TheRedArchive

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Hello men. Wife and I are early 30's. Have a 2 year old daughter. We're both physicians. Cheated on my wife a year and a half ago because I thought she was being the bitchiest harpy that crawled from the bowels of hell. Realize now I was a beta fuckup who was more concerned about rock climbing with my buddies than raising a family and naturally my wife would take out her resentment in the form of screeching. Sex with my wife has never been a problem, in terms of frequency and enthusiasm. Anyway, she found out and made my life a living hell. I tried therapy, and following all the advice of marriage counsellors. It left me calling suicide hotlines and ended with her moving out for a while and taking our daughter. I found MRP at that time and I've been obsessed with it. Read NMMNG, WISNIFG, and months worth of MRP posts by all of you veterans. I'm feeling better about myself....slowly. Oh, and I started lifting, bro.

After I found MRP and stopped giving a shit if she leaves or stays (well, not totally giving a shit. I want to raise my daughter) she moved back in. Since I've been lifting and acting more confident, my wife alternates between saying I'm her dream man and threatening divorce. I'm starting to think I'm going to fast. For example, today we're leaving the house to go to dinner at my dad's. She mentions something about moving tupperware around. I was concerned with getting our daughter ready and I wasn't paying attention to my wife. She gets frustrated, and hits me to get my attention. Not full on slug, but harder than would be normal to get attention. Blue pill me would have let it go. I told her "you can tap me lightly if you need to get my attention, but do not hit me if it's out of frustration or anger." A real simple boundary, I'm thinking at the time. She says, "I didn't hit you and I'm not angry. (bullshit, but that's ok. I'm trying not to divine her emotions). I just repeat, "Ok, if that's how you really feel. The fact remains that it's not ok to hit me out of anger or frustration."

I'll save you the rest of the details, but it devolved from there. She threatened (for the second time this weekend) to divorce me. I said, "ok. There's the door." Which just enraged her further. I maintained my cool. Tried to STFU. Tried fogging, negative assertion, negative inquiry, etc. She just kept flipping out. By this time we're in the car on the way to dinner, and our daughter is there. I don't like her yelling in front of our daughter, but that's a battle for another day. I ended up DEERing and apologizing just to get her to eat and not be a basket case around my family.

Anyway, I'll stop victim puking. I'm trying to maintain OI and DNGAF. I realize that I'm in her frame. But I'm torn between standing up for myself and providing comfort. I don't want to let her bludgeon me with my infidelity, but I also want to be empathetic to the hurt I've caused her. Part of me wants to go into monk mode for 6 months, give in to her whims and allow time to heal. The other part wants to ditch her and have the negativity out of my day to day life. I wouldn't be divorce raped since we make about the same, but I enjoy being around my daughter every day.

I'm realizing a few things:

  1. I'm not really outcome independent at this point.
  2. I'm deeply in the anger stage. It makes it hard to provide comfort when all I see is Shrieking Shrew, MD.
  3. I need to be patient and continue reading, practicing, and providing Alpha traits with beta comfort.
  4. Maybe I shouldn't start enforcing boundaries when she has a yeast infection.

Some questions: Is it ok to go slow, provide a lot of comfort, and ramp up the alpha later? If she's fucking and giving me BJ's regularly and all I want is a halfway decent woman to spend my time with, is MRP the right place for me? And does anyone have experience with an extremely anxiety-ridden type-A professional who regularly refers to herself as the "Alpha Bitch"?


[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

The first step is to get control of yourself.

You cannot control anyone more than you can control yourself. Therefore, if you can't get control of yourself, kiss her ass and hope she doesn't hurt you too bad.

Controlling others, like your LTR, is a waste of time. That time should be used to learn to control yourself.

You are afraid of her. Many others before you have conquered their fear of their women. For now, STFU while you learn how to respond better to her strong willed bullshit.

You mention your affair regularly. Get the fuck over it NOW. If you cannot get over your weak assed self-guilt game, then just throw in the towel and file now.

