Living in doubt about my wifes past infidelity

gettingmymojoback · 2019-01-29T21:44:56+00:00

I had some professional help dealing with the same type of insecurity from over a decade ago. I was lucky that I stumbled upon a professional who happened to be pretty RedPill in his advice.

You’re never going to know the truth, so you have to decide wether or not you want those thoughts driving YOU crazy for the rest of time. His advice to me, treat it the same as any other type of obsessive compulsive disorder. When your mind starts going to that place, think about or do ANYTHING else. Eventually you find that they come up less and less frequently.

Followed by, you can’t change the past that you don’t know. It’s gone. You judge the present based on what you know now and her actions today. If things are good, enjoy them in the present. Why ruin today by chasing ghosts?

His last bit of advice was RedPill as fuck. If she does it again and you find out, where is your loss? You leave her and move on to someone younger, fitter, and tighter. You’re still relatively young, successful and attractive and will have no trouble with women.

The only thing you have to lose is today, by obsessing about what if’s that you will never be able to confirm one way or the other.

RedPillCoach · 2019-01-29T21:37:10+00:00

We are not here to provide your answers, only possible solutions.

Some guys will call you a faggot for not pulling the pin on the grenade when you first suspected infidelity.

Some guys will tell you to put it behind you and you can make it work.

Either way, the stay plan is the same as the go plan but do pick a path won't you. You know what happens when you stand in the middle of the road?

If you choose the stay plan and want to know: "do I simply live with this" then the answer is yes you do. More importantly, you put it behind you or you put her behind you. Your choice.

Just don't forget: "Doveryay, no proveryay"

How do I stop thinking about things I'll never know the answer to?

This is basic CBT Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

Frosteecat · 2019-01-29T23:56:33+00:00

I look at the day I started to seriously lift and dive into RP principles and behaviors as my new Birthday. The date is etched indelibly on my soul: 8/18/18.

In my opinion, 99% of the problems previous to that date were my fault. I know for a FACT my wife had at least a long distance EA years ago. I'm pretty sure at some point she probably got fucked up and screwed some guy as well. I had complete proof of the former, threw the evidence in her face and ended it. The latter?? I have zero evidence but take comfort in just assuming it happened because I was God Emperor Beta-Fag on Blue Pill Mountain. And deserved it.

I used to torture myself over this crap all the time because I was weak, insecure and lame. Once I decided to reclaim my balls from her and from society I installed another set of rules. Rules hard taught in this very sub. Not my woman, my turn--but the incredibly liberating thing is this: I get bigger, better, smarter, tougher and less outcome dependent every day since that "birthday". Anything that she does from that day forward is dealt with in a completely new frame.

If I hold on to all my own past mistakes, I'm doomed. I can't move forward. The weight is too heavy. I use it to push myself and to fuel the rage at my own former failures to stride forward--ever forward.

Since I decided to salvage my marriage in the process, she gets the same pass. The weight of her past behaviors would be too much to progress. She has no clue about any of this. But her behaviors NOW equal my own current behaviors. That's all that matters. No matter what happens (and believe me, any infidelities, real, intellectual or whatever the fuck would end this marriage now) my response is based on the value I place in myself and the loyalty that value DESERVES.

If you are changed or changing, that is the new benchmark for her behavior. The you of the past got what he deserved. Move forward or cut bait and start over.

hystericalbonding · 2019-01-29T22:05:35+00:00

she denied things I knew to be true

Everybody lies. They lie more often when they know that the reaction to the truth will be severe. You obviously have a track record that contributed to her reluctance to tell the truth at that time. From the sound of it, those habits of yours have not changed.

Everyone will lie to you, until you become someone who can handle the truth.

simbarlion · 2019-01-29T23:06:55+00:00

Read this - a top post by u/ReddJive

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9bivv4/youre_being_cucked_what_do_you_do_about_it/

But in short: Yes its your ego, and hamster.

There is too much scaremongering on here about cheating for my liking. We don't know your wife, her history, yours... There is just as much chance she cheated at a completely different time, than when you reference. Sure, strange behaviour needs monitoring. But maybe an old flame was trying to get it on with her, and she was turning him down and trying to hide it. Maybe she went to 3rd base with a woman. Only you can pass judgement on this.

The secret to internal peace is to let it go. Some people would go out and cheat themselves, others get divorced. But at the end of the day, you need to overcome your fear of 1) how you would feel if you and everyone else found out she did, and 2) continuing your life without her.

Then you're good.

screechhater · 2019-01-30T03:38:41+00:00

Some of the best pussy I have ever had was when I was fucking married chicks, or milf single or married moms asking me to “move their furniture”for them when the SO might be out of town

It’s absolutely amazing how hard they can fuck, when their needs aren’t met at home by the guy that should be doing it.

I vetted for quality and now as I am unfucked and past this rough patch, Mrs Screech is coming enough buckets we have two mattress covers, and a hospital pad that catches most, but not a lot while I am banging away doggystyle. Or, she is flooding my face.

Fact of the matter is she had only really fucked boys as she stated, then she met me. My older brother had always given me advice on the top of satisfying and fucking like a man on a mission, but laying out enough forplay and teasing to “own” her with my actions, sexually

It’s important to look at your post and see the holes.

