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Higher SMV and confidence causing wife to lose sleep (self.askMRP)

submitted by The-Fast-Yeti

So now that I'm dead set on becoming the masculine male that I (once was) and was destined to be, it's causing a bit of a disruption in the house. I know MRP is about improving yourself, and it certainly is, I've seen an improvement in my entire family, except in one area of my wife. She can't sleep at night. She complains about me being happy and although she's happy, she fears (dread) that I'm being dishonest, have other girls on the side (which I attack with AM successfully) and that I'm generally hiding things, which I'm not.

She is going out of town to visit family with the kids and her sister and her kids this weekend. I thought this would be a good time to go out with the guys Sat night to a 21+up club (few of my friends are single and new to the area) and try my hand at chatting up some women (with no intent).

Well last night after I good hard fucking I fell asleep. Apparently she went thru my phone (IDGAF) and saw some text exchanges between us dudes in regards to planning said event. There were no texts that were damaging to my frame and my commitment to my family. She wakes me up,

"are you guys going out this weekend to meet girls/go to strip club?'

me-"yea maybe, I'm not sure yet"

her-"why, you never have before, if you go I'm leaving."

me-"lol, your leaving huh? Ok."

her-"well I don't understand"

Then I fell back asleep I think.

Several questions and one point. I know I need to immediately set a boundary on waking me up for non important bullshit, but how do reinforce this boundary? I'm not too keen on moving to another location to sleep (couch, hammock etc) but that may be the only option. Also, have you guys had an issue with your wives not getting sleep because of your "new you"? She tells me constantly she "loves how I'm a man again", "it's sexy as fuck" etc. But her lack of sleep is disrupting my ability to lead her to better herself.

Any input, suggestions?

Thanks brothers.


[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

have you guys had an issue with your wives not getting sleep because of your "new you"?

Yes.

She tells me constantly she "loves how I'm a man again

Great! Now forget what she says. How does she ACT?

If she is sweet and submissive reward her. If she is a bitch, ignore her. If she wakes you up, smile at her and pull her into your arms and go back to sleep. If she tries to talk, shush her and go to sleep.

How would you act if your 5 year old woke you up afraid of the thunder?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well, invading your privacy, waking you up for shit.

only have the three tools, attention, affection, and commitment. Pick one and pull it back. Overt communication is easy, and if you've established dread enough, a quick word would be enough.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

About being woken up at night, I had a similar situation and handled it this way to great effect. This is my relationship though, not yours, so it might be different. My gf used to play Gameboy until late hours and would wake me up when she put it away. I told her she needs to turn it off when im done reading or go out on the couch to sleep. She laughed like "psh whatever" but she put it away that night. The next night she tried to call my bluff by not putting it away, so I grabbed her by the leg and dragged her out of our bedroom kicking and screaming into the living room, playfully of course. She pretended to be mad but she loved it. We made out for a minute then I "gave her permission" to come back into bed. After that she hasn't stayed up after me and it hasn't been an issue. I enforce a lot of my boundries with (light hearted) physical force. I prefer to not try to talk or threaten or anything. Just grab her and drag her away if she's not worthy of sleeping with you anymore. Obviously don't hurt her, but you're a big strong man. Show her that you have the strength to back up your words.

I don't know about specific lack of sleep, but my gf definitely gets anxious sometimes, especially when I have a good long run of alpha behaviors. Just comfort her a little more at night. Grab her and hold her in your arms, tuck her in, be a little sweet as long as she deserves it. However, be careful that she's not trying to manipulate you into becomming beta again. Her tingles are telling her she lives the new you, while her brain is telling her to bring you back under her control because it's safer. Just keep on improving.

[–]The-Fast-Yeti[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I appreciate it. It seems our relationship is very similar after reading some of your comments. She loves "wrestling" and physical contact. I think your right, the lack of sleep is somewhat of a comfort test.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

the lack of sleep is somewhat of a comfort test.