You are bargaining for time, for space, for anything you can thing of to get to you chance to recover from your self-inflicted and wife inflicted body blows. Your ego is trying to get you to find an easy way out of this mess. You know, your wife might not be as shitty as you say. Maybe you are just so weak in the knees with her, that she seems a giant. Small children are often afraid of a not un-friendly dog, or a loud carnival that could be fun….if only they could get control of themselves.

Answer: Man up. The only easy way out is to hand over your balls. Guarantee you, she will crush 'em. The ultimate power is gaining control over ourselves.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

You're absolutely right. For most of my marriage I was terrified of her emotions and intensity. I still am to some degree and I'm working on not owning her emotions. It's a struggle to DNGAF and still show her that, despite the drama, she adds a lot of value to my life.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

PLEASE, try not to rush your ability to deal with your changes….

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Paging /u/bluepillprofessor for advice on "alpha bitch"...

[–]jeeohnjones 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

ooh tough one.

The point of passive dread is to make her subconsciously come to the conclusion that you have other options.

You blew that up with the proven ability to get another female.

Overdoing the comfort - "Yes babe, I'm 100% yours" will make her lose attraction, it's anti-dread.

Dread via leaving the house and being mysterious will just cause infidelity-anxiety and bad results.

I guess the last option is just ignore her when she's being a shrew. Gaze off into the distance. Make it clear you're not paying attention. Do as much "not even listening while you're screaming" body language as possible.

Be subtle, she'll notice. No need to be a dick and put your fingers in your ears and sing LA LA LAA. Point your feet away from her, fold your arms, look at the ceiling. If she reacts to that "Hey you're not even listening" reply "Yep. When you can speak pleasantly, I'll give you my attention".

No-one likes being told they're unpleasant. Ignore bad behaviour, give her your attention and praise for good behaviour.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hahaha. I used that line once: "You have the right to be angry or have any emotion you choose. But I won't talk with you when you act this way. When you act pleasantly I'll talk with you." She told me I was emotionally abusing her. See, that's what she sees-- if she doesn't have complete control over the relationship then I'm abusing her.

[–]jeeohnjones 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I vagued out halfway through the paragraph. "When you act pleasantly I'll listen" is fine. Introducing logic during emotional tirade = abuse apparently.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's a shitty comfort test. Play it like a shit test, and you're an insensitive, philandering prick who will amplify her anxiety and rage. Play it like a comfort test, and you're a clueless loser who will just piss her off. STFU is what to do when you can't think of a better response.
 
Option #1 for a shitty comfort test is playing it down the middle with stoicism. For example, "I'm disappointed in the way that you are speaking to me right now. I'm going to go floss my teeth. Take a minute, gather your thoughts, and you can try this again when I get back."

[–]Flathatter45 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm going to go floss my teeth.

That made me spit out my water. Lol!

[–]SepeanRed Beret 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

And does anyone have experience with an extremely anxiety-ridden type-A professional who regularly refers to herself as the "Alpha Bitch"?

Yup, got that here. And my wife found MRP and my many posts here and we also went through a prolonged conflict; my writings really triggered her anxieties.

I don't like her yelling in front of our daughter, but that's a battle for another day. I ended up DEERing and apologizing just to get her to eat and not be a basket case around my family.

Don't do that. If there is something very important that she is wrong about (and we're talking like very important, like stuff that might make her think you were looking to cheat again) you might want to explain, but other than that stop DEERing. You are maybe buying a moment of peace but you are teaching her that a) you don't have frame and b) she can use this to stomp your further into submission.

So stop engaging. Meet comformt tests with hugs and reassurance, meet shit tests with A&A, AM and STFU.

my wife alternates between saying I'm her dream man and threatening divorce.

On one hand, she is attracted to you and because of that she does not want to leave. The pull will almost always be stronger than the push for a woman. Many will stay with serial cheaters and abusers if they don't have better options.

On the other hand you have the usual fight for control, her drive to try to make you more beta and to test your frame and alphaness. This is ramped up because you are upping your alpha as it with all of us until the main event, and fed further by your cheating which is a HUGE beta loss.

I don't believe the basic dynamics are any different in your case. Handle it exactly standard.

You might have suffered a semi-permanent cap on how high your beta can get, which means extra comfort tests and even freak outs. It is just something you have to deal with.