Are you certain the child is yours biologically? Your statement of the dna test is not crystal

What is it that you lack in confidence, that the idea of her cheating on you is weighing on you after all this time, and what was going on at the time to kill your attraction for her to fuck around ??

Many here will fag you this or that, but I take the sidebar route along with the biggest equalizer of them all, OYS.

Yes. This is your fault as is poor money management. As in only you can do the best to watch your own money, or control yourself to keep the pussy in your stable.

BTW. I get asked sometimes, how I keep a woman like mine from veering with so many offers. Frame, mission and abundace.

So as I jet off to my next excursion, OYS, kill thy ego and seriously, put the needy child out of his misery

MrChad_Thundercock · 2019-01-29T21:33:12+00:00

If everything is great right now and she’s putting out, don’t go looking in the garage faggot.

Chalk it up to being a pussy. Get over it.

“Do I need to squash my ego am I being an insecure bitch?”

Yep. Pussy. It wasn’t her fault. It was yours.

You’ll look like a insecure pussy beta if you ask about it.

red-sfpplus · 2019-01-29T22:46:59+00:00

Cheaters cheat.

Read my affairs post.

IRunYourRiver · 2019-01-29T22:25:49+00:00

2 months is nothing. RP works over much longer timescales. The priority is to stop allowing your wife to dominate so much of your thinking. If you can't tell if she cheated, I certainly am not going to be able to tell. But the root problem is that your gaze is fixed on your wife and not yourself or the external world. Bring the focus on yourself and allow your decisions to be made rationally. Then, make your decision. You aren't there yet. (FWIW, me neither).

BobbyPeru · 2019-01-30T01:16:17+00:00

What did she lie about?

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2019-01-30T11:41:47+00:00

Yea i have been in a similar situation only the version of me she cheated on was a total fucking waste of human skin that deserved to be cheated on. And I wasn't fucking her at the time.

It still bugs the fuck out of me.

ReddJive · 2019-01-30T17:11:44+00:00

Any guys out there dealt with this sort of thing?

No. No man here has ever dealt with this or anything remotely like it. You have hit upon the most unique scenario ever.

Let me ask you something. Why the fuck does it matter? Scan the headlines of AskTRP, AskMRP and there is some variation of this question being asked. yet it's all the same purpose and intent.

Why oh why is my wife like this? we are married she should have loved me and cherished me and....

blah blah blah All that question asks is it's hoping that she will be someone she is not. If she saw what she did was wrong, wouldn't she have made up for it at the time? We all thought that at one point about our pretty little unicorns. we all though we found the girl with the magic pussy, the girl that really understood us. She said all the things. Promised the world.

am i striking a nerve yet?

Doesn't matter if she cheated on you. Doesn't matter if she ever really loved you but married you out of convenience. Stayed with you to get what she wanted. Doesn't matter if she fucks you because a woman will do whatever it takes to make you think that things are fine so she gets what she wants. She will say, do, think anything to keep you just one more day. Then she will justify it as all changed at the drop of hat.

The red flags don't matter either. Life events can be red flags but you know we are rationalizing animals and can make anything out of something if we really want to. Justify that all you can buffet to be a "dirty bulking" period of your diet.

None of it matters.

What matters is what you are doing. How YOUR actions make you feel and what that is doing to you. What matters is what you make of today, now, and how you move forward in the future. You have literally lived in one moment for 4 years. I don't care about your lift stats, your MRP progress none of it. You can tell me you are making progress as the Chad of Chads and yet, you still live in that very moment 4 years ago.

None of what you have done or will do matters until you solve that singular issue. None of us here can do it. she can't do it. Divorce if you want, I mean cheating is a deal breaker right? If you feel that strongly man the fuck up and do something about it. Otherwise shut your mouth and move the fuck on knowing full well that your unicorn either fucked another guy or guys, or at best left enough doubt to make you think she did.

yet none of it matters. Not a single one. You can't roll up your sleeves if you are wringing your hands.

What are you going to do high speed?

JameisBong · 2019-01-29T21:33:54+00:00

Hate to say it, she probably did it. Time and being busy will heal that shit. Keep an eye on her, it may happen again.

470_2_700_nm · 2019-01-30T01:38:51+00:00

She’s not yours it’s jist your turn.

Now what do YOU want from life? Answer that, and then take it.

And stop being such a little bitch. If it’s bugging you that much go fuck some strange.

ManguZa · 2019-01-29T21:45:51+00:00

Around the end of your first year of marriage you started to suck and your wife lost trust in you. How could you be such a faggot. Even now she think about the fact that you're not the infallible guy she want and ask herself about it. Strengh is important to her.

But she choose to stay. She had your child, and carry her part of the relationship.

Let the past be the past.

throwawaystarkness · 2019-01-29T21:38:38+00:00

I am going thru this now but I found out she did do something.

We are two years in our marriage with no kids. I decided to stay after confronting her and being satisfied she is sufficiently sorry and is willing to change. Along with several other conditions of me staying.

I don’t really know what to tell you. What I’ve found is that I will never really know the whole truth about what happened. Cheaters never tell the whole truth. I had to do what I feel is best for me.