Physically abusive soon-to-be-ex-wife hints

enfier · 2015-12-07T23:33:59+00:00

This isn't the appropriate forum for most of these questions. There are legal implications and the laws differ so you'll need to get a good answer from your lawyer.

What you can do is keep a journal of each incident. Write down the date and time, who said what, the specific attacks she did, your reaction, etc. Write it in pen and paper and keep it hidden. If you worry about it getting taken, snap a photo with your cellphone and keep it in Dropbox or similar. When asked you'll have specific examples with a clear recollection of exactly what happened.

If your health is under actual threat you should call the police. You'll need to make 3 points - she had the intent to harm you, the ability to harm you and you were in fear. You might say "She was in the kitchen next to the knives, she said she was going to fuck me up and I was afraid for my life." Ability, intent, fear and that call is a wrap for the police.

Do not escalate the abuse. If she's not a threat, do nothing. If she is a threat, remove yourself from the situation. If you must respond with violence, then use an appropriate amount of violence. Something like shaving cream is just childish and pointless.

Don't respond to the text messages. Just keep a record and move on.

You'll need to win the battle for credibility on multiple levels. With the court, with the police, your job, with your friends, with your immediate family and with your extended family. They should all hear about the abuse directly from you before your wife has an opportunity to poison the well. Your actions and your words need to all match up and make sense - if she's abusive you should be looking to protect yourself right now. Your lawyer should be able to give you some appropriate steps to take. An example would be - your wife was abusing you, so you left the house, then you went to your parents, then you called the police, then you went to get a restraining order. That's a reasonable escalation - pepper spraying her inside the house is not.

its-iceman · 2015-12-08T01:39:33+00:00

Why are you against calling the police at all costs? If you were spontaneously physically abusive to her, you'd be in jail tonight. Why the double standard?

jerry_rigger · 2015-12-08T03:35:57+00:00

unless there is a real physical treat (like knife), I don't want to get police involved, at any cost. There were some TRP threads that suggested this. Any thoughts on this? Any first-hand experience stating otherwise?

Well, I hate to break it to you but,

YOU FUCKED UP.

In a divorce you'll need all the ammo you can get.

No police, no police report. No police report, no records of assault. No records of assault, then it's just here say. If its just arguing here say, they're more likely to side with the woman if they do take a side.

In college I stuck my dick in crazy, like bat shit stalk, assault you, and threaten suicide fucking crazy. Anyways I had to call the cops to remove her from my apartment more than once. After the second time I asked the cop what I could do. He stated that I needed to get a restraining order and to call the cops every time in order to build a paper trail of evidence. Cop was cool as fuck and sympathized while poking fun at me.

You're in a similar situation, but with way more to lose. The system is in favor of women, but if you play the game right you can stack the odds in your favor.

blarggggggggggg · 2015-12-08T00:35:55+00:00

check out the bpdfamily website and look at the resources there for dealing with borderline people - techniques like S.E.T. - and validation can sometimes help discussions from veering into crazytown. http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36.0

I can't remember the brand - saw it mentioned in marriedredpill I think - of a self-installed wifi security system for recording the home interior. You can frame it as something you're doing for the safety of the kids.

But you really need to work w/ your lawyer on all this. Good luck at the hearing.

Countpudyoola · 2015-12-08T14:30:20+00:00

Get some double sided tape and a voice activated small video audio recorder. Place somewhere where you usually have physical run ins with her. Make sure it has a good shot of the room. Read over this for ideas.

Also download bambuser for your phone. You can set it to one touch stream to your account. Free. People use it when cop blocking in case they confiscate and tamper with the phone. You can set it to still be recording when the screen is off as well.

Document all of that. Whether you get the police involved or not I'd imagine it would go far with your divorce/child custody hearings.

Jrknighton · 2015-12-09T21:02:13+00:00

I went through a similar situation with my abusive ex-wife. If you are not going to call the cops on her then you might as well give up. YOU MUST INVOLVE THE POLICE. PERIOD. She would do it to you in a heartbeat. If you care about your kids, call the police. It's going to take a ridiculous amount of police reports to even work in your favor so start now.

nantucketghost · 2015-12-10T20:40:02+00:00

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BluepillProfessor · 2015-12-09T04:54:09+00:00

Well this is certainly FUBAR. Is it Alpha or Beta to pepper spray your wife? I vote for Beta and I wouldn't recommend it. Holy Shit!

This is NOT legal advice so you need to see a lawyer ASAP but this is what I would do: After you talk to your lawyer, I would be to go to the police station if you have scratches. Take pics of the scratches with your phone. I would definitely make a police report if you are injured in the slightest. Don't call them to the home but go to the station and file a written report. Tell them you don't want to prosecute but an assault occurred that you wanted to report. Tell them the situation. Play the tape for them and make a written report. I would ask them what you are supposed to do but I wouldn't expect an answer.

Fucking tape everything with your crazy wife. Narrate what is happening calmly while she rages and attacks you. Don't instigate her or egg it on in any way. You will probably be questioned about everything you say on the tape so be stoic and calm as a judge and you will probably win big.