Giving in and DEERing when she attacks you will solve nothing. Hold frame, and eventually her hamster starts running and comes up with something that calms her down and makes her snuggle up to her high SMV man again.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

The better options thing is tricky. She's an attractive lady. Appears to have it all together to other people. She's got no shortage of beta orbiters who tell her that she's so special and deserves better. She buys into it and tells me that she's got plenty of guys who will do whatever she wants and I'd better do what she says. I usually A&A, but that doesn't work if I also throw some comfort in. She just wants to know that I want her around. But I'm sure tired of hearing about all these pussies that are after her-- like they would tolerate her bullshit

[–]SepeanRed Beret 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Better option means higher SMV. If you've got high SMV she isn't dropping to some beta orbiter. Do you really think she wants some mangina who obeys her every whim? Guys like that disgust women.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She buys into it and tells me that she's got plenty of guys who will do whatever she wants and I'd better do what she says.

If she had any guy who was worth a shit waiting to wipe her ass for her, then she would have left you for one of them when she found out you cheated.

"Well damn honey, maybe you can get one of them to come paint your nails and do your hair."

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why not tell her she is free to leave.

"ok babe Dr. Pussyfoot thinks you're special. Go to him. I insist."

Go see a lawyer. Write up a divorce proposal or whatever. Start fixing you. Next time she says she wants a divorce honor that threat.

Honestly - you're a faggot but you should still honor the threat.

Prophylaxis man!

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Providing comfort doesn't mean you can placate shitty behavior. We do that shit all day with our patients with motivational interviewing, trying to move past the social history and get on with a consult, and getting shitty admin people to STFU. Medicine attracts codependent people and reinforces the behavior. Our profession is over-represented in the red pill.
 

Is it ok to go slow

Yes. In fact, it's usually necessary, especially with a smart, anxious wife and your history of infidelity.
 

If she's fucking and giving me BJ's regularly and all I want is a halfway decent woman to spend my time with, is MRP the right place for me?

You're a codependent guy married to an anxious and angry wife. You are the MRP prototype. The guys who are here because of dead bedrooms didn't realize that the lack of sex was a symptom of a much greater problem. Sex is a concrete thing that draws the focus of married couples, but it is almost always a symptom of something else.
 
My wife's behavior had devolved into borderline abusive acts toward me before I came here. She was also screaming at the kids several times per day, sometimes saying nasty things to them at two and four years old. I started forming a plan for divorce, but hesitated because that would have left her with more unsupervised time with the kids. I recognized that we were feeding into the changes in each other's behavior, but I had no idea how much until I changed my behavior.
 

Maybe I shouldn't start enforcing boundaries when she has a yeast infection.

LOL. Time for some beta comfort - hand her a fluconazole tab and a pack of Canesten. Other than that, stay consistent with your boundaries, recognizing that being itchy shortens her attention span and reduces empathy. Don't talk emotions - just stick to logistics until she's not itchy anymore.
 

refers to herself as the "Alpha Bitch"

Anxiety often looks like narcissism. They can coexist, too. If she really is a narcissist, then you need to consider the impact on your child. A narcissistic parent is an insidious influence that can destroy a child. Seemingly minor interactions add up to a child who will never have strong self-esteem. Check out /r/raisedbynarcissists if you need proof.
 
Make sure birth control is in order. Do not have any more children with this woman.
 

alternates between saying I'm her dream man and threatening divorce

You're her dream man, on paper, except for the cheating thing. You tick all the boxes for a good choice of husband - physically fit, doctor, good parent, etc... She wants a man, though. You can become a man.
 
It sound like she'll be capable of seeing you as a man, but you won't know if she can get past the infidelity until you have eliminated all your shitty behaviors. Once you have been an attractive, assertive, strong, stoic, positive person for months, she will have either become a better wife or you will have started to recognize how many options you really have.
 
By stoicism, I mean the philosophy, not the lack of emotional responses and unquestioning acceptance of other people's shit that you have to display at work.
 

I don't like her yelling in front of our daughter, but that's a battle for another day

That's a battle for the earliest possible moment that you can get her alone.
 
