TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

7

After Sex Beta Behavior (self.askMRP)

submitted by fakefalse

Things are going great (knock on wood). I'm growing and my wife is more and more attracted to me. Sex is up. I'm lifting, which ups my testosterone and makes me sexualy aggressive.

So, my problem is that after I blow my load, the drop is so significant that I slip. I get cuddly and very beta to a fault. I even get the vibe from her that it's too much.

Example. I blew my load on her face. Everything was excellent and awesome. 3rd time this year. Best one yet. Problem is, the moment I'm done, I get this huge wave of guilt, like I'm some kind of monster. Sure, I catch my breath and a wave of happiness flows through me, but then the secondary thoughts flood in. Hell, within a couple breaths, instead of letting the moment sit and enjoy the awesomeness, i tear off my pants and wipe her face off and step away all jittery and weird like I'd done something bad. She is laughing at this, obviously enjoying herself, but my old blue conditioning has me feeling anxious and jittery instead of calm and cool.

She made a joke to help reassure me, so i walked over the the wall behind her and as I'm wiping a couple spots off the wall, i tell her "were obviously getting better at this" and she burst out laughing at my quick recovery.

So I'm getting better, but what the hell is it with the immediate aftermath of blowing my load. It's like i regress. I don't want to be an asshole, but i know my feels are too strong in the aftermath.

Tell me your experiences or notions on this.


[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

after I blow my load, the drop is so significant that I slip. I get cuddly and very beta to a fault.

This is a common issue. You get a jolt of Oxytocin at orgasm- just like her.

The problem is you CANNOT revert into a cuddly little boy at this time. THIS is when she is also bonding to YOU. YOU want her to bond to a strong, masculine man, NOT a little begging boy cuddling up to mommy.

TLDR: Get the fuck up after sex. Pat her on the butt. Give her a kiss and get up. Don't lay there like a little boy! You can be her lover or her little boy. Pick one.

[–]awyden2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Forgive my ignorance, but are we not to reward good behavior with cuddling? she obviously be being very submissive by taking a load to the face.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Absolutely- if you can handle it.

OP has indicated that he can't. So I think it is best for him to learn how to be more of the cool aloof man at the appropriate time.

IMHO he should cuddle before sex and when he cuddles, work on being the strong dad, sheltering your precious little angel- not that angel's needy little boy.

You are right to point out the tension between rewarding good behavior with affection and turning into a Beta Bitch. That is the reason this type of board- aka a Red Pill marriage board- has only been attempted twice. There are a billion variables to consider and what is right for me is not always right for you and so on.

[–]awyden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Gotcha, Thanks for the clarification professor!

[–]jerry_rigger2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems like OP is coddling not cuddling.

Cuddling is a reward. Like a "good woman."

It seems OP is feeling remorse and going into "Oh shit, coddle mode."

Edit:

You seemed to have already addressed this with another comment.

[–]fakefalse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well put.

Sex before bed creates the cuddles scenario. Sex in the morning leads to immediately getting ourselves up and into the new day's activities.

Perhaps the morning sex can help me thicken ny skin, and reprogram myself and change the pattern.

[–]dandar46004 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

When I was bluepill, the thought of my wife on her knees in front of me with me blowing my load in her mouth was just a dirty fantasy. Now that it's a multiple times a week reality I just say it was a good blowjob baby. No feelings of guilt at all here though.

[–]awyden1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

My goal is to get a full blown blowjob from my wife, start to finish. hasn't happened once since we said, "i do." This is one of my goals for unplugging. I still have a long way to go.

[–]dandar46002 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

The first step is to have her kneel in front of you. It's more comfy on the neck vs you laying on the bed and her bobbing up and down. More comfort, longer BJ endurance. Give her a pillow, to increase the comfort.

[–]awyden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is a good idea. I will try it. I still have a long weight to go in increasing my SMV, alot of weight to lose. as i improve I will give this a shot. this is a good tip.

[–]jerry_rigger0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Have you tried face-fucking her?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Now you know , next time just let out an "AHHhhhhh" or "Woooo, that was a good one" and find a seat and relax.

I don't think she'll sit there all-a-skeeted and wipe off her face. Does she shower your shaft after you go to town? Probably not. Although that does sound someone nicely erotic ...not my point.... as me and the wife are totally pull out method for b.c. we have towels or pillow cases handy. I'll get myself and her one (usually since it's easier being the one), but I don't start rubbing it around on her.

[–]jerry_rigger1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

In the BDSM world it's called Top Drop or Dom Drop.

It's basically you feeling guilty and judging yourself for enjoying something that you feel is taboo. There's a cognitive dissonance there that is being bridged.

I can tell you from experience that the drop feeling becomes less intense and occurs less often the more your taboo action occurs and your cognitive dissonance is being bridged.

I'd suggest enjoy the moment as much as you can post climax. Cuddle her but don't coddle her like you did. Woman gives you sex, then you give her cuddles. Cuddling helped/helps me after some of the fucked up shit I do to my woman. And let me tell you, I've done way worse than just cumming on her face.

Also remember if she didn't want it you'd get a hard no. And if she really didn't enjoy it she'd sure as fuck tell you. Hell, she'd probably shit test you for a week over it trying to chew your ass and start an argument.

From what you wrote it sounds like she enjoyed it and its ok for you to enjoy it too.

Consenting adults and all that shit.

TL;DR:

You're experiencing Top/Dom Drop. Cognitive dissonance from enjoying taboo is occurring. It subsides. Cuddle her (for yourself) but don't coddle her. Keep on keeping on.

