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Wife asks overtly about my "new strategy" (self.askMRP)

submitted by IASGame

Summary: my wife noticed my change in behavior and is becoming more insistent that I tell her what is up with it, particularly initiating "physically".

Body: I'm recently unplugged (a bit over 1 month), started lifting and reading (the sidebar books, Rational Male, and top rated posts on reddit).

As a consequence, my behavior in general and in particular with respect to my wife changed. She noticed in particular that I'm initiating often and physically (instead of asking for what I want, I show her).

She is increasingly curious (and probably a bit worried - passive dread?), so she is now overtly asking me about my "new strategy" in being persistent and "physical" in initiating, asking what I have been reading or if someone suggested I try something different etc.

I STFU for a bit smirking and smiling but she wouldn't leave it at that and persisted, so eventually I deflected to saying that I'm just showing her clearly what I want, when I want.

She seemed to accept that for now but I think I'll be "interrogated" again soon.

What kind of response the experts here would advise when questioned?

I know a few people claim some success in revealing Red Pill to their wives, possibly in a more advanced stage of unplugging, but I'm thoroughly convinced that it is best not to show my hand to my wife. I've been wondering if/when I should tell her I'm actually lifting weights (I only told her I was using the gym). One thing I've thought about though was giving her WISNIFG when I finish it, because she could really benefit from being more assertive (I would probably also benefit from her being more assertive).


[–]strategos_autokratorRed Beret 14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Read WISNIFG. You don't have to answer to any questions she asks.

In fact, you are in her frame when you assume that you have obligations to tell her.

The problem is if you explain what you are doing, you engage her hamster, and it comes off as validation seeking.

Quite frankly, I wouldn't explain anything. Just say "Yeah, lifting makes me more horny.", pick her up, and make a joke of it with Agree and Amplify. Make it funny and playful, so she joins in your fun frame.

One thing I've thought about though was giving her WISNIFG

Be careful with this. It comes as asking her to change herself, and she will fight you on this. Don't get me wrong, she might need it. But telling her she needs to change IS going to make things worse in bed and such. It is engaging her hamster. She has to decide she has to change, and she will find the resources she needs. But no matter what, you have to respond in a way that her shitty unassertive behavior doesn't work, so she is forced to stop it.

You don't give a dog the dog training manual hoping he learns tricks.

It sounds like she is starting to notice the changes in you. This is good. Stay strong, keep going. She is trying to pull you in her frame, don't fall for it.

[–]mrpCamper 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Read WISNIFG. You don't have to answer to any questions she asks. In fact, you are in her frame when you assume that you have obligations to tell her.

SO IMPORTANT!!!!!

[–]MRPguy 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

All those saying "read WISNIFG" and "you don't have to answer" are correct. But none of that worked well for me and my marriage. We didn't have a discussion about it, but I did make a statement.

My statement was "I am becoming a better Man for myself." That's it. There was no further explanation given or one needed. It's the truth. There isn't anything demeaning or covert about it. It's also nice because it lets her know that I'm doing it for myself.

As with all things, your mileage may vary. Again, I'm NOT suggesting you have a conversation and discuss your feelings or let her berate and interrogate you. And do NOT give her your reading materials or even let her know that you have them.

[–]RPcoyote 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Shit tests!!! She wants to figure you out as she has for years. Think of it this way: you plan a nice date, a nice surprise. You work hard. You take her out and have it all organized: the two of you will have a great time. And then she starts with the questions and the guessing, peppering you with "where are we going?" Where are you taking me Mr. Etc etc.

Would you tell her until you get there???!

No.

You would BS your way through and deflect all kinds of little girly questions and tease the heck out of her.

Same approach here. Be the man not a floppy cock.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nice analogy

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm thoroughly convinced that it is best not to show my hand to my wife.

I told my wife about MRP/TRP and I am thoroughly convinced that you are right to not tell your wife.

[–]IASGame[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thanks BPP.

What made you decide to tell her? I'm certain I read one or two Rational Male entries that suggested never telling.

I spotted that comment above (the reply to the severing) which is one of few reports on the contrary, but even that guy might have had an easier time if he hadn't shared.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What made you decide to tell her?

I have a big mouth. Also, she asks a lot of questions (she is a lawyer). Importantly, I think it "worked" for me to tell her because she had read MMSL and MAP in order to "figure out my strategy."

[–]SepeanRed Beret 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

/u/strategos_autokrator nailed it. It is perfectly ok to not answer questions and just make a joke of them.

There are guys who have been found out, but this was later in the game and they all still recommend you don't tell your wife. It doesn't help.

And especially not when you're new. Girls hate alpha posers. Don't let her know, don't even let her suspect that you're reading this in a book. If you are ever found out then it is the alpha that is your true self but you were once a beta poser.

[–]strategos_autokratorRed Beret 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Girls hate alpha posers.

This is a very good point. Wife is testing to see if he is for real, or posing. This is a shit test. OP needs to pass this.

[–]IASGame[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Absolutely need to deal with this properly.

This weekend my STFU didn't stick and while I managed to deflect it, it didn't feel like I had "passed", so I expect it to come up again.

Prior and after to the overt "are you trying a new strategy" I'm also getting classics like "you are being selfish", "you just want me for sex", but those are easier to STFU or AA for me. I didn't expect her to confront me overtly so early.

[–]SepeanRed Beret 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Girls use reconnaissance pull. They test your defenses until they find a weak spot, and then they pull their main battle force through there.

[–]strategos_autokratorRed Beret 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Every time you fail a test, she will throw 10 more because you made her feel insecure. But the best is to keep going forward, one at a time.

When in doubt, STFU.

"are you trying a new strategy"

"In love and war everything is allowed." and slap her butt.

"you are being selfish", "you just want me for sex", but those are easier to STFU or AA for me.

Good job. These are good signs.

I didn't expect her to confront me overtly so early.

It can be off-putting to not have enough time to get strong and comfortable. Accept this, and keep going. Remember that when you REALLY pass the test is when you don't really care so much for them anymore, you just pass them without effort, when you stop worrying about how to pass the properly.

Before the pill, we don't understand the tests, and fuck up over and over. We take the pill and start seeing and understanding the tests. We study for the test. But when you have frame, you see through the test.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Years ago, my wife told me that her "type" was manly men. At the time, I stupidly assumed that this preference was purely aesthetic, specifically about facial features. I had been pushing her to tell me what her type was (so that I could conform to it... Shudder) and the best she could come up with at the time was "manly men". Little did I know that she was actually telling me the literal truth. Now she knows I'm on a "journey" (again, this was a pre red pill revelation) and has many times shit tested me about it.

"oh, is this some little tricky you are trying for your 'journey' " (air quotes included)

Her: friend X had a shitty marriage

Me: give me 2 minutes with her husband and I'll turn their ship around (shudder)

Her: oh yeah, you'll just say he needs to be more "manly" (again with the air quotes)

All of this is to create an element of shame around what I am doing. Trying to make me feel silly or something. I don't blame her for it, because in the past, I did seek out her validation here, so she has every right to feel like the guardian of my frame. As if my frame exists because she tolerates it, or accepts it or something. Things would have been different if I had not said those things before, but she would still be shit testing me about something. Still with the shame tactics. They are experts in that, after all. I don't think things would have been "easier" though, nor do I think I've made it "more difficult" for myself. I don't even think about it at all actually. When she shit tests me about that, I honestly just smirk, because I know that I totally created the situation. A cheeky smirk. And maybe a smart ass comment. There is no right answer to a shit test. Only wrong answers. Wrong answers come naturally when you lose frame and feel ashamed that she might be right. That you are just pretending. Don't be ashamed of your past. Don't worry about how she might react. Just trust yourself to be a man about it, and if you can't trust yourself yet, just STFU.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I know a few people claim some success in revealing Red Pill to their wives

said no newbie ever.