She's entitled to her emotions, but she can no longer use them as an excuse to violate the boundaries that you set. Those boundaries will gradually move from the things that you can't tolerate to the things that are reasonable expectations from a good wife. The specifics of that depend on you.
 
 
Edit: autocorrect wasn't correct

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I've been reading a bit about stoicism. Don't have much time for extra reading since I'm prepping for my specialty boards. Do you know any good introductory books?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

prepping for my specialty boards

That is a very shitty time in life, hopefully never to be repeated.
 
There's a nice intro to stoicism in this thread. You may need to prioritize fitness and nutrition and read a but less non-medical stuff until exams are done. If you decide to visit the stoicism subreddit, it should be with an alternate account since many of the users there don't practice what they preach, but I wouldn't bother going there. You're always better off going to the source.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My girl is extremely anxiety ridden type A high energy but she's not a professional at all. I treat her like a cocky little girl who thinks she knows it all and she loves it. If she ever called herself an alpha bitch I would probably break out laughing because she can't even decide which cute animal video she wants to watch on YouTube before bed. But I digress, your wife is not an alpha bitch, she is just a woman who needs an extra strong alpha to lead her. Just put an 's after the alpha and that is what she really means.

About that arm punch thing, I don't know the whole story because I wasn't there but here is how I have handled similar situations in the past with some success.

If she was just hitting you to get your attention, and not out of anger or to try and hurt you, then don't get so butthurt. You're a man, no woman is supposed to be able to hurt you. Is it disrespectful? Yea, probably, but if you let it upset you or make you angry in anyway, than you're a bitch who gets hurt by girls. That shit looks weak. Again though, attacking you in anger would be different, but it seems like she was just being a little bitchy and not committing domestic assault.

Next time, after she hits you look at her for a second with a smirk and ask her if she wants to fight, or thinks she's bruce lee, then grab her and carry her off, or tickle her or something that shows her that you don't give a shit that she hit you, but that will have to pay for her bratty behavior.

Just keep it light and playful. The worst thing you can do is completely shut everything down and lay out some boundry. That just engages her mind in discussion mode, which to her is a "must win" conversation. I think /u/shackmeister just wrote something on the main sub about how women view conversations as combat and only care about winning. You decided to engage your wife in conversation combat instead of rising above like the man you're supposed to be and punishing her like the bratty child she is. Next time don't even play, just rise above and put her in her place.

Never let her influence or change your emotional state unless it's an extremely situation.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Get your shit on lock, no more doing things because of how someone else acts. Do things for your reasons, not theirs.

Then when you know you have that down, impart on her the expectation that she is 'forgiving you and over it, or not, and leave'

Threats are honored. Don't let your guild give her a free pass for threaten you.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Re read what you wrote --- I stopped giving a fuck and she moved back in.

She hit me for my attention - what ? Seriously ? Tell her once, with undivided attention if it was rage, if not ignore. As she keeps going into a shit screaming storm, pull the car over and tell her to stop and act like an adult or you are turning around or and going home The type A doesn't want any person like your family to know she was throwing a fit and you cancelled because of her shit behavior

Part of these type of women is to control you. They are super fucking perfect at work and in public, and in your ass at home. I have one and she learned from her mother. The only method is IDNGAF. Absolutely fake it until you make it. Her anxiety shitvis from you showing weakness. She needs absolute dominance. You will be there when you turn and stair her down, and it shuts her down

Just so you know, she left you because of you not owning the affair, acting like a pussy. Then she came back once you stopped. Pavlova dogs with her. Absolute IDNGAF and reward good behavior. Become a serious fucking asshole with bad behavior Me- I AA every fucking trip up on her part, lightens the mood then I feed her her shit with comedy.

You need to grow a set of cast iron balls, and perhaps start working as an expert witness in your field and hit the lecture circuit My brother in law uses it to be above the cunt and I am an expert in my field Whatever route you choose, you need to remember she is the type that wants to please you when you display high value leader or she will shit test you hourly.

[–]SexistFlyingPig 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

She accepts your leadership. But you aren't leading. You are treating her like a side piece you barely tolerate. To use the captain/first mate metaphor, you're treating her like a deck swabbie rather than the mother of your child and your First Mate.