[–]bitofawitch0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks so much. I didn't know this had a name. I've always wondered why my husband acted so weird afterwards when I thought we were both really into it at the time.

[–]RPMahoutsukai1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I think there's a deep issue here that needs to be resolved.

This guilt you're feeling for coming on your wife's face is not a simple beta feeling, it's a reaction you've acquired at some point in your life and reinforced throughout your life. It could be brute forced (make yourself feel "alpha", pat her on the butt et.) but there's a way more efficient way to fix it.

What helped me in a similar situation is a process that's called Reimprinting. It's from NLP, and it's widely regarded as the only thing from NLP that makes sense and works. You could find a "life coach"/psychiatrist who would help you do this. It can be done via Skype (with a webcam). They usually offer first session for free (as it's a process that looks like some shamanistic nonsense).

Basically what you do is return into the exact moment in life when this reaction was created and figure out what happened there (you may even never remember the exact circumstances, but you'll have bits and pieces that made this reaction appear). You then overwrite it... and it's done.

This helped me with a huge issue I had about feeling I have to perform during sex (which made me have problems getting hard with a new girl first several times I was in bed with her), and about speaking too fast and not being able to formulate words well when I was trying to get my point across, and certain other areas. It's a really effective method of rewriting your reactions to certain triggers, which is way more effective than brute force (say, approach women and say random shit until approach anxiety fades).

What's best is that in several sessions you will learn to do it yourself, and you won't need a person to help you. So you're not going to be dependant on your coach, but rather you will learn to fix your problems yourself. At least my coach taught me how to do it and after three sessions I was able to do it myself.

[–]fakefalse[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm a pretty open minded guy. I'll look into this, you put a lot of energy into the suggestion.

I'm not sure it fits here for me. You're right though. It's obviously deep, so I'll have to work hard to get past this. I don't know what has programed me this way, but I'll dig a you suggest.

As /u/RPMahoutsukai suggested in another of my threads: "Essentially, through guilt and shame and other coercing concepts you've been micro-raped over and over again all your life."

I think it's more that I've been conditioned throughout my formative years and i just have to truck on and evolve and break past the dissonance.

[–]RPMahoutsukai0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're right though. It's obviously deep, so I'll have to work hard to get past this. I don't know what has programed me this way, but I'll dig a you suggest.

I think it's more that I've been conditioned throughout my formative years and i just have to truck on and evolve and break past the dissonance.

If you think this way, then my advice is precisely on point. I'll explain a little bit more how this "Reimprinting" thing works.

How your reaction is formed:

You have a shocking fresh experience at some point in your life. It can be as far as when you were 2 years old. It can be in your childhood. For example, my approach anxiety was tied to an event I don't even remember from when I was 4 years old.

This experience programs a sort of reaction into you. A message, an algorithm, a program, a feeling - anything. For example, my program about sex with a woman was "If you don't perform good enough, she will tell you that you suck, that she had people fuck her way better than you did, and leave you immediately".

This reaction then gets reinforced throughout your life. As it happens with everything, you discard what's against it and accept what reinforces it. For example, every time I felt approach anxiety, it was reinforced that my reaction to this situation should be "Be ashamed! Be affraid! Back off!".

How people usually try to change it:

Brute force. Approach girls despite approach anxiety over and over again. Humiliate yourself, say stupid shit, or genuinely try to get their number. Whatever.

What this does is gradually overwrites your reaction. You start to introduce conflicting information, conflicting action, and over time if you persist you start overwriting your old reaction with a new one.

Naturally, this requires a lot of effort and a lot of practice sessions. You have to overwrite dozens or hundreds of events when this reaction was reninforced over the course of your life.

How Reimprinting changes it:

  • You "walk along the timeline of your life" (literally, imagine it on the floor and walk on it) and figure out when it all began.

  • You figure out what happened and why (you may not remember what happened exactly, but you still have all the conclusions, judgements and other aspects intact in your memory, as they are the basis of your reaction) (my second favorite part - you get to do amazing things like step into the mind of another person, who was in that situation, and feel their emotion, see their judgement, their reaction)

  • You use something positive and powerful in your future to feed back the energy required to overwrite the reaction (my most favorite part, it's like casting magic spells IRL, and IT WORKS)

  • You overwrite the reaction with something you choose

  • You use another point in the future to get the energy required for the next step

  • You walk through your life and apply this new reaction to all events, figuring out how would your life change, how would events unfold differently, being the new you

Your coach guides you, asks questions, helps you when you start to hamster or your psychological defenses trigger, etc. This process takes no more than several hours and it completely fixes EVERYTHING in one sweep. It looks like some shamanistic bullshit, but it really does work (and this is coming from a person who defies all occult nonsense, has a Ph.D. degree and believes in Christ). You literally become a new person! For example, with my ED problem, I rewrote this program with a simple one: "Sex is fun". It worked immediately! I have never had any problem with not being able to get hard with a girl ever again (well except when there were physical reasons, like, I try to go for another round too early - and even then, I had no pressure on me, laugh it off and had no problem getting hard a little bit later).

And what's best - it's fucking fun. Unlike having to battle with your emotions, put yourself in humiliating situations, work over and over on something that feels futile, you get to walk through time and space, get into heads of other people, cast magic spells and stuff like that.

I don't know if it works on other people as easilly though. Maybe it's like hypnosis, and some are resistant. Maybe you have to believe in it for it to work (although, as I said, I'm not the kind of person to believe in occult, magic or whatever, and it worked on me). Maybe you have to find a very skilled coach (and I got lucky).

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2024. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter