So my wife thinks I'm cheating

UEMcGill · 2015-10-13T22:44:20+00:00

Watch her actions. Ignore her words for the long run. Pressure flip that when she says it. "No, I'm not cheating but are you doing something that would make me want to?" Make her sell herself on you.

Words like "I have the kids to take care of" are designed to make you feel guilty for asking real questions. She's saying "I feel uncomfortable talking about my shitty actions".

When you ask her things put it in "I need" terms. She either can or can't meet your needs so if she tries to make excuses put it right back to her "can you meet this need or not?"

nantucketghost · 2015-10-13T20:32:13+00:00

deleted REMOVED BY AUTOSCRIPT - GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD

cholomite · 2015-10-13T21:16:53+00:00

My gf accused me of the same thing when I started taking care of myself and doing things outside the house. She's actually asked me a few times just straight up. I usually treat it like a shit test and agree and amplify. Just some examples...

Are you cheating on me?

"Of course not, I've been married this whole time, you're actually the woman I'm cheating on my wife with"

"Yes, I've taken up a Latin lover, raul. He caresses me in ways you never will"

"Does it count as cheating if she's a vampire?" (Swap out vampire for space alien, female dragon, ghost or any other stupid shit like that if you want)

"I would have been but (insert celebrity name) was busy this weekend"

I usually try to end it with a joke.

"Seriously though, if a woman named Pamela calls, you don't know me or my 3 kids"

"Don't worry, raul is being deported next week so you'll have me all to yourself"

"Vampire BJ's are ok but sometimes the fangs get in the way"

Etc...then go in for a hug with your shit eating grin in full force. I consider giving a straight answer to this question failing a shit test. Of course I'm not cheating and if my gf wants to look through my phone or tag along with me when I go out she's more than welcome. But I'll never give her a straight answer.

All that being said, my situation is not yours. I've been with my gf for 10yrs but we have no kids and aren't married. If shits about to hit the fan maybe talk to a lawyer first before you tell you're wife you are fucking aliens or have a secret family. I think a lot of guys on here will get that question when they start improving themselves to become more attractive to their women. I really feel bad for women, it has to suck to be sexually attracted to traits that basically indicate you are fucking multiple other women, and repulsed by traits that indicate you can't fuck any other women.

[deleted] · 2015-10-13T20:31:15+00:00

You need to be mentally prepared to take the loss of you want any hope of you two staying together.

Also there's no emotionally attracted. That's hamster speak for, "I'm insecure so I'm going to drag you into therapy and tag team you into submission."

Stay your course.

SexistFlyingPig · 2015-10-13T23:21:07+00:00

Guess what? The dread is working. She is seeing your SMV improve, and so now she knows you're hotter than she is: You can do better than her, and if she were in your situation, she WOULD cheat.

This is step 1 for fixing your marriage.

There's lots of good Agree and Amplify for the "Are you cheating" shit test. Other people have gone over them. I'm not going to repeat. If fact, I'm giving you nothing more than "read the sidebar materials". And a reassuring, "know that you are on the right path."

Without reading them, I'd say to do more directing and leading of your ship. If she thinks you could cheat, then she might need some validation that you're not. Give her attention, but make sure it's the attention that achieves your goals: You as the Master and Commander of the marriage ship, her as the loyal First Mate, ready and willing to do whatever she is directed to do to support the marriage ship.

itstartstoday123 · 2015-10-13T20:50:10+00:00

I could have written that post except the cheating part, she has said everything else though. Pretty close behind you. I have been seeing the writing on the wall but my Map is set for a specific time so until then she has until she cheats or turns Her attitude around.

Have you tried AA or AM to the effect of "if your doing everything you can to keep me happy then why are you worried?"

I didn't check the post history but does she have emotional issues.....besides being a woman?

Edit: honey I'm not cheating but if your gonna keep leveling accusations like this then I should probably start so I get something out of it. Wink

BluepillProfessor · 2015-10-14T04:09:54+00:00

I'm not cheating and she thinks due to the improvement I have been doing that I am. In fact, she outright accused me of it today. In her words, the improvement to myself and doing things like lifting more, manscaping, reading books like Models and 48 Laws of Power is directly correlated to teaching me how to go out and have an affair.

Have you considered that she is right?