She is really unhappy. You say that sex isn't a problem, so why did you cheat?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

That's a good question. I think it all comes down to being addicted to validation from women. There's other stuff-- being molested as a kid, a rigid religious system that pushed me into marriage, never having sex with anyone else. But it comes down to the fact that I wasn't happy with myself and I sought validation from someone else.

[–]SexistFlyingPig 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Excellent insight into yourself and your motivations. This is one of the few places where I would recommend a therapist to a man. You have some stuff that you need to work through. This stuff has nothing to do with your wife. So you need someone (who isn't your wife, and isn't particularly connected to you) to listen to you and help you to work through your issues.

Really. Therapy is almost never the right thing, but it sounds like it might be for you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've been in therapy for the past year. Some of it is blue pill nonsense. But some is pretty helpful in gaining insight into my motivations. If nothing else, it's helped me gain mastery over my compulsions. Haven't masturbated or looked at porn in a year.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'll break from the crowd and usual antics.

Your wife found a way to break your frame and get your attention. Either give her another entrance or call her bluff.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I had a really long response typed out, but instead I'll just give you the synopsis.

Your wife by your comments is either bluffing or BPD. Neither are good. Quit listening to her words and become a man of action. I suspect by some of your comments and history that divorce would be a very bad option for her (ex mormon?).

If she is BPD, divorce her, don't be captain sav-a-ho. If she's not, enforce those boundaries. She's used to getting her way so it may take a few temper tantrums, but she smart enough to get through med school, she should know how to play by the rules.

The biggest piece of advice I have for you is, Lift, read, and learn. Don't sprinkle a little alpha on it. You have a long way to go unfucking what you fucked up (an no the affair was not a fuck up).

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Divorce wouldn't carry social/religious repercussions. We left the church a while ago. It would be the custody burdens that would be worse for her than for me. Who knows, maybe if she were on her own she'd get her act together. But realistically the day to day life of a single mom AND doctor would give her an ulcer. Actually, she got an ulcer because of the stress of med school.

She's not BPD in the clinical sense. Maybe BPD traits. Definitely has an anxiety disorder. OCD and narcissistic traits. I've got my work cut out for me on becoming a man that can handle her. First thing to do is find my soft, squishy balls she keeps in her hope chest

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Again, quit being captain-sav-a-ho. All I read is "She would, it would be hard for her, she has...." Blah, blah, blah. Throw all that shit out. Guys who want to fix women often are ignoring the pressing issue of fixing themselves. I don't fucking care about your wife's ulcer, she's a doctor and should know how to fix that shit. Divorce is not about what happens to her, it's about what happens to you.

 

We all have different paths when it comes to choosing divorce with kids. Some like me, have a SAHM for a wife. I'm the textbook definition of what divorce rape starts with. You on the other hand have the exact opposite in financial obligations. So your question is much easier to answer and that's "Would I be happier as a divorced single dad, or as a married dad?"

 

Detach your emotional hose from her. Quit worrying about her fucking feelings and start to be your own person. She's a fucking doctor so how righteous are you to say she couldn't handle being a single mom? It's not about her dude, and that's been your problem all along. Quit being afraid she'll break or collapse. Embrace outcome independence and what the future may bring. It starts with not putting up with bad behavior.

 

Who knows, you may get back to an awesome marriage, but it starts with you. What's broken with you?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You misinterpreted what I meant by her getting an ulcer. I don't care about what would happen to her-- other than that if she's stressed out my daughter would suffer. I'm not staying in the marriage for any altruistic feelings toward my wife. I like being with my daughter every day. And I need to work on myself before jumping ship. I'm not going to leave, just to be in another fucking dysfunctional codependent relationship and still have to fight custody battles with an emotional wreck. So you're right-- I have to internalize that it's not about her and I have to power to fix me. She's a byproduct.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

me on becoming a man that can handle her. First thing to do is find my soft, squishy balls she keeps in her hope chest

Start with a list of all the ways you are a shitty man. Kill your ego. make a list...write it out here or in the oys thread. That is where you start.

