeks. Along with /u/thefamilyalpha article https://thefamilyalpha.com/2015/12/20/get-over-your-relationship-ptsd/

I use them as mental pick axes to climb higher out of the hell hole we all find ourselves in. I suggest you add them to your tool set.

You want to do this for internalizing via practice. And you'll want to do this for you, not your wife's depression. Perhaps you can help her, perhaps you cannot. But you will not be helpful to anyone, yourself included, if you are not in control of your own fear.

[–]MRPaskforhelp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

But you will not be helpful to anyone, yourself included, if you are not in control of your own fear.

Exactly what I'm hoping to achieve with a little help from you guys.

I'll reread material you showed.

[–]Motherfluckenstud[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm probably the last person to take advise from but I would take her out and have some fun. Go out dancing, clubing, hiking, or something.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You don't have to "pick up" the local women, just lightly flirt with them so that they wish you'd take them home. Your goal is for them all to say, "Oh, Vlad, he's so fun," with that twinkle in their eyes.

As for your wife, don't tell her you care, show her. Plan fun shit to do, then invite her along. Don't let her say no. Flirt the whole time, especially kino.

[–]MRPaskforhelp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Planning some fun together is obviously the thing that I never to. I got it, will work on it.

[–]Griever1140 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Regarding your "local town", you don't have to get numbers to increase dread.

Remember, the goal is to "BE AWESOME." I doubt your town frowns upon males and females talking. You don't have to obviously flirt to "flirt." Just being able to have a great conversation with attractive women is all it takes.

You want to be able to converse with the hot bar matron when you wife is being a shrill cunt so she can see she isnt top bitch anymore.

[–]MRPaskforhelp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for reminding me of that.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

You is a shit test. I is a comfort test

"You don't care much about me"

 

Reread when I say no I feel guilty. It addresses this fear of something bad happening if someone is upset with you. Bottom line, your wife isn't going to divorce you if you go out with the guys...and friends you want to be around won't shun you if you say no to something they want. That being said, keep an eye on your wife. Don't try and figure out why she's sad and/or try to fix it...but make sure your mix of alpha/beta is adequate.

[–]MRPaskforhelp[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

You is a shit test. I is a comfort test

Is it a legal rule here or that one is just yours? Because that sounds pretty cool and I want this to be true.

make sure your mix of alpha/beta is adequate.

I am sure I'm still less alpha than beta, but she's complaining and I don't know who's wrong.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Let's call that a guideline more than a rule. Context matters, but it is mostly true.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes this is an accepted rule here. It's the easiest way to determine what test it is. There are caveats, but generally it's a good rule of thumb.

 

Wrong implies someone is in error. Instead, she could be right, or better worded feel like she is right, but that doesn't mean what you are doing/going through is wrong. She could also just be trying to put words into that feeling she's getting about you that something is changing. She sees you acting differently and this always gets a woman's hamster going. "Is he mad at me? Am I not doing something right? Maybe he met someone else?"

It's true that red pill can kill marriages, especially if your changes are hard, fast, and quite frankly if you are in too deep a hole to warrent doing a 180 that fast. If that's the case go slow, make sure it's not 100% alpha. However, and because you say you are still majority beta, then just a general withdraw, such as what I went through where I took 3ish months and just acted like I was completely indifferent to her presence while I got my head on straight will also cause her to say this. I heard it several times before I reengaged. Stay the course. Fix you first.

[–]trp_dude0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Could be a comfort test if you're 2 years in.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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