I think this is right. Her not being able to sleep is not a Shit Test. Her telling you she is leaving is a Shit Test. Not being able to sleep requires comfort IMHO.

[–]The-Fast-Yeti[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Always count on you BPP. Thanks man. I'm moving in a much more positive direction thanks to you guys.

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed. The blend of shit and comfort is a nuance that new guys tend to miss. Think Oak Moves. She's genuinely concerned, but waking you up and threatening to leave is silly nonsense you need to shut down edit with amused mastery and a hint of sternness. "I know you're feeling insecure because I'm awesome. Come here and let me hold you. There's no need to wake me up for silly notions like that." fall back asleep

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Higher SMV and confidence causing wife YOU to lose sleep

Ok, number one , don't establish the "awaking me for conversation" is OK.

If the house isn't on fire, the conversation doesn't happen until you're awake on your own time. That's just rude , and a tactic to get you in a weakened/confused state. There's a reason that sleep deprivation is a torture technique used to try to extract info from prisoners.

I personally never expect my wife to understand the way I speak to my friends in texts, and if she did I'd have to check her for parts I may have missed between her legs for the past 10 years.

If she's going to use that to try to ambush you , just either really dgaf or delete the texts. Personally my work makes me password protect my phone in order to get emails. I don't have to wonder how the wife will take my messages to my friends of 20+ years in what we're going to do for gnos.

There's a lot of variance on what guys here think is a good rule for phone privacy/idgaf openness. I think it's all in how it fits your map.

Her being out of town is a great opportunity to spend quality time with your friends. That shouldn't be the only time you ever practice your PUA, so it shouldn't be a topic of "that's what you're setting out to do".

"are you guys going out this weekend to meet girls/go to strip club?"

  • "Yes to one of those loaded questions Mrs. 9mm"
  • "Huh? I always meet girls for free. The ones at the strip club cost money."
  • "Don't worry I'll change the sheets before you get home".

This is straight up shit testing.

If you aren't there poking her with a stick every time she falls asleep, her sleep patterns aren't for you to take responsibility for.

[–]The-Fast-Yeti[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Points taken.

[–]turbosympathique3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

It's time for some comfort my friend.

Look Dread is a powerful tool in your arsenal. But it has to be use with a purpose in mind.

EX: Your wife is a disrespectful bitch --- > dread until she improve her behavior.

Your wife is being all nice and mostly submissive ---> dread and she will feel stress and anguish for nothing and it can make her give up on her marriage!

Dread is a tool, use it wisely.

[–]The-Fast-Yeti[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

The thing is I don't use much dread. It's all self induced by her because she sees the improvements I'm making and knows my SMV is climbing quick while hers is somewhat stagnant (this is where I'm trying to lead her, working out, eating better etc.) I do use dread/humor during shit tests (A&A, amused mastery). But it's light hearted and playful.

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

You're using the right kind of dread. Its passive. You're not actively saying to yourself, "I'm going to go out and run some dread on my wife." You're just becoming awesome. That's the better way to do it.

Edit: If she's giving comfort tests, you don't stop "dreading". You just up the comfort. Beta guys would beta harder if their woman was genuinely concerned about the security of the relationship.

[–]The-Fast-Yeti[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks man, great advice that I needed.

[–]its-iceman1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Is this not clearly a shit test?

[–]The-Fast-Yeti[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes, I believe the threat is clearly a shit test and I can handle it. I'm just pondering on what I should do to reinforce my boundary on waking me up for bullshit like she did. My main concern is that she can't sleep at night (worried about me leaving her because she is letting her body get out of shape +15lbs) and it's becoming a disruption on getting her tasks competed.

[–]its-iceman3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Good. That's how she should be feeling. Your SMV is rising and she's noticing.

Tell her not to wake you up unless it's an emergency (edit: sex is an emergency). Otherwise let the hamster hamster.

[–]The-Fast-Yeti[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

10-4

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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