Go back to the beginning of your life....

kill that fucking Dr. Ego

[–]Hjalmbere 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My ex threw tantrums and repeatedly threatened me with divorce. I finally got so tired of that crap that I secretely prepared all the documents and when she did it again I just handed her a signed document and said: "Sign here please." I have never looked back.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

But I'm torn between standing up for myself and providing comfort.

Consider providing comfort to reward good behavior. It's a pretty good rule of thumb and will have the effect of soothing her while progressively training her not to act in ways that don't get rewarded.

...give in to her whims and allow time to heal.

If you want her to heal, then she doesn't need you to ignore her while time passing somehow magically makes everything okay. Instead, she needs a strong husband. The main problem in your marriage isn't that you cheated but that you were absent as a leader.

And does anyone have experience with an extremely anxiety-ridden type-A professional who regularly refers to herself as the "Alpha Bitch"?

Fyi, since you seem like the type of person who enjoys knowing these things, the type-A/type-B was propaganda from the tobacco industry. She can be the "alpha bitch" out in her profession, but when she gets home, she can leave her crown in the garage.

[–]JackGetsIt 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Since I've been lifting and acting more confident, my wife alternates between saying I'm her dream man and threatening divorce.

The soft dread sounds like it's working but she's still probably broken and resentful about the cheating. Relationships are like vases, once their broken they can't be fixed. Remember that soft dread needs tempered with reward and 'dating' her again, assuming she deserves it of course. Never reward bad behavior.

I realize that I'm in her frame.

Agreed. She's not coping well with your soft dread and attempts to re-frame. The hitting incident and fight that came after it is all a manifestation of the whole relationship and has nothing to do with the actually hitting.

I don't want to let her bludgeon me with my infidelity

and I hate to say it this is what she will continue to do. It sounds like she can't get over the infidelity.

Part of me wants to go into monk mode for 6 months, give in to her whims and allow time to heal.

This will solve nothing.

I wouldn't be divorce raped since we make about the same, but I enjoy being around my daughter every day.

You can still very much get divorce raped. I'd 'consult' a divorce attorney now. DO NOT LET HER KNOW.

Is it ok to go slow, provide a lot of comfort, and ramp up the alpha later?

What makes you think ramping the alpha up later will change things? She's already showing that she will resist that, which is what happens when you fall into her frame.

If she's fucking and giving me BJ's regularly and all I want is a halfway decent woman to spend my time with, is MRP the right place for me

You're trying to rationalize and compromise yourself out of a situation you know is untenable over the long run. Those Bj's and duty sex will go away and soon will be rare duty sex and then no sex.

And does anyone have experience with an extremely anxiety-ridden type-A professional who regularly refers to herself as the "Alpha Bitch"?

This was my ex wife for the most part. There's really not much you can with this female type if she get's her Talons in and realizes she can control you. Strong type a women need even stronger men to control them. They will never admit this but they show with their actions.

If you think there's still a way to wrestle back control do it. But once she's in control and she now has to treat her relationship like any other part of her busy professional life where she has to use logic and take the reigns she will become unattracted to you and resentful. Women want a man that puts them into a vagina tingle mode where they don't have to think. The cheating jarred her out of that.

Modern american/western women will do everything in their power to slowly make you their beta provider that they have complete control over then once they've accomplished it they will wonder why they aren't attracted to that same guy. I wish I could give you better news but with some women cheating destroys their fantasy. Another sub that might help you or her if you can find some way to trick her into reading it is redpill women or redpillwives; but it sounds like she won't take kindly to being presented with a forum that asks her to be submissive to save a relationship. Sounds like she doesn't want it saved.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

And that's what I wonder sometimes-- maybe she'll never get over the cheating. As much as I'd like to cut her loose, I'm going to do work on me for at least the next year. If she's still here and wants to be a part of it, and wants to be civil, then that's something I can work with.

[–]JackGetsIt 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I think as a backup measure you need to document the hitting and yelling she's doing over the next year and make sure you have a good attorney you're consulting with. Expect the best but plan for the worse.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

She really did hit me hard when she left the first time, from behind while I was working in the garage. Only reason I didn't get a black eye is because I ducked. She was stupid enough to text all her friends about it. This was the moment I realized I'd become Prime Minister of Pussland

[–]JackGetsIt 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That sucks. It's totally bullshit that women get away with this behavior and men are thrown in jail for the same thing. If you called the cops they would take you to jail. Just make sure every time she resorts to violence you stay the calm party and tell her that it's unacceptable and find a way to record it (text a trustworthy male friend/lawyer, email to yourself, etc). Normally the calmest person is the winner in arguments so just recognize she's trying to get you to react so she has fuel to burn you. Don't give her the fuel.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

You have your work cut out for you.