What have you done to reassure her that you are not actually having an affair? When she accuses you of cheating is when you initiate- HARD. You are horny as fuck because, no! You are not cheating. It's a win-win if you play it right. What did you do wrong?

Much of MRP praexology openly acknowledges that you are 'improving yourself' and making yourself more attractive to other women so if it doesn't work out you are in a much better position to replace her. In fact, just when you get to that point is usually when the marriage suddenly turns around. Not always, but usually.

she seems to be concerned about it yet is doing absolutely nothing to prevent it.

What do you expect her to do? Do you speak in euphemisms and half statements with your wife also? Have you told her what you need in order to stay married? WHAT have you done to improve your SMV before getting to this stage?

Can you hold your wife in your arms, look her in the eyes and tell her with an amused smile: "How could I cheat on my sweet little sex kitten?"

[deleted] · 2015-10-14T12:50:45+00:00

Damn, I got this last night after reading this post yesterday.

Background: a couple of weeks ago, she had said something like, "I just want you to promise me that if you're going to have an affair, you'll just leave me." Or something like that. I screwed up and instead of A&A or AM, I just said, "why on earth would you ask that?" And she dropped it.

Yesterday, I texted her my intent to get her naked that night and she responded well, but then texted something like, "you're not laying a hand on me till you answer my question about the affair." I honestly didn't know what she was talking about so I ignored it.

Initiated and escalated hard right after the kids were in bed, and she said (while fondling my dick through my clothes, mind you), "So what's your answer?"

"Answer to what?"

"Are you having an affair?"

Smiled and chuckled. "Don't worry honey, you'll always get first crack at it."

She smiled. "So what's your answer?"

"Yes, I am having an affair with an alien. She has four tits, so it's a little weird, but hot in a weird way."

She's still smiling. "So you're not going to answer the question then?"

At this point I caved, I guess. I hadn't had sex in 10 days and I was thirsty.

"No, I am not having an affair, but if I do, you'll be the first to know. Why do you think I am having an affair?"

"Various reasons."

"You're not going to answer a simple question?"

"Various reasons," she said, as she pulled my dick out and started sucking it.

So, I guess I failed the test, but I got laid. I guess I'm improving if she's worried. I need to get better and nuking the shit tests and getting laid anyway.

ford_contour · 2015-10-14T01:15:41+00:00

Your dead level is higher than your SMV, which means her dominant strategy is to seek a lower dread, higher SMV man, if she can.

Obviously, lowering your SMV is never the answer.

Dread can be dialed up and down, but you may not have much mastery over it yet, and that's okay. Stay the coarse, but don't push the dread throttle any harder than lifting and living does on it's own. Remember that as long at you improve yourself, your relationships will improve too, either with her or someone else later.

[deleted] · 2015-10-14T11:54:19+00:00

thats what dread is about. The question is, does she turn this into mate retention behaviours, or delve into self loathing and you move on?

Depending on what you want, this is either where you can add a little comfort, and start enacing standards e.g. Why would I go elsewhere? I get everything I need from you at home? *forehead kiss

or continue on, ensuring you're ready to grab girls the instant you sign the divorce papers.

Just so you know, there will probably be a lag period between your progress, and her reflection of it. This is usually where you actively despise and detest her. This is normal. It's your hatred of your failures, reflected in her shitty behavior. It passes with time.

What do you want by the way? You never really mentioned what your ideal outcome is

Sepean · 2015-10-14T12:22:54+00:00

Are there any MRPers who have gotten to this stage and come out of the other end still married? Or is it time to really prepare for Dread Level 12?

What stage is that? It sounds like you are trying to play overt dread without the SMV to back it up. My guess is you need to improve more and be less overt about it.

How hot are you? What progress have you made in terms of gaining muscle mass and hitting low body fat percentage? Is your frame strong? Do you pass shit tests well? How often are you having sex?

How is your game? How do strangers respond when you chat them up? Can you successfully flirt with girls of your wife's SMV or higher? You need to be able to do that.

NiftyDolphin · 2015-10-19T19:26:47+00:00

I'm astounded at the fact that while she seems to be really upset about what is going on she has done absolutely nothing to change herself or the situation.

Because she doesn't think that you're cheating. She thinks she still has enough of a hold over you that you'll give up on changing your ways to 'prove' to her that you're not cheating.

Also, be very aware that projection is could be a factor here.