The Silent Treatment


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[–]mrpCamper3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Giving your wife the silent treatment isn't something I recommend. This was CLEARLY a failed a shit test imo. You need to bring the wife into your frame.

The commonly accepted RP response to be called an asshole is "Thank you". You could have also said, "Thank you for the compliment but that's probably not appropriate language in front of the kid."

"Thanks Slut." would have been good too.

So, in essence, you could have played that completely differently if you wanted to.

[–]dandar46002 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

IMO you're being butthurt, not getting over something she did which places you totally into her frame. You told her what your boundary is. She should stop that behavior now.

Now continue reading and start recognizing and passing shit tests. Search and read about frame. Developing it, holding it and pulling your wife into it. Frame is your state of mind. Seeing things from your point of view and your point of view only. That helps with amused mastery, ignoring her outright or A&A responses to her shit tests.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

  • Save the pages in the journal for owning your mistakes and failures. If you keep track of how your love isn't reciprocated in the way you likem it'll be full of covert contracts, and of no use to you.

  • You had a boundry, and enforced it. good for you, once you said your piece, you should have been over it, this silent treatment is worthless. Once the lion shows his mane and scares off the threat (or kills him) then he goes back to laying about in the grass

  • What you need to do is fix you, she doesn't seem bad, just reluctant to be the captain. Do some reading, hit the gym, and really internalize OI and abundance (it's in the reading)

you'll be surprised how often you'll get these little victories

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

You got your feelings hurt when she was joking and acted butthurt , so then from a weaker stance you decided to double down on your butthurt.

What do you do? Act like it never happened and pretend all is hunky dory with the world. Have a good weekend. Only if she brings it up (since you made the mountain out of a molehill), "Eh, maybe I was , I decided to embrace my inner asshole."

What should you have done?

You obvious say or do something before the point where she calls you an asshole jokingly.

"You know it!"


"Hey you know (like you just thought of it, not been seething about it) Jr.'s not going to be 1 1/2 and oblivious forever. We should probably get in the habit of not cursing in front of him , so it doesn't catch us off guard. I mean unless you want his next word to be 'asshole, or bitch'"

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Counts on the money here. The silent treatment is a version of the covert contract, it's passive agressive and beta as fuck. I'm going to not talk to you so you can try to figure out why I'm mad and make it up to me.

Your grade here:

  • A for setting boundaries
  • F for delivery
  • Overall C-

Own your shit. Go right up to her and say "I was butthurt for calling me an Asshole, so I won't give you the silent treatment anymore, but it does not excuse its use. Your a big girl and can find better ways to bust my balls in front of the kid"

[–]jerry_rigger0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I prefer amused mastery or agree and amplify when called an asshole.

But then again I don't get ass hurt when called names in front of my child or not.

[–]SexistFlyingPig0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

So, you're starting, standing up for yourself. It's not smooth and polished, but it's a start. Good for you. All the people saying that you're all 'butthurt' aren't in the same place you are. I wouldn't say you're butthurt. I'd say you're hurt. You reacted out of hurt and lashed out at her.

She probably says shit like this all the time, putting you down in tiny little ways constantly, undermining you and all that you do. So your standing up for yourself is a GREAT thing. Yes, your son is one and a half and won't remember a THING that his mom says right now, but if her behavior continues unchecked until he is 3 or 4 or older, then he will remember, and he won't respect you.

One of the 7 habits of highly effective people is to be proactive, not reactive. What can you do to discourage this behavior before it starts? Would she cut you down like this if she thought you could leave her for someone better whenever you wanted?

You improve your sexual market value. Lift and follow the other pieces of advice from the sidebar. Then once you're higher than she is, you implement the dread game.

It's a tried-and-true method that works for married men again and again. Lift, succeed at work, implement dread. You'll find yourself coming home to the kids being in bed and your wife in lingerie begging you for more sex. And then when you're not around, she'll be praising you to everyone who will stand still long enough to listen.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree, this is maybe the first time OP has stood up for himself in a long time. A good start, next time just leave out the silent treatment.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Since then I've been giving her the silent treatment. We communicated a little yesterday on logistical things for the kids - but other than that - it's been the cold shoulder.

Why? Did your fee-fees get hurt by a mere teenager? Grow up bro.

You nuked it by telling her never to insult you in front of the kids. That is it. End of discussion. No silent treatment. No butthurt. Just the facts.

This wife behavior is most likely a form of foreplay. Learn to recognize it, when to put it down sternly, and when to play with her. You set a boundary that you could not enforce- just like when you tell a kid to stop humming and they continue. Now what are you going to do? Will you really pull the car over- or will you go into your tent like Achilles and sulk?

TLDR: You failed the test and rejected your wife's foreplay advances and instead of getting laid you got butthurt. This was a double fail.

[–]SpyderMaybe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I like it. I am striving to be more of an asshole. I've been a nice guy for too long. Walk up to her, kind of menacing like right up in her face and in your growliest I'm gonna fuck you like Zeus voice you say, "Mr Asshole to you." Smirk and slap her ass.