A Wife is a self professed Alpha Bitch probably means that you are going to spend your entire life running against the wind. For me it sometimes feels like slogging through thick mud just to walk down the street. EVERYTHING is challenged, second guessed, questioned. CONSTANT. You have everything figured out and BAM! She tests it.

I want to eat Italian, let's go to Marios. Hmmm we ate Italian last week. How about insert random restaraunt here. If I wanted to go to the other random place she would have mentioned Marios. EVERYTHING is challenged. It is exhausting always fighting and jockeying for the lead with a woman who refuses to cooperate. That is to say almost every single woman in the West today.

My only advice is to truly get to a place where you DNGAF. I am not in a good place for this right now and am working on it myself so let me vomit right back at you. We are on vacation and I wanted to go the beach. She wanted to lay around all day again so I enlisted the kids to shame her into going. She made the entire trip a nightmare. Ordering me where to turn and when to stop. Refusing to sit down and eat. Just being contrary and challenging the entire day. I decided on the way home that I really don't like my wife very much. Seriously! She can take a god-damn day at the beach and turn it into a shit test seminar.

That song keeps playing in my head but the lyrics are reversed:

I've got clouds, on sunshiny day.

When it's warm outside, I've got the month of December.....

MRP works GREAT to fix the low sex. Holding frame ala MRP is much harder but works reasonably well to fix the bitching and unpleasant behavior but it takes a LOT of time and effort and it never goes away. The best you can do is to truly not care and remind her that she may be a bitch but she is your bitch so knock it off. I honestly think that women like this very often do not make suitable wives. They are business partners and competetors and you will NEVER get from her the warm feeling of hearth and home and relaxation that previous generations of men enjoyed.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So - why bother?

He is early on enough in his marriage to bounce without significant loss.

Why not advise him to get a divorce now - save himself possibly Decades of rewardless hard work and misery ?

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fucking divorce her asap at any cost. Done.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

So here is how this looks

Beta bitch mangina husband dries up his wife and doesn't lead. Wife becomes Shriek-Harpy, MD. , Beta bitch gets outside ass. ShriekHarpy MD cant understand why or how her fucking idiot manchild husband could even get a pussy wet, let alone not hers, and gets pissed and starts acting out. Manchild MD goes to MRP to seek advice...

Sound about right?

Here is the logic of the approach very broadly:

You are responsible for your actions and she is responsible for hers. Neither one of you could control how you felt "at the time", but for sure could control how you acted.

Dude, you didn't cheat on the girl you married. You cheated on a harpy. The harpy is your fault. Lead her out of harpy mode.

If she pulls the hitting you thing again... look at her and start laughing . Order an Xray of her hand. Make sure to get an ortho consult. Write it out on your Rx pad. Make it funny.

If she starts yelling at you... Send her to speech therapy... something about volumes and pitch that don't belong on a human.

If she can't take the joke and settle down after a bit of that, tell her what you expect, and what you will not tolerate. Ger ready to be gas-lit from here to China. Get ready for threats.

If she actually strikes you again, bounce, take the kid ( talk to a lawyer first)

Actually, talk to a lawyers before yous start the heavy conversations so you know what you should and shouldn't do with regard to custody etc.

Do Record all of the time you spend being a father with your daughter. Have it available for lawyer.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

That's pretty accurate. It's liberating to know I created the harpy. And I retained a lawyer several months ago after her acting out became unpredictable

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

seriously though, turn her shit into a joke in the meantime. Maybe an Rx for psychiatrist... if you use the ICD10 system, just put down harpy wife, causing pain in the ass, subsequent encounter

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haha! In my field I don't use outpatient prescription pads. Maybe I'll have to buy some just for this purpose. There's going to be a lot of trees wasted....

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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