[–]IASGame[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm still a newbie but here is one that claims having shown his hand months in:

http://therationalmale.com/2014/05/27/the-severing/#comment-41453

It is quite possibly that just makes it harder and personally I think being married already makes Red Pill difficult enough so I'll keep all the advantages I can keep.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That seems like a different conversation. Similar to a natural, showing a girl how it works. Basically "Watch, Im a game your mom"

much different than "hey, I read a book, and now I can be man, gets the sex"

[–]Trekneck 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Welcome to shit test 101, make sure you study.

Your journey is yours, she doesn't need to know where you're getting help from, just that "im working on making my life better" or some variant of that vague answer. You are not by any means obligated to answer her questions in full detail. Revealing any of this information now would come off as validation seeking behavior and seeking her approval of the changes you're trying to make.

Are you trying something different? Sure. Does she need to know what that is, not at all. This goes to the weights as well. If you're going to the gym, go to the gym. Outright telling her "hey, I've been working out" is going to come off once again as validation seeking. "Hey ive been lifting for a couple weeks, see any muscle yet?"

Lift, read, and STFU. Your best friends for the next few months until you've read more of the MRP pre-reqs and are able to better handle shit tests. Best of luck to you bro.

[–]dandar4600 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

When I first unplugged my answer to that was the truth. I want to be a better man. She asked what brought that upon. I said I was reading a self improvement book NMMNG. She flipped and accused me of wanting to be a jerk. I said that's not what the book is all about.

She got an audio first chapter preview of the book and after that left me alone. Shortly after that we had sex 4-5 times a week and now that she is 7 months pregnant I'm getting weekly blowjobs after maybe 5-10 through the first 12 years of marriage. Literally, I'm not lying about that. For the last 6 months, there has not been a week when I haven't cum in her mouth. I am improving as a man and she is rewarding my efforts by taking care of my needs. Our marriage has never been stronger than it is now.

Honesty is underrated. Be honest, take care of your shit at home, keep lifting, passing shit tests and you will get good results. Don't introduce her to TRP/MRP/The Rational Male, but things life NMMNG and MMSLP are ok things for her to read and might actually put her on the same page with you.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Early on the best strategy is of course STFU. But the reason for that is more that you don't have the tools yet to master verbal sparring with a woman.

I think that overt communication demands overt communication back, especially in the case where a woman goes out of her way to communicate to you overtly. Now you don't have to give her the book and say "I'm reading this..." but you can simply answer "Yeah babe, trying to be better in life. Trying some new things." In particular look for "I" statements from her, as these maybe a comfort test. Women will communicate overtly, if they feel they have to. So be careful as to not blow them off when in fact they may be coming to you for real answers.

My wife came to me with a very similar statement. I owned my sexuality. "I like sex. I like sex with you. I like the intimacy it brings. I've decided why hold back?" I owned my shit, and made no excuses for it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

"so and so relative/celebrity/whatever that was important to me just died and i realized you have to take advantage of every day of your life and live it to the fullest."

her hamster should do all the rest... if she says "what does that mean?" don't provide a straight answer just say IDK it just made sense or some other dumb non answer shit... this get rid of this question and have her wondering what exactly you're going to be changing since you're now bettering yourself and being more in charge of your life.

[–]ford_contourRed Beret 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

A lot of good answers here.

One more important point no one seems to have mentioned: RP just isn't that interesting to talk about for the wife.

If you've not mastered it, it looks like you're all talk.

Contrarily, if you have mastered it, then like a magician explaining tricks, taking about it just makes you lose some of your mystery.

She will enjoy it more if you don't ever explain it.

[–]its-iceman 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I wouldn't budge on giving or showing her any materials. IMO amusement is he best response.

[–]strategos_autokratorRed Beret 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Giving the wife reading material is beta as fuck, it is a covert contract essentially. There are a handful of users that have pulled it off from alpha successfully. But too many come here very early in their transition and do it hoping wife will change, and that will fix their problems. This is the wrong mindset.

A good rule of thumb is if you are in /r/askmrp, for sure, you don't have a strong enough frame to pull off asking her to change by reading a book.

[–]its-iceman 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agree on all counts. I'll never share any of it.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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